on being big

[DVS]

Oops. Sorry, I came in here for the wrong reason. I saw 'on being big' and thought something else.
But, when you look at it, yes there are all sorts of sizes in the BDSM lifestyle. And, it is fun to go to a munch or social and see a small little Domme and a big burly and hairy male slave. Sometimes you look and think it is backwards. And, if they are happy, that is all that matters.

You are what you are and you shouldn't change for anybody but yourself. If you are happy with yourself, fine. Don't dare lose weight for someone who tells you to, unless you want to do it, inside. If s/he trys to make you lose weight against what you truly feel, s/he is being selfish.

If you have health issues, please do something for that, if you can. We all should take care of ourselves. But, other than that...I know some big women, and they always seem to be laughing and having fun.

 

[Verypowerful]

true beauty

In my mind, no matter if it's BDSM or "vanilla" relationships, true beauty is what's on the inside - not the outside - and a happy person is beautiful. As a Dominant I care deeply for the submissive and it is my responsibility to understand what is best for him/her, but there's a big difference between that and "forcing" someone to lose weight.
If there is magic between the two of you it should still work out with you being the way you are.

best of luck
Verypowerful

 

[pierceheart]

deleted

 

[lovetoread]

Damn, another good reason why we are a coast apart. There are plenty of women who could put my mustache to shame. Not to mention my near hairless thighs.

Sheesh

 

[sluttygirl4u22]

i am a big girl, i would like to lose some weight, i'm not in a relationship at the moment but i want to lose it for myself, not anyone else. anyways back to the point i have found talking online if i mention i want to lose about 30 lbs i get a variety of responses, from Doms saying they like bigger girls to one who said he was a Dom and after this i lost all respect and laughed and said bullshit under my breath and fuck off to him he said you're a fucking fat slut? even if a Dom has a preference for someone thinner they wouldn't say that at least not in my opinion.

 

[BlondGirl]

I went to a playparty recently with Cellis and I must say that all but maybe 2 of the female bottoms were heavy. Overall, I would venture to say that, like the Rest Of America, more than half of the people there were overweight. Possibly 3/4.

My own inclinations are for a partner who is not to thin. When I ride my man, I like to know he can handle it !

(WD, the reviving of this thread was worth it just to see that sweet display of your ass. Yum.)

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

ok, so i'm a big girl. just wanted to say we can be as submissive as thinner women. it seems that people take for granted that if you are big you are dominant.

any thoughts on this?

I have found that this applies to males as well. Simply because I'm Black and roughly the size and build of an NFL tightend, a lot of women try to cast me in the "dom" role. That's something in which I have zero interest. I've also known women whose nature was dominant who hesitated to treat me as they would a less physically intimidating gynosupremacist sub-male. If I had a nickle for every time that I've been told that I don't look like a sub ... well, I'd have a pocket full of nickles.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

Re: whew!

the person should accept you for who you are and the way you are. skinny or big. dont change because someone tells you to. be happy with how you look and change only if you want to.

so do you all think that if a Dom demands his sub to lose a significant amount of weight before meeting in real time, is this cool? I know all reasons for health and well-being to lose, but from the viewpointof BDSM lifestyle what I'm reading here is more acceptance of size than not....

thank you all for wonderful responses and i even laughed out loud at you, Monster666!

you are all a wonderful group of people and i hope to become a regular part of discussions.

 

[wannaBsub4u]

Just a little advice from an extreme BBW sub

I'm a big woman as well as a sub. I have no interest in being anything other.

I have always been very insecure about my size until I met my Sir almost 10 years ago. He has constanly reassured me of how beautiful I am to him, and that he has no interest in me losing any of my weight.

That said, I would not mind losing a good portion of my weight for my own self respect and me own health. When/if I get to the point that I get enough of myself the way it is now I will lose it, but not because someone else has said they want me too.


You know how you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror. Only YOU can tell yourself when/if it is time to lose weight. Take your own feeling in check, before you start worrying about what others want for YOU.


All luck in whatever you do! If you would like to talk more, please feel free to PM me.

wannaB

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I've never been taken for dominant and I'm a tall girl, and a big girl. It comes across in my nature that, though I'm a strong woman, I'm still submissive to the right people.

