Pain, a facet-nating(msp intended) thing

[shy slave]

Re: Emotional pain

The death of a loved one, the loss of a friend, the end of a relationship, an argument. These are all huge gaping pains. The kind that teaches you about loss, love and the value of letting go. I don't like them, but I live with them.

I do not relish giving my petlings emotional heartache. I don't like the look in their eyes when I hurt them. It hurts me to see that spark of loss, to hear that hitch in their voice. I hate it..and yet, at times, it is a tool I use.

Punishment whether by flogging, strapping or loss of my company always causes a bit of emotional hurt. They know they have earned my ire and that bothers them. It is a pain that can be healed eventually with a hug, a kiss, a murmured good girl or boy but the emotional scar still remains to be picked and prodded by the next occurence.

Obviously I don't LIKE emotional pain. I hate being the cause of baggage but how else will they learn if they are not in it with their hearts? How else can I show them why I dislike their proud ways, certain aspects, or flippant remarks if I don't use that arsenal..the things I know that hurt, that tug, that cause miniscule bleeding? The short answer is emotional pain is sometimes needed but I don't have to overuse it, nor will I. I respect my grrl/boy far too much to want to hurt them in a way that can not be fixed after a good cry. (or a whispered word of reassurance)

Luna

Pain can be subjective but we are all aware it hurts whether its on a mental or emotional level.

The person who experiences dom violence is hurt on both levels but the degree of pain varies depending on the antecendant and consequence of the behaviour.

(Dont want to go down the dv route but it does harness both types of pain)

When I started on this journey I posted a thread about "how to increase my pain threshhold" and received many useful replies.

I now need physical pain as part of my life with Him.

Overusing physical pain can result in 'beyond edge play' which is a a recntly bumped thread.

Overusing emotional pain can result such a loss of self-worth/esteem/guilt/failure that the person may not recover.

The line of how much physical pain a person can take appears more visiable than emotional pain. People seem more able to talk openly about physical pain so even the blind person in the earlier example can 'see' where the physical line is drawn.

Emotional pain is built on other subjective factors.
The death of a family member you barely knew or abused you; will be differently from the emotional pain of a favourite pet or someone close to you dying.

Other subjective factors in emotional pain are built from past experiences and how we dealt with them.
That can be so personal, so much in our sub-concious we don't understand ourselves how much something can or will cause us emotional pain.

I do understand what your saying Luna and I respect and know you would use emotional pain wisely and with a deep knowledge of your petlings.
Sadly not everyone is so thoughtful and using emotional pain is far more of an 'edge play' than traditional edge play ie blood/knife play.

Physical pain and the level of hurt however subjective does fade, as do the outer bruises.
Inflicting emotional pain is (to me) on a different level.
Thank God I receive the physical pain, and don't have to contend with the complexities of subjective emotional pain.

I am not being blasphemous when I say Thank God I truely Thank God I am a slve and not a Domme.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Re: Re: Emotional pain

Shy:

Thank you for pointing out the things you did. I did not want to feel like I was preaching to the choir and yet you have made some extremely valid points. Emotional pain can not be guaged. One person does NOT know what certain things will do to another. That is why I don't intentionally cause emotional distress (or at least not without a damn good reason!). I just wanted you to know that I applaud your fine words and I hope others will see them and note the difference.

 

[RJMasters]

Nods

Noted

Thank you shy.