Sexual needs and how to get them.

[Mtnmike]

Yeah same boat here. I spent years of WASTING MY TIME TRYING to get my wife in the mood after she basically shut me down. So I stopped asking anymore. I had to understand that her health problems (serious life threatening illness) makes it impossible for her to have ANY desires sexually or the mental & physical health to perform sexually anymore. So, I just take care of myself & WISHED for other ways of release or contact with others but that ain't gonna happen either at my old age.
I think some people on here want to offer up some decent advice, but I had to decide was having/getting sex worth getting a divorce and 100% losing my daughter, my pets, and my childhood home? The answer was no. In my state EVERYTHING is divided 50-50 between spouses in a divorce, and I know for a fact she would take me for everything I have left. All the stress involved with divorce, selling our house, deciding where or pets should go & who with, etc. Yeah right. Was just better for the both of us to LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE IN THE SAME HOUSE Sadly. We treat each other with respect & try to be kind to each other at least. She is the most selfish person I have even known. And that has NOTHING to do with the sexless marriage. I don't hate, I don't bother getting angry anymore, I just except things for what they are. I love my wife but we haven't been "in love" for years. LOSING EVERYTHING just to go our separate ways would not be worth it. The massive stress involved, the already declining heath. Nope. SEX is not worth losing EVERYTHING. It shall remain sexless and I gave up caring. We HAD a GREAT sex life for about the first 20yrs. It is hard looking back & thinking about it though. What was & never will be again. It sucks thinking about the great sex we had and now it's gone. For a man it is not easy. Her hormones may be gone, my sexual urges are still there. If I had another outlet with a friend perhaps maybe I'd go that route. But that ain't happening and IDC anymore. Just got to stick to satisfying myself when those urges become overwhelming. So be it.
Anyways, SEX imo is NOT worth losing a home over & most of everything you worked for. Unless your sexual urges & desires outweighs everything. Yeah, some partners are forced to renege on their marital "duties" or marriage contract. All that stuff is a bunch of bullshit anyways. In many cases it is just not practical. And IDGAF about what any psychologists or so-called fake "experts" in marriage have to say. Getting counseling is a bunch of bullshit imho in many situations that it wouldn't do ANY GOOD for the female that is not willing, doesn't want to or won't fulfill any bullshit contract nonsense. Either you understand or you don't. If sex is that important than go through all the bullshit & then after splitting everything 50-50, go back to dating again. LAME. Unless a person is that absolutely miserable that can't find any contentness left because getting/having sex is that important to them. Yeah it sucks going the rest of life possibly with no more sex. This is why they say "What is the difference between having a job for 15yrs & being married for 15yrs? After 15yrs the job still sucks at least." lol

Wow, you just described my marriage, although you were able to articulate it better than I could. Sorry you're going through it but know you're not alone, yes it's frustrating & we're not all dealt a good hand, the most we can do is make the best of the situation.

 

[KatieDoes]

Yeah same boat here. I spent years of WASTING MY TIME TRYING to get my wife in the mood after she basically shut me down. So I stopped asking anymore. I had to understand that her health problems (serious life threatening illness) makes it impossible for her to have ANY desires sexually or the mental & physical health to perform sexually anymore. So, I just take care of myself & WISHED for other ways of release or contact with others but that ain't gonna happen either at my old age.
I think some people on here want to offer up some decent advice, but I had to decide was having/getting sex worth getting a divorce and 100% losing my daughter, my pets, and my childhood home? The answer was no. In my state EVERYTHING is divided 50-50 between spouses in a divorce, and I know for a fact she would take me for everything I have left. All the stress involved with divorce, selling our house, deciding where or pets should go & who with, etc. Yeah right. Was just better for the both of us to LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE IN THE SAME HOUSE Sadly. We treat each other with respect & try to be kind to each other at least. She is the most selfish person I have even known. And that has NOTHING to do with the sexless marriage. I don't hate, I don't bother getting angry anymore, I just except things for what they are. I love my wife but we haven't been "in love" for years. LOSING EVERYTHING just to go our separate ways would not be worth it. The massive stress involved, the already declining heath. Nope. SEX is not worth losing EVERYTHING. It shall remain sexless and I gave up caring. We HAD a GREAT sex life for about the first 20yrs. It is hard looking back & thinking about it though. What was & never will be again. It sucks thinking about the great sex we had and now it's gone. For a man it is not easy. Her hormones may be gone, my sexual urges are still there. If I had another outlet with a friend perhaps maybe I'd go that route. But that ain't happening and IDC anymore. Just got to stick to satisfying myself when those urges become overwhelming. So be it.
Anyways, SEX imo is NOT worth losing a home over & most of everything you worked for. Unless your sexual urges & desires outweighs everything. Yeah, some partners are forced to renege on their marital "duties" or marriage contract. All that stuff is a bunch of bullshit anyways. In many cases it is just not practical. And IDGAF about what any psychologists or so-called fake "experts" in marriage have to say. Getting counseling is a bunch of bullshit imho in many situations that it wouldn't do ANY GOOD for the female that is not willing, doesn't want to or won't fulfill any bullshit contract nonsense. Either you understand or you don't. If sex is that important than go through all the bullshit & then after splitting everything 50-50, go back to dating again. LAME. Unless a person is that absolutely miserable that can't find any contentness left because getting/having sex is that important to them. Yeah it sucks going the rest of life possibly with no more sex. This is why they say "What is the difference between having a job for 15yrs & being married for 15yrs? After 15yrs the job still sucks at least." lol

