Sir vs Master

[Hajar]

Usually it's Daddy or Sir, in the short time we've started to experiment I've used other titles, none of them were correct coming from my mouth, if at anytime my husband would want for me to call him by another title however I'd be most willing, but these two are for right now best

I usually lurk, but I'm coming out of lurkdom.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I am always Miss...never Ma'am or Mistress...

No idea why that is, just comfortable that way I would guess. Oddly enough, I have NO problems at all calling a Dominant female "Ma'am" especially if I feel she may want to indulge my maso tendencies but calling a man "Sir" or "Master"?? Uh-uh, not this chica.

later
Luna

 

[Esclava]

I use the label "Master" for my PYL. He prefers "Sir" or "Daddy", but after hearing me say both a number of times, he decided that the sound of the word "Master" rolling off my tongue was more lyrical to his ear than the other two and allows me to continue to refer to him as such.

IMOHO, the PYL will settle on what sounds the most pleasant to them because the pyl will subsconsciously use the label with the most meaning to them. And, astute PYLs pick up on those things.

Esclava

 

[Richard49]

ok
what does pyl stand for

 

[Esclava]

PYL/pyl definitions...

<snip>Here's the definition, and thanks Esclava.

The definition from the one I understand started its usage...

Esclava

 

[wickedwanda]

i think she meant capping the first letter of her name

Yes, that is what I meant. And I don't think it would cause a problem on this board. On other boards, and in chat rooms, I've been addressed as girl and sis - by people I've never even heard of before.

I haven't been a 'girl' for years and, oddly enough, find myself resentful of that lack of respect from itinerant domly types.

As for sis, I find it sweet but very, very uncomfortable.

It's my problem. But the assumptions that go along with lower case really do bother me - more than I thought they could.

 

[Esclava]

If, as you say, it is your "problem"...

Yes, that is what I meant. And I don't think it would cause a problem on this board. On other boards, and in chat rooms, I've been addressed as girl and sis - by people I've never even heard of before.

I haven't been a 'girl' for years and, oddly enough, find myself resentful of that lack of respect from itinerant domly types.

As for sis, I find it sweet but very, very uncomfortable.

It's my problem. But the assumptions that go along with lower case really do bother me - more than I thought they could.

...it is mine as well. But, I don't consider the desire for respectful salutation a problem - mine or otherwise.

I understood, exactly, what you meant because I have never written my name without an initial capital. Mainly, because my job requires me to be grammatically accurate in order to correct the errors of others. Personally (whether submissive or not), I am human first; and it IS a sign of respect to be addressed correctly.

Personal Opinion Ahead:

IMHO, there IS a certain familiarity in the assumptions of which you speak. Those assumptions are as myriad as the number of posters/chat room inhabitants who use the lower-case salutations; and their reasons can range from the belief that submissives are nothings who don't deserve respect - to the belief that using lower-case is the only way to differentiate between Doms and subs. As this is a non-verbal medium, to deal with that differentiation clearly and concisely is a difficult task, indeed.

Take heart - the resentment you feel at such familiarity does not single you out as disparate or contrary. In fact, it reiterates the need for domly types to remember that they gain nothing by treating any submissive with less respect than they would afford any other human. Best of luck to you in resolving this issue.

Esclava

Edited to correct errors in clarity. E

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: If, as you say, it is your "problem"...

...it is mine as well. But, I don't consider the desire for respectful salutation a problem - mine or otherwise.

I understood, exactly, what you meant because I have never written my name without an initial capital. Mainly, because my job requires me to be grammatically accurate in order to correct the errors of others. Personally (whether submissive or not), I am human first; and it IS a sign of respect to be addressed correctly.

Personal Opinion Ahead:

IMHO, there IS a certain familiarity in the assumptions of which you speak. Those assumptions are as myriad as the number of posters/chat room inhabitants who use the lower-case salutations; and their reasons can range from the belief that submissives are nothings who don't deserve respect - to the belief that using lower-case is the only way to differentiate between Doms and subs. As this is a non-verbal medium, to deal with that differentiation clearly and concisely is a difficult task, indeed.

Take heart - the resentment you feel at such familiarity does not single you out as disparate or contrary. In fact, it reiterates the need for domly types to remember that they gain nothing by treating any submissive with less respect than they would afford any other human. Best of luck to you in resolving this issue.

