Pun of the day & funny one liners.

[Cheska]

 

[Cheska]

 

[Cheska]

 

[yeishia]

~In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore.~

Kap'n Klystron​

 

[yeishia]

~ I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.~

Unknown
​

 

[The_Spectre]

 

[Annisthyrienne]

 

[The_Spectre]

“Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.”

 

[yeishia]

Valentine humor...

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Dam^n, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

 

[Cheska]

I'm a...

 

[Noon_Shadow]

Hehehehe

 

[yeishia]

I should transfer my eclectic stuff here heheh

 

[Dramaticflare]

Oh this thread looks like it was made for me.
hmm....
- A man sent ten puns to a pun competition, hoping to win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- A baby seal walks into a club.
- A man walks into a bar. A blonde walks into a bar and says, "OW!"

 

[Rolando2]

Just to clarify, I do not have children - this is just something a coworker sent me that I thought was absolutely hilarious.



I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"








She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

 

[Rolando2]

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

 

[yeishia]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.~ unknown

 

[yeishia]

Ok so I am bored * giggles*


Be careful what you wish for

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

Poof, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

Poof, she became a brunette.

The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

Poof, she became a man.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

 

[Cheska]

That joke made me whinny...I say Neigh to thee woman! Neigh!

 

[yeishia]

"Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!"

Anaïs Nin

 

[cyberking001]

church

i walked into a gay church last sunday morning.

i didn't know it was a gay church until i noticed that every other person was kneeling

 

[Bad_Old_Man]

Jack left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane
ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw
his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee. She looked so good that he quietly tiptoed up behind her,reached out, and squeezed her left breast "Just leave one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for breakfast tomorrow."

I got home from work and told my wife I'd heard a little gossip, she asked what it was.
Well, I said, according to Bill at work , our milkman says hes fucked every woman on our road except one.
My wife answered immediately and without thinking, It'll be that stuck up bitch at number 23.

 

[chatman2]

chatman2

Another thread....I love....
this last one by Bad old Man reminds me of a young secretary I once had.. I think she told someone there hadn't been a man that worked with her she hadn't screwed! I know I sure as hell miss her. She was good about giving secrets away and not knowing it.

 

[yeishia]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."

The little boy replied "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."

The boy said "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said,"I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly...but on leaving the bus he leaned over and said...."Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead."


~unknown~