Protectors and Mentors

[MissTaken]

Protectors and Mentors?

I would think one would have to be very cautious about this. In that, it is common predatorial behavior for someone to offer services, protection or place themselves in the role of protector as part of their predatorial behavior. (As a pedophile will often be employed where children are, a Protector may place themselves in a busy chat room ...)

IMHO, having a protector or mentor, is usually best if it is someone you know in real time, who really knows you and you know well. All for safety's sake.

Anytime you have someone you can trust to assist you as you explore or engage in BDSM, it is a good thing. Having a third party "voice of reason" is certainly one benefit as would be their helping you to find inconsistencies etc which might be red flags warning you off from involvement with an individual.

 

[Shadowsdream]

*Mentoring* a coat of many different colours.
Dominants do not always go looking for submissives to mentor but often find themselves mentoring through the need of the submissive that comes to them for advise, respect and guidance.
Many days and weeks and months and even years I wear this coat. I wear it glady, proudly and with no desire or need of payback in mind.
I wear this coat online and off.
I wear this same coat but a different colour, when My phone rings and it is a Trainee Domme of Mine on the phone, feeling low, uncertain, ecstatic, positive or negative...I wear it gladly, respectfully with a mind to guide without control. I do not desire to bend Her Domination to My style but to help Her create Her own that compliments Her own unique personality.
I mentor submissives I have trained, for as long as they need My voice in the background but once they have chosen their Heaven I advise that their Master or Mistress is aware of every word that W/we share.
I mentor Dominants and submissives as a pair...several times a month as they try to see if they fit in reality and not just in fantasy. I do not try to mold one to the other but help them to ask the questions they may not have thought of.
And on it goes...
Protecting? Yes I protect those I have trained for a lifetime if that is their need. I protect those I take to their first club events so that they may relax and feel safe. Severl times a year I will take a TV to an event...their first event...it is not unusual for them to get as much attention from males as they have been craving but more attention than they can handle safely.
I believe that We the Dominants have a responsibility to our community to protect and mentor those We are able to to help them to feel safe and act sanely without agreeing to anything they have not consented to.

 

[Ebonyfire]

A wonderful post

[BI believe that We the Dominants have a responsibility to our community to protect and mentor those We are able to to help them to feel safe and act sanely without agreeing to anything they have not consented to. [/B]

Again, I have to agree. I am mentored, and I also mentor others, dominant AND submissive. It is a circle of support, and it thrives as each one of U/us in that circle thrives.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Protector

I am still Protector to my submissive whom I had to leave when I moved from the Pacific Northwest to the East coast.

He and chat several times weekly, and I am helping him in his quest for magic. I also see him when I travel to the PNW to visit my family. He meets me at the airport.

When one takes on a submissive, he (or she) remains a part of your life, and long as necessary.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Did I mention

to you Richard that I think this is a wonderful thread?

Well, it is.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Did I mention

to you Richard that I think this is a wonderful thread?

Well, it is.

Thank you EB
Damn nice compliment

 

[Richard49]

Re: Protector

I am still Protector to my submissive whom I had to leave when I moved from the Pacific Northwest to the East coast.

He and chat several times weekly, and I am helping him in his quest for magic. I also see him when I travel to the PNW to visit my family. He meets me at the airport.

When one takes on a submissive, he (or she) remains a part of your life, and long as necessary.

What about when a submissive takes on a Dom?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Protector

What about when a submissive takes on a Dom?

I trained him, so if he finds another Domme, he knows I will vouch for him. I have known him for a long time.

I will remain his friend, even though our D/s relationship will be over.

 

[emer]

Re: Re: Thank You for this thread Richard Sir

Thank for calling me Richard Sir
It has been to long

You are welcome Sir. After lurking here for months, reading your posts and those of others, i feel there is no other title i should use for You. You wear it gracefully, always showing respect and sharing knowledge.

