Safe words - Need some advice on how to choose.

[the captians wench]

I understand where you're coming from now. If you don't want training or pushing you should definitely say so. If you think it's best you end your sessions with this guy then you're probably right. I've never been in a relationship that wasn't exclusive so I didn't understand your perspective on being pushed and trained by someone other than your Master.

Is it very long till you see him?

This other guy I'll see today. I won't be able to actually see my master in the flesh until november.

I've never had this problem with a play mate before, they've always been just that. But I don't think this will be good enough for this guy and that's all I'm willing to offer.

I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just past the need for some one else, it's just not as satisfying as it used to be. I love my friends, and they tend to take care of my needs when I have them, but an out side playmate may just not be right anymore. *shrugs*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

This other guy I'll see today. I won't be able to actually see my master in the flesh until november.

I've never had this problem with a play mate before, they've always been just that. But I don't think this will be good enough for this guy and that's all I'm willing to offer.

I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just past the need for some one else, it's just not as satisfying as it used to be. I love my friends, and they tend to take care of my needs when I have them, but an out side playmate may just not be right anymore. *shrugs*

this is something i would not be able to do, nor would Master be ok with it. don't get me wrong i'm not knocking you for having 'playmates' it's just not something Master was willing to let me have. and think the situation you are describing is precisely why.....and if all you are able to offer him is a 'play partner' and he wants more, well then, yea, it's not gonna work out......just doesn't sound like he'll respect your Master's boundaries......

 

[myinnerslut]

i dont know if ill be much help since the last time play partners got brought up, A told me "you are mine, all mine, and no-ones but mine" so i have never been in that situation. it seems to me though t hat if someone were to cuase you to feel llike they were stepping on the toes of your master, whether purposly or not, the first step is to tell him and make it clear you are not ok with it, and if he cant accept it then walk away.

 

[the captians wench]

i dont know if ill be much help since the last time play partners got brought up, A told me "you are mine, all mine, and no-ones but mine" so i have never been in that situation. it seems to me though t hat if someone were to cuase you to feel llike they were stepping on the toes of your master, whether purposly or not, the first step is to tell him and make it clear you are not ok with it, and if he cant accept it then walk away.

well this is sort of how things went.

he got me into my slave head, which granted is not that hard but not many people try, and things got intence. He tried to get me to acknoweldge him as "my master" and I refused to say it, he pressed the issue and I yellowed. He looked me in the eyes and said "things are getting to intence for you aren't they sweetie" and I replyed with anger in my eyes I'm sure as I could feel it, "you are NOT my master".

We talked abit about what was going on. He said he wasn't trying to take me from my master but it was obvious that I felt that way for what ever reason. I told him that I had said before I was worried things were moving too fast, and he agreed. But I don't think he really understood. He only knows a small fraction of what I've been thru in my life and how fragile I really am. And as I had told him many times, even yesterday I had told him, there is a lot to know about me before things get intence, and most people respect that. Most of the people that I have really played with have known me for a few months before they come any where near messing with my head.

Anyway, he helped me back to reality and said I have 24 hours to change my mind. But that just pisses me off. If I change my mind and want to continue our relationship than I am to email him appologizing and be prepared to accept punishment. I don't think any one has a real right to punish me besides my master, and besides that I don't think it's right to punish me for what he would be punishing me for. I told him how I felt, I don't think I should be punished for that, and any one who would punish me for that is some one I don't need in my life. But I know what he's getting at. He's saying I should be punished for not trusting him. I don't know the fucker that well, I told him that, and he's not the first person to tell me "I want to help you and I respect your master, I won't ever try to take you away from him" and then turn around and demand me to call him "my master"? Bah! it's over it's done, and I think this has taken me past the point of even slightly desiring some one to play with. I'll just hope that my friends take an interest in me some times.

 

[myinnerslut]

Bah! it's over it's done, and I think this has taken me past the point of even slightly desiring some one to play with. I'll just hope that my friends take an interest in me some times.

good for you!!!!!

 

[Netzach]

well this is sort of how things went.

he got me into my slave head, which granted is not that hard but not many people try, and things got intence. He tried to get me to acknoweldge him as "my master" and I refused to say it, he pressed the issue and I yellowed. He looked me in the eyes and said "things are getting to intence for you aren't they sweetie" and I replyed with anger in my eyes I'm sure as I could feel it, "you are NOT my master".

