Responsibility

[ethereal~minx]

I agree there's a question here. it's difficult to pin down.
I want to believe what I believe, that I am responsible for me. that I'm the only one.
when I think about the last two years, I sometimes feel sick to my stomach. I entertain thoughts that I was cruely handled, intentionally, manipulated, maliciously, vicously and all right under my nose. I was told on two ocassions "you are very vulnerable right now..." with a concerned yet questioning me look...
I wanted to believe damnit, I wanted to believe in all the feelings he was allowing me to feel. He knew who I was, he knew my "innocence" my vulnerability, my searching.. you know? He knew he was using my mind against me, or using it anyway. He knew I was putty in his hands.. He knew what he was doing. yeah. so.

*deep breath* so while my mind was seemingly not my own, ultimately it was my responsibility. He made a nice trail of real life tangible evidence that should anything ever happen, he'd be vindicated and I'd be just plain crazy.

I don't know if it's true. there's sadness when I think this way. & pain. I didn't lose my mind, it's not gone forever, he let me have it back and I did learn that people are self-serving (I didn't say out to get you) and the only person caring about you, the only person responsible for you, is you.

 

[Richard49]

I don't know if it's true. there's sadness when I think this way. & pain. I didn't lose my mind, it's not gone forever, he let me have it back and I did learn that people are self-serving (I didn't say out to get you) and the only person caring about you, the only person responsible for you, is you.

yes we all are self serving
at lest to a point
weather we be submissives or Dominates

On my thread about are you a submissive, slave or sensualist
we can see a multifaceted diamond being looked at

We have a responisiblity to present ourselves as we are
not as some package that will get us what we want
we have a responsiblity to do what we can to find out who the other person really is.

We also need to be mature enough ot recognize the power of enlightened self interest.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Surrounded by the love as I am, I've found your right there is responsibility as well. The fantasy I can Dom my way out doesn't exist. I deal with problems the same way all couples do, we talk lol. And though tempting to make them cum in middle of arguements I refrain lol. Great thread Fungi.

 

[spankableBelle]

reading with great interest...

 

[Safphyre]

Excellant thread !!

It is my responsibility to make sure I choose a Dom that is responsible enough and i trust enough to put my safety in his hands ... no?

There's a whole lot of responsibility flying around here but the first step is for me to be responsible enough to choose a Dom to be responsible for me.

The bottom line is that I still hold onto to that a little bit of that responsibility with a safe word.

I think the rules are a bit different for the Dom/mes as you generally have to be responsible for yourself and your sub.

The game plans are very different for both sides.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Good thread

In My world I have taken responsibility for My own toys plus those I mentor both submissives and Dominants. I allow none of the above to escape their own responsibilities and responsibility is one of the most valuable lessons that I teach.

In My opinion We as Dominants are firstly and foremost responsible for Ourselves. If We cannot control Our own world we have no right to try and control the world of others.

We are responsible to choose Our submissives wisely so that they are compatible with Our desires and not just another notch on Our belts. It is Our responsibility to take off the rose colored glasses and look past their external beauty and into their need to submit to be certain their needs and desires will satisfy Us long term so that We do not begin a relationship that has no chance of surviving reality.

We are responsible to be brutally honest about who We are and what We are looking for. We are responsible for the emotional and physical well being of the submissive We accept as Ours. Yet We are also responsible to make sure that the submissive takes responsibility for themselves so that We do not in essence become nothing more than glorified babysitters.

We are responsible to consistantly encourage the submissive to understand that they are responsible for being all they represented themselves to be and to not become complacent once they have been accepted in their submission to Us.

They are responsible to take care of themselves both physically and emotionally so that they can serve both in joy and in health.
They are responsible to continue to grow and to strive to become all that they can be as the extention of their Master or Mistress.

I will stop now as I am beginning to bore Myself!

Of course I speak of D/s here.

 

[spankableBelle]

I will stop now as I am beginning to bore Myself!

Of course I speak of D/s here.

You have never bored me, that is for certain, and I doubt that you have ever bored any others here. What you says always smacks (ooooooohhhhhh...got a little tingly there when I typed that ) of realism, honesty, and wisdom.

This is an interesting and enlightening thread, especially in a day and age when very few are willing, much less wanting to take responsibility for themselves, let alone another person.

Belle

 

[Shadowsdream]

You have never bored me, that is for certain, and I doubt that you have ever bored any others here. What you says always smacks (ooooooohhhhhh...got a little tingly there when I typed that ) of realism, honesty, and wisdom.

This is an interesting and enlightening thread, especially in a day and age when very few are willing, much less wanting to take responsibility for themselves, let alone another person.

Belle

~~smile~~ thank you Belle

 

[FungiUg]

He knew who I was, he knew my "innocence" my vulnerability, my searching.. you know? He knew he was using my mind against me, or using it anyway. He knew I was putty in his hands.. He knew what he was doing.

Actually, that's a great example. Why? Because it illustrates perfectly what I have been trying NOT to do. I know I could do that -- and sure, it'd fuck them up, but who cares? After all, I'm the "Dom", and everyone is there to be used, right?

Except that attitude just doesn't work for me. I find that the submissives I play best with are people I respect and care for, and even love. And when you feel that way about someone, you don't fuck them over. (Well, I don't anyway.)

So I have to acknowledge who I am, and take resposibility for my actions -- so that I respect myself.

 

[FungiUg]

We are responsible to be brutally honest about who We are and what We are looking for.

