Sexless Marriages

[servant_heart]

I'm definitely in a sexless and loveless marriage but I am not sexless. Gotta work your life for you!

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.

This is a very thoughtful post. A lot for many of us to consider.
It also sounds like there has been some amount of progress in your marriage, which is good to hear.
Just one odd observation, which I hope you don't mind.
I cannot imagine wanting to have the lights off if I were with you.!!

 

[penshockey1983]

Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.

When I was having trouble in my marriage before i realized it was her just flat out not wanting to I received a wonderful piece of advice from a good friend. Women have sex when they feel good, men have sex to feel good.

It made me realize that it can't be just something that happens one night (most of the time). It takes an effort on both ends to make it work.

 

[silky52]

This is a very thoughtful post. A lot for many of us to consider.
It also sounds like there has been some amount of progress in your marriage, which is good to hear.
Just one odd observation, which I hope you don't mind.
I cannot imagine wanting to have the lights off if I were with you.!!

Thank you!

 

[silky52]

All very good points and I can only answer for myself, and my wife. There is no shortage of love and affection in our marriage, with plenty of kisses and cuddles. I tell her how much I love her multiple times a day (as she tells me) and she is no doubt how much I desire her. Even though she is a trained chef, my wife is even prepared to hand the kitchen over to myself - I'm a passable cook, but not up to her standard. We've also talked about the whole subject, in a pleasant way - not confrontational. Our problem is she has just lost the desire.

Just one of those annoying things that happens to some people as they age, possibly caused or made worse by one of her medical conditions. But what neither of us can work out is why sometimes when we're away on holiday her desire comes back - we've decided that we just need to holiday more.

The holiday is something different, exciting maybe! Therefore it adds to her imagination and desire. You are very lucky to be in such a loving relationship. I have read that there are certain things one can do to get desire back, but consulting a doctor might help. I'm not sure, but just thought I'd add my two cents here. That's of course if she is willing to pursue the reasons for her loss of desire.

 

[Series 6]

Interesting timing on this article :

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life...6/sexless-marriage-tips/74404669007/?tbref=hp

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Thank you!

Its been a long time.
Hope you are hanging in there okay.

 

[silky52]

Its been a long time.
Hope you are hanging in there okay.

I am hang in there, no choice really!

 

[chrisatb5]

Hey All, I am also in a sexless marrage I am 40 female we have been together 10 years. I didn't realize so many other people had similar situations. My hubby just isn't very interested. We might have sex every other month but that is generally me using my mouth on him and him giving me a hand. Or early in the morning no foreplay no stimulation and it dorsn't do anything for me. Its not satisfying for me. We touch, cuddle talk we just dont have sex. I am pretty interested all the time. I have run the gammit of emotions is it me, am I not enough was there someone else?? I have come to realize even though he might make sexual jokes, or slap my but and tease me he just is not interested in sex and finds it sinful or dirty. He is embarrased he has a low sex drive and just doesn't want it. I tried to just turn off my sex drive for a long time but that didn't work. So I am just frustrated and disappointed in that part of my life. Dont want a divorce, I truely love him. Just would rather have a sex life with it.

Sorry to hear, too familiar. Hope things are tending UP for you this summer

 

[spartan2023]

Sex surge

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

how do so many go through this i’m 36 and in a sexless marriage i don’t know what is wrong it’s like they forget the have a partner

 

[Friendlyhillbilly]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Settle down! That's crap! You should be living your best life. Life is to be excitingly lived!!!

 

[Deepdesrp]

Settle down! That's crap! You should be living your best life. Life is to be excitingly lived!!!

No you shouldn’t be settling down and not enjoying sex - that sounds like my wife. I struggle as I do not want to be unfaithful (and I’m not) but I want to explore and enjoy a healthy sex life. I’m in my 50’s aswell

 

[hardbiker82]

It’s interesting to read through some of the replies here. I had a similar problem in my last marriage until we both found something that turned us both on and then the sex was great. With this marriage, she doesn’t have the sexual experience to have the drive necessarily. But I’m teaching and she’s learning and her sex drive is slowly raising. As I’m learning, there’s no shame in letting her know my sex drive is extremely high.

