Safewords

[morninggirl5]

Re: Great Thread!

Good answer, Zipman.

As a dominant, I INSIST on a safeword. The safeword can and should be used when any type of scenario arises which is too difficult for the submissive. There is absolutely no shame in using a safeword.

This goes farther than the PHYSICAL; it can also be used in everyday situations. For example, if the sub is directed to be more assertive if that is contrary to his or her normal demeanor.

As a newbie sub, i ask all potential dominants what safeword they normally use. Or what safeword they used the last time they played. The non-answers i've received have been both educational and entertaining. It's become one of my "litmus test" questions.

Safe Gestures?,...Well,...that's another concern. Do any of you have ones you use over and over, in particular situations, (such as gagged, hooded, speech impaired, hearing impaired, etc.)????

The Dominant that i'm talking with now, brought up the issue of safe gestures the first time i mentioned safe words. Definitely a reassuring act for me.

He uses a red and yellow ball, one in each hand. If dropped, he will put it back in the sub's hand and if she takes it, he knows dropping it was accidental. If she doesn't take it, he knows she's using the safeword.

 

[Ghost's amaris]

Originally posted by artful


Safe Gestures?,...Well,...that's another concern. Do any of you have ones you use over and over, in particular situations, (such as gagged, hooded, speech impaired, hearing impaired, etc.)????

The example I gave was because when i get into deep subspace i loose my voice all together i can not moan or anything else. So we have safe guesters/actions.

That is the one and only time. I have never ever used it at any other time. It was a good thing that we have what we have.

What our action or guester depends on the postion that we are playing in. Things have different meaning depending on the position you are playing in.

Ghost's amaris

 

[bunny bondage]

heh, an octopus hailing a taxi, i like that one!

as to the reason for my choice of "philistine" as opposed to "red" is that a one sylablle word can sometimes just be mistaken for a moan (if i've got something in my mouth or airflow is being cut off) so i thought that something which is obviously an attempt to say a word would be a little safer.

 

[H piltdown]

We used safewords years ago. We wanted to do everything by the book. We used the book, (SM 101, 1992). But the years pass, and we grow older, or just old! Now, we know each other's desires and limits so well, we don't even remember what our original safewords were. Plus, we changed them often to make the incorporation of others easier. Today, since we don't play with other Dominants, we just let the sub choose whatever they feel comfortable with. When I bottom for my wife, we have no need for safewords. She knows me way too well, and that can be pretty scary sometimes.

 

[MissTaken]

I have used the safe word, once.

It was during a scene that I have previously described on the forum, but the bottom line was that due to the nature of the scene and the intense pain involved, I would not be able to relax and complete the activity.

Safe words are great tools to protect SAFETY. I think that there are times when subs may feel that a safeword empowers them to the degree to which they can top their Dom. A true sub is not in control of the scene, only in so far as safety is concerned.

If a sub misuses a safe word or becomes too dependent on the word, it is likely that that Dom isn't going to stick around too long.

So, they must be used with caution.
There must be communication before ever scening under what circumstances to expect a safeword to be used.
Using a safe word to say, "I am bored. I have had enough adn have better things to do" or , "RED! Isn't it time to paint my nails now?"



Eventually, sometimes sooner than later, two people do know one another well enough to recognize all the signs and cues without ever having to use safewords.

For starters, they are good tools to have.

The safe word needs to be easy to remember. Sometimes, it is just a way of communicating for a sub who is non verbal in subspace, as has been discussed here.

 

[~Dream~]

Yes NEMO

Oooh, the ball-dropping idea is my favorite kind of safeword. It becomes another element of the erotism for me to be required to hold onto something while being ____(fill in the blank)____ed. If I let go, the play stops; but while I'm holding on, I should expect no quarter unless the Dom wills it.

________________
I cant exactly point out wht it is , but something about having to hold that or anything ELSE Master tells me to HOLD on to while being "stimualated in other ways .. omg I cant even finish this... hehe

 

[Artless Preen]

Was that English? You're a student? Christ, try that one again would you?

 

[~Dream~]

 

[zipman]

Another important topic for all to consider.


b-b-b-b-bump Sorry for the stutter!

 

[justgem]

.

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Safewords

editted to add: another thought. if stubborness keeps a sub from using her safe word and she is injured as a result, just how betraying is that to your Dom? how do you think He would feel after He gave you that failsafe and you refused to use it? you have put Him in a position of shouldering the responsibility for an injury that you could have and should have prevented.

Thank you......one of the reasons I always use safewords is for MY protection as well as the sub. I would feel awful (and in some places be liable for prosecution, especially if the lady got angry about it later), even if it was HER choice not to tell me to stop.

It's a communication tool, and communication is vital to a D/s scenario or relationship working.

For me, since I do a lot of public play at parties & conventions & clubs with people I don't know that well, it's an important safeguard for both of us. "Red-yellow-green" is simple, and easy to explain to any potential playmate as part of the basic discussion (right up there with 'do you have any injuries or medical problems I should know about') when playing with strangers & newbies to prevent hurt feelings or worse.

