Pain, a facet-nating(msp intended) thing

[InnerDarkness]

Re: Emotional pain

So far everyone has stirred pretty much away from this subject. It appears that most view emotional pain as a negative thing. Any thoughts or expamples of how emotional pain can be a good thing?

This may be cliche(sp) but the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

Not that I agree completely mind you, but kinda throws out something to get the ball rolling.

Can emotional pain be good? If so, what kind and why?

this is exactly what I was going to post about when I got to the bottom of the thread and you beat me to it! Luna briefly mentioned it, but no one has delved into it.

I like pain...physical pain... but only very lightly. I have never had my limits pushed in that area, so I can't say if I would DISlike more intense pain, but I only like minimal physical pain on my body.

Emotional pain however....perhaps that is more my thing. I am not sure what it is, but the emotional roller coaster of life (with the ups as well as the downs) have often pushed me along in very exciting ways.

Sometimes I want to be made to "hurt" on an emotional level. I can remember a man I met online who was very good at abusing me verbally on the phone to the point that the emotional pain of what he was saying would cause severe crying and physical reactions in me as well. He knew how to push all my buttons, and even though during those moments I didn't understand his "cruelty", I got off on it amazingly. I would always be wet after a night of him tearing my heart to shreds.

Now don't get me wrong...I don't ALWAYS enjoy this. Most of the time I like very normal, emotionally positive encounters with people. But, I tend to be a very sensitive soul, and there is something in me that thinks that maybe I don't deserve to be happy, so why not go to the other extreme and enjoy the hurt of emotional pain?

I think this could stem from the fact that I have a very solid imagination and I enjoy the mind fuck of BDSM more than the pain. I get off on the perceived control and taking away of that control. I have connected it all in my mind, so that everything has become emotionally charged for me, thus creating lots of occassions for emotional pain. I like having my emotions yanked about a bit, and on those occassions...as I have said...I like having my emotions stamped on as well. It creates a bigger sensation in me than a face slap in some instances.

But I do have limits with this as well. I only like it in so far as I am willing to take the emotional abuse. There are some boundaries that can be crossed, and at that point, I often won't have anything to do with that person any more. Emotional abuse is also something I wont take from someone who I have just met, or from someone who mis-uses my liking for it.

This probably sounds crazy to everyone, so I will let someone else share at this point

 

[RJMasters]

wow

Very special InnerDarkness.

I do hope others will jump in on this, you did a wonderful job in sharing and I thank you for that.

I imagine it is much harder to describe or set limits of the emotional type that a person can understand. Easier to set physical limits, but one truely needs to be in tune with you, in this special area correct?

 

[InnerDarkness]

Re: wow

Very special InnerDarkness.

I do hope others will jump in on this, you did a wonderful job in sharing and I thank you for that.

I imagine it is much harder to describe or set limits of the emotional type that a person can understand. Easier to set physical limits, but one truely needs to be in tune with you, in this special area correct?

Oh totally. I mean, how can you say to someone, "hurt me inside just this much" or whatever? It is hard. I normally wont open myself up to someone or even allow myself to be affected emotionally like that unless I have been with and known the person for a while.

And then on the other hand...once you allow yourself to be open to someone and allow them the ability to hurt you emotionally, how do they know when to stop? How to they know when they have cut too deep? Very hard to gauge.

I have really only allowed this kind of emotional pain to exist with others on two or three occassions.

 

[serijules]

Re: Emotional pain

Can emotional pain be good? If so, what kind and why?

Sure it can.

Lessons learned are positive things and leave room for new experiences.

Emotional pain can lead to healing release. It's healthy to feel.

Emotional pains of the past often finds you new friends and strengthened relationships when you find yourself a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold you.

Sometimes you discover feelings you never knew existed until a new event brings them to the surface. Some are bad, some are good. Do with them what you may.

 

[fallon2]

I have

found that the physical pain that the slut feels is intensified by the emotional pain or pleasure she is receiving at the same time.

 

[RJMasters]

Ya know

There are alot of people who look in on the BDSM community and wonder what its all about? Some with curiosity, some with fear. Many times these outsiders don't understand this whole pain thing.(my points coming)

There are also alot of those in the BDSM lifestyle who are on the fence about pain, unsure, frightened, etc...

I am simply beaming with pride with both serijules and InnerDarkness for their openess and willingness to talk about this facet of pain. Both your contributions to this thread help others to think more deeply about pain, and not just through fearful eyes, but maybe now with a sense of hope because of a little bit more understanding. Maybe even plant some seeds of curiosity for others to want to know more.

I am not a huge pain freak, but I love pain for what it can do in a positive way in my life and in others. Just elevating your awareness to the positive things about pain, may help you to rethink a limit, or soften it just a bit where pain is concerned. Gently stretching you and preparing to grow.