We talked abit about what was going on. He said he wasn't trying to take me from my master but it was obvious that I felt that way for what ever reason. I told him that I had said before I was worried things were moving too fast, and he agreed. But I don't think he really understood. He only knows a small fraction of what I've been thru in my life and how fragile I really am. And as I had told him many times, even yesterday I had told him, there is a lot to know about me before things get intence, and most people respect that. Most of the people that I have really played with have known me for a few months before they come any where near messing with my head.

Anyway, he helped me back to reality and said I have 24 hours to change my mind. But that just pisses me off. If I change my mind and want to continue our relationship than I am to email him appologizing and be prepared to accept punishment. I don't think any one has a real right to punish me besides my master, and besides that I don't think it's right to punish me for what he would be punishing me for. I told him how I felt, I don't think I should be punished for that, and any one who would punish me for that is some one I don't need in my life. But I know what he's getting at. He's saying I should be punished for not trusting him. I don't know the fucker that well, I told him that, and he's not the first person to tell me "I want to help you and I respect your master, I won't ever try to take you away from him" and then turn around and demand me to call him "my master"? Bah! it's over it's done, and I think this has taken me past the point of even slightly desiring some one to play with. I'll just hope that my friends take an interest in me some times.

In defense of people in LD's who aren't scared to let their slave's needs be met by other people once in a while, I will say that not everyone is always such a dick when playing with other people's property.

That's really just bad form, period, in regards to this guy and your owner.

 

[Amora]

I don't know much about this side of things but sounds to me like you made an excellent decision, one of which Your Master is most likely to be very proud (of course, I would not presume to know how your Master thinks)

I'm sorry this happened for you hun.

Hugs

Amora

 

[sundowner13]

thankyou for the words of wisdom here

 

[Shankara20]

I now understand this comment.

I wish for you that had been much easer then it was

well this is sort of how things went...

 

[SephStarr]

Speaking of safewords: I'm literally just getting in to BDSM now (after having had a LOT of detailed fantasies about it all, I actually tried some of it out for the first time last night-by the way, SQUEEEEE!) and safewords are something that I suppose I'm soon going to have to start thinking about.

Last night, everything was fairly low-level (well, by the standards of people who've done this before-for me, of course, it was fairly mindblowing...) and he said that at this level, 'NO' or 'STOP' said in the right tone of voice would be fine. If not, I was to say 'safeword'.

And quite seriously, I'm bloody glad it wasn't needed. Because at one point, I was saying 'no' and 'stop' anyway-not meaning it, mind, but I was so caught up in the whole thing that it just seemed like the right thing to be saying somehow-and I don't think I could have brought 'safeword' to mind. On the one occasion (this was during completely vanilla sex, he'd accidentally triggered something he couldn't have known about-not his fault!) that I've needed to get the bloke to STOP NOW, I made it very clear to him by pulling away and practically leaping out of bed. That's a little harder when you're cuffed spread-eagled to the bedpost...

...but ramblings aside, oh my GOD that was amazing. I can't bloody WAIT till we can do it again.

 

[Shankara20]

...but ramblings aside, oh my GOD that was amazing. I can't bloody WAIT till we can do it again.

sounds like it might be time for you to consider how you want your safewords to work - for you and your safety

I suggest you might take some time, if you have not already do so, to read some of the posts in this thread. A goodly number of people have shared diverse opinions about safewords.

Thanks for your story.

 

[SephStarr]

sounds like it might be time for you to consider how you want your safewords to work - for you and your safety

I suggest you might take some time, if you have not already do so, to read some of the posts in this thread. A goodly number of people have shared diverse opinions about safewords.

Yes-I've read through this thread already, and before we do anything again I intend to have a quick conversation with him about it. I wouldn't want to do anything heavier than last night without a safeword, just in case.

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Whenever we try this, my ex (not for much longer, mind you) and I shall definitely have to pick a safe word. We're both fairly new to D/s, though I've had inclinations and fantasies about it for a while and she knows it. She is mainly experimenting with the idea, to see how she likes it. From how she is talking lately, she might well enjoy it. I've rented some bondage films and she has really liked them.

If she doesn't like it, of course, then we can cancel that. But I'm optimistic that she has a sub side and that it is emerging.