Self Esteem

[kiba]

To me the best thing for MY self esteem is to surround myself with real friends who i know are not afraid to tell me the truth about myself and what i am doing. Much better to know exactly where you stand good or bad.

 

[EJFan]

To me the best thing for MY self esteem is to surround myself with real friends who i know are not afraid to tell me the truth about myself and what i am doing. Much better to know exactly where you stand good or bad.

this seems to be a recurring theme... and rightly so. there's no way that positive people can CAUSE good self esteem but it's a guarantee that negative people will DESTROY self esteem and every other positive emotion they encounter.

i have to wonder though... what happens when your self esteem is molded (for better or worse) by something other than your environment and your internal mechanism? suppose there's a biological and/or chemical issue in play.

 

[kiba]

this seems to be a recurring theme... and rightly so. there's no way that positive people can CAUSE good self esteem but it's a guarantee that negative people will DESTROY self esteem and every other positive emotion they encounter.

i have to wonder though... what happens when your self esteem is molded (for better or worse) by something other than your environment and your internal mechanism? suppose there's a biological and/or chemical issue in play.

That is a good point it seems that a lot of things are out of our hands and we just try to do the best with what we are given

 

[bisexplicit]

My self-esteem tends to be particularly tied up in my body image.

Well, then, I would say that you're an American female.

 

[Eilan]

Well, then, I would say that you're an American female.

Isn't that interesting, though? I mean, I don't go around saying, "I'm so stupid. My reading comprehension sucks. My knowledge of 'elementery' statistics leaves a lot to be desired." And so on.

 

[kiba]

Well, then, I would say that you're an American female.

Honestly believe it is a male thing too why else post pics to get a female response?

 

[bisexplicit]

Isn't that interesting, though? I mean, I don't go around saying, "I'm so stupid. My reading comprehension sucks. My knowledge of 'elementery' statistics leaves a lot to be desired." And so on.

Because all females are stupid at math, duh.
And all females need, regardless of anything else, to be pretty in order to be accepted.

 

[Eilan]

Because all females are stupid at math, duh.

I had two undergraduate majors--one was math. And while I've forgotten a lot of it, I don't need to know jack about elementary statistics to be able to make fun of a damn picture. God, but that was a fun thread.

And all females need, regardless of anything else, to be pretty in order to be accepted.

Define pretty.

 

[SensualMale]

Perhaps the question isn't worded correctly...

How do you change your way of thinking to be more positive?

Think less of the negative, for starters. And don't give a damn about what most other people think

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan quoth
define pretty.

backs way away from the thread...

ed

 

[ewopper]

more than anything look into your own feelings/thoughts and what are their basis?

I have to agree totally... in the words of Frederick Douglass [I think] no one can make you feel bad without your consent. Stop looking for others' approval
Iparaphrased that lol but the idea is honorable

 

[Private_Label]

Perhaps the question isn't worded correctly...

How do you change your way of thinking to be more positive?

Got to second the surround yourself with positive people comment. Also don't hang out with negetive people (not necessarily the same thing as the first comment). Make a list of your good points and think about them every day.

If you have depression or suffer from it (if you dwell on bad points too often), I would suggest seeing a profressional a few times just to get their take on it, and recomend that you stick to any drug regimen - it can take up to 6 to 8 weeks for stuff to start working (for me it took 2 weeks to notice an improvement) - but if I miss one dose, it does affect my mood for a couple of weeks.

 

[M's girl]

And accept compliments. I don't know if you are like I used to be (and still am sometimes) I had a feeling the compliments I received weren't genuine for some reason. It took some work but I learned to accept and appreciate them.

True, think about it. People are very 'hard' and not always 'very caring' these days. So if someone does pay you a compliment you may assume it's genuine (spelled right? hmmm). I very much like the saying "fake it 'til you make it", haha, didn't know it but it sure as hell worked for me!

Just an example: in my high school final year the school had asked me to do the farewell speech. I was soooo afraid but proud at the same time they asked me. When I was up on the stage I was so nervous I thought everyone could see that I was. When my speech was over I just wanted to crawl under the stage in embaressment but then everyone started to applaud and as I walked down from the stage people complimented me. I was totally amazed and surprised. Later on I thought about it and figured that there must be thousands of people making public speeches or whatever every day... and you look at them and listen to them and they sound so sturdy and solid and they seem so confident. Now I know that some of them are actually almost dying there on stage. But they do it and by the 10th time it's a piece of cake. That's building self esteem, and that's called 'fake it 'till you make it'.... I guess.....

By the way.... Barba Streisand still is afraid as hell to go on stage before a performance.... go figure!

And if part of a confidence/ self esteem issue is related to how you look? Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Besides, there's plenty of people that may look beautiful on the outside (according to what standards was that again by the way?) to the majority of people, but who have nothing to say or whatever. What makes a person interesting and fun to be with is a certain degree of intelligence, wit, humor, compassion for others and things like that. As far as I can see you have nothing really to complain about, Bi... (but then again you didn't, so....)