Or maybe as a new Dom/me you have picked up on how pain can be a positive tool to meet someone's need, or even used in training and reshaping. I remember when I first became a Dom, one of my greatest failures to my first sub was not giving her the level of pain she needed because my lack of knowledge about what pain can do for a person. Though our relationship ended well, we discussed how this was a short coming of mine, and I was determined to strengthen that part of who I was.

I just wanted to thank A/all who contributed to this discussion. It by no means is over, but I have already gotten so much more than I thought I would. Through the sharing of your pain, I feel I have gotten to know some of you a little bit more. Since I am new to the boards, that means alot to me.

 

[shyly curious]

Maybe I am in left field here, but is not the definition of pain a close held uniqueness of each of us.

There is the small sharp unexpected pain that makes me jerk my hand or finger away before I am even aware of the sensation.

Beyond that, pain is simply a sensation I feel, like heat or cold, wet or dry.

And sensations let me know I am alive, and boy I love being alive!!!!!

I find trying to post an explaination of pain is much like trying to give an explaination of what the color red is to a blind person.

maybe it's just me.

 

[InnerDarkness]

I agree...

Pain is definately subjective. What hurts me may not hurt you. What pleases me may be beyond someone else's limits.

I prefer the emotional pain over the physical pain at this point simply because I know I can endure it...and have embraced it because it is often all I can get now because I have confined myself to phone/online experiences. Since I have limited real life experience with a Sir and have not tested my limits with physical pain completely, I can not be sure of what I can endure or will like/dislike.

 

[RJMasters]

True

Earlier in the thread we talked or mentioned how pain is subjective to each person.

However, there is value in discussing it openly and sharing experiences, even though the experience may vary from person to person, people can still relate and identify with those that share their experiences.

Perhaps you are right, in some ways its like trying to explain the color red to a blind person. But imagine if one day the blind person could then see, they would go ohhhhh that's what you mean.

The blind person may not have the ability to choose to see, but there are many who can choose to experiment with the many different facets of pain. Since fear often comes from that which we do not know, learning more about something is often all that is needed to take a step. Some may read this thread and say pain is definately not for me. That's very cool.

Again, my intention is not to deify pain, but encourage a discussion on it. I guess the results of such a discussion are equally subjective to each person, as it should be.

Thanks for expressing your opinion, I enjoyed thinking about how you viewed this discussion.

 

[shyly curious]

I feel as unable to explain pain as i do to explain the sweetness of a kiss.

Parts of my body tremble and twinge, nerves I don't recall suddenly quiver and make themselves known. Not in a bad way, but in that wondrous adreneline surge, ...

Even if I could explain color to a blind person, would they have the same visceral response as I do? If not, then I have failed in my explaination.

For those who have experienced coitus, recall the heady rush of the first 2 inches of penetration with your favorite lover ... that's the best comparison I can make.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Emotional pain

The death of a loved one, the loss of a friend, the end of a relationship, an argument. These are all huge gaping pains. The kind that teaches you about loss, love and the value of letting go. I don't like them, but I live with them.

I do not relish giving my petlings emotional heartache. I don't like the look in their eyes when I hurt them. It hurts me to see that spark of loss, to hear that hitch in their voice. I hate it..and yet, at times, it is a tool I use.

Punishment whether by flogging, strapping or loss of my company always causes a bit of emotional hurt. They know they have earned my ire and that bothers them. It is a pain that can be healed eventually with a hug, a kiss, a murmured good girl or boy but the emotional scar still remains to be picked and prodded by the next occurence.

Obviously I don't LIKE emotional pain. I hate being the cause of baggage but how else will they learn if they are not in it with their hearts? How else can I show them why I dislike their proud ways, certain aspects, or flippant remarks if I don't use that arsenal..the things I know that hurt, that tug, that cause miniscule bleeding? The short answer is emotional pain is sometimes needed but I don't have to overuse it, nor will I. I respect my grrl/boy far too much to want to hurt them in a way that can not be fixed after a good cry. (or a whispered word of reassurance)

Luna

 

[RJMasters]

Well said Luna. Well said indeed.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Re: Emotional pain

I hate being the cause of baggage but how else will they learn if they are not in it with their hearts? How else can I show them why I dislike their proud ways, certain aspects, or flippant remarks if I don't use that arsenal..the things I know that hurt, that tug, that cause miniscule bleeding?

That is a perfect explanation of how I would envision it from the other side of the coin...

thank you

 

[RJMasters]

Even if I could explain color to a blind person, would they have the same visceral response as I do? If not, then I have failed in my explaination.

Still respecting your opinion, I disagree with the above. Because pain is subjective and even if you are able to convey a correct image or decription of it, it will still be different for another who experiences it.

I guess this thread is really not out to define pain, but more of "what pain is to me." It gives others a chance to see that pain can be viewed in many ways, and in that process, begs them to stop a moment and consider how they view pain.

People have said they use pain as a tool, or use pain as a means of protection. Some have stated it is a way they can feel alive and full of life. Some have stated pain is a teacher and also a way to make themselves stronger.

