Random rant on the day after Christmas (probably for the ladies...)

[ChloeTzang]

The reason you're confused about whether it's a come-on is because it's meant to be confusing. If you knock him back, he can say it was just a friendly greeting and you're reading too much into it. (You didn't reject him! Crazy woman to think he'd be interested!) If you don't knock him back, it was a come-on and you accepted it, so now he gets to send you dick pics or whatever. (Crazy woman to encourage him and then get mad when he takes you at your word!)

If he actually said "hey your pic looks hot wanna cyber?" then he'd have no out if you rejected him. He'd be the rejected dude and who wants to be that guy?

It's okay to be pissed at dudes for playing those games. Especially because it involves feigning interest in things like your stories (which, sorry, they probably don't GAF about) and that then makes it a little bit harder to believe genuine compliments when you get them.

Yeah, that pretty much sums up that particular approach really well. I had a few of those when I first joined Lit, and that's how it generally went, which is why I switched to my current avatar long long ago, and stuck with it. Really tho, that's life in general. Guys hit on you, and you deal with it, and that's just part of human nature and the way the sex's interact. We'd be extinct as a species if guys didn't try it on. LOL.

Had a guy I knew at University whose pickup line was "wanna fuck?" He lucked out 99% of the time, but as he said, it didn't take long, it didn't waste time, and he scored pretty much every night. LOL. Mind you, he looked pretty good, but what he sometimes scored with.....

Anyhow, where I was going was, don't take stuff like this personally. Guys try it on, on Literotica as well as anywhere else. That's life. Now me, I'm not rude about it. I have a standard response, and I've made some good online friends thru Lit and my writing who've tried the pickup thing and after I replied, they adapted and, shall we say, overcame the basic biological urges and got down to a more cerebral relationship where we did talk about writing, politics, life, miller fifer motor sailors and other things of interest. I always find it really interesting what an eclectic bunch of people Literotica readers are.

I have made some fascinating acquaintances, and consequently, I'm happy to give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance, so to speak. Mind you, three strikes and you're out. I do have a red line. You seriously have to, if you're female, and it's up to each of us to draw our own lines and determine where we're not comfortable. I always set it out really clearly when anyone tries it on, and if they transgress after that, I don't bother with explaining, I just block them. No third chances. Works for me.

That, and whatever you do, don't give out any information on the real you. It's easier and easier these days to track people down. I never use real photos of me. I never divulge anything other than the broadest of information, and I'll never meet up with anyone in person regardless of how often we chat or how genuine they sound. You really do have to play it safe - we write for a large audience, and there are some very weird people out there. Which is wandering away from the original question but relevant all the same, because in the end, it boils down to how safe you feel interacting with readers and members on these forums and on social media.

 

[Devinter]

I’ve had some guys whose initial contact was, shall we say, clumsy, who turned out to be fine and just wanted someone to talk to (not about sexy times, just talk).

Yeah, @StillStunned hit on me until he realized I was not a redhead.

But I actually PM'd him first. Oops!

 

[EmilyMiller]

The dead eyes are a turn-off, I think.

Some people are into that kink, hun.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Anyhow, where I was going was, don't take stuff like this personally. Guys try it on, on Literotica as well as anywhere else. That's life. Now me, I'm not rude about it. I have a standard response, and I've made some good online friends thru Lit and my writing who've tried the pickup thing and after I replied, they adapted and, shall we say, overcame the basic biological urges and got down to a more cerebral relationship where we did talk about writing, politics, life, miller fifer motor sailors and other things of interest. I always find it really interesting what an eclectic bunch of people Literotica readers are.

I have made some fascinating acquaintances, and consequently, I'm happy to give people the benefit of the doubt and a second chance, so to speak. Mind you, three strikes and you're out. I do have a red line. You seriously have to, if you're female, and it's up to each of us to draw our own lines and determine where we're not comfortable. I always set it out really clearly when anyone tries it on, and if they transgress after that, I don't bother with explaining, I just block them. No third chances. Works for me.

