So, Submissives is it like this for you?

[Richard49]

bump

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Thanks for the bump Richard, this is an interesting thread. The longer I'm involved in this lifestyle and with every scene that I do, I find my limits blurring and stretching just a little bit more. Something that a year ago I would have written "hard limit" next to, is now on my "push/explore" list. I find myself more curious about/willing to explore the Master/slave dynamic; something I was never exposed to prior to coming to Lit.

What set up the change? First, of course is my growth as a submissive. Exposure to people in all different BDSM dynamics here at Lit. Willingness is one factor. Trust in myself. Trust in my current play-partner.

I have friends and lovers who are nilla, but nothing changes the fact that I am and always will be submissive. When I am serving, in whatever capacity, it's then, I feel settled into myself.

~anelize

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I know my relationship with 'my' sub is evolving...in many wonderful ways! Our limits shift and churn as time goes on.

 

[lilredwolph]

more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

i was this way for all of my time in the lifestyle (21 yrs), it lead to my downfall.

 

[Richard49]

Re: more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

i was this way for all of my time in the lifestyle (21 yrs), it lead to my downfall.

How so?

 

[kayte]

If you look past where you are you will miss the journey.

I was reading this thread. Thank you Shadowsdream for such a succinct statement. I have found it works best when I am in the 'Now'.

 

[Richard49]

I was reading this thread. Thank you Shadowsdream for such a succinct statement. I have found it works best when I am in the 'Now'.

and when i do not like the now?

 

[lilredwolph]

Re: Re: more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

How so?

the more i craved the more i got which lead to craving more - a neverending cycle which left me needy, feeling that i was impossible and unsatisfiable

i crossed every limit i had ever had 100 X's over (only 3 every lasted animals, scat and kids) and even kids was pushed just short of being illegal and animal was pushed without my consent

i eventually ended up angry, bitter and unsatisfied at which point i decided to give up the lifestyle

there's alot involved but this is just the basics

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

the more i craved the more i got which lead to craving more - a neverending cycle which left me needy, feeling that i was impossible and unsatisfiable

i crossed every limit i had ever had 100 X's over (only 3 every lasted animals, scat and kids) and even kids was pushed just short of being illegal and animal was pushed without my consent

i eventually ended up angry, bitter and unsatisfied at which point i decided to give up the lifestyle

there's alot involved but this is just the basics

I do not mean to "push" or be "critical"
but
why if you gave the lifestyle up
are you here on these boards?

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: So, Submissives is it like this for you?

As for taking play further ... I have found that if you leave a certain 'scene' for a few months - you can almost recapture that 'first' moment rush. I have experienced this with both some anal play and with fisting.

Thanks!

You are so right and it is good to realize that my fears won't necessarily be realized.

This quote is carried down for posterity's sake as it is another good one!

Great thread!

 

[lilredwolph]

Re: Re: Re: Re: more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

I do not mean to "push" or be "critical"
but
why if you gave the lifestyle up
are you here on these boards?

actually i haven't been around for a long time, i am no longer pregnant but that doesn't stop me from talking to my pregnant friends.

i don't get invovled with play threads or anything like that, i spent 21 yrs of my 36 yr life as a submissive and i feel that just because i am no longer practicing the lifestyle doesn't make my knowledge or experience less usefull in helping others

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: more more harder harder faster faster stronger ect...

actually i haven't been around for a long time, i am no longer pregnant but that doesn't stop me from talking to my pregnant friends.

i don't get invovled with play threads or anything like that, i spent 21 yrs of my life as a submissive and i feel that just because i am no longer practicing the lifestyle doesn't make my nowledge or experience less usefull in helping others

Thank for the smile that the first paragraph gave me

 

[Quint]

Yes, and it terrifies me.

A voice that used to have me incoherent in seconds now is much, much less effective. Insults need to be more explicit, more degrading; "slut" is rarely enough anymore. Perhaps worst, it's harder to come when he wants me to, even after counting down, which worked really well for awhile.

I've added things to my sexual repertoire that used to be limits, although I started off with more than my fair share of those. Anal sex is common and not nearly as degrading and therefore exciting as it used to be. Slaps and choking are still powerful, but I wonder how long that will last. And we've added golden showers to our play, which I thought I'd never do. I've told him several fantasies that used to be so forbidden that I could always get off to them, but now that he know about them and has accepted them, a great deal of the thrill is gone. And I don't have many limits left, and none that I really want to cross...

As far as training him to be a better Dom or anything, I'm just open about my needs as they expand and trust that he will join me in growth if he can. I'm afraid of the thought that I'll outgrow him.

This is probably the biggest sexual fear that I have. I'm glad, in a twisted way, to know that I'm not alone in it.

 

[Richard49]

I'm afraid of the thought that I'll outgrow him.

This is probably the biggest sexual fear that I have. I'm glad, in a twisted way, to know that I'm not alone in it.

to me this is part of what I am hearing a lot of
people out growing people

Doms who become to predictable

 

[justme1059]

Hi everyone. I was directed here by two very nice people who thought I should read this.

I am just starting to explore this and am still in the learning stage.I have talked with and played out scenes but only on the phone.

I have always felt the need to please. To put it in the simplest terms, it brings me joy to know I have pleased that special someone in my life.

