Not my sort of BDSM group?

[Netzach]

true, bdsm or D/s is not about sex, far from it, however some people would like to have the option of erotic interaction with others open. i know my Master would love to find a local submissive or slave he could use and abuse on occasion, however once he crosses out all those who do not appeal to him physically (and tho his standards are high compared to some, he would certainly be willing to compromise and see a girl who was 10 or 15 lbs overweight if she carried herself well and was otherwise attractive to him), THEN crosses out all those who do not appeal to him mentally....well, no one's left. i get frustrated for him. so you if you come into a group where you know that the members have at least some physical standards to meet, the chances are greatly increased for making a physical connection happen. sure, friends are wonderful, and looks are meaningless when it comes to that. however some folks like to get laid sometimes too.

I think though, that if you took all the seven or eight people who I've really gotten weak in the knees attracted to from the larger SM community on first sight and tried to make a club JUST for them, the likelihood of my ever meeting them would totally drop off...

 

[lk70]

Hmmm... *ponders* Then again, maybe I should start a play group which requires a certain minimal score on an I.Q. test for membership, LOL!

Neon

Given that the author of the "standards" paragraph doesn't know the difference between "unkept" and "unkempt" I'd say he couldn't play in your sandbox. I'm on your side!

Yes, first post. Hi.

 

[DVS]

There is just something about this group that does not draw me in. I read this about 4 years ago before moving back to Kansas and just checked today to see that are still listed. It is. I'm about 60, and a bit overweight, and wear panties and such - I do not read this as welcoming. But I could be wrong.


"Our group is based out of xxx Kansas and is solely for membership of Male Dominants and female submissives. Our philosophy is as follows: A male dominant takes pride and responsibility in his appearance, health and behavior. If a Dom or sub maintain an unkept appearance, weigh 30 lbs or more above their ideal weight; or if they are found to be irresponsible and offensive in BDSM play, then this is not the group for them. We celebrate striving for perfection in D/s as both a lifestyle and recreational play. Our group welcomes the experienced and the new."

I'm within their guidelines. I'm about 15 lbs. over my weight index. But, do they accept men who wear glasses? Crooked teeth? Missing teeth? Hair going gray? Hair falling out? Hairy back? Hairy chest? Hair in ears? Hairy ass? Harry Potter? Circumcised cock? Uncircumcised cock? Erection length restrictions? A tape measure exam every week?

You see, appearance isn't just weight. If you think about it, this group is being kind. Just think how restrictive they could be. At least it's possible to do something about your weight that doesn't involve surgery.

By the way...where is XXX? Out in the boonies?

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

We'll use a curve

Oh, I have plenty of those



lk70~ Hiya, I'm new here as well.

 

[Shankara20]

I'm within their guidelines. I'm about 15 lbs. over my weight index. But, do they accept men who wear glasses? Crooked teeth? Missing teeth? Hair going gray? Hair falling out? Hairy back? Hairy chest? Hair in ears? Hairy ass? Harry Potter? Circumcised cock? Uncircumcised cock? Erection length restrictions? A tape measure exam every week?

You see, appearance isn't just weight. If you think about it, this group is being kind. Just think how restrictive they could be. At least it's possible to do something about your weight that doesn't involve surgery.

By the way...where is XXX? Out in the boonies?

men who wear glasses? yes I do wear glasses
Crooked teeth? yes - a few
Missing teeth? one in the back but you can't see it
Hair going gray? very gray
Hair falling out? not yet
Hairy back? yes it is
Hairy chest? a little, yes
Hair in ears? yes, but I shave
Hairy ass? yes, I stopped shaving
Harry Potter? OH MY - I have seen the photos
Circumcised cock? yes
Uncircumcised cock? yum
Erection length restrictions? when I use my rope it is restricted
A tape measure exam every week? I did, but stopped after I turned about 25 years old....

XXX, Ks is about hmhmhmh miles west of Hutchinson.


does any of this help develop the rules for the Mid-west Lit gathering?

