Please clarify the term : topping of the bottom

[JMohegan]

"Bossy" is not a character trait?

Ha! Only if "wimpy" applies to those who defer.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ha! Only if "wimpy" applies to those who defer.

I prefer to be called a service top.

 

[Rolando2]

prohibited image changed to link

To me this is "topping the bottom"!
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ld2ry1x4Gd1qengxxo1_500.gif

 

[Kojote]

Knowing when its appropriate to play the games and when to get serious is one of the better traits in my opinion.

One day we'll have opposite opinions... Possibly...

And even if it did - so what?

"Dominant" is a type of sexual wiring, like "heterosexual."

It's not a character trait, like "honest" or "noble" or "strong."

Uhm... I think it's both trait and wiring...

 

[JMohegan]

Uhm... I think it's both trait and wiring...

If it's a positive character trait, then the flip side has to be negative.

Honest.... dishonest.

Strong.... weak.

Dominant... ???

Please fill in the blank.

 

[Kojote]

If it's a positive character trait, then the flip side has to be negative.

Honest.... dishonest.

Strong.... weak.

Dominant... ???

Please fill in the blank.

I didn't say anything about this trait being positive or negative.
It's a trait and the opposite would be submissive.
But personally I think truthfulness is a trait which can be strong or weak. Same with bravery or strength of will.
If the actual strength of a given trait in a person on a given day is positive or negative depends solely on the circumstances.

So… Sorry. No black and white in my book.

 

[Cattypuss]

Wait... So what you're really saying here, is that being manipulative/passive aggressive (Toppibg from the bottom) somehow feels MORE respectful than simply saying "I love X; I'm good if you want more/harder/deeper/rougher."

??

Respectful communication of wants/desires/needs is never disrespectful (in my book). Passive aggressive/manipulative behavior is the best way to NOT get what I'm looking for (even if he wants it, too).

How the fuck is anything the OP has described passive-aggressive?

 

[StrayKat]

And even if it did - so what?

"Dominant" is a type of sexual wiring, like "heterosexual."

It's not a character trait, like "honest" or "noble" or "strong."

And what with people who are dominant outside of the bedroom as well, where is the sexual wiring then?

I believe a dominant is a character type made of several particular traits that can be both positive or negative, depending on person.

 

[kimuk]

So last night we IM'd
He said "What's the thread on Lit about topping from the bottom? I have not have time to read it so tell me what it is about."
I did.
He said. "So you think I don't know what your doing?" Then he went on to discuss something which happened between us at the begginning. Far too complicated to explain. Seems he knew all the time and has been useing his own "covert" methods to get me to where we both want to be.
He has no issues with it. He constantly encourages me to say what I mean instead of beating round the bush. My reluctance is because of a previous bad experiance.
But he's happy with it. Enjoys our mental chess games. Even if he dose sometimes describe me as " a nightmare" and "hard work" lol
Therefore so am i.
Aplogies for my previous over sensativity.
I get things wrong, a lot.
But am never shy about admitting it.

 

[StrayKat]

Yeah maybe you should have talked to him instead of opening the thread in first place kimuk. But if it works for you two its great.

Would be too much "covert methods" for me personally, but I am too old and lack patience for such games.
I am really happy for you though.

 

[Kojote]

Yeah maybe you should have talked to him instead of opening the thread in first place kimuk. But if it works for you two its great.

But then he wouldn't have had the chance to play this particular ace the way he did.
How thoughtful by kimuk to give him this little gratification for working her so hard...

 

[JMohegan]

I didn't say anything about this trait being positive or negative.
It's a trait and the opposite would be submissive.
But personally I think truthfulness is a trait which can be strong or weak. Same with bravery or strength of will.
If the actual strength of a given trait in a person on a given day is positive or negative depends solely on the circumstances.

So… Sorry. No black and white in my book.

And what with people who are dominant outside of the bedroom as well, where is the sexual wiring then?

I believe a dominant is a character type made of several particular traits that can be both positive or negative, depending on person.

The point I was trying to make (and that you folks are actually confirming) is that the word Dominant - as used in a D/s context - is neither good or bad, positive or negative. It describes a role or proclivity in an intimate relationship.

A human being's character is a separate issue entirely.

Less D/s "Dominant" is neither a good nor a bad thing. It's just the way someone's wired.

 

[StrayKat]

But then he wouldn't have had the chance to play this particular ace the way he did.
How thoughtful by kimuk to give him this little gratification for working her so hard...

I am waiting for that one day we do have different opinions.
Should be interesting

The point I was trying to make (and that you folks are actually confirming) is that the word Dominant - as used in a D/s context - is neither good or bad, positive or negative. It describes a role or proclivity in an intimate relationship.

A human being's character is a separate issue entirely.

Less D/s "Dominant" is neither a good nor a bad thing. It's just the way someone's wired.

I definitely agree with that.

 

[His_pet_slut]

In my world, being deliberately disobedient or overly sassy in an attempt to get a thrashing = topping from the bottom.
Crying out "harder please, M" is just me being me and letting him know not only am I enjoying what is taking place, I can also take more. Sort of the opposite of using a safe word. If M does not want my input during the moment, I get the dreaded ball gag.

That may be overly simplistic in my take on what you are asking, though.

 

[Kojote]

I definitely agree with that.

Me too...
*mumbles something about people who can't bring up their point directly and aren't attractive and already tied up neatly into his beard*

 

[StrayKat]

In my world, being deliberately disobedient or overly sassy in an attempt to get a thrashing = topping from the bottom.

If you would act like that with me I would give you anything but trashing, just because you want it and are trying to manipulate me into getting it.
So what would be the proper name for my reaction? Bottoming from the top?
Stella help!

