Not my sort of BDSM group?

[Ebonyfire]

Yeah, EG, whatever floats their boat. I do not see why it is necessary to explain them. I would much rather make fun of them, lol.

At any rate, it don't stop my party.

 

[Netzach]

tho i can understand why many would have a problem with such a group, and label them as immature, superficial, etc., i can certainly see why it would exist. oftentimes at lifestyle clubs and gatherings the overwhelming majority of the people in attendance are wayyyy out of shape, of below average attractiveness, and many are even slovenly or lazy in the way they carry themselves. this is not to say that everyone should look like calvin klein models, but it can be a bit odd, not to mention disheartening, when it becomes a RARE thing to come across a reasonably attractive, body conscious lifestyler.

just because appearance matters to some, does not mean that it's the ONLY thing that matters or even the most important thing. perhaps this is a group of people who grew tired of attending events chock full of what they considered to be less than desireable (physically) folks, so they sought a way to do something about it. kudos to them for trying.

There's nothing remotely wrong about having the high standard. I don't think I would have edged closer to M if I weren't fighting above my weight looks wise. I just don't want to be in a club where that's not a de-facto selection process. I have a lot of friends I don't necessarily want to get down with and I'm sure it's mutual in a lot of cases.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think we all have a selection process. Mine is more economic based.

 

[Netzach]

Oy, if it were income based I'd be so SOL.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I was thinking about the men I dominate have to be working. Cause I do not support anyone. And since I am high maintenance, they have to be working at a job that allows them to afford to treat me the way I treat myself. No scrubs.

 

[Shankara20]

kudos to them for trying.

When I fist came into the community I was stunned by how old and "real" everyone looked - they all looked, well, like I did - over 25, with pimples, sagging parts, and some with hairy backs. I slowly came to see the beauty in all body types. One of the best SM sessions I ever had was being Topped by a 73 year old woman - she know what the hell she was doing.

I hope their group works for them, it is just not for me. And I admit I am poking fun at them by starting this thread. I also want to continue the ongoing discussion about body image problems such as feelings of low self worth due to bodies not fitting an unreasonable standard for many.

Thanks for adding to the discussion

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is funny that you talk about body images. I have always had a good body image. I have been fat, and I have been thin/ Through it all I have never had any trouble finding partners.

Long ago I found out that if you believe in yourself, and that means you own attractiveness, you will attract others who feel the same way.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As for being a Domme, it seems I tend to be approached by attractive men of all ages, sizes, and stations in life.

Life is good.

 

[intothewoods]

I think that's just obnoxious.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Snip> "Our group is based out of xxx Kansas and is solely for membership of Male Dominants and female submissives. Our philosophy is as follows: A male dominant takes pride and responsibility in his appearance, health and behavior. If a Dom or sub maintain an unkept appearance, weigh 30 lbs or more above their ideal weight; or if they are found to be irresponsible and offensive in BDSM play, then this is not the group for them. We celebrate striving for perfection in D/s as both a lifestyle and recreational play. Our group welcomes the experienced and the new."

Umm, that is, "We welcome you if you fit our standards of beauty/appearance/body configuration. If you're not perfect by our standards, then go somewhere else." Hmm... if one of them gains enough weight to be 31 pounds over "ideal" (btw, who defines "ideal?"), does he/she get kicked out of the group? Do they have an intervention? I only see two statements in the entire diatribe that I would consider sensible: "...if they are found to be irresponsible and offensive in BDSM play, this is not the group for them;" and "Our group welcomes the experienced and the new" (if you're pretty enough for us).

Personally, my response to reading this would be to tell them to kiss my overweight 57-year-old ass dead center, and then return their heads to the interior of theirs.

 

[Hummingbyrd]

Sort of on-topic...

There is just something about this group that does not draw me in. I read this about 4 years ago before moving back to Kansas and just checked today to see that are still listed. It is. I'm about 60, and a bit overweight, and wear panties and such - I do not read this as welcoming. But I could be wrong.


"Our group is based out of xxx Kansas and is solely for membership of Male Dominants and female submissives. Our philosophy is as follows: A male dominant takes pride and responsibility in his appearance, health and behavior. If a Dom or sub maintain an unkept appearance, weigh 30 lbs or more above their ideal weight; or if they are found to be irresponsible and offensive in BDSM play, then this is not the group for them. We celebrate striving for perfection in D/s as both a lifestyle and recreational play. Our group welcomes the experienced and the new."

Sounds like a "Coven" I found whilst browsing things Pagan (Drunk Wicca is ill-advised and I've never seen a Pagan group that required a photo or had a fitness requirement. While there IS such a thing as Sex Magick, this group is about justifying the fact that what they actually do is have orgies):


Group Overview: We believe that sex rituals create the most intense form of magick. Sex is the most direct path to enlightenment, the most direct path to oneness. We share our bodies to the benefit of ourselves and others. The magick we create is uniquely powerful.

We follow no formal school or any particular person. We create and draw on our own intuitive directives.

Since we are a sexual entity, we must maintain tools to draw the magick to us. Our tool is our body. We take care of our body and expect the same of other members. Healthy eating and exercise is the best route to building strong, powerful bodies and attracting others to create intense sexual energy. Members are required to be in good physical condition.

Our magick is light and dark; balance is more important than anything else in our universe. We create a fun yet serious surrounding using essential oils, candles, herbs, stones, music and images. Food is often a tool. We enjoy liquor as well as mild hallucinogenics. We do not fear natural substances.

