On the flip-side

[YourCaptor]

I don’t want to be your enemy, and I know you wouldn’t go out and just beat people, I think you are a good person… I think. When it comes to things like this I always play devils advocate.

To put it simply, I get the impression that there is too much going on in your head right now. With the post break up emotions you are having I think it would be a bad time to take your first steps into the sadist realm. You really want to get a sure foot in the door if you decide to go this way. Personally I believe you should wait a month or two, allow yourself to work thing out, clear your head, then you can safely do whatever your heart desires.

Now I know you wont like this, but here it goes.

From what you have written, your desire sounds a lot more similar to defense mechanisms then it does sadism. Of course I could be wrong, the glimpse of you I have here really isn’t much, yet I feel a judgment is necessary.

Even if your desires are 100% genuine, I think you should still wait until you can explore these desires with a clear head. There is no rush, take your time, take it slow, especially since you are just making contact with this side of yourself.

I would recommend you look into some defense mechanisms we all use to deal with stress, in particular, ‘displacement’, ‘reaction formation’, ‘rationalization’, and possibly ‘projection’. This isn’t a diagnosis, these are little things we all do, most of the time they are insignificant, other times they grow to something problematic. Check it out, see if any of it seems to apply to you, and then ask somebody close to you if they apply to you.

I suppose I am taking the “better safe then sorry stance”, its not my favorite either.

I apologize for putting words in your mouth, I often tend to think in “what is going through their head” sort of terms. It helps a lot in making group decisions and such, not so great when its one on one.

Anyway, I think sadism is a beautiful thing, and it would be wonderful if you can indulge in it, but it is also a very tricky thing with a lot of grays. You got to be careful with it, because if you slip the tables will turn on you, most sadist do feel bad when someone is injured, and to go from adoring to freaking out is not fun at all.

PS. I don’t think sadism is an inherently a dominant characteristic.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

I don't see that there's anything wrong with you're new found desire to inflict pain/pleasure on someone else. I have my moments of extremities where I'm obsessed with this desire, and unfortunately or fortunately (depending on your outlook) I'm not able to act on it as much as I'd like.

I've had some incredibly frustrating and highly emotional moments in the last 6 mo, days I've been ready to skin the next person who's stepped infront of me. I have a few friends that I've shared those feelings with, and a fewer who have offered to be my whipping post to blow off steam. While the offer is lovely, I do not wield my whip when I'm in that state of mind. I'm not sure I'd have enough control over me to be able to stop once I got started, and taking my anger and frustration out on an innocent (but willing) person, to me, doesn't seem fair or right.

Someone, somewhere impressed me with something they said. They never hit (play) in anger. When I have a head full of steam, the last thing I do is reach for the toys. I need all my senses in order to play well... safely. If I'm in a highly emotional state I will miss the subtle cues of my partners, I will miss their little reactions.. the things I feed off of, the things that give me the high I crave when I play. If I don't get that high, what's the point of doing it in the first place?