 

[FurryFury]

The word manipulation has a knee jerk negative connotation for most but it's power can be used for good rather than evil!

 

[the captians wench]

In my world, being deliberately disobedient or overly sassy in an attempt to get a thrashing = topping from the bottom.
Crying out "harder please, M" is just me being me and letting him know not only am I enjoying what is taking place, I can also take more. Sort of the opposite of using a safe word. If M does not want my input during the moment, I get the dreaded ball gag.

That may be overly simplistic in my take on what you are asking, though.

If you would act like that with me I would give you anything but trashing, just because you want it and are trying to manipulate me into getting it.
So what would be the proper name for my reaction? Bottoming from the top?
Stella help!

This has been my experience. "Don't reward bad behaviour"
If I want pain, I should ask for it, if I want fucked, I should ask for it, if I want to spend ours with his cock in my mouth, I should ask for it.
Personally, I wonder how much my tendency to blush plays into the insistence of this since it seems to be one of the few universal truths to any of my relationships.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you would act like that with me I would give you anything but trashing, just because you want it and are trying to manipulate me into getting it.
So what would be the proper name for my reaction? Bottoming from the top?
Stella help!

Domming from the top?

Me, I hate that shit too. I can write it, but in real life, someone being that bratty just makes me lose interest-- and gives me a sense of performance anxiety, I think. I'm interested in pleasing my partner, not striking out with them and if they don't like what we are doing, we either change it up or we quit.

 

[StrayKat]

Domming from the top?

Me, I hate that shit too. I can write it, but in real life, someone being that bratty just makes me lose interest-- and gives me a sense of performance anxiety, I think. I'm interested in pleasing my partner, not striking out with them and if they don't like what we are doing, we either change it up or we quit.

Hahaha yeah.
I *can* find some fun in brat stomping their feet and demanding some special treatment. It gets really frustrating for them when they see nothing works on you and you even enjoy their trashing around. I do love making manipulative people suffer.
But in long term it gets old and tiring pretty fast. I prefer my peace of mind and relationship with someone a bit more reasonable than having to be on my toes all the time and watch out for a brat acting.

 

[Kojote]

I *can* find some fun in brat stomping their feet and demanding some special treatment.

Uh... That's disgusting.
I had my share of brats when my siblings where young.

What I meant was just... well... the game.
I don't have much fun if a submissive or bottom just... submits. I like to be challenged.

 

[kimuk]

Well isnt it the challenge which keeps it interesting? In some relationships? if it works for that pair. If he tells me to stop being a pain in the ass then I stop. If he lets me play him up then I do tease etc. But he ALWAYS brings me back down to where he wants me to be, but slowly and most of the time I dont even notice he's doing it. I end up thinking i must have agreed with this in the first place rather than how the hell did i end up doing this lol.

 

[StrayKat]

Uh... That's disgusting.
I had my share of brats when my siblings where young.

What I meant was just... well... the game.
I don't have much fun if a submissive or bottom just... submits. I like to be challenged.

The challenge is in finding creative ways not to let them have what they want until you get the arrogant self-centered brat to a quivering whimpering surrender.
Not always, not all the time. Sometimes yes its fun. For me

 

[DVS]

So last night we IM'd
He said "What's the thread on Lit about topping from the bottom? I have not have time to read it so tell me what it is about."
I did.
He said. "So you think I don't know what your doing?" Then he went on to discuss something which happened between us at the begginning. Far too complicated to explain. Seems he knew all the time and has been useing his own "covert" methods to get me to where we both want to be.
He has no issues with it. He constantly encourages me to say what I mean instead of beating round the bush. My reluctance is because of a previous bad experiance.
But he's happy with it. Enjoys our mental chess games. Even if he dose sometimes describe me as " a nightmare" and "hard work" lol
Therefore so am i.
Aplogies for my previous over sensativity.
I get things wrong, a lot.
But am never shy about admitting it.

I mostly enjoy a little resistance when someone is submitting to me. Even if it's fake, I like to use a little force to get my way. Some might call that topping from the bottom but not as far as I'm concerned. It's just how some people have fun.

People will always see things from their own point of view. You can't take one person's version of something and call it law. That's partly what makes BDSM so interesting. While there are basic rules in some things, when it comes to our personal relationships, we all tend to make up our own rules as we go along.

 

[BiBunny]

Why do you feel using open and honest direct expression would touch his "Domly nerve"? Is his Ego so fragile he wouldnt bear admitting you might want/like/dislike something besides what he thinks you should? Do *you* feel it is not appropriate to initiate open conversation about your needs for whatever reason?
Do you expect him to know all your needs better than yourself and then you feel like he failed you in some way?

Why exactly would, in your opinion, his Domly nerve suffer if you would use more than subtle hints? And that said, do you realize most men are completely clueless when it comes to subtle hints, they dont get them, all they might feel is that you are displeased and dont want to communicate for some reason what makes them frustrated.
Doms are just guys you know, their simple minds all work the same

I appreciate the discomfort of walking in the front door; however, in blaming a concern for "touching a Domly nerve" (as the reason for being covert/hinting/etc) it implies that direct/clear/forthright communication is *not* submissive.

Somewhere along the line, it became popular to associate meek, simpering, passive aggressive "I'll just plant the seed instead of asking for what I want" behavior with submission; whereas I've seen the idea of clear, blunt (when necessary), open communication increasingly viewed as "unsubmissive". (At Lit & Fet... It's become a bit of a pet peeve; can y'all tell? )

Stating wants & needs is neither submissive, nor dominant; it is simply stating wants and needs. If the people involved don't consider their communication style to be an issue (as it appears with the OP), then who cares what other people think?

I both of you.