Just my two cents.

 

[TemptationTango]

Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.

I get what you are saying, and I know that is applicable in some circumstances here. But(you knew there would be a but right?), In my case and others I have read here, the physical attraction of me, from my wife is gone. I can see it in her eyes when the subject comes up. I am not willing to fight that battle, ever. If she, for whatever reason, does not want to make love, then in turn my desire to bed her plummets.
She has even suggested the same that you responded with....."get me in the mood". We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other and I certainly did romantic things all the time....but SHE WANTED ME then. I'm not a slob, and in reasonable shape for 66. We had a talk a year ago and she requested me to cum sooner(wth)........I rest my case.
I get it, I am no longer swimming against the current, I did a 90 and am going with it, for me, my pleasure, my needs.

T

 

[CanIpleaseU69]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Yes I have the same issue; still get very horny

 

[10169kek]

My marriage was sexless (I have posted in here before) for 13 years and then she passed away Kinda frightening at 68 to be putting myself back out there after catching some sex when opportunites presented themselves.

 

[Good_Feet]

Yes I have the same issue; still get very horny

Me too. I'm horny right now.

 

[TomnDiane]

Interesting thread. I've been in a platonic marriage for the last 15 years (married 32). She pushed me away one day and said "I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much." That was it. Suggested she see her OB-GYN, nope. Reminded her the vow was monogamy, not celibacy. Nope. "But I love you" she said. Divorce wasn't an option (family law attorney, I know the reality of that). Chillins' still at home, so I stayed. Never strayed despite several opportunities due to my profession. Irritation becomes resentment at some point, she asks why I am upset, and I told her you made us become room mates. Wasn't what either of us signed up for. I run and lift 5 days a week, no physical or performance issues. So, don't feel alone if you are in that situation. It's a lot more common than people think.

 

[drobert44]

Interesting thread. I've been in a platonic marriage for the last 15 years (married 32). She pushed me away one day and said "I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much." That was it. Suggested she see her OB-GYN, nope. Reminded her the vow was monogamy, not celibacy. Nope. "But I love you" she said. Divorce wasn't an option (family law attorney, I know the reality of that). Chillins' still at home, so I stayed. Never strayed despite several opportunities due to my profession. Irritation becomes resentment at some point, she asks why I am upset, and I told her you made us become room mates. Wasn't what either of us signed up for. I run and lift 5 days a week, no physical or performance issues. So, don't feel alone if you are in that situation. It's a lot more common than people think.

Who could blame you for straying or going gay?

 

[MickMike]

Well, not a marriage yet (engaged) but yep, that's why I'm here really. Love my fiancee so much, but our sex life isn't great.

She has very little sex drive, and is very vanilla with it when we do. It's always missionary, and always me on top.

I'm here to meet and chat with people, explore my untapped submissive side (my fiancee isn't dominant at all) and explore my bicuriosity.

 

[TomnDiane]

Well, not a marriage yet (engaged) but yep, that's why I'm here really. Love my fiancee so much, but our sex life isn't great.

She has very little sex drive, and is very vanilla with it when we do. It's always missionary, and always me on top.

I'm here to meet and chat with people, explore my untapped submissive side (my fiancee isn't dominant at all) and explore my bicuriosity.

No crystal ball on my side, but you need to go into this with your eyes wide open.

 

[drobert44]

No crystal ball on my side, but you need to go into this with your eyes wide open.

Well Mick.......I doubt if fiancee will fill the bill for you.

 

[ned63]

lets chat Mike. No sex for me from wife for ten yrs. now

 

[Pl3asem3]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Anyone in Columbus Ohio with this problem?? I'm 32 decent looking white male should not be so hard to find a partner

 

[turok20]

glad to know i am not alone though mine doesnt even like it when i touch her, which sucks cause i love her and want to love on her sex or no sex and everything going in the world isnt helping as it causes lots of stress