 

[DVS]

men who wear glasses? yes I do wear glasses
Crooked teeth? yes - a few
Missing teeth? one in the back but you can't see it
Hair going gray? very gray
Hair falling out? not yet
Hairy back? yes it is
Hairy chest? a little, yes
Hair in ears? yes, but I shave
Hairy ass? yes, I stopped shaving
Harry Potter? OH MY - I have seen the photos
Circumcised cock? yes
Uncircumcised cock? yum
Erection length restrictions? when I use my rope it is restricted
A tape measure exam every week? I did, but stopped after I turned about 25 years old....

XXX, Ks is about hmhmhmh miles west of Hutchinson.


does any of this help develop the rules for the Mid-west Lit gathering?

Mie-west Lit gathering? So far, I"ve only seen a few who would ba able to come. Just how many is in a gathering, anyway? A herd is quite a few...a flock is too. A gaggle, a bunch, a possie, a group, a few?

I know a couple is usually two, and a few is more often about three. Several can be anywhere from three to eight or so, I'd say. A crowd is what we're hoping for. A nice crowd of Litsters would be an interesting party.

So, for the record, there are NO LIMITS on looks or anything else, if you want to come to the Mid-west Lit get together. RSVP to the thread, please. It's probably sunk to page two at least, by now.

OK, I just thought about that NO LIMITS statement. Then, I thought of Shank. There would have to be limits in some cases, depending on the venue. After all...we are talking about the Mid-west, here. But, if it was a private affiar...NO LIMITS!

 

[midwestyankee]

I've been poking about recently, looking for a munch in the greater Chicagoland area and I must say that I'm glad to have not found any groups that are as openly restrictive as this one. Chacun à son kink, to be sure, but I'd be much happier going to Neon's IQ-restrictive (with a curve, of course) group. At least there I'd stand a chance of getting in the front door.

 

[neonflux]

It is funny that you talk about body images. I have always had a good body image. I have been fat, and I have been thin/ Through it all I have never had any trouble finding partners.

Long ago I found out that if you believe in yourself, and that means you own attractiveness, you will attract others who feel the same way.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As for being a Domme, it seems I tend to be approached by attractive men of all ages, sizes, and stations in life.

Life is good.

*nods* Confidence is veeeery sexy! Mix that with some intelligence and it's downright dangerous (so to speak).

 

[catalina_francisco]

Mie-west Lit gathering? So far, I"ve only seen a few who would ba able to come. Just how many is in a gathering, anyway? A herd is quite a few...a flock is too. A gaggle, a bunch, a possie, a group, a few?

I know a couple is usually two, and a few is more often about three. Several can be anywhere from three to eight or so, I'd say. A crowd is what we're hoping for. A nice crowd of Litsters would be an interesting party.

So, for the record, there are NO LIMITS on looks or anything else, if you want to come to the Mid-west Lit get together. RSVP to the thread, please. It's probably sunk to page two at least, by now.

OK, I just thought about that NO LIMITS statement. Then, I thought of Shank. There would have to be limits in some cases, depending on the venue. After all...we are talking about the Mid-west, here. But, if it was a private affiar...NO LIMITS!

Very nifty post...as to coming to it, I wish!!

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

men who wear glasses? yes I do wear glasses
Crooked teeth? yes - a few
Missing teeth? one in the back but you can't see it
Hair going gray? very gray
Hair falling out? not yet
Hairy back? yes it is
Hairy chest? a little, yes
Hair in ears? yes, but I shave
Hairy ass? yes, I stopped shaving
Harry Potter? OH MY - I have seen the photos
Circumcised cock? yes
Uncircumcised cock? yum
Erection length restrictions? when I use my rope it is restricted
A tape measure exam every week? I did, but stopped after I turned about 25 years old....

XXX, Ks is about hmhmhmh miles west of Hutchinson.


does any of this help develop the rules for the Mid-west Lit gathering?

My verdict:

Still fine after all these years!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Mie-west Lit gathering? So far, I"ve only seen a few who would ba able to come. Just how many is in a gathering, anyway? A herd is quite a few...a flock is too. A gaggle, a bunch, a possie, a group, a few?

I know a couple is usually two, and a few is more often about three. Several can be anywhere from three to eight or so, I'd say. A crowd is what we're hoping for. A nice crowd of Litsters would be an interesting party.

