Power

[RJMasters]

*scratches head*

Hmm....

Could the difference in philosophies and oulooks be inherently due to the difference in relationships?....Or perhaps in the relationships that we are seeking???

A bit of both is as fair as guess as any I suppose.

 

[MissTaken]

I was all ready to post and my pc froze.

Hence, my train of thought derailed.



Carry on.

 

[RJMasters]

However your set of ideas is not the most popular around here.

It is amazing how simillar that statement is to this one.

"Your kind ain't welcome around these here parts".

And if you will remember when I did post I was leaving Lit I kinda eluded that I got that. The whole square peg in a round hole comment and a feeling of not really belonging.

Actually those green pastures you mention are actually happening. I use to post to Lit alot more. I think I have made a few congrats posts, a few posts to the slam thread, played at the geek quote thread...and this is really the only "what you could call serious post" I have made. I am sure that once I spend a little more time in them greener pastures it will work out just fine.

I don't see staying as "strengthening my resolve". Resolve of what? To me this sorta smacks of being stubborn, by staying just to spite those who do not want me here. I don't want that.

Yeah I miss being part of the Lit community as I once was...perhaps that's the reason I came back for a bit...so maybe instead of saying I'm out...I'm gone...goodbye...I'll just say...I'll see ya when I see ya. Most likely it will be in the funner side, like over in the cafe.

I actually heard that my rap-slam made some people laugh, I would rather participate in a positive way like that.

 

[Marquis]

It is amazing how simillar that statement is to this one.

"Your kind ain't welcome around these here parts".

And if you will remember when I did post I was leaving Lit I kinda eluded that I got that. The whole square peg in a round hole comment and a feeling of not really belonging.

Actually those green pastures you mention are actually happening. I use to post to Lit alot more. I think I have made a few congrats posts, a few posts to the slam thread, played at the geek quote thread...and this is really the only "what you could call serious post" I have made. I am sure that once I spend a little more time in them greener pastures it will work out just fine.

I don't see staying as "strengthening my resolve". Resolve of what? To me this sorta smacks of being stubborn, by staying just to spite those who do not want me here. I don't want that.

Yeah I miss being part of the Lit community as I once was...perhaps that's the reason I came back for a bit...so maybe instead of saying I'm out...I'm gone...goodbye...I'll just say...I'll see ya when I see ya. Most likely it will be in the funner side, like over in the cafe.

I actually heard that my rap-slam made some people laugh, I would rather participate in a positive way like that.

Listen Ferrous Cranus, what you're not getting is that people have a problem with your IDEAS not YOU. The two statements are totally dissimilar.

Take the Theology department of my Alma Mater, a catholic university. Most of the department consisted of Jesuit Priests, the younger of which tend to be neo-liberal and the older of which tend to be ultra-conservative. They all have a theological root in Catholicism though, and are loyal to it. So you might imagine that the Proffessor of Muslim Studies would be an Uncle Tom of the Arab world. Quite the oppposite, they intentionally hired a professor with very different ideas. Maybe JUST so they could have someone to argue with, but probably because they know this guy is damn smart and is shifting the debate and opening the marketplace of ideas, even if no one prays 5 times a day with him.

I'm sure that professor might have felt more comfortable working in a muslim school, but he recognized he had an important role and people were counting on him.

 

[RJMasters]

Listen Ferrous Cranus,
.

SPEW......lol I laughed so hard when I saw this....

heehee

 

[Marquis]

Just tryin to keep it light papa.

 

[Mr Blonde]

General advice to RJMasters

When I used to play chess, I would lose a lot of games during practice and people were honestly surprised I was usually so competitive during actual matches. Then someone realized I was truly practicing -- I would try out all of the crazy gambits and unfamiliar strategies during these practice sessions. But when it was "go time", I stuck with my strongest strategies and fared much better in the win/loss column.

Personally I use Lit-BDSM the same way. I approach these forums as practice discussions where I toss out an eclectic mix of half-baked ideas and then gauge the gut-level reactions. I also do a lot of fishing expeditions where I'm looking for "something" but not really sure of the details. I care enough to followup and read the replies, but if the conversations fall flat or don't pan out I am rarely offended by it.