This

 

[StillStunned]

Yeah, @StillStunned hit on me until he realized I was not a redhead.

But I actually PM'd him first. Oops!

I have a lovely red wig that you can borrow, though....

 

[StillStunned]

Some people are into that kink, hun.

Em

"Hi, I'm StillStunned. I'm into long walks on the beach and disinterested sex."

 

[EmilyMiller]

"Hi, I'm StillStunned. I'm into long walks on the beach and disinterested sex."

So - fucking - hot - <drool>

 

[Devinter]

Some people are into that kink, hun.

Em

"Hi, I'm StillStunned. I'm into long walks on the beach and disinterested sex."

I don't kink-shame, but.. Extra creepy if the one with the kink goes "Hey, can you go outside for a minute in the winter cold so that your body temperature drops and then come inside and just lay still on the bed?"

 

[StillStunned]

I don't kink-shame, but.. Extra creepy if the one with the kink goes "Hey, can you go outside for a minute in the winter cold so that your body temperature drops and then come inside and just lay still on the bed?"

I hate myself for thinking that it would need to be quick, before the body reacts to the cold temperature and starts radiating heat. And for thinking that having the window open would solve that problem.

Can we please get back to random creeps? As opposed to specific creeps, of course.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

"Hey, can you go outside for a minute in the winter cold so that your body temperature drops and then come inside and just lay still on the bed?"

*tbf temperature play is a thing.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I'm honestly kind of disappointed by the lack of game some of the male users have here on Lit. Sometimes I get a message and I'm like, "That's your opening line?" My stories are linked in my signature. You can't even read the shortest one and compliment it? Because that's a sure-fire method to get me to talk to you lol.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I'm honestly kind of disappointed by the lack of game some of the male users have here on Lit. Sometimes I get a message and I'm like, "That's your opening line?" My stories are linked in my signature. You can't even read the shortest one and compliment it? Because that's a sure-fire method to get me to talk to you lol.

Guys with game have better fields to play on.

 

[FreyaGersemi]

Please don’t stop engaging.

No. I won't. In fact one of my first interactions on here was a guy that said he likes to follow girls home and... noncon stuff...

On an unrelated topic, as an erotic fiction author, is it super strange that I'm uncomfortable with so many different words in real life?

 

[djrip]

The reason you're confused about whether it's a come-on is because it's meant to be confusing. If you knock him back, he can say it was just a friendly greeting and you're reading too much into it. (You didn't reject him! Crazy woman to think he'd be interested!) If you don't knock him back, it was a come-on and you accepted it, so now he gets to send you dick pics or whatever. (Crazy woman to encourage him and then get mad when he takes you at your word!)

If he actually said "hey your pic looks hot wanna cyber?" then he'd have no out if you rejected him. He'd be the rejected dude and who wants to be that guy?

It's okay to be pissed at dudes for playing those games. Especially because it involves feigning interest in things like your stories (which, sorry, they probably don't GAF about) and that then makes it a little bit harder to believe genuine compliments when you get them.

Not to defend this guy in particular, he may be just what you're describing, but I will say it doesn't seem strange to me to approach someone with something less than an all-out come-on. Dip a toe in the waters before diving in head first. See if she seems interested before asking to fuck, that kind of thing.

It can be a manipulation strategy if done a certain way, with preplanning and negging and such, but often (usually?), I think people just want to have some idea if there is interest before putting the request out there that could bring rejection. Small talk to gage the situation before asking someone out.

 

[SteelPoint]

One certainly cannot accuse the OP of not living up to the thread title.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Not to defend this guy in particular, he may be just what you're describing, but I will say it doesn't seem strange to me to approach someone with something less than an all-out come-on. Dip a toe in the waters before diving in head first. See if she seems interested before asking to fuck, that kind of thing.

