One Hint on Maintaining a Relationship...Others, Anyone?

[Mr_Jon_Thon]

Maybe a bit naive to think people wouldn't sound off about their prejudices.

Most of the failed relationships I've been involved in, and witnessed, generally became more of a Parent/Child Relationship. The mutual respect is lost along the way. It might seem easier to avoid conflict by remaining silent about what's bothering you in a relationship, but for me the little things added up and up until it was too late to salvage anything. You're not really avoiding conflict, just postponing it.

 

[Miles Long]

All I know is DJ Tanner wouldn't lie to us.

 

[jacktar48]

Maybe a bit naive to think people wouldn't sound off about their prejudices.

Most of the failed relationships I've been involved in, and witnessed, generally became more of a Parent/Child Relationship. The mutual respect is lost along the way. It might seem easier to avoid conflict by remaining silent about what's bothering you in a relationship, but for me the little things added up and up until it was too late to salvage anything. You're not really avoiding conflict, just postponing it.

Agreed. Definitely. Been there. Got a Court Order to prove it. (No tee-shirt, though.)

Speaking of tee-shirts, here's a hint: If your wife starts wearing a tee-shirt that says, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," you've avoided conflict too long. Or maybe "won" too many arguments.

 

[LadyVer]

Well, if anyone needs killing, the men are generally expected to take care of that.

Although with women like my cousin Darlene, sometimes they take care of that sort of thing themselves too.

Other things:

Heavy work that requires more brawn than brains.

Providing meat as needed. (No pun intended, but yeah; that too.)

Home and village defense.

Construction.

Teaching the nephews how to behave.

Fishing.

Male ceremonial functions; preservation of traditional lore.

Story-telling.

Making the women feel loved and appreciated.

Interesting.

 

[jacktar48]

Interesting.

Demonstrations provided upon request...

Historical documents from the time of early contact with Europeans indicate that Native American cultures were quite puzzling to them.

They would attempt to negotiate with elder males, whom they assumed must be in charge of everything, and a tentative agreement might be reached, but almost always contained the proviso that they would have to talk to their wives first.

The Europeans assumed that this was just a clever negotiating ploy, because obviously no man would ever do such a thing. Must be a delaying tactic. Stupid savages, thinking they could outwit a superior being that way.

Later they found out that the women really did have veto power over a lot of important decisions, and they KNEW we were ignorant savages.

Imagined typical exchange:

"Honey, me and the guys thought we might go kill some Creeks; you know, maybe steal some stuff, kidnap a few girls..."

"Well, obviously I can't stop you. But if that's what you really want to do, I hope you're on good terms with your right hand, because you're going to be spending a lot of time with her."

"It was only an idea..."

"And a really bad one."

"Yes, dear...I think I'll take my sister's kids fishing this evening."

"Good decision. Don't be out too late. I have something for you when you get back."

 

[LadyVer]

PM me and tell me more about demonstrations.

 

[jacktar48]

PM me and tell me more about demonstrations.

You know I will...

And about 87 other guys will too.

 

[LadyVer]

You know I will...

And about 87 other guys will too.

Have you read my profile?

I'm a mouse. You're a cat. Bingo.

 

[jacktar48]

Have you read my profile?

I'm a mouse. You're a cat. Bingo.

Which is why I simply could not resist the urge to chase you.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Seriously? She can't possibly understand relationships because she maintains a fundamentalist christian viewpoint?

meanwhile, on the boards, it's hot to see women crawling on their knees with fake tails tucked into their backsides.

this place never ceases to amaze me.

Now you're getting it! -super big wink-

 

[NippleMuncher]

Might I remind everyone that Candace isn't the first woman to write a book on the virtues of being submissive, regardless of religious beliefs, to the benefit of your relationship/marriage.

Other points I'd like to highlight, Candace has been married for 18 years, no small feat in and of itself, especially for those under public scrutiny. She's 38, do the math, that means she was married at 20, a time when ALL people are young, dumb, and full of cum, and make impulse decisions. The fact that this major decision in her life has weathered the test of time, I'd encourage you all to back the fuck off the judgment train on what makes a lasting relationship. How many of you can claim an 18 year relationship with anyone, let alone a spouse or significant other?