Esclava

Edited to correct errors in clarity. E

This will make you chuckle http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/net_idiots.php3


And then i have only one li'l thing to say...Capped and not capped names actually came about online for a reason.( i actually aked everyone i could till i found out why because it seemed strange to me) So there was a way to tell the difference between dominants and submissives since there was no way for people to tell. As did words like Domme etc. and of course people who didnt know how all this came about took it as sorta the word of the D/s lord so to speak.
So cap your name...we here can basically tell by your postings if you are dominant or submissive

 

[Esclava]

<-----giggling contagiously...

...and I never giggle!

That was funny! Thanks, KC!

Esclava

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: <-----giggling contagiously...

...and I never giggle!

That was funny! Thanks, KC!

Esclava

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: If, as you say, it is your "problem"...

So cap your name...we here can basically tell by your postings if you are dominant or submissive

can we ?

I wish I could lay my hands on my thread about profiles

 

[Esclava]

Richard,

Are you saying that we should provide D/s preferences in our profiles? How does one, who is new, do that if they don't know what it is they are showing a preference for?

Esclava

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: If, as you say, it is your "problem"...

This will make you chuckle http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/net_idiots.php3

I want to thank you deeply for this link

It speaks deeply to the whole online myth

 

[Richard49]

Richard,

Are you saying that we should provide D/s preferences in our profiles? How does one, who is new, do that if they don't know what it is they are showing a preference for?

Esclava

Come on now
you have read that thread

OK
first
male/female is pretty basic
(yes peole can lie ... we got one on the boards
that claims they are female and my bet is they are lying)

If they know if they are submissive or Dom that would be nice
but if they do not know
(they prove that the old way is best ... 1 full year under a Dom/me)
they can say they are exploring ... undecided etc.

The point is ...for me...if I am not sure of your gender and/or where you are coming from it is hard to take "you" serious

There is another person on these boards that I allowed myself
to come to trust .... they presented themselves as a female submissive .... they even have a trusting role here.....

What we discovered is that
1) they are a coward
2) untrust worthy
3) maybe not a female
4) and if they are real they are a switch

Yes I am old and anceint and broken
yes I came up the old way where this lifestyle
even in your own private bedroom could send you to prison
where real life is all there was
if people were bedroom D/s only no one knew

I do not see Lit as a porno board as many speak of it
I also see it though, as many of the old school do...... a dangerious place for the newbee and the old timer

 

[Netzach]

I am always Miss...never Ma'am or Mistress...

No idea why that is, just comfortable that way I would guess. Oddly enough, I have NO problems at all calling a Dominant female "Ma'am" especially if I feel she may want to indulge my maso tendencies but calling a man "Sir" or "Master"?? Uh-uh, not this chica.

later
Luna

That's funny, I encourage my personal subs/slaves to call me "Miss" which feels a lot more intimate than the "Mistress" that professionalism seems to encourage people to use. I like Miss, it feels very young and wicked, very capricious and girly! I never liked Mistress, and Ma'am is very retail to me.

In certain professional/Leather communiques I'm encouraging people to call me Ms. S--- which is a very normal vanilla honorific that I feel does the job just fine if someone wants to express respects. I never demand anyone call me anything, it's kinda gauche I think.


There's ways of saying things without putting your full weight in them that acknowledges the title earned without showing submission TO THAT PERSON, so as an example my friend MasterD---- just *is* MasterD---- to everyone. I don't tremble in awe of his mastery, personally, but it's just fond and fitting. I think my tenure as Ms. S---- would be similar.

 

[Netzach]

Richard, with all respects, I think that a lot of the older ways are not lost, more a case of old wine/new bottle. Personally, I can't attest to "a year under a Dominant" or three years, however, I definitely pursued the submissive/passive side of the art for more than a year more heavily than I did the Dominant/active side. I think a lot of people explore these concurrently now, and it's more encouraged now than it used to be when the mentality was "switch in another town if you want to switch." Sure, some people will slap the title "grandmaster" on themselves online, but a lot of people are actively finding out where they fit in and not so fast to pick up the whip.

I actually found a mentor and trained with him for a year, often learning mostly where I differed in opinion and experience and yet it was valuable insight into how someone runs his relationships and house.

The best way, I've found, to find out if someone's submissive, online or off, is not by the collar on their neck, not by the cap on their name, simply to watch, observe, learn and ASK them.