Being a born and bred southern girl, "Sir" just drips from my lips to any man more than 6 months older than i. ( i say Ma'am with the same ease). Usually just from habit, occassionally with an ironic sneer, rarely from true respect. Now that i've been bitten by the joy of this lifestyle, saying Sir has taken on a new meaning. I find myself grinning a little, searching the recipients eyes for some sort of reaction. Alas, (damn it's fun saying that) ... Alas, so far no one has taken the bait.

This thread was about mentors right? In my first post I was mainly refering to people i've met online. Seems like a lot of macho BS when they immediately promise to protect me and/or teach me ... as soon as i send a pic and my phone number!

I do have two male friends who i can ask for advise regarding this lifestyle. One is a Dom, the other purely vanilla (he is adamant about my safety ... like not going out of town to meet a Dom but waiting for him to come to me ... sounds like a good question thread). Both offer sound advise and always listen to my ramblings. I do consider them to be Protectors and Mentors. I guess i'm sitting on the fence on this one.

Again Sir, respectfully, **and with a wiggle knowing i pleased**
emer

 

[HzDomme]

Sir Richard.

Thank you for a wonderful thread. I'd never heard the term protector and didn't realize that there were those out there posing as such. Maybe because I don't frequent chat rooms and I'm not a sub....

I'd find it hard to believe that anyone would offer to be a protector of another that they do not have a long standing and personal relationship with.

IMHO If you ever feel you need a "protector" then you do. You do not know enough about yourself or what you want. Take it slow.
Finding a good BDSM relationship and maintaining it is a life long journey. The urge to find what you want immediatly is there but resist it. Wait until you are fully comfortable in a relationship before you play. Another person may be able to protect your body but only you can protect your mind. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't.

As for mentoring, that is what this board is about. When Cym started the first thread and then pushed for a seperate forum it was the best thing to ever happen to this board.
For anyone new who'd like to see how this forum started, check this out...
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=39661

 

[Ms_Lilith]

What do these mean to you?

In my idealizing mind, they mean "Sir".

A protector is a human being.. He/She will make mistakes, but the PROTECTOR role is one in which that person does all they can to protect you from physical and emotional pain, while still allowing you to live reality. When something painful happens in your life, all they want to do is hold you, and try to lessen the pain, while still understanding that, to conquer it, you must feel it.

A Mentor to me, is someone that I can respect. Not because my role demands that I respect him/her, but because he/she deserves it. He/she has earned it. A mentor is someone that I want to make proud of me. He/she is someone that I will work hard for... I will live my life for me, but will also try hard to make him/her smile at my accomplishments, and hope that he/she understands my own failings.

 

[Ebonyfire]

*Mentoring* a coat of many different colours.
Dominants do not always go looking for submissives to mentor but often find themselves mentoring through the need of the submissive that comes to them for advise, respect and guidance.

I have nevered offered to mentor anyone. It seems that these things evolve. LOL

 

[Richard49]

I have nevered offered to mentor anyone. It seems that these things evolve. LOL

I am with you

 

[Richard49]

Sir Richard.

Thank you for a wonderful thread. I'd never heard the term protector and didn't realize that there were those out there posing as such. Maybe because I don't frequent chat rooms and I'm not a sub....

As for mentoring, that is what this board is about. When Cym started the first thread and then pushed for a seperate forum it was the best thing to ever happen to this board.
For anyone new who'd like to see how this forum started, check this out...
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=39661

You are weclome
If I have anything to do with any thread that helps anyone
I have done something of value

The history of this thread is a good place for people ot start

the monster thread has LOTS of good info

PS: I often miss cym

 

[RisiaSkye]

I have nevered offered to mentor anyone. It seems that these things evolve. LOL

So true.
I never set out to mentor anyone, but somehow I ended up with a lifestyle submissive with 30 years of experience, and a 23 year old newbie as my mentees. They need very different things and call upon totally different aspects of my personality, and my Dominance. But, the relationships evolved on their own terms, and both look to me for a certain amount of guidance, support, and structure.

Couldn't have predicted it, but it's been a tremendously enriching experience for us all. Life is strange that way.

RS

 

[Ebonyfire]

Couldn't have predicted it, but it's been a tremendously enriching experience for us all. Life is strange that way.

RS

Sure is.