Owning Toys

[SheDevilShay]

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

I expect a sub have her own nipple clamps, buttplug, and fuck toys.

You know.. I have nipple clamps and can't use them... I had 0 sensitivity in them untill I got pregnant and nursed for 2 years.... now they are so sensitive I can't handle nipple clamps on them... You'd think someone who did 25 hours of natural child birth and breast fed for 2 years could handle nipple clamps... but.. I can't... just about anything else though..

 

[ecstaticsub]

Just two days ago while browsing a favorite toy site i saw something that instantly got my panties wet. So i sent my Daddy a link and respectfully asked that if I bought it would he be interested in using it on me. Fortunately he said yes.

He encourages me to buy toys and bring them with me. Of course he will decide how and when to use them exactly. But knowing that certain toys get me going more than others is useful information.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have never come across a PYL who thought it wrong for a pyl to have their own toys, especially when not in a relationship. For one thing it is a health issue. If we play with other subs we prefer them to have their own toys, and failing that, we have set aside a few items which are used with them and not me, though cleaned well afterward.

Catalina

 

[ShyGuy68]

I personally can't see anything wrong with a sub having her own toys. It just gives a wider selection of items to have fun with when you play

 

[shy slave]

Thank you, all of you.



I thought I was going mad!

He doesn't seem insecure (well, no more than your average Dom/man lol), and he is not a newbie either.

I guess it is just his personal view point.

I was taken aback though.

Especially as I have just had a card through my door to say a package has arrived at the post office and I know it contains a penis gag and a strap.

And, by God, I want to have someone use them on me lol

I did wonder if I had misunderstood because I have not had numerous BDSM partners.

But my view is life Net, a PYL could go broke if they had a toy to suit every pyl, then again if they want to go broke; why should I stop them...

 

[ShyGuy68]

Especially as I have just had a card through my door to say a package has arrived at the post office and I know it contains a penis gag and a strap.

And, by God, I want to have someone use them on me lol

Volunteers

 

[Sir_Winston54]

:: Shakes head sadly ::

First, IMNSHO, a pyl who doesn't bring her own insertables to a scene/session with someone not her regular partner is ... foolish, at the least, unless the partner has said he/she would provide brand-new, in the box insertables specifically for the pyl.

As far as impact toys (or a hot wax machine, or *what*ever), I see nothing wrong with her bringing along anything she'd like. I may not use them - and then again, I may. Depends on my mood and what we have decided we'd like to do/accomplish in the session.

Seems to me this fella may just have some insecurity issues - he wants to ensure that he has absolute control over every aspect of the session. Unless that's been previously agreed to by both........

 

[Sir_Winston54]

:: Gets in line behind ShyGuy ::

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

You know it may be possible the gentleman in question is neither a pratt nor insecure.

Perhaps he is using the toy example as a preempt for setting up/testing boundaries or exploring something outside the realm of 'best toy my body scenario'.

Most of us are aware it's not all about the 'play'. Worth considering that the 'toy debate' may be a well chosen catalyst for something entirely different.


Just a thought

 

[HB1965]

I guess I'm not sure why he would have a problem with you having your own toys. I do agree though that many of the Doms I've met are insecure and want to control things their way. "R", who was a my last dom, used send me emails with links to ads for ones he thought I should use. I've always been under the impression that having your own toys was important for a variety of reasons (ie health, knowing ones preferences)

 

[wicked woman]

Agreeing with a lot of points already made - nothing wrong with pyl having their own toys; health issues; bringing toys, on its own, ísn't the same as saying they must be used or topping.

In our case, early on in our relationship, my Dom had me bring a number of my toys (including my favorites). Since then when we get together, I'm given, in advance, a packing list to bring...and just because I bring them, doesn't mean they necessarily get used. He likes sharing some of his too.

 

[shy slave]

Horny babe and Wicked thanks for chiming in, I really was surprised when this issue came up with him. I have played with him once, I did take a few things but never unpacked them as he never asked about them.

He doesn't sound insecure, and we did have alot of fun with his toys, but I am very glad I am not alone in seeing this as a strange thing.

Rebecca, thank you for the looking at this for a sideways viewpoint I had not considered that may be the reason, in his case I don't think so; but I can see where it would fit in with other PYL's I have met or spoken to. Yet, even the most controlling then DEMAND you bring toys *sigh* how did it all get so difficult??


Sir_W Thank you for your input from the Dom perspective.
Thinking of PYL's in general who do have his view (and there either none here, or they are hiding), and taking Rebecca's thoughts into account; if he is not insecure but wanting control over every aspect, why not say so?

If they are into micro-management or the planning of a scene down to fine detail of when, where, how; shouldn't there be some discussion or at least a clue that he has that need?