SD, as always, your words strike chords, but that particular sentence leapt out and grabbed me. I think perhaps to emphasise a point this raises, that level of honesty also requires that we be honest, first and foremost, with ourselves. And that is HARD.

Worth doing though, and I think to improve ourselves as Dominants, it HAS to be done. How can we truly control someone else if we cannot first be who we really are?

 

[Shadowsdream]

SD, as always, your words strike chords, but that particular sentence leapt out and grabbed me. I think perhaps to emphasise a point this raises, that level of honesty also requires that we be honest, first and foremost, with ourselves. And that is HARD.

Worth doing though, and I think to improve ourselves as Dominants, it HAS to be done. How can we truly control someone else if we cannot first be who we really are?

Being brutally honest with Ourselves can be hard especially if We believe Our own press. I believe that the biggest downfall Dominants can face is being the catalyst to Their own humiliation when they get caught up in the myth of superiority. Though it works well in scene it does not go over well and is laughable when said Dominants truly believe they are all that and more.

We have the responsibility of being authentic and believable.

 

[FungiUg]

Yes. I've referred to that as the "God Dom" complex. The idea that because we are dominant, we are infallible. A trap -- and I think a big one.

A lot of what I get out of D/s is the thrill of experimenting, learning and discovering with a willing partner. If I were infallible, then what would be left to learn?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Submissives have as much responsibility in the relationship as Dominants do..yes?might have been brought up but i got mesmerized by Shadows av and didnt read above what she posted

someone coulda told me how F'ed up that typo was before he quoted me ya know

 

[Richard49]

As I use to tell my clients
before forced retirment

"never ever believe your own press"

 

[FungiUg]

Submissives have as much esponsibilit in the relationship as Dominants do..yes?might have been brought up but i got mesmerized by Shadows av and didnt read above what she posted

We are ALL responsible for ourselves, and our own actions. With a dominant, we must realise that how we interact with a submissive can seriously fuck them over -- mentally, physically, emotionally. So there is a resonsibility there in recognising that we need to act for the good of our partners.

Do submissives have the same responsibility? I would say so. Personally I think anyone who doesn't take responsibility for how their actions effect other people is dangerous.

I guess the point is that being dominant doesn't obviate that responsibilty. Not that submissives don't have that responsibility -- they certainly do.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I am

responsible for myself.
responsible for my actions.
responsible for things done under my direction.

Each person with whom I associate is

responsible for him/herself.
responsible for his/her actions.
responsible for choosing to do what I direct.

We are

responsible for our relationship.
responsible for the actions we take as a 'couple.'

The complex intertwining of responsibilities is what makes two people a couple, builds their relationship. I could, in theory, direct a submissive to go out and kill a movie star. If she does so, it is my responsibility. It is also her responsibility. We share that responsibility.

No contract or agreement I have ever made with a pyl has reduced her will to nothing. If I were to be presented with a pyl who wanted to make no decisions, who agreed that I would direct/choose her every action, control - in effect - her every breath... I would run for the hills. Thank the goddess, they're not far from me!

I could not - can not - will not establish a relationship with someone who wishes to be a mindless object for my gratification. That sounds like every teenage boy's wet dream, and it probably was mine, too - my teen years, with the exception of a few favored memories, are mostly forgotten and well-buried under the mists and dust of time. Having achieved some measure of adulthood and maturity, what I want in my pyl is an active mind which meshes with and engages mine; a will to be a part of my life; a person who can express her wishes, and who gives me the gift of her respect, devotion, and submission - but has the power and the right to withdraw that gift if I abuse it. It is my responsibility - to her, and to myself - to treat her as a precious gift which she has given me, for that is exactly what she is.

 

[Richard49]

We are responsible for the effect our actions
and inactions have on the lives of others
if not than there should be no legal punishment

 

[esclave_PP]

Yes! You really ought to write my Master! He could tell you all about it! He's been in the lifestyle 20+ years (he's a little older than me...53 and I am 36). If you want to private message and I will let him know you'd like to converse.

Master often has discussed this.

 

[RJMasters]

Sharing who I am

I tend to viw things from a different perspective, and some enjoy that, others don't and some just scratch their heads.

To be a Dom or a Master, one must be able to Dominate or master themselves first before they can hope to be successful in Dominating or Master another.

That said...I am still a work in progress to be sure, but have learned what Mastering myself is all about. It is about being at peace with who I am, even the bad stuff and growing. I cannot do something to another that will break that peace about myself. And diliberately hurting another to satisfy my own needs or wants breaks that peace.

Thus for me, Mastering is about sharing who I am and sharing the peace and confidence of who I am with another. So for me it is "all about me" with a sense of measured control. Hence one of my favorite word to ponder is "Self-Control".

The responsibility I must first attend to is my responsibility of myself, and if done correctly, will be more than adequate to be responsible for those I effect and touch around me.

 

[fallon2]

Being

a Master does indeed mean taking responsibility for yourself, your actions and for the sub.

She puts yourself in your hands and if you have listened closely then you understand what her needs are and how you can benefit yourself from fulfilling those needs.

Too often Masters concentrate on the physical and not enough on the mental aspects that the sub craves as well.

 

[Richard49]

Dr Willaim Glasser defines responsiblity as
'the ability to identfy and fullfil one's own needs without interfering with others fullfiling theirs"

 

[RJMasters]

Nicely said

Nicely said Richard.

I often am wordy. I admire one who can capture a deep truth in a clear and consice way.

Thanks for sharing.