 

[midwestyankee]

I have to agree totally... in the words of Frederick Douglass [I think] no one can make you feel bad without your consent. Stop looking for others' approval
Iparaphrased that lol but the idea is honorable

Eleanor Roosevelt is most often credited with this line, but it's possible that she was quoting Fredrick Douglass.

 

[adoggie42]

Lifelong Process....

Bi,

I've fought low self esteem all my life. Brother with an IQ that can only be estimated, 7-figure salary, big house, lots of travel. Sister who can play any instrument, reproduce any piece of artwork, make anything she desires come out of the end of a pencil. Mother used to beat the crap out of me anytime my brother OR sister did anything wrong.

I've worked harder than most just to keep my head above water and still feel I'm loosing ground. Resorted to meds to take the edge off years ago. (Good way to find QUACKS in the medical field.)

IF I stay on my meds and IF I work twice as hard as anyone else I can accomplish enough to be reasonably happy.

Just lately I've found a way to feel good about myself. I have started looking for people who like sex, like fantasy, like to be nude: all of those things I was told were bad for me. I fill my soul up trying to give all of me away to someone else.
*********************
Optimist: Someone with a distorted view of reality
Pessimist: Someone who takes no pleasure in being right all of the time.
*********************

 

[SlyKitten]

Unfortunately, I know some of my self esteem is linked to how I look. In junior high I had a couple of extra pounds and to hear my fellow students' cruel comments really gave me a hard time believing I was more than my looks. Even today I struggle with that, though in a lesser degree than I did (I used to not go out at all - for classes, work or even buy milk - if I didn't look perfect).

I second Bi as president for a self esteem reinforcing support group

 

[bisexplicit]

I second Bi as president for a self esteem reinforcing support group

Aww, thank you.

Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised by the number of people who have issues with their self esteem? I suppose I logically know that quite a few people struggle...but, its still a bit shocking to see how many people have to fight this battle, too.

 

[Pyro Paul]

Speak for yourself. With very few exceptions, my friends/acquaintances are at least my intellectual equals (if not superiors).

Bi, I've tended to adopt silverwhisper's fake-it-until-you-make-it approach myself. My self-esteem tends to be particularly tied up in my body image (as opposed to other aspects of who I am).

yeah, if you dont know what your talking about, at least Sound like it. it works well if you have a genearal knowledge of everyting.

 

[silverwhisper]

[chuckles]

bi, think about the demographic for a second. :>

ed

 

[ewopper]

Okay, so this may be the stupidest question ever asked, but...

How do you develop self esteem, really?

first and foremost accept you for you, you know your thoughts, dreams and desires, don't let anyone define you according to their perceptions. Remember everyone has insecurities and the ones that go out of their way to find yours is trying to keep you from finding theirs . Lastly, dismiss all the negative thoughts you may have about yourself

 

[ewopper]

Aww, thank you.

Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised by the number of people who have issues with their self esteem? I suppose I logically know that quite a few people struggle...but, its still a bit shocking to see how many people have to fight this battle, too.

part of it is our society. We go out of our way to find fault in others; and we set rules that we can't live by, but we expect others to follow them to the letter.

 

[M's girl]

Aww, thank you.

Is it just me, or is anyone else surprised by the number of people who have issues with their self esteem? I suppose I logically know that quite a few people struggle...but, its still a bit shocking to see how many people have to fight this battle, too.

Ha! That's the one! Now if you KNOW this it makes you look differently at yourself too about this, no? It's sort of what I was trying to say in my earlier reply. Most people have confidence/self esteem issues to some degree. Some hide it better than others. But don't think if you see a confident looking someone that they don't have to deal with some issues themselves. Plus there's plenty of people out there who act as if they balance the entire world from the tip of their finger ONLY and BECAUSE they are scared as hell!

 

[ewopper]

Ha! That's the one! Now if you KNOW this it makes you look differently at yourself too about this, no? It's sort of what I was trying to say in my earlier reply. Most people have confidence/self esteem issues to some degree. Some hide it better than others. But don't think if you see a confident looking someone that they don't have to deal with some issues themselves. Plus there's plenty of people out there who act as if they balance the entire world from the tip of their finger ONLY and BECAUSE they are scared as hell!

Iagree totally

 

[babydoll2u]

Unfortunately, I know some of my self esteem is linked to how I look. In junior high I had a couple of extra pounds and to hear my fellow students' cruel comments really gave me a hard time believing I was more than my looks. Even today I struggle with that, though in a lesser degree than I did (I used to not go out at all - for classes, work or even buy milk - if I didn't look perfect).

I second Bi as president for a self esteem reinforcing support group

wow do I know how you feel........ I've always been overweight, always will be (genetics). Cruel fellow students, cruel adults, men making you feel like they're doing you a favor by dating you, even cruel family members.
Low self-esteem... heh... most days I think I'm doing pretty good, some days (like tonight), I feel at my lowest.

Bi has my third vote, lol.

 

[ewopper]

Eleanor Roosevelt is most often credited with this line, but it's possible that she was quoting Fredrick Douglass.

Well people have quoted him a lot, I have it on a tshirt I bought at the Blacks in Wax museum in Baltimore MD. and they gave him credit. B ut I won't dispute you. I'll just do more research into it. thanks