Question about the BDSM lifestyle?

[removed9556]

 

[Nezhul]

We're all adults here (under the membership guidelines we should be anyway). That assumes that we are all competent enough to consider the advice we're given, apply it to our individual circumstances, and make choices unique to us that achieve our intended goals.

You'd be surprised, but people are very easily led astray by bad advice that is said in a confident voice.
Especially if it's repeated almost word-for-word by multiple people, none of whom stopped to consider consequences.

 

[Nezhul]

You are right. In retrospect, my comment was unrealistic. Almost a joke.

I wondered about that. But then I felt - Nah!
To be fair, my comment is intentionally too realistic to cover for the fact that I understood your probable light-hearted intent.

 

[removed9556]

 

[Blue]

You are right. In retrospect, my comment was unrealistic. Almost a joke.

Thank you for clarifying in detail. I've had enough trouble sleeping recently without that on my conscience.

I thought industry automation would eventually replace me as the resident sarcastic downer but apparently our weak immigration enforcement has allowed this General Board scum to cross the border and take my job.

 

[removed9556]

 

[Miles Long]

This thread is the best and worst adaptation of the Gift of the Magi I’ve ever read.

 

[removed9556]

 

[barefootgirl69]

You are right. In retrospect, my comment was unrealistic. Almost a joke.

 

[KimGordon67]

*edit*
2) One of the partners will have to change, if this relationship is to work. Either he lets go of his kinks, or she finds interest in them.
2.1) From the fairness and equality point of view, both changes are equally harmful to the one who makes them. She has been abused, has her reasons. He has a kinky mind, and sacrificing that while possible would be a huge pain for him.
*edit*

Ah ... no. They are not 'equally harmful'. Someone who has been abused and finds at least some aspects of bdsm triggering is not in the same boat as someone who just happens to prefer some bits of bdsm.

 

[cookiecat]

Poor adrienne or really, anyone trying to gather information from this post.

 

[removed9556]

 

[LiamHDunn]

The OP came here looking for help.

Has that been provided by any of the posturing that has taken up far to much of this thread?

 

[Farawyn]

The OP came here looking for help.

Has that been provided by any of the posturing that has taken up far to much of this thread?

We will have to ask the OP.

 

[removed9556]

 

[Nezhul]

Ah ... no. They are not 'equally harmful'. Someone who has been abused and finds at least some aspects of bdsm triggering is not in the same boat as someone who just happens to prefer some bits of bdsm.

Without knowing their situation further, you can't know how deep are the scars from the abuse, nor how pivotal BDSM is for her man.
There are people to whom their kinks are so crucial that it's a deal breaker. Not because they are horny as fuck, but because they don't want to live the rest of their life in regret, always dreaming of what they don't have (and could have had easily with another partner). Do you think it is a healthy thing for a relationship - this much frustration? No. Better stay friends.
At the same time, while some abused people are suffering profoundly from the aftershocks - others take it much better, and it adds just a bit of caution and hesitation to their actions.

All in all, we don't really know the degree of a situation, so both possibilities should be considered equally likely, and thus both choices should be considered equal. I think.

Anyway, it's beside the point. OP has chosen to explore BDSM to find out if it's something she may eventually get into. That's what matters. She made her decision, whatever the circumstances.

The OP came here looking for help.

Has that been provided by any of the posturing that has taken up far to much of this thread?

It's not about posturing, at least not for me.

For me, it's a clash of perspectives.
On one hand it's "Poor girl was abused before and stupidly enough wants to return to her douche boyfriend who doesn't even love her enough to give up BDSM for her. She wants to get into BDSM for him, but because every victim of abuse is the same - she will be in so much pain because of it! She should just find a real man who will be fitting for her."

On the other hand, I'm saying that "OP has made a decision, for good or worse, and has asked for direct advice. We can't know enough from her post to jump to conclusions, so we shouldn't make assumptions and evaluate her situation. We should be answering her original question, as well as providing insight but not in such an indisputable manner. Because again, we need to account for different possibilities.
People's relationships is not a playing matter to make a definitive judgment and advice based on 200 word post.
Yet people here post as if the problem was as trivial as choosing cheese for your table. Oh, just go ahead and dump him dear!"