Rituals and positions

[Shadowsdream]

Yes, acceptance. You really can see a change in the expression when they accept what IS.

and gratitude for being the chosen one.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

This deserves a BUMP given the present submissive discussions...

~anelize

 

[Wizard]

Sitting here this morning, checking out old threads while having my morning coffee, I was thinking of new things to do with skitten when she gets her health back and everthing is safe again to play. I thought this thread might help our newer members to get some thoughts and understanding. So on that note with all the great info posted here I give the old thread a nice bump back up to the top............

 

[WriterDom]

Rituals are very important for keeping things going in a LTR. Just like vanilla relationships, there is a drop off after the honeymoon period. And the demands of Life/family/work/school can get in the way. A few morning/evening and greeting rituals keep the head space alive.

I was going to start a new thread, but this is worthy of bumping up.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Rituals are very important for keeping things going in a LTR. Just like vanilla relationships, there is a drop off after the honeymoon period. And the demands of Life/family/work/school can get in the way. A few morning/evening and greeting rituals keep the head space alive.

I was going to start a new thread, but this is worthy of bumping up.

I agree. I thinkl the little extra energy required initially to devise and maintain the rituals is well worth the effort in the long term.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

During the conversation I had tonight with two of my best Lit friends in yahoo conference, this thread came to mind.

And given all the new faces on this board, I thought maybe this might be a good bump.

It was also a real nice walk down memory lane for me...

Hope it brings up some new discussion or is helpful to some.

 

[WriterDom]

During the conversation I had tonight with two of my best Lit friends in yahoo conference, this thread came to mind.

And given all the new faces on this board, I thought maybe this might be a good bump.

It was also a real nice walk down memory lane for me...

Hope it brings up some new discussion or is helpful to some.

What cute little feet you have

 

[RJMasters]

Nothing to add

Thank you(s) and compliments. Great thread.

Some of the rituals I enjoyed most were when I explored Gor Online.

The serving of tea/coffee, was a favorite, as was the dance.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

~bump~

Some of the rituals described here are delicious. Does anyone have any more ideas?

 

[RJMasters]

Two of my own favorite positions

I have adopted some positions and terminology from Gor, however to me the below positions are a very sacred things. As you read you will understand why I like them so much and how they are very useful to both my subs and Me.

Approach & Present (peace, afraid, shamed)

The approach positions are positions I have made up for my own pleasure and for communication between my submissive and me. The position itself does not change, however the direction the position is assumed in relation to the master is important. First I will describe the position, and then discuss what the 3 directions means.

Submissive approaches softly, gracefully and slow to the "place of the cherished one" ( a designated spot directly in front of the Master close to his feet). She lifts her hands above her head reaching upwards touching her inner wrists together, then slowly turns in a full circle. The goal is to stretch the body and show the master his property. Then gracefully kneels down upon knees ankles together tops of feet flat to the ground toes pointing backwards. Knees spread shoulder with apart. Bending at the waist, the torso is then laid flat to the ground breasts touching ground. Arms are extended outwards over the head palms down and fingers together extended with one hand placed delicately over the other. The forearms are flat on the floor and the head is lowered between the arms face just above floor. This is done by a swivel motion of the neck to swing her hair gracefully forward to lay nicely in front of her exposing her back and the nape of her neck. Using the forearms as support this position can be held for a very long time.

Peace - Is the approach & present position facing forward with the fingertips lightly touching the master's feet. By facing forward you communicate that all is well in your heart and mind and present yourself as an offering to the Master to be use for his pleasure, share His company or ready to learn.

Afraid - Is the approach & present position facing to the sub's left(the master's right). The middle of your body is centered on the master's feet but no contact is made. Facing this direction communicates a state of fear or confusion about something and wishes the Master to be aware of it. He may or may not address the issue immediately as to his liking, however he is made aware his submissive is confused, hurt or afraid. The submissive has communicated this, and she can now put her Master's needs ahead of her own trusting that the Master will in his time inquire into the matter.

Shamed - Is the approach & present position facing away from the master. Facing this direction communicates the feelings of guilt or knowledge of misbehavior. It communicates that the submissive has disgraced her master in someway knowingly and will not disrespect him by looking at him or facing him. The Master will realize something must be dealt with and will no doubt question the submissive to determine the source.

After the approach and presenting, the Master will acknowledge the submissive often by saying "Nadu" or Up.