I can see that taking toys and saying 'please use these' could be deemed 'topping from the bottom' it is a fine line for a submissive to walk. If he said 'I want total control, so you do not have or own toys, at least you could ask the questions about why he wanted things that way.

There are times when men and Doms just confuse me.
(Not Dommes though, they are much more straight forward )

Thinking of this further, if you meet a newbie PYL who had little knowledge and fewer toys, do you say 'I have this collection,' and make them think you play at the drop of a hat, or would having a collection scare them away!

Now, I will be worried I will meet someone new who has no toys and doesn't want to discover they very few I have either!!

And to think I used to find vanilla dating complicated lol

Shy Guy and Sir_W You have done amazing things to my ego by volunteering to help me try out my new toys. Even if you are both in a different country to me (and each other) I am still grinning at the thought of a queue to play with me.

 

[Homburg]

"Hi, my name is Homburg. I'm a Dominant Male and I'm.... insecure."

*The crowd says "Hi, Homburg!"*

I make my own toys, generally. I make my own floggers, paddles, restraints, etc. I prefer to use my own handiworks for a number of reasons, and familiarity is one of the biggest. I made it, so I know how it works. Some things I did not make, but chose after careful consideration, and have gotten used to them. I do not generally care much for the idea of using someone else's impact devices for that reason. I do not know that device, and unless I am given a fair amount of time to familiarise myself with it, I'm not going to feel comfortable using it.

That said, I don't make a habit of having casual play partners. Never have, in fact. I have two subs currently, and neither one is in any way casual. They both have their own soft impact devices too. In each case, I've made them a couple of floggers and other devices. Part of it is hygeine-related, but most of it is a matter of pampering and making them feel special. I care about each of them enough to spend my time to make them their own personalised toys.

I use the same set of restraints, ropes, etc for each, and I don't personalise my paddles.The paddles are unfriendly things that neither likes, so Mr. Paddle does not need to be personalised. He is not your friend.

Insertable are a different story. I do not wish to maintain a stock of insertables for each sub, so she should have her own.

Overall though, if I had a sub coming over, and she told me that she wanted to bring toys, I'd be all for it. Certain items would be unwelcome (no collars but mine, and that includes play collars, thank you very much), but that would be expected. Other than that, I'd be quite happy.

My insecurities might pop up over certain toys if they were presents of former Doms. Dunno. I haven't really faced that yet. "w" did bring over a toy that her previous master* had given her, but it was a dog toy, and she'd brought her dog along.

And this is going to express my n00bishness, but what does PYL/pyl stand for?


('master' is written as lower-case on purpose. He's a cad.)

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Homburg

I'd love it if Master made me a toy, that would feel very special.

PYL/pyl means 'pick your label'

It's a catch all, offend none, term for domly types (PYL) and subby types (pyl) without tripping over words like sub, bottom, slave, masochist or dom, top, master, sadist.

 

[Homburg]

Hi Homburg

I'd love it if Master made me a toy, that would feel very special.

PYL/pyl means 'pick your label'

It's a catch all, offend none, term for domly types (PYL) and subby types (pyl) without tripping over words like sub, bottom, slave, masochist or dom, top, master, sadist.

Thanks for the info. I'd assumed it was a generic of some sort from the context.

I made faux-horsehair floggers for both of my gals out of soft twisted nylon rope recently. They are both desperately in love with these new toys, as they are nothing short of decadent. Prior to that, I made a suede flogger for "w" with pink falls and a black handle criss-crossed with pink. It looks cool, and those are her favourite colours.

And, yes, it was done to make them feel special. To me no gift is worth more than one that is lovingly hand-crafted specially for the person to whom it is given.

 

[the captians wench]

Thinking of this further, if you meet a newbie PYL who had little knowledge and fewer toys, do you say 'I have this collection,' and make them think you play at the drop of a hat, or would having a collection scare them away!

Now, I will be worried I will meet someone new who has no toys and doesn't want to discover they very few I have either!!

And to think I used to find vanilla dating complicated lol

Shy Guy and Sir_W You have done amazing things to my ego by volunteering to help me try out my new toys. Even if you are both in a different country to me (and each other) I am still grinning at the thought of a queue to play with me.

*giggles* I love showing my collection to newbies....it's so much fun seeing their eyes light up like christmas morning.