So, for the record, there are NO LIMITS on looks or anything else, if you want to come to the Mid-west Lit get together. RSVP to the thread, please. It's probably sunk to page two at least, by now.

OK, I just thought about that NO LIMITS statement. Then, I thought of Shank. There would have to be limits in some cases, depending on the venue. After all...we are talking about the Mid-west, here. But, if it was a private affiar...NO LIMITS!

Eb's Dom verdict:

Yep. Still fine, after all these years!

 

[mickyp123]

Welll... ummmm... I'm trying to find something positive to say, but all I keep coming down to is that while health and all is important, it strikes me as a bit of an immature attitude, really...

Shanky, I'd let you in my BDSM group any old time (if I had one).

out of the closet CM, i know you run 6 lol

 

[SeaKat]

Well its obviously a very specific group and I'm sure they know that keeps membership down, which they might even like.

Different things for different folks.... Everyone has a right to like or not like something. I don't get upset if a guy is more into bigger women, that's just their preference.

Start your own group! There may be others near you who feel the same about what is available now.

 

[serijules]

Usually I would get up in arms about something like that, but it's rather nice to have a warning that an entire group of people wouldn't be attractive to ME, neither physically nor in characteristics.

I don't outwardly judge on appearance....and I would never say "oh, she's blond and thin, I wouldn't like her" but in my experience, the "ideal" woman or man is usually not for me. I love curves. I like small breasts. I like big bear of men. Maybe these people just realize that the less than perfect body often times results in a real down to earth personality and they just can't relate? *snickers*

Thin is the new fat for me. Extremely thin people are just not a turn-on for me at first look, I need something more before I'm going to find them attractive, just as my rather overweight frame is not a turn-on for many others. I just don't find bones and angles appealing at first look. I can get past it though, as many other things are much more appealing.

A lot of attractive people are very full of themselves. That's a major turn-off for me. Not all, of course, buy many are. So I naturally tend to be drawn towards people that are less than perfect, as their personality is usually much more up my alley.

 

[callinectes]

This is going to border on the unPC..just a warning.

remember the old MTV dating show "Singled Out"? There was a bachelor/ette and a pool of 100 or potential dates. The bachelor/ette would be given a series of standards and two choices within that standard. For example..Hair length, short or long. The bachelor/ette would state his preference and those that did not meet the preference had to leave the pool. This continued until the pool was reduced to just a handful of people.

Wat always bugged me was every concievable physical standard was fair game...eye color, short/tall, etc. But, never did religous preference, heritage, or race enter the picture. Now I am not suggesting those are valid reasons for culling potential dates, but if you are going to cull dates based on hair length, why not go all the way and eliminate nationalities you don't care for. IMHO, one is just as shallow as the other.

 

[wicked woman]

This is going to border on the unPC..just a warning.

remember the old MTV dating show "Singled Out"? There was a bachelor/ette and a pool of 100 or potential dates. The bachelor/ette would be given a series of standards and two choices within that standard. For example..Hair length, short or long. The bachelor/ette would state his preference and those that did not meet the preference had to leave the pool. This continued until the pool was reduced to just a handful of people.

Wat always bugged me was every concievable physical standard was fair game...eye color, short/tall, etc. But, never did religous preference, heritage, or race enter the picture. Now I am not suggesting those are valid reasons for culling potential dates, but if you are going to cull dates based on hair length, why not go all the way and eliminate nationalities you don't care for. IMHO, one is just as shallow as the other.

It was TV...you can tell if someone has short hair or blue eyes, you can't tell what religion they are and heritage and race is so mixed sometimes, what/who decides? Not disagreeing with your basic premise though...just offering a suggestion for why other than trying to stay PC.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

This ongoing conversation has reminded me of Jane Elliott , a woman I personally hold in the highest esteem

Smithsonian Article ~ Lesson of a Lifetime

Jane Elliott Website for further exploration

Jane Elliott Youtube Link Part 1

 

[Ebonyfire]

This ongoing conversation has reminded me of Jane Elliott , a woman I personally hold in the highest esteem

Smithsonian Article ~ Lesson of a Lifetime

Jane Elliott Website for further exploration

Jane Elliott Youtube Link Part 1

Another offshoot of that is the concept of expectations. It has been shown that most kids will live up to or live down to the expectations set for them.