Maybe this thread is not meant to define per se all the facets of pain. Maybe its just about sharing how pain effects each of us differently. One thing is for sure, I have learned more about how pain is used in life which expanded a view I had of it before this thread started. To those who contributed, I am thankful. I hope others, have found it to be a source of encouragement, and to glean a broader understanding of the topic. Someone may be out there going through a very tough time right now, experiencing some pain in thier life and they are searching for an answer as to why? I hope they might find some measure of comfort in what many have shared and a chance to view their pain from another perspective.

peace

 

[shyly curious]

Still respecting your opinion, I disagree with the above.

OK




Because pain is subjective and even if you are able to convey a correct image or decription of it, it will still be different for another who experiences it.

I guess this thread is really not out to define pain, but more of "what pain is to me." It gives others a chance to see that pain can be viewed in many ways, and in that process, begs them to stop a moment and consider how they view pain.

People have said they use pain as a tool, or use pain as a means of protection. Some have stated it is a way they can feel alive and full of life. Some have stated pain is a teacher and also a way to make themselves stronger.

Maybe this thread is not meant to define per se all the facets of pain. Maybe its just about sharing how pain effects each of us differently. One thing is for sure, I have learned more about how pain is used in life which expanded a view I had of it before this thread started. To those who contributed, I am thankful. I hope others, have found it to be a source of encouragement, and to glean a broader understanding of the topic. Someone may be out there going through a very tough time right now, experiencing some pain in thier life and they are searching for an answer as to why? I hope they might find some measure of comfort in what many have shared and a chance to view their pain from another perspective.

peace

Pain is part of the growth process, they are inseparable, at least to me.

Many people consider pain to be a "bad" thing, I don't agree, pain is simply part of our lives, it is how we chose to acknowledge pain that defines the "good" or "bad" of the situation.

If one choses to hide from pain, (drugs or alcohol or ...) then the growth opportunity is diminished or missed.


Pain is a friend, a sense, just like touch, taste, smell, etc.

imho.


peace to all, shy

 

[RJMasters]

Applauds

Beautifully said Shy.

If you had a hammer, you hit the nail on the head. :O)

 

[shyly curious]

Re: Applauds

Beautifully said Shy.

If you had a hammer, you hit the nail on the head. :O)

after umpteen hundred posts Ifinally got it right, this proves something, gawd knows what though ...

And,

don't get me started on hammers, I must have 15 or 20 of them, each for it's own special use, I love an Estwing 20 oz. waffle face framing hammer for most things ... oops, sorry [/Hijack]

 

[temptations]

Many interesting points of view there...
RJMasters...thank You for starting this thread.
i am currently discovering many sides of who i am. I had the pleasure of an encounter with someone this past July who stirred in me many things i had long ago hidden from myself and others. The desire to learn, to serve, and to honor. The desire as well to experience pain at anothers hand. I dont mean emotional pain, ive experience enough of that in my lifetime so far. I mean the strike of ones hand, a flogger, caning, etc. He is a Dom as well as a Sadist and i must say that the experience with him was absolutely amazing. I discovered, not only could i tolerate the pain he was honoring me with but i craved more and more of it. Bringing me to tears and that release only made me want more. I nearly begged at one point for him to simply touch me. The concept of "pleasure and pain" being one in the same had never occured to me before this, at least not as clear...
My point is this. I had never before experienced the pleasure of pain before. Ever. This was the most amazing experience for me and opened up an entirely new chapter in my life that i am actively pursuing now. I feel good about it and i feel good about the submissive side of who i am again. Its almost as if ive finally come full circle.
Im a work in progress but it feels oh so good !!!

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Re: Re: Applauds

after umpteen hundred posts Ifinally got it right, this proves something, gawd knows what though ...

And,

don't get me started on hammers, I must have 15 or 20 of them, each for it's own special use, I love an Estwing 20 oz. waffle face framing hammer for most things ... oops, sorry [/Hijack]

I still have my eye on that tractor!! really -- [/hijack]

 

[RJMasters]

Congratz Temptations

Thank you for sharing that.

Be safe, be well.

 

[RJMasters]

Re: Re: Applauds

this proves something, gawd knows what though ...

My mind is simply Irresistible? j/k

Thanks for contributing.

 

[shyly curious]

Re: Re: Re: Applauds

I still have my eye on that tractor!! really -- [/hijack]

Now I feel better, my tractor has more appeal with the ladies then I do ...


Wonder if it would help if I get a John Deere tattoo ... ??

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Well said Luna. Well said indeed.

Thank you for such an interesting topic. I have read through it with pleasure.

That is a perfect explanation of how I would envision it from the other side of the coin...

thank you

thank you ID. I was worried that I would not explain the way I felt clearly.

 

[temptations]

RJMasters

~smiles~
You are very welcome..thank You for such a topic.....tis an interesting one indeed...

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

check your
message tracking and sent messages

RJMasters

~smiles~
You are very welcome..thank You for such a topic.....tis an interesting one indeed...