PM asshattery

[NippleMuncher]

Just to let you ladies know, you're not the only one to get PMs from leg humpers.

Any naughty pics I could see of you?

So you're into cock, are you?

Was going to include a bit of CBT for the crap stain, but decided not to. Maybe some granny porn would get his motor revving?

 

[NippleMuncher]

And so the conversation continues:

You a guy?

No, I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. You're not going to let that stop you from an awesome time, are you?

 

[NippleMuncher]

Apparently he wants to up the ante:

You have pics

Ok, but just one, because I like you.

 

[NippleMuncher]

How did you post that pic on here like that?

Step 1 - take pic
Step 2 - upload pic
Step 3 - send pic to PM amore

 

[NippleMuncher]

And so it goes . . .

What's pm amore?
sorry I'm new to this

Ooh, a virgin!

 

[NippleMuncher]

And he's SMART too!

Yea, that didn't help me out

Didn't reply, I'm too tired to play.

 

[Saucyminx]

And he's SMART too!




Didn't reply, I'm too tired to play.

Are you alright honey? You. . . too tired to play? WTF? Btw--that looks much dif from the pic you sent me.


I had a RL Asshattery moment. I was thrust into the wingman position for my friend when we were out on Sat night. Being the polite woman that I am, I was chatting with his friend, who had quite the thick and chunky accent so I was getting about 6 words out of 10 average. Most of my half of the conversation consisted of "What?"

He was leaning in to talk into my ear because the music was loud and suddenly he said, "You divorced. I divorced. We get rid of your married friend and you go back to room with friend and me, yes?" And then tried to kiss me. Let's just say, that didn't end well for him. I took hold of my married friend by her ear, and we got the hell out of dodge.

Was anyone else aware that if you have divorce in common, it means you are up for a threesome? I mean I've been divorced for 3 years now, and that was a first for me.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Are you alright honey? You. . . too tired to play? WTF?

When it comes to asshat PMers, yes, especially when beaten into submission by a very long day. When it comes to one of my favorite Litsters, I can go all night!

Btw--that looks much dif from the pic you sent me.

I wanted to send this asshat something special.

 

[UCanBLeafinMe]

Received this...

Hey Honey,

I just saw your profile and my god! You've gotten me so hard and horny, I suddenly found myself wishing that you wanted a fun young guy to have a good time with and maybe teach a few things? Wishful thinking I know!

I'm NamedChanged, I'm a 22 year old guy from the UK who absolutely adores sexy women and loves to excite them just as much as they excite me. I'm currently studying at Oxford (so, rest assured, I'm not your typical male) and can never resist the opportunity to converse with a gorgeous, sultry minx.

I'm 6 foot tall, around 75 kg, slim, athletic figure with blonde hair and blue eyes. If you'd like to chat and maybe (I certainly hope so...) more, let me know. You sound delicious and I would love for us to broaden our horizons together... and get you so hot and flustered that your hands furtively start to creep into your knickers... seeking to satisfy your dripping, swollen desire...

Kisses
NameChanged

He wrote that he wasn't "your typical male", yet said exactly what many others have.

 

[NippleMuncher]

He wrote that he wasn't "your typical male", yet said exactly what many others have.

He's right, your typical male doesn't/didn't go to Oxford.

 

[RedheadedSlutL]

I can't remember what "her" first message was bit it sounded like a 14 year-old boy wrote it.

In the next message "She" says:
So what do you mean by mostly straight..? I'd love to hear about the times you weren't!

Something about 'her' just didn't ring true...so I said:
You first.

So the best "she" can do is:
hmm... I definitely enjoy the company of girls, it started with a drunken experience in college and has grown a lot since. Lots of fooling around with girlfriends, a few threesomes, and playing around with older couples. I find a lot of married women love being with younger girls and they're a lot of fun in the bedroom. All that being said, I've never been with a red head! I've heard they can be pretty crazy in bed too and I'd love to find out some day. Until then I'd love to hear some of your stories...

"All that being said?" you said nothing!

"She" should have gone with, "One time at band camp..."

So I said:
You want my "stories" and you give me generalities?

Be interesting to see if he just drops it or makes up something lame.

 

[RedheadedSlutL]

well that didn't take long:

so I get back this:
I'm definitely willing to give detailed stories but there have been a lot of experiences so you'd have to be more specific as to which you'd want to hear about. I was just giving you a general idea. I re-live most of my experiences with girls over and over in my head so I have no issues providing detailed stories, lol. Which would you like to hear about?



Edit:

I was going to let it lie...but NO i had to add:
I can understand that...as a general idea...I am "mostly straight"

So he says:

That definitely leaves room for interpretation... lol

I have a few friends that would probably fall into that category. They've fooled around with other girls, mostly above the waist and had threesomes with guy's where there is no real girl-on-girl action. I would say I'm pretty much fully bi but more experienced with guys just because they're naturally more easy to hook up with.

It's becoming torture.

 

[RedheadedSlutL]

and as a general complaint...I lost count of how many, "Hey, how are you doing?" messages.

does that ever work?

I'm not sure if thats worse than the ones that say:

HI..Im married/single/don't say male 18/24/35/57/73 I am 4'/5'/6' tall I am a fireman/indian chief/superhero/wino, I live in Rome/paris/a trailer park/mansion, (bonus points if they include penis size)..I like redheads ..I was wondering if you wanted to chat?

its like a mass emailed personal ad from 2000.


Edit:
Is it the lunar phases doing this today???
I was warned me about the messages...first few days, not so bad...today??? weirdness...especially chicks.

I've browsed some bi-threads but havent posted anything about that at all...

so where did this one come from:
Hi are you into females? My daddy is looking for a second sub and a playmate for me. Would you be interested? This would be a long term thing

her profile says something like she is owned by so and so so dont even THINK of trying to talk to her...huh?

then i looked at her posts and something about knowing her owner for the last three weeks....a long term thing???

