Ok, What's Wrong With This Chapter?

[athena_by_night]

Welcome back, Sir Billy!

 

[windstormy]

Why thank you, my dear sweet goddess of the night

Welcome back, Sir Billy!

 

[Guest]

Why are my votes going down? It's got a hot sex scene in it. Although, I didn't finish the two charactors out with it. But why do I have to? Why does that have to be the deciding vote on a chapter or story?

I didn't finish it in order to leave the reader hangin'. I just love to do that. And to let them use their own imagination. They can't do that?

Oh, well... Welcome to the way I write. I don't always finish those. And for a good reason. There's more to a story than just the sex.

But if you guys see more that's wrong with it, I would appreciate it if you would at least say something. Tell me what you didn't like about it. What's wrong with it?

Bigrig Ch. 9

To be perfectly honest, I find your writing style in this series a bit stilted. There are far too many adverbs, obviously placed, and too many ellipses (. . .) when a comma or even a simple period would suffice. The dialogue between your characters, the most difficult part of any story, is very strained.

The sex scenes, however, are quite good. You have a fine talent for description of sex between your characters.

I read a couple of other chapters to compare with this story and I think the reason you aren't happy with your votes (and I don't know your scores) is because there isn't an incredible sex scene in this story.

Readers accustomed to a good stroke story from you are bound to be disappointed, as will someone new to your series who isn't familiar with the characters or your style.

 

[windstormy]

To be perfectly honest, I find your writing style in this series a bit stilted. There are far too many adverbs, obviously placed, and too many ellipses (. . .) when a comma or even a simple period would suffice. The dialogue between your characters, the most difficult part of any story, is very strained.

The sex scenes, however, are quite good. You have a fine talent for description of sex between your characters.

I read a couple of other chapters to compare with this story and I think the reason you aren't happy with your votes (and I don't know your scores) is because there isn't an incredible sex scene in this story.

Readers accustomed to a good stroke story from you are bound to be disappointed, as will someone new to your series who isn't familiar with the characters or your style.

I do appreciate your candid thoughts. I do know that my style is a bit different. The dialogue is written, (for the most part), in everyday American slang and can be strained to some. And no, there isn't an incredible sex scene in this chapter, because I meant to focus more on the story and the plot.

As I had written this novel over a year ago, and am going back through each chapter before I submit it, I have made a number of changes to it. (Hopefully, for the better)

And the score on this chapter has gone up since I posted the origional message. I thank everyone that has taken the time to read and vote on it.

 

[-geisha.grrrl-]

Part of it might also be people who have an aversion to something. No beef here, I'm not trying to flame you but as I read more, I keep getting stopped by your references to Jonathan as a 'kid' and as a 'youth'

If this was the first story from you I'd read [and it is] I would just stop reading it [as I've thought about doing] just because of the way you reference Jonathan.

I do like the dialogue between the doctor and tony at the beginning though.

edited to add: I wanted to read more, so I did, and I don't think it could be the references, because from what I see, those are common references to Jonathan and the only chapter I've read so far that directly references his age is the first one. Maybe it's the missing sex, or maybe the amount of dialogue in it.

Whatever it is, don't fuckin worry about it! This is great!

 

[athena_by_night]

Hear ye, Hear ye! All ye Lit avant garde artistes and devoted readers.... Billy has gone on a sabbatical of self discovery and clandestine covert operations. He will return soon, once he has found the source of his next chapters in Big Rig. He asked that I let you all know that he will return soon. Patience is in short supply on my end, but he has asked that it be employed. There are several chapters left to this story, and if you are like me and are eagerly waiting to see what happens to these beloved characters, I know you will.

 

[dcraig]

Hear ye, Hear ye! All ye Lit avant garde artistes and devoted readers.... Billy has gone on a sabbatical of self discovery and clandestine covert operations. He will return soon, once he has found the source of his next chapters in Big Rig. He asked that I let you all know that he will return soon. Patience is in short supply on my end, but he has asked that it be employed. There are several chapters left to this story, and if you are like me and are eagerly waiting to see what happens to these beloved characters, I know you will.

Very well done. I think Billy will be most amused to read this one. lol. I love the style you used to announce this. And I agree, I hope he returns soon to finish this book. I grow weary with waiting. lol. His characters are just simply perfect in my opinion. And I would stand toe to toe with anyone that thinks otherwise. lol. Where is my muskette? lol. Really, I'm only bantering.