On the other hand, you seem to spend a lot of private time on each post and are sharing your thoughts in polished form. That makes it more disappointing when things don't play out as expected. I would only encourage you to post a higher volume of general ideas and then subsequently abandon or revise things after they run through the "peanut gallery" gauntlet.

I am not trying to be rude, but it is not like you are the most experienced or knowledgable dom on these forums -- neither am I! -- so just play the self-improvement angle and broaden your horizons as you go. I am only offering this advice because you sound so frustrated and it is meant constructively.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Just tryin to keep it light papa.

How deliciously cocky.

 

[Despina]

So I am gonna say it as clear as I can...

This thread comes prolly more form a D/s focus and targets more those looking to have a long term D/s relationship and wondering what are some things they can learn to help make that happen.

For consideration, the idea has been put for by me that having a right conept of power is or can be an import step in becoming a stronger Dom or Domme. A dsicussion about power has ensued about what it is and how it is exchanged.

I still think that for the Dom or Domme looking to understand what power is or the exchange of that within the D/s relationship...can get a glimps from some of the examples people have shared, and gets them to think a little bit more about what they want and how to get it.

The statement, "having a right concept of power" makes me smart a little bit. I think I know what you mean, but the wording leaves much to be desired. Always looking to gain strength in everything I do, I think that defining power leaves room for more feelings of weakness rather than improving strength.

Power, to me, is a feeling and not wont to become a definition. I can describe how power makes me feel, but the second I begin trying to define it, I realize I'm speaking about control. Sure, they hold hands in most scenarios, but they are still stand-alone principals in my mind. I think power is the variable and not the constant. When I feel empowered, it is raw and not a little bit wild. I feel stronger when I have been able to create a situation that brings me power. I enjoy trying to harness that power and I greatly enjoy strapping myself into that harness and holding on for dear life. Perhaps my favorite thing about power is that I know it's not guaranteed. I can grow to expect it, but I still must be the one to conduct myself in such a manner that any available power is mine to enjoy. On the heels of that, it is also mine to lose. The point being that it's mine!

What I can say about power is that it is my drug of choice, a want I feel very deeply, something not to be taken for granted and something missed when absent.

There has been some excellent summations of this thread already. I guess my summation would rest on the word Maturity. Maturity to me describes an over-all sense of a person's individual power. It kinda of encompasses many of the other words we have talked about like respect and honesty. I know alot of submissives who claim they like older men as they have more maturity...I guess as a simple example that is kinda what this thread is all about.

What creates that attraction to a Dom or Domme, lust, desire, wants, charisma, but what empowers the trust, respect and deepening of the relationship is the maturity.

I think this can be true, but I don't know that it's that all-encompassing. My situation, for instance, finds me with a sub that is ten years my senior. I'd say she's more mature than I am in some aspects, less so in others. I'd even be willing to go so far as to say that some of what attracts her to me is that I'm less mature about some things.

What empowers her trust, respect and deepening of the relationship is that I follow through when I say I'm going to. Part of that is maturity. Most of it, I think, is being responsible. Responsible for not hurting her unduly, pushing the envelopes of our interests, and maintaining the trust/respect I've earned throughout. Does being responsible lend toward maturity? Sure. Is my maturity what makes her kneel time and again? *shakes Magic 8 Ball* 'Don't Count On It'.

~Despina

p.s. Perhaps, if you asked the community what they thought made them powerful or what they found powerful you would find more answers. However, I read your initial post to be asking what power was, in and of itself.

 

[Pure]

Ha!

Marquis

I think that there is a lot of credence to "better domination through self-improvement"
-----

Ha! What the fuck is 'self improvement'?

How about , 'more exciting exercize of power is from the self that is corrupt, degraded or disintegrating'?

 

[catalina_francisco]

To me its a no brainer, I honestly think though if I posted the color of the sky was blue, people would disagree just for the sake of disagreeing. Although they wound't just disagree...they would say the sky is not blue and I resent the implication you are making on how I should run my life. We would then spend a gazillion post in circular flamitory arguments and the original topic and any possible value it might have been to others is lost.

I am disagreeing with this statement because you see sometimes the sky is not blue, the sky can be grey, white, black or even orange. It all depends on when you look and where you look. This is also how D/s and BDSM works. It all depends from where you start and at what point in your life you are. I started out in BDSM in the kinky scene, had lots of fun and learned a lot and found myself a mentor.