Before you unload your judgment shotguns at me, I am not religious - not in the mainstream sense - , and I don't care for submissive partners. As others have pointed out, healthy communication between partners solves a world of ills. Also, the point made in the article about a satisfying sex life is very true, if you're happy in bed, you're generally happy in life. If you are unhappy in bed, then all the little details that annoy you in life start building up in to a giant wad that nobody wants to swallow, and you start to rebel against all the shit that annoys you, taking it out on your partner, whether they are the source of your annoyance or not.

Modern society wants a pill or other quick fix to all their ills, they are not willing to put in the time and effort to improve themselves to be worthy of a relationship at all, let alone one that will last more than a fortnight.

Do you want to know the secret to a happy life? Stop with all the made up drama. Stop hinging your every waking moment on what the Kardashians are doing. Stop worrying about Britney Spear's, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and all the other celebrity gossip. Stop worrying about who the worst dressed celeb is on the red carpet. Start worrying about yourself. Start worrying about your own issues and dramas. Start seeing the crap for what it is, crap, then step around it instead of wallowing in it and then judging others who don't wallow in the same shit pile as you are.

 

[StrayKat]

Bacon.

French fries.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Bacon.

Well, bacon AND boobies!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Other points I'd like to highlight, Candace has been married for 18 years, no small feat in and of itself, especially for those under public scrutiny. She's 38, do the math, that means she was married at 20, a time when ALL people are young, dumb, and full of cum, and make impulse decisions. The fact that this major decision in her life has weathered the test of time, I'd encourage you all to back the fuck off the judgment train on what makes a lasting relationship. How many of you can claim an 18 year relationship with anyone, let alone a spouse or significant other?

16 years with my partner so far. And while I have a LOT of disagreements with fundie Christianity, if the two of them both want that variety of D/S in a relationship, that's fine by me, as long as they're not imposing that choice on anybody else or presenting it as a universal solution.

I will say: longevity isn't everything. People can make a marriage last forever no matter how dysfunctional and miserable it is, just by being too stubborn to sign the divorce papers.

 

[StrayKat]

16 years with my partner so far. And while I have a LOT of disagreements with fundie Christianity, if the two of them both want that variety of D/S in a relationship, that's fine by me, as long as they're not imposing that choice on anybody else or presenting it as a universal solution.

I will say: longevity isn't everything. People can make a marriage last forever no matter how dysfunctional and miserable it is, just by being too stubborn to sign the divorce papers.

Exactly this.

I have seen people dying in 50+ years long marriages hating each other with their last breath. I am appalled at how willing people are to waste their lives away in hate and misery just because of some abstract ideas forced on them by some other people. It is horrifying.

I was with my first husband 17 years including dating, with my second 13 and counting. Do I have long enough experience to be competent?
When I was divorcing I had hardly any support "because if you could stand 17 years you can live through another 17, after all, all men are the same and its womans duty to bear with them". That coming from someone who never actually got married nor did "bear" anything that didnt suit her.

You cant tell what is behind closed doors and if those 18 years were filled with happiness or resentment and bitterness. Of course they will say they are the perfect couple to the press

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My 41st anniversary comes along in about a week or so. Everyone bet against it lasting a month. We fight all the time.

If you want a long marriage marry someone whose parents were married a long time.

 

[StrayKat]

There's a whole lot of going on there, stray.

I would say firstly, who are any of us to say they aren't their own perfect couple? You said yourself nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors but you're happy to assume it might be full of bitterness and resentment, or that people stay in unhappy marriages because of "abstract ideas forced on them" but not that JUST MAYBE they are as happy as they say. Why do we always assume someone can't be happy just because we don't understand how that works for them?

The fact that they've been together 18 years IS something to celebrate. Maybe they'll last another 18 maybe they won't. Either way, she's saying she's still happy after 18 so good for her.

All my is just for the statement that longevity per se means something. It doesnt have to. Other than that I am only assuming I know nothing about particular relationship unless I can witness it for myself. They may be a perfect couple and more power to them then. Or they may be far from that but pretending for the public. Its none of my business anyway.