Nadu(or Up)

The slave raises from the approach position and sits upon her heels with her back and shoulders straight, her chest out, belly in, and her head up, though she averts her eyes to the floor. Her thighs are open, widely spread; her hands rest upon her thighs. As she rises she flips her head backwards or swivels her head around to the side(which ever the masters finds more seductive) so that her hair is now laid upon her back and shoulders.

The exception is when the submissive is in the "shamed position". The Master will acknowledge the submissive by saying "whipping". Immediately the submissive will raise up into the "Nadu" position and then crosses her arms across her chest. After sweeping her hair forwards, leaving her back exposed for the whip(or other tool of choice), she bends at the waist, placing her forehead to the floor. From this position the Master will question and decide punishment. The submissive never knows if they will be whipped immediately or be forced to undergo another punishment, or both.

Using these positions and understanding what each means, the wise, obedient and humble submissive will honor their Master, bring him pleasure, and learn to develop the first steps of “unspoken communication”(send me a PM if your interested in what I mean by this).

The positions are meant to be enjoyed as the submissive is presenting herself to her Master, wanting to serve and be used by Him. It brings joy to both the Master and the submissive when done with love and grace. Even when the shame position is taken, a proper approach & present can soften a Master's heart to listen and understand(not always lol). He knows that even if disobedience has occured, his submissive shows respect to him, which is key to any mending, that needs to be done.

It is also a privilege, which is associated with the "place of the cherished one". To be able to "approach and present", the submissive is given a place of honor before their Master. The position of the cherished one is often one of the first real things given to the submissive by Me, it is then her responsibility to kept and earn that position through obedience, love and devotion. It is also the only way in which she knows she can present herself to me, her Master. Should this privilege be taken from her, it is truly a frightening and hurtful experience and considered a major punishment. She must wait till the anger of her Master is passed, before she is given a chance to approach and present.

Abuse of positions in an attempt to manipulate or get attention will often result in the revolking of the privilege to approach and present. The submissive must always remember that these positions are something that was first given, and can be taken away from them at any time by the Master.

Master's with more than one submissive will designate a different "place of the cherished one" for each submissive. To the left, center and right positions(only three are used if you want more than you figure it out for yourself). Each position is the same or equal unless the Master assigns more importance to one than the other.

Last thing: Though this is how I like to handle the day to day things, I realize at times they are not sufficient in dealing with special matters. At such times, I have no problem pulling a time out and just sit and talk with my submissive about somethings and work shit out. I'd like to think that our friendship wins out over any ritual or positions. Some may think that soft, I just think it's being realistic when shit gets all twisted up and goes south.

Enjoyed sharing, thanks for a good thread.

 

[WriterDom]

Super Bowl halftime bump

 

[BeachGurl2]

i'm always reluctant to post on really old threads, but this one interests me a great deal. i'm hoping others out there agree and post here as well.

i've enjoyed reading the rituals here, but would like to hear more about rituals from people who aren't in 24/7 relationships. i'm also interested in how you developed rituals that worked in front of your kids without being overt and freaking them out.

Thanks!

 

[chun_gong]

May not be the best idea...

This old thread interested me quite a lot. I love the beginning discussion about rituals. Who is in relationships where Rituals are observed? RL or OL? I think it is very nice to submit in these ways & the respect shown can go a long way.

My only question (this goes along with something else posted elsewhere) relates to neutrality. If you observe some 'down-time' in your 24/7 relationship, meaning X hours a day of open discussion, relaxed rules in public, etc. do you STILL have Rituals that you go through?

Would love to hear some updated versions and examples of Rituals!!!

 

[Kajira Callista]

This old thread interested me quite a lot. I love the beginning discussion about rituals. Who is in relationships where Rituals are observed? RL or OL? I think it is very nice to submit in these ways & the respect shown can go a long way.

My only question (this goes along with something else posted elsewhere) relates to neutrality. If you observe some 'down-time' in your 24/7 relationship, meaning X hours a day of open discussion, relaxed rules in public, etc. do you STILL have Rituals that you go through?

Would love to hear some updated versions and examples of Rituals!!!

I kinda think every D/s relationship has rituals. Maybe not the formal type but things that we just do because it is part of, or develops as part of the relationship.

 

[chun_gong]

I kinda think every D/s relationship has rituals. Maybe not the formal type but things that we just do because it is part of, or develops as part of the relationship.

Thanks KC - I agree totally. As a matter of fact, all relationships have rituals. This thread relayed some great examples, people reminisced (sp?), etc. I had to 'dredge it up' because of my curiosities.