 

[dcraig]

Part of it might also be people who have an aversion to something. No beef here, I'm not trying to flame you but as I read more, I keep getting stopped by your references to Jonathan as a 'kid' and as a 'youth'

If this was the first story from you I'd read [and it is] I would just stop reading it [as I've thought about doing] just because of the way you reference Jonathan.

I do like the dialogue between the doctor and tony at the beginning though.

edited to add: I wanted to read more, so I did, and I don't think it could be the references, because from what I see, those are common references to Jonathan and the only chapter I've read so far that directly references his age is the first one. Maybe it's the missing sex, or maybe the amount of dialogue in it.

Whatever it is, don't fuckin worry about it! This is great!

Lol. You have hit the nail on the head, in telling him to, "don't fuckin worry about it!" He's got talent that he feels is in dire need, for whatever reason. And if you haven't read all of his chapters, you should. Because none of it will make sense when you read the next. Chapter 13 may pose to jerk a couple tears if your heart is tender. But that is all I will say about that. Just hang on, if any of you have been long on this roller coaster ride. It's about to really plunge into a landslide. (Hey, I made a rhyme). lol. I will leave you all with that thought, now. Hope to see all of you back for the next installment, as will Billy.

 

[athena_by_night]

Ok, What's Wrong With This Chapter

Awaiting the time for this to be in print
This entire story is simply mint.
The characters, the plot, the love enhanced
By desire and willingness and meetings chanced.

Big surprises abound behind every curve,
That all Lit readers will be enchanted to serve
As eager sources of ravenous hungers and thoroughly entertained,
This story is one of perfect infectious joy uncontained!

Keep going Billy, keep going for us all
Small and large, big and tall
The way you describe things is a delight!
Bated breathe as the plot thickens.... this is out of sight!

Marie

 

[dcraig]

Excellent work Athena. And the next chapter it out. Very good, Billy. Waiting for more. You must be quick about it. We are all dying to know what happens next.

 

[athena_by_night]

All right..... maybe I just like seeing my name in print! LOL Tremendous effort once again Billy. I really love this scene with Bruce and Greg. You can feel the pathos building again, the backdrop between the passion and the danger. I hope the bad guys' denouement comes soon and they get all that they so richly deserve. Thank you for the acknowledgement, I bow before your superior talent. Bravo!

Marie

 

[windstormy]

Bigrig Ch. 14 is out. Please read, vote and comment. I would very much appreciate it. thanks.........

 

[dcraig]

Bigrig Ch. 14 is out. Please read, vote and comment. I would very much appreciate it. thanks.........

Absolutely wonderful, Billy. Very hot piece of writing. I enjoyed it so much, I needed a cold shower afterwards. lol.

 

[athena_by_night]

Read and commented! On my way for a cold shower now as well! LOL

Very moving Billy. I loved the the way Tony was almost flummoxed by Jonathan's submission. It revealed a tender side that he had kept under wraps. And the humor of Bruce who was almost beside himself watching.

Kudos to you..... take your bow.... it is well deserved!

 

[windstormy]

Absolutely wonderful, Billy. Very hot piece of writing. I enjoyed it so much, I needed a cold shower afterwards. lol.

You make me laugh, doc. But I'm so glad you enjoyed it that much. Hope to keep you on your professional toes with the rest of the story. lol

 

[windstormy]

Read and commented! On my way for a cold shower now as well! LOL

Very moving Billy. I loved the the way Tony was almost flummoxed by Jonathan's submission. It revealed a tender side that he had kept under wraps. And the humor of Bruce who was almost beside himself watching.

Kudos to you..... take your bow.... it is well deserved!

you two should save water and shower together maybe. hehehe. Anyway, I'm so very happy you enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun revising and writing it. And I'm so excited that you caught onto Tony. He's not as bad as he likes ppl to think he is. And of course Bruce was very much indeed beside himself with lust and desire to enjoy what Tony was doing with Jonathan. But he didn't falter in recieving his part. lol

 

[dcraig]

you two should save water and shower together maybe. hehehe. Anyway, I'm so very happy you enjoyed this chapter. I had a lot of fun revising and writing it. And I'm so excited that you caught onto Tony. He's not as bad as he likes ppl to think he is. And of course Bruce was very much indeed beside himself with lust and desire to enjoy what Tony was doing with Jonathan. But he didn't falter in recieving his part. lol

okay, Billy... What are you up to now? You had better behave yourself, or you'll be looking at the wrong end of a syringe yourself. lol. hehehe (Wicked laugh of my own)

 

[windstormy]

okay, Billy... What are you up to now? You had better behave yourself, or you'll be looking at the wrong end of a syringe yourself. lol. hehehe (Wicked laugh of my own)

I think I'd rather have a spanking, doc. I could enjoy that a lot more, if you don't mind. lol. And by the way, I ain't up to nuttin'.

