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Sexless Marriages

Lonely_Scot said:
Tough to read a lot of this as it echoes my own situation. It's changed my whole personality and I absolutely hate it. Keep hoping things will change and worried that if they don't I'll be too old to start over.
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Never too old my friend. It happened to me... all good now.
Feel free to message me for a chat. Fingers crossed for you
 
My wife is awesome in every way and wouldn't want to change that and we are intimate but sex only happens once every 3 months or so when i am persistent and don't stop bothering her for days. It's alot of effort and i could put that effort into meeting a guy which is as likely as having sex with the wife. Time between seems to be longer each time but after each time we both say we should do that more often.
 
A little encouragement for everybody: Sometimes, it CAN get better. It took a lot of communication, a lot of 2nd, 3rd, and 908yh attempts, but the door HAS begun to creak open in my marriage. Almost 40 years, and for roughly half of it, it was sexless ( <3x per yr). I have her reading a few Lit stories, including one of mine, which she identified as mine from 8 I sent her without me telling her. It's still baby steps, and it took really exposing a lot of vulnerability on MY part, but it IS better. It helped that she got a new Primary Care Provider, a female Nurse Practitioner who asked the right questions and had the right answers. We'll have to see how it goes, but a little sunlight seems to have pierced the deep well.
 
Best of luck @LustyScribe

For my part, we're just returned from a month long holiday. The first three weeks there was lots of sex (for us), two or three times a week! Sun, swimming in a private pool and my nudity all probably contributed. Then the kids joined us, nothing whilst they were there - kinda understandable as we had busy and tiring days. We've been back a week and still nothing, I've been naked a lot of the day and she has told me that I'm wearing her favourite outfit. Kiss and cuddle, I stroke her bum (more kisses in response) lift her skirt and stroke her bum through her knickers - she can feel my cock getting hard. But her response is "sorry I'm not in the mood"
 
So my glimmers of hope of more intimacy and sexual adventure seemed to have come to a stop. Yes we are in our fifties but I’m still a horny bugger. 3 weeks ago I did manage to lick her pussy good and proper after she initially said she didn’t feel like it. It went to a maybe - then as I was gently kissing closer and closer to her pussy she widened her legs and enjoyed my horny intentions. I didn’t get to have sex but again I’m happy to play the long game of patience - and I do feel great giving her orgasms. However - even going on a great holiday and being back a week it’s become a no go area. So back to the drawing board. So not great to see I’m not alone on this but kind of relieved that it’s not unusual for women to feel this way. I know it’s not how all women in their 50’s are but surely sex is part of our well being to be enjoyed together.
 
@Deepdesrp and @HampshireBoy I am quite familiar with the "false hope" surges, where you get your hopes up only to get them crushed. It's almost worse to get a little taste, a mere spoonful of ice cream only to have the ice cream shop close up & leave you empty-handed. If I can offer you a small hope: My wife is in her early 60's, and is just starting to show signs of "life" as WE know it. Communication (x10) and a good doctor. And a depressing amount of desperation on my end, I guess, to be honest. I'm just too dumb, too old, too ugly, too broke to give up, I guess.
 
LustyScribe said:
@Deepdesrp and @HampshireBoy I am quite familiar with the "false hope" surges, where you get your hopes up only to get them crushed. It's almost worse to get a little taste, a mere spoonful of ice cream only to have the ice cream shop close up & leave you empty-handed. If I can offer you a small hope: My wife is in her early 60's, and is just starting to show signs of "life" as WE know it. Communication (x10) and a good doctor. And a depressing amount of desperation on my end, I guess, to be honest. I'm just too dumb, too old, too ugly, too broke to give up, I guess.
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Thanks to lit and masterbation u won't go completely insane good luck with ur wife becoming more alive again
 
Sexless? Pretty much. Didn’t start that way. She’s younger and only been married about 8 years. I keep getting hornier and she keeps getting less. More vanilla also.
I was informed a few days ago that bj’s and handjobs are pretty much not open for discussion between actual times of sex.
Well fuck.
 
Dirtyoldhornyman said:
Sexless? Pretty much. Didn’t start that way. She’s younger and only been married about 8 years. I keep getting hornier and she keeps getting less. More vanilla also.
I was informed a few days ago that bj’s and handjobs are pretty much not open for discussion between actual times of sex.
Well fuck.
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I consider stuff like that to be a clear sign of deception, and a sign of someone having abandoned the relationship. I actually used that term in the context of my marriage for the first time about 2-3 years ago, and it was...liberating. When we had a conversation a few months ago, I asked her if she had any interest "in being part of my sex life." At THAT, she seemed a little taken aback. The idea that I might have a sex life that did NOT include her! But hey, just because she chooses not to have one with me doesn't mean I might not have one! (For the record, I wasn't involved with anybody in a "Real life" relationship, but I was and do have cyber relationships of a sexual nature.) That was wake-up call #2, I think, for her.
 