This is about 3 years old...so where are we now? What rituals do 'you' have in your relationships? Through experience, how do OL rituals differ from RL rituals? (with the exception of the obvious)

PYL's how do you view rituals? What have you put in place?
pyl's how do you view the rituals before you? What type of emotional bond does this create?

There are millions of Q&A things going on here... I would love to hear what people have to say several years later!

 

[gingermango]

pyl's how do you view the rituals before you? What type of emotional bond does this create?

The rituals Goddess and I have tend to change over time; they've evolved much like the nature of the D/s relationship itself. I used to jokingly tell people that we had an "18/6" kind of relationship, because although Goddess is clearly the PYL in our relationship, she still deferred a lot to my decisions, she was often a bit insecure in her dominance (I'm her first true submissive and she was unsure at times). However, lately she's become much more empowered and our relationship really is 24/7 now.

That said, most of our rituals involve bedtime now, for a number of reasons. First, we have three kids 10 or under - they go to bed later in the evening than they used to and tend to get up earlier - weekends to play, and weekdays for school. That limits how open we feel comfortable being in our true roles. Second, those self-same kids all seem to have school and athletic activities that kill a LOT of evening and weekend time. Third, Goddess and I both have professional jobs - we each have to be groomed, well-dressed and moving pretty quickly in the mornings, leaving little time for formality.

But our routine for bed now involves me changing into a feminine satin nightgown or pajamas, then presenting myself for inspection. Sometimes I have to stand rock-still with my hands behind my back while she runs her hands across my silky body, sometimes Goddess prefers to have my swirl and flounce my nighty for her approval while she merely watches. I then have to lift my nighty and she will have me tie my cock and balls very tightly with a length of satin ribbon - If I don't do it to her satisfaction (tight enough, lacing the ribbon artfully enough), she will do it herself MUCH tighter than I would, so I learned quickly how she prefers me to do it. After I am properly laced up, Goddess has me pull my panties back up, lower my gown and get into bed with her. If she requires orgasm, I will provide them however she desires - usually she prefers my tongue and lips - two, three or sometimes four orgasms will usually make Goddess very sleepy and put her into a good mood for sleep. She will push me away when she's satisfied, then insist on seeing my tied cock. She knows that being allowed to lick her always arouses me, and the way the soft satin cuts into the swollen flesh as my 8" cock tries to become erect pleases her immensely. Sometimes she will grasp it roughly while pulling my panties back up and smiling, sometimes she will force me away with a firm foot pressed into my crotch, other times she'll simply say, "Go to sleep now, bitch." But either way, I'm firmly reminded who is in charge, that I live only to serve her, and that my physical pleasure is certainly not relevant at that moment.

When serving her is over, or on occasions when no service is required, I get into bed next to her and I am required to cover my eyes with a very feminine satin sleep mask, and once covered for the night, my eyes must remain covered for the entire night until the alarm sounds. I am not permitted to remove it otherwise without specific permission - that means that if I have to use the restroom in the night, I will have to disturb Goddess's sleep, and THAT means I will pay for the error in judging my bladder capacity! So I've learned to limit what I drink at night past a certain time, and to make very sure I have gone before being laced up for the night.

Sometimes Goddess will also cuff me - wrist to wrist, ankle to ankle, to limit my movements for the night as well. She enjoys restraining me for sleep and has recently cuffed my arms up over my head, my wrists secured to the headboard, though she has not since repeated that.

But in the morning when the alarm sounds, I have to rise and walk past her sight as I cross to the bathroom to shower and prepare for the day - she insists that I walk slowly and sensously so she can appreciate the shimmering satin on my body. After I've showered and cleaned up, I have to select my panties of the day, and once again, I am required to present myself to her side of the bed for her approval - if she's satisfied with my selection, she smiles and closes her eyes to sleep for a few more precious moments, if not, a raised eyebrow indicates it's time to go back to the lingerie drawer and select another pair.

These are our daily rituals, but in addition there are certain practices I must follow, especially socially. If offered wine or a beverage, I must make sure Goddess is served first of course. Assuming we are at a party rather than dinner out, before drinking anything or accepting hors d'ouvres, I am required to discreetly ask permission - often she simply says, "Yes, my love," or nods and smiles, but sometimes she smiles ever-so-sweetly and says simply, "No." She might change her mind lately or might not, but I better not ask. She'll inform me if she does.

I must attend her needs at all times. Even at parties where the men tend to congregate separate from the women, I am required to be near her at all times unless she dismisses me. I must ask her if I may be excused to use the restroom at all times, and I (as befits my tied and submissive sissy nature) must sit down even to pee unless facilities are not available to do so. Of course, once I am wearing The Curve chastity device that Goddess had me order last week, standing will simply no longer be an option for urination, much to Goddess's delight.