My mentor taught me a lot about her view of BDSM, and when she told me I was now good enough to be on my own I thought I was king of the world and became for awhile a mirror image of my mentor (as far as you can be a copy of a 58 year old women as a 29 year old male). My world was clear to me; I had been taught the only and real BDSM, and I practiced it perfect and everyone else who was doing it differently was wrong.

Then I grew and I came into contact with other people, being a male I was of course seduced by the image of strong heterosexual male dominated BDSM. That became the only true form of BDSM for me and I decided I had outgrown my childish ideas of BDSM and was following the mature and only true way of BDSM.

Then I found my first 24/7 sub and I felt again like the king of the world, I had a slave to fulfil my every desire and whim. Of course I was the perfect Dom and I had all the wisdom about BDSM. My arrogance knew no boundaries and grew by the day. Reality hit me with a jackhammer straight in my face (and that fucking hurts). I tried living the prefab, pre-made template of heterosexual dominated D/s and found it to be very lacking. It was just not what I was looking for and it was not fulfilling my needs.

The relationships ended and I did some soul-searching. I did not need or want any longer to follow prefab BDSM or D/s. What I needed to do is become my own prophet, to listen to others, to take their advice but also to make my own decisions. To make my own definitions what BDSM, D/s and power is to me. To decide that there is no true and real way of BDSM, BDSM is a unique individual experience, power is a unique individual experience. I have often declared myself to be in TPE and PE and my personal beliefs come close to those, very close, but I will also never again follow a generic template for BDSM made for the masses. We are all individuals and we should take out of those templates what is useable for us as individuals and create our own paths to follow.

By now I have found what I was looking for, but I would never have been able to find that if I would have not followed my own path.

I do not believe in prefab BDSM but I do believe in skills. Everything needs to be done for a first time once. If you have never taken a scalpel and you decide that you want to carve your initials into your slave I would advise you to start reading up on cutting. Prepare yourself thoroughly, read as much as you can, talk as much as you can and ask as much as you can.

To me this is the point where the faking comes in, showing insecurity can be dangerous when dominating another person, so do not lie about your experience, do not lie about your feelings but fake your confidence if you have to. It is hard enough for the submissive to submit, it is a lot harder and almost impossible if the submissive not only has to deal with their insecurities but also with the insecurities of the Dominant.

Faking it has helped me and partners to get through a lot of very difficult experiences.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

Re: Ha!

Marquis

I think that there is a lot of credence to "better domination through self-improvement"
-----

Ha! What the fuck is 'self improvement'?

How about , 'more exciting exercize of power is from the self that is corrupt, degraded or disintegrating'?

Could ask what the fuck is "corrupt" or "degraded" -- words as ambiguous to me as "sane."

 

[Pure]

Since you are the queen of degradation--and perhaps 'sane'-- I'll let you define the term.

 

[Netzach]

well, I'll put forward that my idea of self improvement is not necessarily warm and fuzzy as much as it is rigorous and ugly and demanding.

Sex and SM isn't especially corrupt to me, I don't have a lot of hang ups.

 

[Marquis]

Re: Ha!

Marquis

I think that there is a lot of credence to "better domination through self-improvement"
-----

Ha! What the fuck is 'self improvement'?

For a dom, it would be better domination silly.

For me, it means building enough arm strength to lift my partner with one belt slung under her waist and one under her arm pits and fuck with her with the rhythmic motion of riding a donkey.

How about , 'more exciting exercize of power is from the self that is corrupt, degraded or disintegrating'?

Well that's a given.

 

[Marquis]

Sex and SM isn't especially corrupt to me, I don't have a lot of hang ups.

That's funny I got hang-ups to spare. I don't know that I'd like it if it didn't feel so damn evil.

 

[Pure]

N: Sex and SM isn't especially corrupt to me, I don't have a lot of hang ups.

In advanced states of corruption, even the awareness of it vanishes.

 

[Netzach]

Pure: that's probably true.

M: well, I guess for me it's like what I used to do with the stupid Barbie dolls I got from our next door neighbor only now they are life sized and they usually have higher education. It feels gleeful and gratuitous and fun.