Because I like to make toys, I do have a pretty nice collection, and so far the reaction has been positive with newbies and vets alike. I usually keep my toys neatly displayed at the foot of my bed (I say usually because right now they are in a pile on the floor because I changed my sheets and have not made the bed back up yet), so when a potential player comes around everything is there for them to look at and touch and decide what to try. It's always lots of fun.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Rebecca, thank you for the looking at this for a sideways viewpoint I had not considered that may be the reason, in his case I don't think so; but I can see where it would fit in with other PYL's I have met or spoken to. Yet, even the most controlling then DEMAND you bring toys *sigh* how did it all get so difficult??

I didn't edit the kiss out because I just know that was for me

I have a low threshold for seeing dominants slammed currently . The ever challenging dichotomy of the Board : chuckles :

how did it all get so difficult??

Seriously , would you desire 'it' so bad if it wasn't ?

 

[Netzach]

I didn't edit the kiss out because I just know that was for me

I have a low threshold for seeing dominants slammed currently . The ever challenging dichotomy of the Board : chuckles :

Seriously , would you desire 'it' so bad if it wasn't ?

You're a better woman than I. However, I'd argue that if this guy had done the work to adequately build up the interpersonal capital between him and shy, that the order "I don't want you to bring toys" would have just carried itself, we'd never even be treated to the question.

I'm doing a lot of second guessing. But I do blame 99 percent of all "is this normal?" questions on the discomfort caused by premature expectation and premature demand without the necessary emotional capital in the bank.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks for the info. I'd assumed it was a generic of some sort from the context.

I made faux-horsehair floggers for both of my gals out of soft twisted nylon rope recently. They are both desperately in love with these new toys, as they are nothing short of decadent. Prior to that, I made a suede flogger for "w" with pink falls and a black handle criss-crossed with pink. It looks cool, and those are her favourite colours.

And, yes, it was done to make them feel special. To me no gift is worth more than one that is lovingly hand-crafted specially for the person to whom it is given.

I've got to agree with you there!

 

[Etoile]

Having your own toys isn't topping from the bottom, it's being prepared. It's spending your own money on stuff that you like. As has been said, it has nothing to do with whether the top is supposed to use them on the bottom. If the top doesn't want to use the toys, they are free to buy their own, or use the bottom's money to buy them, or whatever. I personally find owning one's own toys to be symbolic of being comfortable with one's sexuality, of being willing to admit that yes, you like sex, and you like augmenting it.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Another time

 

[shy slave]

Hi Homburg, Thanks for your input. All of that makes alot of sense to me. I like home made toys that are well crafted, well thought and that have had time spent on them. It shows a level of care for the person for whom it is made.
I liked your views on collars as well.

Net, your wording made me smile. I had not realised I had 'treated' anyone to a question, I thought I was just confusing myself. I guess I always knew you were 'a better woman than I.'

Etoile I could kiss you. You have explained my thoughts on owning toys far better that I managed to articulate.

<snip> I personally find owning one's own toys to be symbolic of being comfortable with one's sexuality, of being willing to admit that yes, you like sex, and you like augmenting it.

Happily my new penis gag has arrived and a leather strap.
The strap has more bend in it than I would have liked, but all in all I like having my own toys.

 

[Luvkitty33]

I personally find owning one's own toys to be symbolic of being comfortable with one's sexuality, of being willing to admit that yes, you like sex, and you like augmenting it.

Since I can't even consider myself a "newbie" to BDSM......I'm more like a pre-newbie since I've never played with anyone in real life and am only in the exploration stage......I won't comment on the topping from the bottom portion of the question. I did want to say that I completely agree with Etoile though. I've found that the more I become comfortable with my own sexuality, and the more I explore and learn about what my desires might be, the more I find myself experimenting with household items for toys and looking online to decide what toy (s) I might like to purchase next (currently only own a rabbit).

 

[serijules]

I have no real input, but I'm bored waiting for a client.

I used to have a huge collection of toys of all sorts, and that is what was played with when I played with others. For one thing, it was more sanitary. For another, I trusted my own toys and knew they were well made, kept clean, etc. I felt it was my responsibility to make sure I was comfortable with what was being used on me.

Now 90% of my toys belong to Ma'am save a few that she requires me to keep for use by proxy. Since she is the only person I "play" with, there is no need for me to have a collection and it felt wrong for me to have a collection stored away, so I gave them all to her. Some of her favourites came from my collection.

 

[Etoile]

Etoile I could kiss you. You have explained my thoughts on owning toys far better that I managed to articulate.

Hee, thank you! And thanks to Luvkitty too.

I thought of another reason, too: allergy. If the person you're playing with doesn't know you have a latex allergy, and they bring out a latex rubber toy (or even a latex condom) that scene might turn a lot more sadistic than expected! This applies to relationships as well as casual play. If you've got a great collection of toys but they're unsafe for your partner, wouldn't you appreciate it if they came pre-equipped with what they need?