We have many other little things we do for one another but frankly they tend to change over time as Goddess's moods change. But those are some of the basics we fit into each and every day to reinforce our roles and make our lives feel more fulfilled and happy. And generally, they succeed very well - the more dominant Goddess has become in daily life (not just in our sex life), the closer and more content we feel with one another.

 

[chun_gong]

WOW! gingermango - thank you for sharing some of your rituals. I think that is a wonderful life that you share. It would be interesting working some of that around the kids, though. I have visions of kids running into your bedroom due to a scary nightmare. *yikes*

May you never find yourself in a men's room without a stall again. *wink*

 

[gingermango]

WOW! gingermango - thank you for sharing some of your rituals. I think that is a wonderful life that you share. It would be interesting working some of that around the kids, though. I have visions of kids running into your bedroom due to a scary nightmare. *yikes*

May you never find yourself in a men's room without a stall again. *wink*

Yeah, thank goodness for locking bedroom doors. But thankfully the kids are old enough at this point that scary dreams aren't the issue they were four or five years ago. And we've always had a policy against the kids coming into our room without permission, and fortunately that's paying dividends now.

And yes, if I'm stuck without a stall, it's going to be a problem. The Curve shipped yesterday and I'm guessing I'll be wearing it starting Thursday night or so. I suspect a little ritual will evolve around locking me in and unlocking me (on the rare occasions that she chooses to do so).


EDITED TO ADD:

Good grief, I forgot one of the newest and most powerful rituals we have now. As of about two months ago, I am absolutely forbidden an orgasm without first asking Goddess's permission and second, having something inserted into my mouth or anus, a gag, a plug or dildo. If we're playing with others, Goddess has already told me that the real thing may be substituted for toys at her whim.

 

[MechaBlade]

I have learned some things this week and wanted to share and discuss.

Rituals.

A new friend has described for me three levels of respect.

#1: Is the least formal. Basically, respectful interaction and following of specific instructions.

#2: Interacting as given permission and following all rituals, i.e. eating after He begins etc.

#3: Extremely formal. Never allowing one's self to be higher than him, physically. Not speaking without being granted permission. No eye contact. (This would only be good in scene, IMHO.)

Secondly:

We have been discussing positions that might be used in our D/s. They may have different names for other Dom/mes.

#1: Inspection: Standing tall, legs slightly spread and hands behind one's head. This may be used for sex play or to simply check and make sure the sub has completed her tasks i.e. yes, panties, no panties?

#2: Respect: Lying on one's tummy, head resting between his feet, kissing his feet. (Variation to be on one's knees bent over and doing the same. )

#3: Collaring position: (He uses the term losely just to give the position a name.) On one's knees, hands behind one's back awaiting attention from the Dom. (Instructions, praise, etc)

Let's chat about rituals, again, if you please.

I like this post (haven't read the rest of the thread yet).

I think I'd only have two "levels of respect": complete submission and normal relationship, for when we meet with friends and family, etc.

However, I'm working on an elaborate position list that I will refer to by numbers and my sub(s) must memorize. I've only got Position 1 so far.

 

[QuietlyMakingNoise]

There is such a need for threads like this one

In the last several years I've gone from a casual acquaintance with the BDSM world, to realizing that it was a very important part of my life, and then as far as the pleasure of knowing that My wife is submissive by nature. To honor her gift - that of her submission to Me - I've gone on a quest to understand further, to learn more and to leave a trail behind to those that seek to take the same journey (be it Dom or sub) that W/we've taken.

In the days and weeks to come I shall read every post here and learn all that I can, and where I run into trouble W/we will discuss it and try to get the most from it.

I'll post my distilled learnings, and a link to this thread on my yahoo 360 page to bring more like minded people to the knowledge and understanding that is within these posts.

Thanks to the originator and to all who've contributed.

You may find my 360 page at http://360.yahoo.com/master_n_mentor

Be well..

 

[Ebonyfire]

Rituals...looking back

Looking back to this thread, and after letting some time pass, I have found out that there are some things that are fundamental to how I live my life as a dominant.

Shadowsdream wrote:

"Rituals are a fundamental necessity in the 24/7 lifestyle that is My passion.
They reinforce control and obedience.
They accentuate respect and caring.
Rituals give consistency throughout the day."