Couples are preferred, but we invite all open-minded seekers; starchildren, artists, musicians, writers, academics, students of metaphysics, actors, dancers, singers, etc. connect with us very well; however, we have found that politically right-wing, excessively wealthy, and/or conservative types have a difficult time fitting in with our philosophy and, as such, we do not welcome their energy. Unity is essential, and the negative influences of the unenlightened world often create breaks in the oh-so-necessary circle.

Potential members must send photos as well as craft histories. Histories must be at least 500 words and include birthdates, times and places of birth and current place of residence. We reserve the right to do background checks.

 

[satindesire]

I once watched a TV show on...MTV, I think?...about a girl/boy couple who went to a swinger's party for the first time. They ended up breaking up afterwards, but I remember hearing the club owner saying that he requires recent photographs and you have to be good looking and in shape to get in.

Although I have dated men from all sides of the spectrum of body shape/size, I have never been attracted to blond or fair-skinned men. I think that everyone reserves the right to sleep with who they chose. Is it wrong or shallow of me to not want to date fair men? Maybe...but hell, we want who we want.

No offense intended, just sayin' I understand the reasoning behind that attitude. Not saying it's fair, just saying almost everyone has standards.

 

[neonflux]

Sorry...

Oh Shankie! There seem to be more and more sex clubs and play venues now in the Bay Area which also insist on these standards for membership. I loved what EG said about well-known BDSM instructors not being allowed to teach in these places - that's true for several people out SF-way also. It is their loss and our gain if they miss out on so much power and pleasure.

Re: people having standards - yes, desire is a funny thing and we all have people by whom we are going to be more and less aroused. It just seems a little odd to me to exclude someone from a play venue purely because I and some of my friends aren't attracted to them personally.

Hmmm... *ponders* Then again, maybe I should start a play group which requires a certain minimal score on an I.Q. test for membership, LOL!

Neon

 

[skittles_lm]

And before I read this thread, I was seriously thinking about losing another 20 pounds and heading over there.


Saved again by the friendly staff at lit!


thanks, guys. *whew*

that's like the KKK almost. Gotta have blue eyes and blonde hair to play

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Well that leaves us fat doms out. But hey no different than the size queen submissives or the dominants wanting that space visible when a woman closes her legs. I'm a whore for attention so I'm damned easy. lol

 

[CutieMouse]

Hmmm... *ponders* Then again, maybe I should start a play group which requires a certain minimal score on an I.Q. test for membership, LOL!

Neon

I would be there in a heartbeat.

(I am such a mind-snob... )

 

[neonflux]

I would be there in a heartbeat.

(I am such a mind-snob... )

We could call it "Smarty-Pants" (or panties for Shankie)

 

[BiBunny]

We could call it "Smarty-Pants" (or panties for Shankie)

I wanna join, too!

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Uh.. I was in Gifted and Talented in school..and people are always saying that my ass is the smartest part on me, so can I join?

 

[graceanne]

Gosh it must be exhausting to be them. I mean, how can you consider a person really your friend if you know that if/when you screw up that they're going to have THAT attitude? I feel sorry for them.

 

[satindesire]

I agree. It is a shitty attitude to have. I mean, BDSM parties aren't ALL about sex. I've been to more than my share and I've seen very little sex happen. Mostly socializing and some flogging/whipping, but that's about it. And if you're not gonna see 'em naked, what's the use about being so uptight about size?!

 

[m wisdom]

We have one of those groups here as well. I found it while looking for local clubs.

Members are very qualified and cultivated dominant heterosexual men (Masters) and very attractive, slim, submissive heterosexual or bisexual women (slave girls).

A few people I have talked with say it's just a sex club with a theme, and more suitable for kinky vanilla people then anyone with an interest in bdsm.

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

I doubt I'm bright enough to join the I.Q. based group either

Hummingbyrd: I hate those sort of covens. Is it any wonder that Wiccans get a bad name? Everytime I tell people what I am, they look at me like I run one of those narrow minded groups.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I agree. It is a shitty attitude to have. I mean, BDSM parties aren't ALL about sex. I've been to more than my share and I've seen very little sex happen. Mostly socializing and some flogging/whipping, but that's about it. And if you're not gonna see 'em naked, what's the use about being so uptight about size?!

true, bdsm or D/s is not about sex, far from it, however some people would like to have the option of erotic interaction with others open. i know my Master would love to find a local submissive or slave he could use and abuse on occasion, however once he crosses out all those who do not appeal to him physically (and tho his standards are high compared to some, he would certainly be willing to compromise and see a girl who was 10 or 15 lbs overweight if she carried herself well and was otherwise attractive to him), THEN crosses out all those who do not appeal to him mentally....well, no one's left. i get frustrated for him. so you if you come into a group where you know that the members have at least some physical standards to meet, the chances are greatly increased for making a physical connection happen. sure, friends are wonderful, and looks are meaningless when it comes to that. however some folks like to get laid sometimes too.

 

[intothewoods]

whatever - I'm all about the hotness factor, but I just think it's kind of limited to set up a group with such narrow parameters. I don't even mean in a celebrate-inner-beauty kinda way. You just never know what you're going to discover or experience if you're open.

 

[neonflux]

I doubt I'm bright enough to join the I.Q. based group either

We'll use a curve