It can be a manipulation strategy if done a certain way, with preplanning and negging and such, but often (usually?), I think people just want to have some idea if there is interest before putting the request out there that could bring rejection. Small talk to gage the situation before asking someone out.

True, we create sort of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" conundrum.
If he is direct, he's a dick.
If he is indirect, he's a manipulative dick.

 

[AchtungNight]

Speaking as a man, and [cough] “a desperate beta”, I would welcome a relationship with one of my readers. I’ve had many bad encounters with women who never knew I was into this sort of place and it would be refreshing for my girlfriend to be aware of it and fine with it. I’ve been pushed away so much by “holier than thou” selfish people (of both genders, but I will not air specifics for the sake of civility) that I crave the opposite. The honesty of a good friend and respect of humble fans. Best way to get that, I’ve learned, is to be that way yourself. I won’t deny I’ve made my share of mistakes and there are some people whose favor I don’t need, but for the most part, believe it or not, I’m happy to meet good folk because I’m the same way. You ladies ever want to drop a little of your paranoia and connect with me, I’m open to it. Welcoming and eager, actually. I’m just like my charming sincere persona at heart.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

True, we create sort of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" conundrum.
If he is direct, he's a dick.
If he is indirect, he's a manipulative dick.

What I think is even more interesting is how much of this conversation that is being discussed actually happened in the text of the convo, and how much is inferred meaning in innuendo on the part of those having the discussion. We don't know his mindset or his intent. Those are all inferred. There is no context in a chat message. We add that ourselves.

The guy that complimented OP's avatar and wished her well may not even remember the interchange and we're analyzing every nuance.. Oh, the human condition.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

What I think is even more interesting is how much of this conversation that is being discussed actually happened in the text of the convo, and how much is inferred meaning in innuendo on the part of those having the discussion. We don't know his mindset or his intent. Those are all inferred. There is no context in a chat message. We add that ourselves.

The guy that complimented OP's avatar and wished her well may not even remember the interchange and we're analyzing every nuance.. Oh, the human condition.

Bunch of gals over-thinking something a boy said?
This might be the first time in the history of the universe that has ever happened.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Do you all find it strange when someone starts a conversation with you like this:

"I love your picture. Good luck with your writing!"

Of course (through a lifetime of stereotypical gender conditioning), I read that as "Hey, baby! Let's talk dirty and share pictures." But it certainly sounds like just a quick check-in. A short statement, and then an almost closing of the door with the "have a nice life" vibe of the second short sentence. Although, that may just be a twist to get my attention...?

So, I bite.

"Oh, thank you. Unfortunately, that's an overly-glorified and overly-photoshopped image. But thank you."

The response: "Well, beauty does fade. It's the person inside that counts."

Why do I feel a little insulted? Was it an insult? Against my better judgement, I'm being reeled in. I respond convincing myself that I'm only trying to shore up my readership numbers and not trying to defend myself against a perceived personal attack on my cuteness. "Have you read any of my Literotica submissions? You can judge my inner beauty that way."

Crap! I hit "post reply" -- WHY?!? Am I really that insecure and in need of some stranger's approval? And worse, now I'm the one that looks like they're trolling for dick pics and whatnot.

But then the response...

"No. But I might."

That's it. Four words. Just FOUR FREAKIN' WORDS!!

Now, I'm completely, irrationally angry. And over the stupidest thing!!

This guy initiates contact on an erotica site, compliments me then low-grade insults me, I fall for it hook line and sinker, and he didn't even take the time to read a story?!?!? What happened to romance??? No wine and dine? At the very least, he could have just posted a favorable public comment (even if he didn't read the story), and then PM'ed me. He put in absolutely no effort!

Of course, it was probably just an innocent compliment and, like usual, I created this entire imaginary situation out of nothing.

And now I'm insecure about my insecurity. Ugh!!!!!

i·ro·ny1
/ˈīrənē/
noun
posting personal stories on a public erotic fiction site where you are rated and judged by strangers and then getting all worked up over being rated and judged by a stranger

And it was probably nothing to begin with!!!!