I am searching for so many answers,but I realize that the truth really lies within me. The more I learn of course, the more I have to wonder am I really a sub? or not?

I hear about pushed limits and I feel I am a babe in the woods,lol. I get excited just about the emotional control. I dont even know if I could take any kind of physical pain, but then I have never experienced it either.

So how do I even know what my first set of limits will be? And do u ever go back, can u ever go back, once your original limits have been pushed ?

I feel very excited and nauseous,lol, just like I did on my first date.

Any input would be appreciated.

Thanks, Just me

 

[Desdemona]

just me, hi and welcome. I'll give you one submissive's opinion. Take it for what its worth.

If you want to know what your limits are, a good starting point is to complete a BDSM checklist and share it with your partner. Many websites have them. I think, if you look in the library, you will find links to some good checklists.

You will indeed find the answers within yourself. Just take your time. Think of it as a slow journey. You have time to explore. You are not in a race. For now, don't think about pushing limits or exploring pain. Just concentrate on the emotional aspects of submission that you already enjoy. While you are doing that, read and learn about various activities that interest you. If and when you are ready to move to other types of play, you will know deep inside yourself.

You need to be in a safe, trusting relationship before you start playing with limits or pain. I know subs who have been injured in the rush to experience new things or to please a dominant play partner. Not everyone who tells you they are a dominant actually knows how to play safely.

I remember so well how scary it was. I feared I couldn't go back. I feared it would change me in some fundamental way. It did. I accepted who I was and became comfortable with me. Yes, you can go back. Its always an option. I choose to move forward, but that is just me.

Please, take your time. des

 

[Ebonyfire]

just me, hi and welcome. I'll give you one submissive's opinion. Take it for what its worth.

If you want to know what your limits are, a good starting point is to complete a BDSM checklist and share it with your partner. Many websites have them. I think, if you look in the library, you will find links to some good checklists.

You will indeed find the answers within yourself. Just take your time. Think of it as a slow journey. You have time to explore. You are not in a race. For now, don't think about pushing limits or exploring pain. Just concentrate on the emotional aspects of submission that you already enjoy. While you are doing that, read and learn about various activities that interest you. If and when you are ready to move to other types of play, you will know deep inside yourself.

You need to be in a safe, trusting relationship before you start playing with limits or pain. I know subs who have been injured in the rush to experience new things or to please a dominant play partner. Not everyone who tells you they are a dominant actually knows how to play safely.

I remember so well how scary it was. I feared I couldn't go back. I feared it would change me in some fundamental way. It did. I accepted who I was and became comfortable with me. Yes, you can go back. Its always an option. I choose to move forward, but that is just me.

Please, take your time. des

Good advice. I always use a checklist. If they do not have one, I provide the link to the site with the interactive checklist, and I require them to complete it.

I like to see their reaction to it, and it gives me a good indication of their level of knowledge.

From that I get all kinds of nasty ideas...

 

[justme1059]

Thank you Des. I will go look up that checklist and I am aware just talking to several doms that I am in no hurry. After all, if this is for me then it will be a lifelong journey and if not, then I have time to find out for myself.

Thanks for taking the time. I really appreciate it.

Justme

 

[Desdemona]

Good advice. I always use a checklist. If they do not have one, I provide the link to the site with the interactive checklist, and I require them to complete it.

I like to see their reaction to it, and it gives me a good indication of their level of knowledge.

From that I get all kinds of nasty ideas...

LOL. Eb, I'm sure you are the queen of nasty ideas.

 

[Desdemona]

Thank you Des. I will go look up that checklist and I am aware just talking to several doms that I am in no hurry. After all, if this is for me then it will be a lifelong journey and if not, then I have time to find out for myself.

Thanks for taking the time. I really appreciate it.

Justme

You're welcome. I'm glad you're gonna take your time. Enjoy the journey. It can be very pleasurable.

 

[Ebonyfire]

LOL. Eb, I'm sure you are the queen of nasty ideas.

I am getting nastier as time goes by.

 

[lark sparrow]

OK, I've noticed this in myself as a growing trend.

The more I get, the more I want. What I mean by this is that I used to be happy (for example) just being tied up to the bedposts, then I wanted to be more restricted, then once I was tied in a more restrictive manner I wanted to be tied in an even MORE restrictive way.

Same goes for other things. Kneeling at his feet when he told me to do so used to make my head swim, now it's nearly as normal as parking a car.

Being called a dirty name in front of someone used to make me turn a bright red instantly. Now, it just kind of makes me glance around watching reactions.

Does everyone find themselves in this type of situation where no matter what is done you're always looking for the next level?

Am I the exception in this or the norm? It really makes me nervous sometimes wondering where I'll be at in a few years. What will have to be done to give me the same feeling?

It's almost how people describe drug addictions. Always searching for the high you had the first time you tried it, always needing a bit more to achieve it.

I know the feeling of wanting to be more and more immersed, but it tends to balance itself out one way or another. Tastes change somewhat, and variety and growth are needed, but there are certain basics that just don't get old to me. Some of them are great every single day, others are best once a week or once a month, then there are those once or twice in a lifetime events. Stating the obvious here, but, a relationship has to be about more than taboos and thrills to be life and growth sustaining.