I have found this to be absolutely true especially when you and your submissive or slave do not live in the same place and /or you have been apart for a some times. When you are together things are more apt to fall into place if there are rituals in effect. And you can watch the performance of these rituals to make sure they are performed correctly!

SD wrote:

"A re-affirmation to both partners, that a Total Power Exchange is in effect.

They confirm that both the Dominant and the submissive are totally dedicated to each other.

In My eyes these daily repetitions of devotion add an intensity to My desire to be continually Dominant. Performed with humility and love they reinforce the need My partner has to submit. "

I agree absolutely! I said Ditto when this was first written, and I say double ditto today! I believe rituals are necessary to the success and growth of relationships with my submissives.

Eb

 

[JMohegan]

In a separate discussion on different levels of control in D/s relationships, I was somewhat surprised that no one mentioned rituals as one type of control which could be considered extensive in many cases.

So I went to the Library (as all newbies are instructed to do ) and found this thread.

For those with an interest in the subject, I highly recommend the posts by Shadowsdream here. To me, this level of control seems extensive indeed. Though I do not practice this level of control, I have great respect for the dignity and commitment reflected in the behavior of Shadowsdream and her submissive, as well as for the eloquence with which Shadowsdream explains her lifestyle. Bathing, meals, shoes.... the scope of the rituals described here is impressive indeed.

There is also a post by RJ which represents, to me, a very high level of control over the simple act of entering the room to be in his presence.

Others provide meaningful contributions on this thread as well. So, for those who are interested in a respectful discussion of very high levels of control outside the bedroom - or, as RJ puts it in post 160 above, "the day to day things"..... here's what I consider to be a useful bump.

 

[BeachGurl2]

A good bump indeed. I have read through this thread before and enjoyed the peek into the rituals of others. From my perspective, rituals give me boundaries and expectations. I guess I never thought much about the level of control involved in rituals. But you're right, it is an extensive level of control when looking at some of the rituals discussed here. For myself, I crave that level of expectations - but then that also makes my discussion of micromanagement seem contradictory, doesn't it? And maybe it is contradictory. There are things I want to do myself, decide for myself. But I see them as simple things like what I'll wear and what I'll eat, whether I'll talk to a friend on the phone or play on the internet. So to me it's not contradictory. Oh, what do I know, anyway. I'm beginning to think I don't know much.

 

[RJMasters]

In a separate discussion on different levels of control in D/s relationships, I was somewhat surprised that no one mentioned rituals as one type of control which could be considered extensive in many cases.

So I went to the Library (as all newbies are instructed to do ) and found this thread.

For those with an interest in the subject, I highly recommend the posts by Shadowsdream here. To me, this level of control seems extensive indeed. Though I do not practice this level of control, I have great respect for the dignity and commitment reflected in the behavior of Shadowsdream and her submissive, as well as for the eloquence with which Shadowsdream explains her lifestyle. Bathing, meals, shoes.... the scope of the rituals described here is impressive indeed.

There is also a post by RJ which represents, to me, a very high level of control over the simple act of entering the room to be in his presence.

Others provide meaningful contributions on this thread as well. So, for those who are interested in a respectful discussion of very high levels of control outside the bedroom - or, as RJ puts it in post 160 above, "the day to day things"..... here's what I consider to be a useful bump.

Ah yes, this post made long ago...and yes I used this online back in the days I was into gorean roleplay(umm yeah)...though after rereading it myself it seems like I am looking at an old picture of myself and saying...omg I never looked like that did I?

Rereading that post, honestly I doubt that I could personally practice what I wrote there in RL as it just doesn't seem to fit me and where I have grown.

 

[RJMasters]

A good bump indeed. I have read through this thread before and enjoyed the peek into the rituals of others. From my perspective, rituals give me boundaries and expectations. I guess I never thought much about the level of control involved in rituals. But you're right, it is an extensive level of control when looking at some of the rituals discussed here. For myself, I crave that level of expectations - but then that also makes my discussion of micromanagement seem contradictory, doesn't it? And maybe it is contradictory. There are things I want to do myself, decide for myself. But I see them as simple things like what I'll wear and what I'll eat, whether I'll talk to a friend on the phone or play on the internet. So to me it's not contradictory. Oh, what do I know, anyway. I'm beginning to think I don't know much.

I don't think its contridictary. As I said in my last post, I think that sometimes there are "specific" areas where Micro can be positive. I think many would say they do not like "everything" to be micro.

As far as JM's point, yes I thought of rituals as well...as they can be a structured form of micro or a slightly different version...than what is normally thought of.