 

[Wide_eyed_Indulgence]

Back to the asshat messages you can get.

I got this a couple of weeks ago.. First Contact mind you.. From a Virgin on the forum.

Hey, turns out you really caught my eye now and I'd really love to explore more of you now, driving you crazy just by making you moan from pleasure making you go crazy as my tongue slithers all in your wet clit with the feeling that you'd just explode any second, to bite your hard nipples and tease you as i suck on those nice breasts and again go lower as my lips kiss your curvacious waist while my hand gropes your perfect ass in need for spanking!

Really? He wants to bestow upon me that honor.. LOL

He cannot say he was not warned that I would post this on this thread..

Hmm...

I got the same, word-for-word a couple of weeks ago. How could I have resisted?

 

[C5MiGuy]

I'm just glad I haven't been mentioned here.

*whew*

 

[BeachMomma]

and as a general complaint...I lost count of how many, "Hey, how are you doing?" messages.

does that ever work?

I'm not sure if thats worse than the ones that say:

HI..Im married/single/don't say male 18/24/35/57/73 I am 4'/5'/6' tall I am a fireman/indian chief/superhero/wino, I live in Rome/paris/a trailer park/mansion, (bonus points if they include penis size)..I like redheads ..I was wondering if you wanted to chat?

its like a mass emailed personal ad from 2000.


Edit:
Is it the lunar phases doing this today???
I was warned me about the messages...first few days, not so bad...today??? weirdness...especially chicks.

I've browsed some bi-threads but havent posted anything about that at all...

so where did this one come from:
Hi are you into females? My daddy is looking for a second sub and a playmate for me. Would you be interested? This would be a long term thing

her profile says something like she is owned by so and so so dont even THINK of trying to talk to her...huh?

then i looked at her posts and something about knowing her owner for the last three weeks....a long term thing???

If you think that's bad, be happy you aren't a redheaded nurse. I wonder how much they'd fantasize about me if I start an IV on them?

 

[UCanBLeafinMe]

If you think that's bad, be happy you aren't a redheaded nurse. I wonder how much they'd fantasize about me if I start an IV on them?

Redhead? Nurse?
I wonder if I can get in on the "Pr0n" fantasy, ship a PM off to you

 

[BeachMomma]

Was this you?

I am a *age removed* yr old male, 6'2 200 pounds, abs, blonde hair and blue eyes. The other night I was jerking off and as I was about to cum I heard my door open. It was instinct to turn and I accidently came all over my moms tank. Idk what to do. Any advice?

Actually, yes, I do have advice.

Get a job. Get your own place. Problem solved.

 

[SexyAlison]

Most of the PMs are just boring. It's as if they don't realize I get a bunch of PMs and they think going through the same boring small talk will actually be interesting.

 

[Emerson40]

AssHat PMs are like the Jehovah's Witnesses of Literotica.

 

[SquidProQuo]

Yes, I thought it was you. There's something about the tone of your writing that's kind of like a 12 year old. Or maybe it's just the tone of a man pretending to be female. I knew you wouldn't be able to resist a little bump...

I answered their personal ad, they gave an enthused reply, but then didn't reply to my PM after that. I saw them give a bump on their board and figured they might have missed the PM and mailed them again. To my surprise, I get that rude and insulting reply. It's kind of sad because I actually am a woman and certainly not their 'stalker". I understand Lit men on here are wary of men pretending to be women, but paranoia is another matter altogether.

 

[KarsynCurious]

Awesome thread! I'm going to have to start saving some of my doozies! lol

 

[AngelicaPink]

Not from this site, but too good (bad!) not to share:


Him (a supposedly 40 year old man from Canada):

"Hi I like your profile. I luv your shooze and would luv 2 worship your feet

luv cock and ball torture. and much much more. humiliate me and I'm yours

I 2 am only on here 4 friends not 2 hook up. I have domes here in my city that luv 2 humiliate my naked body,
let's chat."

Me:

"Sure, I'd love to chat once you learn how to write."

Him:

"Ok we r getting of on the wrong start. That always mean the dome is gonna be trouble so I say Good by."

Awww (not!)

 

[RjThoughts]

Not from this site, but too good (bad!) not to share:


Him (a supposedly 40 year old man from Canada):

"Hi I like your profile. I luv your shooze and would luv 2 worship your feet

luv cock and ball torture. and much much more. humiliate me and I'm yours

I 2 am only on here 4 friends not 2 hook up. I have domes here in my city that luv 2 humiliate my naked body,
let's chat."

Me:

"Sure, I'd love to chat once you learn how to write."

Him:

"Ok we r getting of on the wrong start. That always mean the dome is gonna be trouble so I say Good by."

Awww (not!)

Sometimes I wish the Forums allowed for a Red pen application, so people could return grammar-poor PMs corrected.

 

[Saucyminx]

Not from this site, but too good (bad!) not to share:


Him (a supposedly 40 year old man from Canada):

"Hi I like your profile. I luv your shooze and would luv 2 worship your feet

luv cock and ball torture. and much much more. humiliate me and I'm yours

I 2 am only on here 4 friends not 2 hook up. I have domes here in my city that luv 2 humiliate my naked body,
let's chat."

Me:

"Sure, I'd love to chat once you learn how to write."

Him:

"Ok we r getting of on the wrong start. That always mean the dome is gonna be trouble so I say Good by."

Awww (not!)

Clearly you are not the dome (I can only assume he means Domme and not the kind of dome referenced in that wretched series they made out of Stephen King's novel) for him.

A red pen ap would rock.

Then again, his first punishment could be to write that pm correctly 100 times.