Rant over. I'm going to go outside and smell a rose.

Unfortunately, one of the many nefarious commenters.
You are right to be angry and offended.
An unsolicited backhanded attempt to make contact.
It is an unfortunate part of the world we live in, where beauty outscores substance.
As a writer, you want the person reaching out to say. I love / hate your stories.
Open dialogue about what we are trying to accomplish. Write stories that emotionally induce reactions.
What we look like is totally irrelevant.
We create literature, good or bad, but the characters and stories we create are our babies, and we love them dearly.
Hope the fragrance of the flowers cleared you mind.
Absolutely best wishes for the future, and enjoy your writing.

Cagivagurl

 

[djrip]

Do you all find it strange when someone starts a conversation with you like this:

"I love your picture. Good luck with your writing!"

Of course (through a lifetime of stereotypical gender conditioning), I read that as "Hey, baby! Let's talk dirty and share pictures." But it certainly sounds like just a quick check-in. A short statement, and then an almost closing of the door with the "have a nice life" vibe of the second short sentence. Although, that may just be a twist to get my attention...?

So, I bite.

"Oh, thank you. Unfortunately, that's an overly-glorified and overly-photoshopped image. But thank you."

The response: "Well, beauty does fade. It's the person inside that counts."

Why do I feel a little insulted? Was it an insult? Against my better judgement, I'm being reeled in. I respond convincing myself that I'm only trying to shore up my readership numbers and not trying to defend myself against a perceived personal attack on my cuteness. "Have you read any of my Literotica submissions? You can judge my inner beauty that way."

Crap! I hit "post reply" -- WHY?!? Am I really that insecure and in need of some stranger's approval? And worse, now I'm the one that looks like they're trolling for dick pics and whatnot.

But then the response...

"No. But I might."

That's it. Four words. Just FOUR FREAKIN' WORDS!!

Now, I'm completely, irrationally angry. And over the stupidest thing!!

This guy initiates contact on an erotica site, compliments me then low-grade insults me, I fall for it hook line and sinker, and he didn't even take the time to read a story?!?!? What happened to romance??? No wine and dine? At the very least, he could have just posted a favorable public comment (even if he didn't read the story), and then PM'ed me. He put in absolutely no effort!

Of course, it was probably just an innocent compliment and, like usual, I created this entire imaginary situation out of nothing.

And now I'm insecure about my insecurity. Ugh!!!!!

i·ro·ny1
/ˈīrənē/
noun
posting personal stories on a public erotic fiction site where you are rated and judged by strangers and then getting all worked up over being rated and judged by a stranger

And it was probably nothing to begin with!!!!

Rant over. I'm going to go outside and smell a rose.

Ok, the more I read the exchange and hear everyone's condemnation of it, the more I imagine myself in the position of the guy, perhaps having a friendly exchange misinterpreted as assholery. I'm not saying he's not an asshole; I don't know if he is or not! But try looking at it through this lens:

After he complemented the picture, Freya said something self-deprecating about how it was photoshopped. Perhaps in response to that self-deprecation, he said beauty fades but it's the person inside who counts. Was that a neg? Or more like, "I hear you there but even if you have some negative feelings about your appearance, it's the person inside who counts."

Then Freya asked if he'd read her stories and he said not yet but maybe he would. Couldn't that be just being honest? "No I haven't yet but now that we've said a few words I'm interested and maybe I will." Perhaps he's reading one now and will get back with a comment soon, you never know!

I mean, maybe it is all lies and manipulation. But couldn't it just be a simple exchange where a guy liked freya's profile pic, complimented it, said to focus on inner beauty when he interpreted her reply as self-deprecating about her appearance, and then answered honestly that he hadn't read her stories but was considering it?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just too trusting. Being a male, I haven't been hit on or had any guys try to manipulate me. But I've been a well-meaning guy who has said things awkwardly before.