The only problem I see in OP is that notion about selling some generalized ultimate one-size-fits-all recipe for happy marriage. Because that is just blatant money making, and in that light I can imagine they cant really afford to show anything else but perfect couple image. Being 18 years together proves nothing but that they are 18 years together.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

All my is just for the statement that longevity per se means something. It doesnt have to. Other than that I am only assuming I know nothing about particular relationship unless I can witness it for myself. They may be a perfect couple and more power to them then. Or they may be far from that but pretending for the public. Its none of my business anyway.

The only problem I see in OP is that notion about selling some generalized ultimate one-size-fits-all recipe for happy marriage. Because that is just blatant money making, and in that light I can imagine they cant really afford to show anything else but perfect couple image. Being 18 years together proves nothing but that they are 18 years together.

Longevity means people have the right stuff to deal with what comes along.

 

[LadyVer]

Which is why I simply could not resist the urge to chase you.

It has been fun.

 

[jacktar48]

It has been fun.

Perhaps that's because you haven't been caught yet...

 

[BurningMonkey]

Don't know about the rest, but I can testify on one count:

Two people have a very active sex life. They're hot for each other anytime, anywhere. They don't have very many other things in common, but this is a constant star in their heavens.

They get married and raise three kids to maturity, live through a housefire and extended periods of unemployment and accidents and surgeries and the extended care of and eventual death of three aging parents.

Through it all, all the tensions and the stress of no money and the heartaches and headaches that children provide in abundant measure and disparate schedules and extended absences due to work, the sex is always there and things never seem so bad, somehow.

They face it all together, and they get through it all, and now they're on the other side: comfortable house, comfortable income, kids all gone, and life should be good; they should ride off into the sunset happily.

But then for whatever reason one party suddenly loses all interest in physical intimacy. They still don't have that many common interests, if any, and the resentments and foibles begin to take center stage, and then the arguments start, and the crying jags, and the Fuck This I'm Going Drinking With The guys, and the stormy silences.

The little quirks of each start rubbing the other like sandpaper on the back of the neck, and she worries that he's looking around for someone else, and he worries that she only wants him around for heavy lifting and fixing stuff...and both wonder What happened? Where did it all go wrong?

Hold onto it as long as you can, stoke the fire any way you can if you think it's beginning to falter. If/when it goes away, things fall apart.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Don't know about the rest, but I can testify on one count:

Two people have a very active sex life. They're hot for each other anytime, anywhere. They don't have very many other things in common, but this is a constant star in their heavens.

...

Hold onto it as long as you can, stoke the fire any way you can if you think it's beginning to falter. If/when it goes away, things fall apart.

A lot of relationships fall apart when the sex stops, but it's not always direct causation. "Bed death" can be a symptom of other things that are wrong in the relationship: somebody's always tired, they don't feel an emotional connection to their partner any more, they don't have the communication skills to negotiate things like different kinks or just finding a time to make love when the kids are asleep and the dishes are done. When those things go wrong, a bad sex life is just the tip of the iceberg.

Sex is a powerful form of bonding (my partner and I started with physical attraction) but especially with several kids around, it's probably a bad idea to rely on it as the only one. And some couples make a relationship work despite being incompatible in bed, though it's hard work.

 

[LadyVer]

Perhaps that's because you haven't been caught yet...

Possibly.

 

[Eilan]

I will say: longevity isn't everything. People can make a marriage last forever no matter how dysfunctional and miserable it is, just by being too stubborn to sign the divorce papers.

No shit. Like so many of my grandmother's contemporaries (the so-called Greatest Generation), who put up with infidelity, physical abuse, substance abuse, and even sexual abuse of their children because the stigma of divorce was far greater in their eyes than dealing with their fucked-up relationships. And as a product of a similarly fucked-up relationship that should have ended at three months but has instead lasted for almost 42 years, I can and will judge the fuck out of those people, and I dare anyone to tell me I can't.

 

[LWulf]

I dare anyone to tell me I can't.

You can't. There, happy?