Poetry in Progress ~ construction zone

[Tathagata]

4th

.....

 

[tungtied2u]

Once more into the breach...

Sounds Familiar- rev 2

I’ve never seen you,
wouldn’t know you
if we passed.
You voice would not be familiar,

but your words!

Not spoken but written,
strike me
as an anvil does a tuning fork,
vibrations pitch-perfect .

Deeply resonant,
they resound harmonically,
explode ,
compound.

Confounding,
how could this be?
Words make a man weep?
Just words?

I’ve heard them all before,
but never like this,

You pluck and pull
chords within me,
desperate to be sung

You are either angel
or demon.

Please,
be an angel.

Let me know
the sweet sounds
you stir in me
are true and honest,
and real

But, angel or demon
I am lost to you.

You have nothing more to do
than write the words.

I am yours.

 

[tarablackwood22]

2nd draft

-

 

[Liar]

Just a little thing I scribbled down on the way to work. This writing pad thing is getting addictive. But I can't quite make up my mind if I like this one or not...



Digital Versatile Dream

I want
"Life"
Director's Cut Extended Version Widescreen Special Deluxe Edition

   - Three alternative endings
   - All the cut out forgotten scenes
   - Cast bios
   - Commentaries

Come on,
deliver the juice
in full scale surround
home cinema spectacular.

But please
spare me the trailers
of other lives
I could had bought.

And for the love of God,
no fucking
"Making Of"
documentary.

Oh,
by the way,
I'll bring my own
blooper reel.

 

[tungtied2u]

Yes, no

Just a little thing I scribbled down on the way to work. This writing pad thing is getting addictive. But I can't quite make up my mind if I like this one or not...



Digital Versatile Dream

I want
"Life"
Director's Cut Extended Version Widescreen Special Deluxe Edition

   - Three alternative endings
   - All the cut out forgotten scenes
   - Cast bios
   - Commentaries

Come on,
deliver the juice
in full scale surround
home cinema spectacular.

But please
spare me the trailers
of other lives
I could had bought.

And for the love of God,
no fucking
"Making Of"
documentary.

Oh,
by the way,
I'll bring my own
blooper reel.

Yes Liar, that note pad will change the cadence of your day.
No- I agree- give me the movie the way God( the director) cut it.
Hold the alternative versions and trailers.

 

[tarablackwood22]

the start of something..........

-

 

[tarablackwood22]

the start.....and the middle.....of

--

 

[tarablackwood22]

....and end....it ran out like faucet water!

--

 

[fawnie]

2nd stab!

 

[tarablackwood22]

2nd draft

--

 

[echoes_s]

2nd draft

Francine

Her mailbox painted
midnight blue,
scattered of flaxen
stars and moons,
“Francine is always home”
in loopy silver script

while the wind
whispered of lark, loon,
flockless feathers
in a battered trailer
down by the river swing
set amongst trees

nameless shanks of
rusting metal
poked through dirty snow,
lost and given up
the first I came to meet her,
…a calling

In the summer
sprays of goldenrod
and jewelweed weaved
through,
adding luster, mystery.
But right now trees
wasted and scabbed,
leaves hung from limbs
like rotten bandages

never able to quite reach inside,
to caress her broken heart
as she still whispered
the predilection her own
son’s death,
young…

Inside white circles
painted the floor,
shimmered coats
differentiated
into hundreds of icons;
charms, pentacles, scarabs,
horseshoes, crosses
and devil’s masks

The Horus Eye,
a Plaster-of-Paris
ascending dove

Dolls twisted from corn husks
leather layered
and stretched to cure,

the old fashioned way

hand stitched moccasins,
caring scattered
beads of life,
with meaning

Dream catchers bent
from bittersweet,
necklace of cowry shells
and a rosary of sharp blue stones.
Snow White,
George and his dragon,
the head of my pretty pony unicorn,
Virgin Mary’s,
some with Christ child.

A curtain of crystal flickering
rainbows over light
and a plush red lazy-boy
sitting alone in the center.
The ceiling above glittered
a galaxy of miniature flashing lights,
all constellations
and astrological signs

Her hands delicate,
clever nails painted too perfect,
almost fake.
and voice speaks with trembled husk,

“I see an aura pale
nudged by the past,
flashes of sulphur,
anger swelled,
careful dear,
you are one of us,
psychic, ambering.
Stay awhile and let me teach you”

My laughter of disbelief flowed
the first time,
a thought slipping of truth
Yet the first time I predicted
without her
understanding
I pshed it away
except for the moccasin of fleet
made especially for me

my gypsy bag
a safe keeping for insane
home for mute
closed inside
a locked pyramid

 

[fawnie]

3rd stab!

