random musings

[ultramarineblue]

Lately I haven’t haven’t had much time to do anything except work and other commitments. I did recently get to have a nice session. I hope another one comes along soon.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Lately I haven’t haven’t had much time to do anything except work and other commitments. I did recently get to have a nice session. I hope another one comes along soon.

Sounds like a stressful time.
Hope you get more time to enjoy yourself and relax soon!

 

[Shenanigans90]

Lately I haven’t haven’t had much time to do anything except work and other commitments. I did recently get to have a nice session. I hope another one comes along soon.

It’s great to see you around Lit again. I hope you are doing well and things settle down for you soon.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Sounds like a stressful time.
Hope you get more time to enjoy yourself and relax soon!

It’s great to see you around Lit again. I hope you are doing well and things settle down for you soon.

Things haven’t been bad at all. The other commitments are things I enjoy but they leave little time for kinky fun.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I had a good weekend. Some time opened up for attending a munch and then just went out and enjoyed nature.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Things have been crazy busy. I’m hoping for a session soon even though time probably won’t work out.

 

[ultramarineblue]

At one point I was very intrigued by someone I had sessions with several times. He’d kind of disappear from time to time. He want things to be casual and I probably got too clingy. It’s different now though. He’s had an extremely rough time for almost a year. Instead of only having sessions, we started hanging out without the sessions. Now he’s the clingy one and it’s very overwhelming. Either way, work is about to get very busy so I won’t be about to see him much.

 

[ultramarineblue]

So things have changed. I’ve found out more. He was drinking too much and is now in treatment for that so no contact. I’m not sure if he’s mad at me for things that happened or what will happen in the future. I hope he does get better. I was ok but this past weekend and last night I was missing him. I hope he’s actually getting better and not just going through the steps to get out of it. I’ve kind of had the feeling that I won’t hear from him again and that I’ve been made it to be the bad guy in all this. I’m trying to let it all go. I do miss his friendship.

 

[Trubbycat]

Sometimes I look out at the birds in the yard and ponder over the fact that they are tiny little dinosaurs.

 

[Tk9595]

Similar shape in terms of their big chest and back line

Sometimes I look out at the birds in the yard and ponder over the fact that they are tiny little dinosaurs.

Similar shape in terms of their big chest and back line Ha

 

[ultramarineblue]

I’m really struggling to let it go. I’m not sure why because I’m not so sure that he was actually kind to me or just selfish.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I feel better about things. I’m hoping it’s the same feeling tomorrow.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I had a missed call this morning from him. I called back and he said he had pocket dialed me. I’m not really sure how that could happen since it’s been almost two months since we’ve talked. I have so many mixed feelings about him. I learned a lot about him this summer. He could be very kind but there is so much more going on with him. I was ok. I went to visit some friends this weekend and then he supposedly pocket dialed me this morning. There were times this summer where he seemed genuinely interested in what was going on in my life. I don’t think I’d ever really had that quite like that before. I missed that. I didn’t miss the struggles he was facing though.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I decided to send a text asking if he was ok and surprisingly he responded. I know that he has a long journey to heal but I feel better about things now.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Dear A, thank you so much for sharing a part of your life with me this past summer. You seemed genuinely interested in me as a person and a friend. I really miss seeing you and talking to you. I hope so much that you are getting better and that one day we can be friends again. I think of you all the time now. I hope that I haven’t lost your trust by telling M things. I really hope you find healing and peace in life. I can’t imagine going through everything you went through in less than six months. I figured out some not so good things too that I struggle with at times. I feel like some of the stuff is to punish M but I’m not certain. I feel like you had to do the thing that was hurting you physically so that you could bear to have me around. I know that you miss J so much and that I would never replace her. I would never try to do that. I will always be your friend if you will have me as a friend. I’m not sure if you remember but you were kind to me and there for me when I was going through a lot when we first met. At times I’ve thought I could love you but I don’t know. I do know that I love you as a friend. You challenged me to do some things that brought greatness to my life. I hope I can tell you all of this one day.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I want a session. There was the possibility of a quick session this past week but unfortunately it didn’t work out. I want a longer session though. All the things in it.

 

[ultramarineblue]

This has been an intense, rough week. I have had one person wanting me to come visit this weekend and another wanting to come visit. I’m not really up for that though. There is also an event tomorrow night that I had kind of wanted to go to but I’m not sure that I’m up for it. I’m very nervous about going without a couple of people I know better than the rest being there. Plus I’m not really up to staying up so late. I actually prefer staying up late but it makes it so hard for me to get to work. I feel tense and keyed up, emotional overload. I did reach out to someone to talk about the stuff that’s gone on this week. I do hope that works out.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I miss him.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I don’t miss him any more. I don’t understand what games he played with me but I’m over him. I can’t imagine that he’s genuinely dealt with the issues he had. I once told him that I would always be his friend and he wouldn’t be able to get rid of me. Lucky for me, he has been able to get rid of me.

I just want to not have to deal with some of the other things going on. I don’t want to deal with someone else’s mental problems because it feels like they’re not actually trying to help themselves. I’m also tired of helping out someone but they actually need the help and truly appreciate it.

I want to focus on the amazing things that I am connected to right now. I want to leave things better.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I’m ready for a session but I’m not sure when it can happen. I have been productive today though.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Life has been busy. I still have a wonderful play partner that I believe hope lucky I am to have found. I really hope we get to have a session at some point this week.