 

[dcraig]

I think I'd rather have a spanking, doc. I could enjoy that a lot more, if you don't mind. lol. And by the way, I ain't up to nuttin'.

Spanking you would not work, love. You would like that much too much. I was going for something with a little more pazzaz, something you don't like at all. hehehe.

And you had better not be up to 'nuttin'. I will exercise my professional authority and retalliate. lol. jk. You're so cute when I threaten you like this. I think you like it too much.

 

[athena_by_night]

Still eagerly awaiting the next installment. And for what it's worth..

1. Tony does have a tender side. I am sticking with my story on that one.
2. Greg knows how to practice good medicine.
3. I'm glad Catherine got some of her own back.
4. Bruce has a wonderful sense of humor... the images of the food and how he tried to stay focused while driving had me chuckling.

Great storytelling all around... those you wrote and those posted here. Hee Hee Hee

 

[dcraig]

You Have Got To Read This!!!

And I mean that seriously... This chapter had me on the very edge of my seat from the first paragraph. Meeting Mr. Bowman, finally, was so very incredibly erotic and immoral. His character is very alluring, salaciously wicked. You have to go meet him. And don't be surprised if you find yourself wanting to be in Bruce's shoes while you read it. It's so tempting, I'll say.

Bruce is very strong, in this. I commend him for his character and strength. Tony and Maurice just left me panting. The fight was very well crafted.

Jonathan, I swear I was on the edge of my seat when the moment came that he would exact his plan for Maurice. And it shocked me when the scene suddenly changed. I loved it.

Peter and Bruce were very hillarious.

The end made me weep. I hope I'm not mourning a dead character now. I fell in love with this character, as I know many have. And I hope to see him back in the last chapter.

Go read it, people. If you don't you are truly missing out.

Bigrig Ch. 17

 

[athena_by_night]

Craig stole all my lines!

So much pathos, emotion, tangibility (is that a word), I felt myself being right in the middle of the action like I was one of the characters. I got lost in your story Billy and that to me is the sign of an excellent writer. I could feel all the small details and see them, taste, hear, you name it...just experience them. The whirlwind of this chapter just left me breathless. I didn't want it to end.

I know you like constructive feedback as well around plot line, but as I started with.... Craig stole all my lines! Eagerly awaiting the next installment.. reminds me of what people used to do... go to the movies and watch a continuing saga every Saturday for the matinee to see what happens next. I am not quite that old, but I know that's what they did. Keep it unreeling, and I will keep showing up with my snacks and kick back for an awesome ride!

 

[dcraig]

Craig stole all my lines!

So much pathos, emotion, tangibility (is that a word), I felt myself being right in the middle of the action like I was one of the characters. I got lost in your story Billy and that to me is the sign of an excellent writer. I could feel all the small details and see them, taste, hear, you name it...just experience them. The whirlwind of this chapter just left me breathless. I didn't want it to end.

I know you like constructive feedback as well around plot line, but as I started with.... Craig stole all my lines! Eagerly awaiting the next installment.. reminds me of what people used to do... go to the movies and watch a continuing saga every Saturday for the matinee to see what happens next. I am not quite that old, but I know that's what they did. Keep it unreeling, and I will keep showing up with my snacks and kick back for an awesome ride!

I'll give you all your lines back. I would hate for the line police to come arrest me for theft. lol. At any rate, I concur with you. The entire chapter was absolutely fabulous. Nothing was left of me when it was done. Every emotion was touched and stirred in me. And I know his fans will drool and pant over this chapter.

 

[mastergary4u2]

Absolutely wonderful, Billy. Very hot piece of writing. I enjoyed it so much, I needed a cold shower afterwards. lol.

I think I figured this thing out... New here. lol

Doc, you are just too funny, and you know it too.

OH! Ok! I see how this works now. Kool... LUV this nana guy.... snickers.....

 

[mastergary4u2]

okay, Billy... What are you up to now? You had better behave yourself, or you'll be looking at the wrong end of a syringe yourself. lol. hehehe (Wicked laugh of my own)

OMG!!!!!!! I know you didn't!!!!!!!