That entire ‘in sickness and in health‘ part of the vows should have included ‘as long as I still get my dick wet’ then?


Gross. This entire post is gross. Holy shit.

 

[tnh_06]

Every thread here should be named: “My Opinion, now I invite every one to castigate and judge the f**k out of me, thanks!*

 

[CuttingEdge]

I have found women only need three things:

Food
Water
Compliments

If something is missing in a relationship, it's probably the third item that is missing.

It is such a sad reality really, we all want change, but expect it to start with our spouse. Why not start genuinely complimenting her, and see where it goes?

Just as an example, I like pantyhose and stockings, and was asked on here, "how do you get your girlfriend/wife to wear them so much?" That is easy, because I compliment her when she wears them. Not mere flattery, but genuine compliments because she does look good in them. Her legs do feel soft. They do go well with her sweater dress, etc.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

In a discussion that got heated with my wife she said "just go get it taken care of" Well love my wife i want her ..But if it doesnt happen ive done that and had my relief but not the same. Things come natural to me. Caring, affection and just thinking of someone else. Dont think sometimes its in my wife's makeup. But i have to ask her to rub my back or touch me. Not just for sex but to be touched. So many great replies, glad to see this popped up and we have discussion going. Give me faith to try and open a discussion with my wife again and try to think of ways to get closer. Thanks

way long ago I worked asian massage.
I could always tell the guys that were sad at home, they'd want to caress, talk, snuggle.
sometimes they'd stop moving and just sigh, kind of savoring the moment.
the young guns, you know what they'd zero in on.

 

[Britva415]

I have never quite understood why sex - unlike so many other aspects of our relationships - should be the one area where "because I don't feel like it" is somehow an adequate reason for not holding up your end of the bargain.

Who tf even wants to have sex with someone who doesn’t feel like it. Gross. Ew. No thanks.

This is why I don’t try to get my spouse to have sex anymore and I have extramarital permission. She’s off the hook, it’s win-win.

 

[LovelyLadyBits]

Having one of those days. My sexual needs are high and not getting fulfilled. In a sexless marriage and having a hard time with it today. Dealing with it for years but bad day today. So please a little help.
I'm an attractive guy, keep myself in shape, and can tell more if want to know PM me. So wife has been in menopause for years, depression meds for 20+ years. So she was never a fireball in the bedroom. I myself look at sexual needs as a pleasure, enjoyment, release and way to enjoy each other's bodies, close time together. I love that there are ladies on Lit that are big, small, tall, short doesnt matter and are in touch with their bodies , relaxed about sex and enjoy themselves. Every time i try to bring up the subject it gets bad...
So , what do i do with my sexual energy? I come on Lit, but i'm getting burned out. Want more , need more. I try just to rub wife's back etc and no sexual moves. But she doesnt even want to return that much. Doesnt like to kiss or hug much. I could go more into detail later. So is there anything i can do to, make her time better? my time better? Dont show her my sexual desires and maybe she'll want some then? So this is a start, little help and some ideas. Thanks Have a great weekend

I think the reality is that there are partners who aren't going to change their low sexual drive/needs and the other partner has to learn to live with it or move on.

Or look outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment if leaving the relationship isn’t possible

 

[hulmule]

Or look outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment if leaving the relationship isn’t possible

Its not that easy to find anyone as in FWB.