Sensual Domination!

[Luna_Wolf72]

I don't want someone to order me around and act as if their mere words and orders are what cause me to tremble. I want someone to really dissect me, to learn about me, to challenge me. If they can do that, then I give them a key to the very inner part of me and once they unlock that, I am theirs. They can manipulate the fuck out of me if they want to at that point, because I have granted that to them...but you have to get there first...and that takes work.

You are right on with that darlin. A relationship (to me) is always a two way street. The same amount of knowledge I expect my pets to have concerning me is exactly the amount of learning I do about them. It makes the play (when it happens) that much deeper, that much more surreal. It cinches it for me (and for them).

 

[graceanne]

Now, getting them to that point?

Good luck.

 

[InnerDarkness]

To get the best service from them is one thing. I want them to want to give me control. To trust me. To open themselves to me. I want to learn all of their inner thoughts, feelings and agendas. Not mind control, I don't want to control them. I want them to control themselves for the reason that they know it will please me, make me happy and make me proud of them. They have to want to be with me.

beautiful...

 

[kitty4ever]

My trust is earned, not given. I have very high, very thick walls. And, they're layered. Yes, you may get through one, or two but each one you get through means you have earned more of my trust. I have very specific boundaries. If you don't respect them, then you will not earn my trust.

Betticus and I have spoken about my walls, my boundaries on numerous occasions. He respects them and has earned the title of friend. He is not my closest friend, but he's not just an acquaintance. Others have not respected my wishes, my boundaries, and those do not earn my trust.

Why are my walls so high, so layered? Because my own personal armor is shot, torn up and does no good anymore. No one has that trust, for me to allow them close enough to see the inner me who has pitiful armor. That man, if he even exists, would have to be incredibly patient. A part of me hopes that he exists, but it gets smaller and smaller over time.

I was talking to a friend today, and she commented about my bitterness. As I told her, "I've made lemonade with the lemons that I've been given. Just some days there is more sugar available than others."

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

To get the best service from them is one thing. I want them to want to give me control. To trust me. To open themselves to me. I want to learn all of their inner thoughts, feelings and agendas. Not mind control, I don't want to control them. I want them to control themselves for the reason that they know it will please me, make me happy and make me proud of them. They have to want to be with me.

Now, getting them to that point?

Ahhh lots of time, lots of patience and lots of learning. They learn to trust you in the big things and the small things fall into place. My petlings and I have been together off and on for almost 4 years. Before that, my grrl was my friend (almost 8 years of that). She trusts me, honors me and listens to me because I do the same for her. Her hubby (my boy) does so because he sees how Lenny and I are with one another.

It's beyond mutual need or respect. It is love, plain and simple. What else is there?

 

[bluntforcemama]

My trust is earned, not given. I have very high, very thick walls. And, they're layered. Yes, you may get through one, or two but each one you get through means you have earned more of my trust. I have very specific boundaries. If you don't respect them, then you will not earn my trust.

Everyone's trust is earned. Everyone has walls. Everyone has layers. Everyone has boundaries. You are also capable of betraying another's trust and disrespecting them. It is not one-sided. It is mutual.

 

[kitty4ever]

Everyone's trust is earned. Everyone has walls. Everyone has layers. Everyone has boundaries. You are also capable of betraying another's trust and disrespecting them. It is not one-sided. It is mutual.

It is never one-sided, but it pisses me off to hear some people spout off about how I should just trust them, when they've done nothing to earn it. My sister is different. She gives her trust, but if you ever break it, she won't give you a second chance without the person having to earn it. For me, you have to earn it the first time. But, I am more forgiving than her, and if the person wants to, they can have my trust a second time.

So no, not everyone feels that their trust is earned.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thoughts on the broadened topic

It seems this thread's topic has broadened -from the original concept concerning sensual or psychological/emotional domination as opposed to a more physical form of domination - to include the issue of how one gains domination, or control, of another's will.

I'll address the two issues in reverse order, not because I'm perverse (though I am), but because it seems to me to make more sense to do so.

For me, the question of whether someone is going to be pyl to my PYL boils down to one basic issue: trust. That trust must be a two-way street. She must trust me to honor the commitment that I make to care for her, encourage her growth as a person, and not to cause damage (in the form of broken bones, injuries to internal organs, etc., or emotional damage) to her. On the other side of the equation, I must be able to trust her to honor the commitment that she makes to serve my needs, to respect my expressed wishes concerning her behavior, to grow as a person and a pyl, and to be honest with me. Without that trust, there will be no relationship. I may session with someone with whom I don't have a relationship, but it will only be someone with whom I am familiar, have a good communication with, and a certain amount of trust. I will not session with someone I don't know. I don't know her limits, her wants, her desires (note that I listed limits first), and it's not safe, for either of us.

Now, regarding the "fluffy" type of domination earlier referenced, as opposed to a more physical type - I'm in deep trouble. If I had to label myself, it would probably be "Sensual Sadistic Dominant." Huh? you say? "Sensual, sadistic?" Yep. I'm a sadist - never denied it. I enjoy seeing a nice pale pink bottom go to hot pink, to red hot. I enjoy hearing the swish of the cane as it lays its hot welt across that same bottom, or the tops of her thighs. I adore seeing her turn her head to me, and seeing the tears glisten on her eyelashes as I bring her closer and closer to her limits.

I also, equally, enjoy brushing softly down her bare back, bottom and legs with a scrap of bunny fur... rubbing and caressing her breasts with a faux fur glove, and seeing her nipples stand up even harder... watching her tremble and shiver as her climax comes over her, and leaning down to flick my tongue into the hollow at the base of her throat... closely watching her eyes and mouth as I tell her, "Cum... cum now... cum hard!" and seeing her eyes lose their focus, and her mouth open and soften as she gasps out her release.

Both of the above paragraphs, to me describe sensuality. I would not accept her gift of submission if she did not find both the "fluffy" and the sadistic aspects of my domination sensual and satisfying, physically and emotionally. In 40 years of sensual exploration, I have learned much about creating sensations in both arenas, and wish to share those sensations and the wonderful feelings they can engender with my partner. As we share our lives, so too should we share pleasure in all the ways we can find it.

My ways may not work for you; your ways may not work for me. Does that make either of them wrong? Only for the people for whom they don't work.

 

[Betticus]

I'll relent. Mind control would be okay in scene but may border on abusive out of scene.