Pun of the day & funny one liners.

[L8tnIt]

you would never suspect... until it happens!

"Whoa... I didn't recognize you with clothes on!"

I first heard this line in high school come from a friend's mother at a party... I later learned that said friend (original recipient of the comment) was on the Swim Team.
Here, I thought the dude was into older women

Once, I was an extra in a movie. The film was a live-action retelling of the history of Pocahontas, and I was an Native American. Our costumes were loinclothes.
A year later, the casting was invited to the pre-screening of the movie before public release, with an after-party to follow.
During the movie, the name given to me by everyone was "2-Cheeks"
At the party, I heard that comment-and it was directed at me
... By all the women at that cast party

 

[L8tnIt]

a collection of bad jokes

An entomologist is talking to an exterminator. "Do you know what.really bugs me? How we are losing our privacy, that's what!"
The exterminator's cell phone righ then goes off. "It's for you", the exterminator says as he passes it to the entomologist. "Who is this?", he asks. "NSA"

Why are Blonde jokes one-liners?
So Men can understand them

A Cabin Boy enters a bar at port. "Barkeep... Gimme 3 shots of your strongest rum!", the Cabin Boy exclaims as he puts gold on the counter. "You are barely old enough to be in here... Why should I give you more than 1 shot?", the barkeep answers.
"Today was my first blowjob", Cabin Boy says. Barkeep beems a smile while replying, "Well now... That does deserve a proper drink, doesn't it?"
"Whatever... I just want to wash this taste outta my mouth!"

Yes, I am bored.

 

[yeishia]

Okay here is a bunch...


A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a
woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight!

What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like? Depends...

What's "68"? You do me and I owe you one.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it
takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

KY Jelly has jumped on the Millennium bandwagon with the slogan for
their new product: "Y2K-Y Jelly : when you want to put four digits where
only two could fit before!"

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay
until his business fell off.

What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
"How come?"

How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? By sticking your finger in his
honey.

What do you call a truckload of vibrators? Toys for Twats.

What do you call kinky sex with chocolate? S&M&M.

What's the definition of eternity? The length of time between when YOU
come and SHE leaves.

Why do we have orgasms? How else would we know when to stop?

What do Kodak film have in common with condoms? Both capture the
moment.

What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your
hand falls asleep.

Why don't debutantes go to orgies? There'd be too many thank you notes
to write.

There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a
blowjob.

What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as
substitutes for meat.

What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Yeishia, those had me rolling!

 

[yeishia]

Yeishia, those had me rolling!

*giggles* glad you liked them

 

[yeishia]

Not exactly a pun but it seemed appropriate some how as I prepare to start roasting my poor turkey. ( I am doing traditional and vegetarian )

* giggles*

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Not exactly a pun but it seemed appropriate some how as I prepare to start roasting my poor turkey. ( I am doing traditional and vegetarian )

* giggles*

*Laughs*! One question though; how do you prepare a vegetarian turkey?

 

[yeishia]

*Laughs*! One question though; how do you prepare a vegetarian turkey?

Lol I prepare two meals.

The first is turkey with all the trimmings , very sinful even the stuffing has meat,

The second has its own stuffing, roast vegetables, mashed potatoes, and I make stuffed green peepers using quinoa using a thanksgiving twist.

I make my own cranberry concoction too

My sons girlfriend is a vegetarian too.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Lol I prepare two meals.

The first is turkey with all the trimmings , very sinful even the stuffing has meat,

The second has its own stuffing, roast vegetables, mashed potatoes, and I make stuffed green peepers using quinoa using a thanksgiving twist.

I make my own cranberry concoction too

My sons girlfriend is a vegetarian too.

Ah, now I see. I just woke up a little while ago. Still not 'with it' I guess. It makes sense now.

And Happy Thanksgiving to you, my friend.

 

[yeishia]

As they grew older, the Stocking sisters grew increasingly unhappy with
their lot in life. Men had much more fun and clearly were the superior
sex. They tried to arrange for an operation to make the necessary
changes, but, found it very difficult to find a competent physician who
would do it on an outpatient basis. Finally they were able to make
contact with a reliable reconstructive urologist who was willing to do
the surgery at home in front of the fireplace. What was the outcome?
The Stockings were hung by the chimney with care.

(By Alan B. Combs)

 

[yeishia]

 

[yeishia]

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·~I tried to catch some fog. I mist. ~

~ When chemists die, they barium. ~