 

[SubmissAngel919]

*smiles*
Those in the BDSM lifestyle DO seem more accepting of all body types, etc.
Being an overweight sub myself, i get a particular "thrill" when He refers to me as "little one" *grinning*
(although He does have an issue with me wearing platform heels and such which makes me a bit taller than Him)

Submissangel919

 

[Lilly4]

As a Domme - I have never required any of my subs to lose weight.

I did have a sub that needed to lose weight for health reasons and he asked for my assistance.
I established a rewards/punishment system to help him stay on his Doctor's diet but this was his request - not my requirement.

When I first took my BDSM fantasies into the real world I had serious doubts as to my ability to attract subs.
I never did look like a movie star. LOL

It turns out that people were drawn to me for WHO I was and not JUST my appearance. A fact I am thankful for now that I am a "mature" woman in her 40's.

Looks may catch your eye but it's the person that sustains your interest.

If YOU want/need to lost weight, this may be just the incentive you need. But if you ARE happy with the way you are - then this may not be the Dom for you.

Just my opinion.

Best of luck to you - whatever your decision.

 

[trainee_sub]

I am very big and a few months ago I met a Dom online who agreed to train me, i was very nervous of letting him see me on line because of my size but the only time it came up was when i volunteered the information that i was on a diet. He asked me why, i explained that it was what i wanted to do for me and He accepted this. Never once has He refered to my weight except to encourage me when i have told him i have lost some, i swim most days now to help and he encourages me and even rewarded me when i went down a dress size. When you live in a society that is so judgemental it's hard to accept yourself so it's a special blessing when you find someone who accepts you for who you are not what you are and although i am making a lot of changes through my training (i see this more as being moulded for the lifestyle than changed) i dont think i could respect someone who wanted to change me for no other reason than to please themselves.

 

[Justina123]

James said a ways back in the thread:

It used to be easier to tell which women were Dommes, but you go to BDSM events nowdays and you see lots of submissive women wearing high heels and corsets and leather clothing etc., so a little confusion is understandable.

Sir has said the same thing, and also that in some bdsm circles, it is considered "proper" for subs to wear white rather than black. He prefers me to wear white sometimes at play events, etc. for this reason. Also, at one event we went to which was themed "protocol party", one of the rules was that only Dom(mes) were allowed to wear black.

Anyone else heard this?

-justina

 

[lark sparrow]

I suppose it could serve it's purpose in identification, but it seems alittle stereotypical, or I suppose "traditional", were it a group's tradition. Some people are rather overt in expressing a D/s preference (like the male sub wandering around in a play collar, fishnet stockings and leather briefs), others are more subtle. No harm in having to get to know a person a bit before understanding their D/s bent.

I live in black clothing nearly exclusively (not because of BDSM), and the Domme I belong to likes color in her clothing (Her fav. color is... ack!...pink) - black and leather don't appeal for Her own wearing. I love leather (nearly all black) and have quite a collection.

I guess it could be fun to dress up for a night in clothing that was not one's normal preference, but if I was limited to wearing certain things and certain colors based on a group decision about what was appropriate within my D/s status I would have nothing to do with it. Mistress' decisions are another matter. And we don't fit into the butch/femme or butch/butch lesbian stereotype either, neither of us being butch-identified in the least.

The gay male leather community seems to have more of a tradition in signals here - hankie codes, which arm you wear your leather band, etc. Not to mention the muscle fetish going on, some of the events look like body building competitions - lot of gym goers! I'd be interested in hearing more about what is considered traditional apparel for female, heterosexual-orientated subs in those more protocal driven groups.

If Dom/mes are supposed to be tall/big, and subs are short/petite in stereotypes then we blend into it. Mistress being 5'11" and larger, me being 5'3" and petite in body size - but that's simply how we are built. Neither of us would assume either needs to gain or lose weight, nor was D/s based on the height difference.

One of the Dommes I have a great deal of respect for who is very active in the community here is maybe 5'2" and a total powerhouse. She's also Eurasian, and we all hear the stereotypes about submissive Asian women. Not so.