 

[KeithD]

I know I'm coming late to this thread, but my first reaction in reading the OP is that I wouldn't put a photo, suggesting that it was me, on an erotica site to begin with.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Ok, the more I read the exchange and hear everyone's condemnation of it, the more I imagine myself in the position of the guy, perhaps having a friendly exchange misinterpreted as assholery. I'm not saying he's not an asshole; I don't know if he is or not! But try looking at it through this lens:

After he complemented the picture, Freya said something self-deprecating about how it was photoshopped. Perhaps in response to that self-deprecation, he said beauty fades but it's the person inside who counts. Was that a neg? Or more like, "I hear you there but even if you have some negative feelings about your appearance, it's the person inside who counts."

Then Freya asked if he'd read her stories and he said not yet but maybe he would. Couldn't that be just being honest? "No I haven't yet but now that we've said a few words I'm interested and maybe I will." Perhaps he's reading one now and will get back with a comment soon, you never know!

I mean, maybe it is all lies and manipulation. But couldn't it just be a simple exchange where a guy liked freya's profile pic, complimented it, said to focus on inner beauty when he interpreted her reply as self-deprecating about her appearance, and then answered honestly that he hadn't read her stories but was considering it?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just too trusting. Being a male, I haven't been hit on or had any guys try to manipulate me. But I've been a well-meaning guy who has said things awkwardly before.

Sorry, but I don't see it that way. IMO only...
Lets not forget, it was unsolicited...
First contact... Nice picture... What about the writing, the creativity, the great characters, and plots?
I know there are personals here, where people can and do hook up.
As a writer, we come to post stories....
If the guy had said. "Love your writing, nice picture BTW.... Different. That's polite.
Or... "I just stumbled across your ID, and must say. I really like your picture."
I think he was not a reader, but someone looking to hook up.
Maybe it's just me, because I have had a few similar incidents recently...

Cagivagurl

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Sorry, but I don't see it that way. IMO only...
Lets not forget, it was unsolicited...
First contact... Nice picture... What about the writing, the creativity, the great characters, and plots?
I know there are personals here, where people can and do hook up.
As a writer, we come to post stories....
If the guy had said. "Love your writing, nice picture BTW.... Different. That's polite.
Or... "I just stumbled across your ID, and must say. I really like your picture."
I think he was not a reader, but someone looking to hook up.
Maybe it's just me, because I have had a few similar incidents recently...

Cagivagurl

So what if it was "unsolicited"?
We can't compliment someone else unless they solicit it? How does that work?

 

[Bramblethorn]

I mean, maybe it is all lies and manipulation. But couldn't it just be a simple exchange where a guy liked freya's profile pic, complimented it, said to focus on inner beauty when he interpreted her reply as self-deprecating about her appearance, and then answered honestly that he hadn't read her stories but was considering it?

I guess it's possible, but odds are against it.

In my first few years on this site I had several PMs in that vein - the vague friendly greeting with some minimal-effort attempt to "personalise" it by referencing something in my profile or something I'd posted on a forum, or a vague "I liked your story" from somebody who didn't appear to have actually read it. Every single one ended up being a pickup attempt.

Not to defend this guy in particular, he may be just what you're describing, but I will say it doesn't seem strange to me to approach someone with something less than an all-out come-on. Dip a toe in the waters before diving in head first. See if she seems interested before asking to fuck, that kind of thing.

A woman isn't passive "waters" with a temperature to be taken before diving in. The interest one gets depends on what one has to offer.

The only thing this guy's told her about himself is "I haven't read your stories"; everything else is just copy-paste lines. That's solidly in negative sex-appeal territory. For all the effort he's made to be interesting, he might as well be saying "I want to put my dick in a woman, you'll do".

Even the guys who walk up to women with a cold-opening "wanna fuck" sometimes make the effort to shower, dress nicely, and pick the spinach out of their teeth first.