I read thru some of the threads about their use being possibly counterproductive & agree with using "red-yellow-green" (which has always been my standard anyway) as a way of giving a "slow-down" and "go" instead of JUST a "stop". In talk of safe gestures (for gagged scenes) this can be expanded to "left hand slow-right hand stop", or "one tap for slow, three for stop"

Additionally, a 3-tier safeword can HELP stretch limits in some cases.......I have a regular playmate who LOATHES certain of my toys, but she wants to be able to take more. Rather than yelling "STOP!" any time I use them, I add them in the midst of a scene, she takes as much as she can, and calls "Yellow" and I know to drop that for a while and go to more acceptable sensations for a bit. This allows her to push herself a bit more each time

My opinions Tomatoes may be thrown

 

[Ebonyfire]

My subs have safewords

and when they cannot speak they have signals. But I do not rely on those things.

I watch him carefully, and I intermittently poll him for information. I some times ask him if he remembers his safe words, if he i snot gagged. I also ask what his pain threshold is on a scale of 1 to 10. In others words I try to insure that he is aware of what is happening if I am unsure he is ok.

It helps a lot, partucularly if he slips into subspace rather easily.

Eb

 

[Justina123]

"Yellow"

As a sub, I do have this "I don't want to say red, that would be disappointing Sir and wussing out" thought that pretty much always goes through my head. So that's why I like knowing I have the "yellow" word, for me it's more guilt-free, 'cause it doesn't mean I'm stopping the action.

Of course, I've almost never used any safeword, but for me personally, knowing I have "yellow" and not just red is important. Of course, my Dominant does as Ebony says above and checks with me every so often, "Do you remember your safeword?" and also uses a 1-10 intensity scale occasionally (esp. if using a new flogger, etc.), so all that really helps too.

- justina

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Safewords

Thank you......one of the reasons I always use safewords is for MY protection as well as the sub. I would feel awful (and in some places be liable for prosecution, especially if the lady got angry about it later), even if it was HER choice not to tell me to stop.

It's a communication tool, and communication is vital to a D/s scenario or relationship working.

For me, since I do a lot of public play at parties & conventions & clubs with people I don't know that well, it's an important safeguard for both of us. "Red-yellow-green" is simple, and easy to explain to any potential playmate as part of the basic discussion (right up there with 'do you have any injuries or medical problems I should know about') when playing with strangers & newbies to prevent hurt feelings or worse.

I read thru some of the threads about their use being possibly counterproductive & agree with using "red-yellow-green" (which has always been my standard anyway) as a way of giving a "slow-down" and "go" instead of JUST a "stop". In talk of safe gestures (for gagged scenes) this can be expanded to "left hand slow-right hand stop", or "one tap for slow, three for stop"

Additionally, a 3-tier safeword can HELP stretch limits in some cases.......I have a regular playmate who LOATHES certain of my toys, but she wants to be able to take more. Rather than yelling "STOP!" any time I use them, I add them in the midst of a scene, she takes as much as she can, and calls "Yellow" and I know to drop that for a while and go to more acceptable sensations for a bit. This allows her to push herself a bit more each time

My opinions Tomatoes may be thrown

I would rather eat the tomatoes.

Eb

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Safewords

I would rather eat the tomatoes.

Eb

I can think of better ways to use teeth

 

[entitled]

We use the green/yellow/red three step system, but use slightly different words. More would be the same as green (He likes to hear me beg for some reason ), time is the middle ground, and red is the absolute stop. It's just much easier for both of us that way. i can say the one-syllable words much more easily and they tend to be easier to remember than the traffic-light associations for both of us.

 

[Bondagebunni]

*lurk* i'm just hanging around reading posts...just thought i'd let everyone know i'm enjoying reading their opinions, even though i have nothing to add.

 

[AvaAdore]

we use red and yellow (both of us are quite new to BDSM, we havent had to say them yet). however there was one time when he was whipping me and i was tied up it got to be nearly too much, and i yelled that i couldnt take anymore. he stopped, though i sort of wished he didnt. he said he couldnt go on with it after i said something like that. oh well, we're learning.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Safewords

I can think of better ways to use teeth

I hate human bite marks. They can be nasty.

 

[bunny bondage]

oh i disagree! i'm currently covered in human bite marks and they look fab!

 

[Ebonyfire]

oh i disagree! i'm currently covered in human bite marks and they look fab!

Yeah well you are a sub, are u?

 

[tyme]

Me and my husband are just starting to get into things and one of the first things we did was set up two safewords. We have never used them but like I said we are new to this and are taking it slow. Thanks for all your storys everyone they help us alot.

 

[Bondagebunni]

oh i disagree! i'm currently covered in human bite marks and they look fab!

i don't have any bite marks on me right now...My Dom wont mark me...i do wish, just once, he'd leave a little bite mark just as a showing of ownership...

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Safewords

I hate human bite marks. They can be nasty.

They're good for other things (teeth, not bite marks!)
Rapid panty destruction if you're lacking a blade, for instance

 

[Bondagebunni]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Safewords

They're good for other things (teeth, not bite marks!)
Rapid panty destruction if you're lacking a blade, for instance

fingers can do that too if you get the right thread.