For example, if a student is treated as if he or she is expected to do well, without undo pressure, they will perform well.

If you look in the mirror everyday and are happy with what you see, others will see that also. Beauty radiates from the inside out, in my opinion.

 

[Xelebes]

I'd join only to fuck with their minds when I show myself to be a total pansy with the whip.

 

[SpectreT]

<snip>
Hmmm... *ponders* Then again, maybe I should start a play group which requires a certain minimal score on an I.Q. test for membership, LOL!

Neon

Somewhat like a kinked MENSA, right...

Would my 138 get me in the door of this club?

 

[graceanne]

Another offshoot of that is the concept of expectations. It has been shown that most kids will live up to or live down to the expectations set for them.

For example, if a student is treated as if he or she is expected to do well, without undo pressure, they will perform well.

If you look in the mirror everyday and are happy with what you see, others will see that also. Beauty radiates from the inside out, in my opinion.

Or, as I've said for years, if you tell a child for years that they are stupid and worthless eventually they'll believe you.

It works in reverse, though. If you tell a child that they are smart and worthwhile, eventually they'll believe you. *shrugs*

 

[mytwocents]

Kinda reminds me when I was in the Army.. whenever we'd go TDY (temporary duty) to some place we'd always wind up in the titty bars; even the married ones. It was always "assumed" (of course we know what that spells) that "what happened while on TDY, stayed on TDY". Some asslick decided to come clean w/ his wife after a particularly long time away from the house and told ALL about ALL. The only people that won out were the divorce lawyers.

Forgataboutit!

 

[bobshortforkate]

There is just something about this group that does not draw me in. I read this about 4 years ago before moving back to Kansas and just checked today to see that are still listed. It is. I'm about 60, and a bit overweight, and wear panties and such - I do not read this as welcoming. But I could be wrong.


"Our group is based out of xxx Kansas and is solely for membership of Male Dominants and female submissives. Our philosophy is as follows: A male dominant takes pride and responsibility in his appearance, health and behavior. If a Dom or sub maintain an unkept appearance, weigh 30 lbs or more above their ideal weight; or if they are found to be irresponsible and offensive in BDSM play, then this is not the group for them. We celebrate striving for perfection in D/s as both a lifestyle and recreational play. Our group welcomes the experienced and the new."

I respect their candidness. I don't want to play or get involved in a relationship with someone I found unattractive either.

morbidly obese
doesn't go to the gym, or exercise at all.
poor
drug addict
poor hygiene


Is the group close minded and judgemental...I think so, but I don't see those as always being negative traits. My standards may be considered the same, but I have and maintain the relationships I want.

We all have standards. Theirs are just deemed by society as being superficial. As are mine most likely, but fuck it.

 

[Netzach]

I don't care to date heterosexuals, but I'm glad they're around when I want to hang out with people. *shrug* I'd hate to be at a munch where "we are all potential fucks" is that much of the agenda, but I have people to fuck already.

 

[pandoravampire]

Despite my automatic thoughts of that is politically incorrect. I have to acknowledge, that i like its forthrightness. But that about all i like about what was written.
When im looking to meet friends, i dont give a damn what someone looks like, preferring to concentrate on personality, and their minds ability. But, and it is a big but, im never going to be sexually attracted to obese people. But cant see what is wrong with deciding that for myself, rather than some proprietor doing it for me.

I have far more stringent rules in my persona for play partners than are written in this piece. I just dont shout about them, as they are extreemly politically incorrect.
But they are me. And they sure are there! Ive recently moved away from QLD australia, where morbid obesity, poor manners, and dreadful teeth, with or without poor self care, was common place. Had i seen this advert in QLD, id of gone along to be frank.

As for males coming across as lacking common sense, intellegence. Well, my observations differ it would seem to some, i see stupidity, foolishness, gullability etc, as far more prevalent in the needy female members of any bdsm site. They seem to of cornered the market on dumbass things to say, do and ask. And poor risk assessments?, well that appears to be equally shared between the two genders.
pandoravampire