LustyScribe said:
@Deepdesrp and @HampshireBoy I am quite familiar with the "false hope" surges, where you get your hopes up only to get them crushed. It's almost worse to get a little taste, a mere spoonful of ice cream only to have the ice cream shop close up & leave you empty-handed. If I can offer you a small hope: My wife is in her early 60's, and is just starting to show signs of "life" as WE know it. Communication (x10) and a good doctor. And a depressing amount of desperation on my end, I guess, to be honest. I'm just too dumb, too old, too ugly, too broke to give up, I guess.
Click to expand...
My wife is also in her early sixties, we're four or five years into her declining interest. She herself says that she is sorry and she is aware that it is a problem, she also enjoys it when we do have sex, it is just making the effort. All too often, I'm in the mood when we wake up and the response is something like "Sorry, I'm not in the mood but we'll have an early night." Then the evening comes and she is too tired. This morning she then realised that there is a certain football game on at 8pm, so I suggested going to bed at 6 and getting up again to watch the football (in a jokey manner) giggle in response but I'm pretty sure that I know what will happen. :cry:
 
LustyScribe said:
I consider stuff like that to be a clear sign of deception, and a sign of someone having abandoned the relationship. I actually used that term in the context of my marriage for the first time about 2-3 years ago, and it was...liberating. When we had a conversation a few months ago, I asked her if she had any interest "in being part of my sex life." At THAT, she seemed a little taken aback. The idea that I might have a sex life that did NOT include her! But hey, just because she chooses not to have one with me doesn't mean I might not have one! (For the record, I wasn't involved with anybody in a "Real life" relationship, but I was and do have cyber relationships of a sexual nature.) That was wake-up call #2, I think, for her.
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Well done, and good for you.
 
Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.
 
silky52 said:
Well said, however that was my point it's not just about men!
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I also don't believe that it is just a gender/sex thing although there might be strong correlations.

I would also seperate sex and love as two very different conepts that might or might not go together.

However, sex is - in my opinion - a very omportsnt part of well-being, in the sense that everyone has sexual needs (or asexual needs) that need to be fullfilled. If in a marriage these needs don't match up for both partners, that is when it gets complicated.
 
silky52 said:
Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.
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Very wise words & always great to hear a ladies viewpoint. Being a guy in a sexless marriage is hard & there can be many reasons for the breakdown of the physical side of the relationship. However, if us chaps could learn more about the emotional, mental & physical needs of our female partners then perhaps the sexless side would be easier to accept. I've written elsewhere about the medical problems my partner has suffered & the lack of support provided by the health service which has decimated our lives - something which we never expected. As silky52 mentioned, communication is key - just keep talking & supporting each other where possible
 
silky52 said:
Gentlemen, and any ladies who are part of this conversation! I think you may all be unaware of the fact that sex doesn't just pop up for women. As it does for men!! One of you stated that 'she could feel i was hard'. Nothing like that happens to women, as far as I am aware. Women need to be slowly and very patiently assured that they are attractive, desirable, and sexy; that their husbands do actually desire their wives. It's not as simple as it sounds. It's simply (no pun intended) a fact that men and women are different in their approaches to sex, or erotisim.

I belong to a group of ladies (not on here) who are in sexless marriages themselves. There is a world of information among those ladies. I joined because I myself am not exactly overflowing with hubby wanting sex every night or even every other night, or even every other week or month! It can sometimes be months or weeks before anything happens. When it does, it's in the middle on the night in the dark! Yes, I have discussed it with him, and yes he does have prostate issues, and yes there were many years when there was nothing at all. I know I was at fault just as much as he was. I also know that he loves me.

I really do think that affection is one of the keys to this whole mess, in any marriage by the way, it's not just those of us that have been married for many years, it's those who have sometimes only been married for a few years or even a year or two, or even have stopped having sex after they got married!!!

But what I wanted to relate to the gentleman is that a little bit of passion, and affection will go a long way to getting what you need from your wives. I know there are those wives who think that at 60 it's immoral or some such thing, but really there are wives who are just dying to have sex and affection with their husbands. The key gentleman, is most definitely communication. It's hard I know it's hard, it's hard for me, and it's hard for most of our generation, it's especially hard for me because hubby although he speaks English that's not his first language. I do communicate with him in his language too, but it is hard!!

It is however, worth it, if one is willing to put pride aside and talk to one another. A few nice dinners out in a nice restaurant, a drink in a piano bar, or something like that. Romance is so much a part of sex. Doing things together, helping one another etc. etc., I won't go on now you guys will think I'm some sort of therapist, and I'm not I just had to write so that you know.

Also I want to say that those guys who are bi or gay, try and be honest about it, women really do sense these things. Honesty and communication along with a lot of time and effort are certainly the key words here. Good lucky guys.
Click to expand...
All very good points and I can only answer for myself, and my wife. There is no shortage of love and affection in our marriage, with plenty of kisses and cuddles. I tell her how much I love her multiple times a day (as she tells me) and she is no doubt how much I desire her. Even though she is a trained chef, my wife is even prepared to hand the kitchen over to myself - I'm a passable cook, but not up to her standard. We've also talked about the whole subject, in a pleasant way - not confrontational. Our problem is she has just lost the desire.

Just one of those annoying things that happens to some people as they age, possibly caused or made worse by one of her medical conditions. But what neither of us can work out is why sometimes when we're away on holiday her desire comes back - we've decided that we just need to holiday more. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 
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