 

[tarablackwood22]

3rd draft

--

 

[Tathagata]

.....

 

[Tathagata]

4th

.....

 

[tarablackwood22]

1st draft

-

 

[fawnie]

Re: 1st draft

keepsakes


attic box of trinkets:

dusty masterpieces
of a beautiful child,

weave me
into a daydream
on a cold, nowhere-to-go day,
as he calls to me
from the eaves –

dig mommy……dig……

find me.

hands,
a bit frantic,
grab a coloring book,
the day he stayed inside the lines
with saw-toothed smiles,

paper-clip bracelet
fashioned
by the genius
of a tongue through lips,

a page of piano music,
Fur Elise
for little fingers,

a mother’s day present
from school,
kissed with pet name
and a drop of sweat,
his toll
of love.

stuffed animal,
arm-printed
around the neck
for comfort
on dark nights.

and……

the hospital wristband,
misfit
here,
as was his pale face.

the rabbit’s foot
I rubbed
to take his pain
inside myself……

the smell of incense,
my confused cries
to the church rafters,

a discolored petal,
picked
from the heart of roses
that surrounded him
in a box……

radiator teardrops
on the wall
as I brush
the lock
of first-cut hair,
still fresh,

and replace
my precious keepsakes,
push them
back to their corner,

a monument,

in cardboard.

stunning and soboring,
~wiping tears~

 

[Randi Grail]

...wrong thread...

 

[Randi Grail]

first draft...


Weld

in a private static charged hell
copper plate contrast
cesium burns
sprinkled with acid rain

carried linear
on 60 hertz pulsar carriers
to send white pain
almost eclectic

sparkling through dermic illusions
that I cannot escape

redemption
praying absolution
inquisition's glowing iron
screams in shock waves
oscillator spikes
of pure energy

piercing signal
compressed
to clarity

as I pray

please

clean this polluted
neuron web

strip me to the bone
rebuild again

burned clean
deconstructed
welded anew
I will insert
my Phoenix heart

electrocuted back to rhythm
wrapped in gossamer
and cotton wool

to resume it's duties
once again

 

[tarablackwood22]

1st draft

-

 

[Eleanora Day]

Night and Mouth

Draft 1

The waiting mouth wants biting
slow, deliberate, a plum of night,
its fruit open to texture and tones
of breath drawn, anticipating
fingertips on trails of skin, shining
in phosphorescent pinpoints bent
to the rose to you in first flush,
risen, blushed with fever, oozing
sweet, glass smooth and curved
to the waiting mouth fleshed
around the darkness in kisses.

Draft 2

The waiting mouth wants
taking, slow, deliberate,
biting the plum, fruit of night,
tasting texture, hearing tones
of breath, anticipating fingertips
on trails of skin, glinting.

The phosphorescent pinpoints.

I bend to this rose of you,
first flush risen, blushed dark
with fever, stretched taut
as soft glass, oozing sweet
trembles and curved to lips
waiting to kiss the night.

I think the second draft is much better. Comments? Suggestions? Thanks for your help.

E.

 

[tarablackwood22]

Re: Night and Mouth

Draft 1

The waiting mouth wants biting
slow, deliberate, a plum of night,
its fruit open to texture and tones
of breath drawn, anticipating
fingertips on trails of skin, shining
in phosphorescent pinpoints bent
to the rose to you in first flush,
risen, blushed with fever, oozing
sweet, glass smooth and curved
to the waiting mouth fleshed
around the darkness in kisses.

Draft 2

The waiting mouth wants
taking, slow, deliberate,
biting the plum, fruit of night,
tasting texture, hearing tones
of breath, anticipating fingertips
on trails of skin, glinting.

The phosphorescent pinpoints.

I bend to this rose of you,
first flush risen, blushed dark
with fever, stretched taut
as soft glass, oozing sweet
trembles and curved to lips
waiting to kiss the night.

I think the second draft is much better. Comments? Suggestions? Thanks for your help.

E.

E,......I think the second draft is better by light years!!

If it were mine, I might wait a while and tinker with vocabulary, but that's all I'd do.....if that. (perhaps eliminate 'slow' in line 2 as redundant with 'deliberate'....perhaps end the 3rd line with the word "fruit" and drop "of night" down......(which would force line change in the rest of the stanza).....

 

[tarablackwood22]

2nd draft

-

 

[Eleanora Day]

Thank you Tara. Your comments are great. I'm glad you like it.



E.

 

[fawnie]

turn the page (2nd draft)