 

[Esclava]

<snip-Read above, please>The best way, I've found, to find out if someone's submissive, online or off, is not by the collar on their neck, not by the cap on their name, simply to watch, observe, learn and ASK them.

I learned a great deal from this quote. Thank you very much, Netzach! And thank you, Richard, for inciting her to share a very thought provoking opinion.

Esclava

 

[Richard49]

I learned a great deal from this quote. Thank you very much, Netzach! And thank you, Richard, for inciting her to share a very thought provoking opinion.

Esclava

Netzach and I seldom agree

but than many on thse boards do not agree with me
sometimes because they put thoughts and words into my post that are NOT there ..... sometimes because they have their own agrenda ... sometimes cause they got no respect and are bullies and sometimes cause they just do not agree .....

I pretty much stay off these boards cause
I find them to not be a safe place and for me
it just is not worth it ............

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Hmm, we all come from such different places. I grew up where one always called adults 'mister' and 'misses,' including, once one was an adult, other adults older than onesself. Now, as an adult, I've had employers giggle because I called them mister or ms.

It took several years of being friends with a much older European gentleman, for me to finally take his request to heart that I call him by his first name. What finally did it is that politeness is based on making the other person comfortable, and I finally got it that he wanted and would feel more comfortable with my calling him by his first name, so it wasn't honoring him to call him mister.

My other rule-of-thumb is treating others as they've treated me, though I usually try to give them the benefit of a doubt, and at least one round of respect, extra. In other words, other person gets first lick in. Childhood rules.

What I've wondered is, when/where do you ask about honorifics? Some will tell you straight out, either way. But I'm loathe to PM anyone without asking permission for that first, especially if it's someone I don't sort of play with online. I hate to inadvertently cause offense. (When i do it, want it to be because I meant to. )

There can be such fine variations and subtleties in all this, for instance, I'm betting if I called Esclava 'Ms. E' she would take it, rightly, as being at best a tease. (And, no, I'm not trying to yank your chain here, Esclava, just giving an example of how a name that would be meant politely for one person might be seen as some form of rudeness when used by and for someone else.)

So, Netzach, would you rather be called Ms.S here, too? Or is that for your subs only?

 

[Esclava]

No chain yanked, PS...

...and actually a .

I'm betting that Netzach prefers her screen name only as opposed to something more personal used by someone she really only knows via written word on these boards.

She just seems that type to me.

Esclava

P.S.: I have given my real name to two I have met out here, but only after we have been in several PMs and developed a level of trust at which I feel comfortable with them knowing more about me.

 

[Richard49]

Re: No chain yanked, PS...

[B
P.S.: I have given my real name to two I have met out here, but only after we have been in several PMs and developed a level of trust at which I feel comfortable with them knowing more about me. [/B]

and everyone knows my real name and where i live

 

[Esclava]

Re: Re: No chain yanked, PS...

and everyone knows my real name and where i live

I have a question for you, Richard. But since this seems to be way off topic, I'll send it to you in PM.

Esclava

But since I cannot get a message to you in PM, I will have to be content to wonder the answer to that question. Edited to add: The email is sent. Thank you.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: No chain yanked, PS...

I have a question for you, Richard. But since this seems to be way off topic, I'll send it to you in PM.

Esclava

my inbox does not work on lit
you may post it to my thread or e-mail me

yup
I even let people e-mail me

the best place to hide
is in the open

 

[Netzach]

Richard, I actually am coming from a place in which I agree that it's good for a Dom to start out submissive, it's just that I'm saying there are different possibilities for how that can happen and it still does happen.


Esclava PS. et al.

Please call me N Netzach Nutsack, etc. It's not because you are less intimately connected to me or not, it's just what I want to be here, and it's not in need of an honorific at all.

I don't have the good fortune of being totally out and findable because it's not in the interest of my personal safety. There are a lot of insane people out there, in the not-fun way.

Netzach and I seldom agree

but than many on thse boards do not agree with me
sometimes because they put thoughts and words into my post that are NOT there ..... sometimes because they have their own agrenda ... sometimes cause they got no respect and are bullies and sometimes cause they just do not agree .....

I pretty much stay off these boards cause
I find them to not be a safe place and for me
it just is not worth it ............

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: If, as you say, it is your "problem"...

can we ?

I wish I could lay my hands on my thread about profiles

yes we can...if you take a few mins. to read what someone posts and get to know a person. Im glad you liked the link btw.