So you want to write a Villanelle....

[Mr_Mescalito]

Ugh

Thoughts of her tip toe back
cathedral quiet, hushed as prayers
altar offerings of all I lack

a sultry wraith wound in black
she pauses posed upon the stairs
thoughts of her tip toe back

wishes wait in crumbling stacks
no one sees, no one cares
altar offerings of all I lack

her kisses burn,her lips attack
I dip my fingers in her tears
thoughts of her tip toe back

foundations shake, my faith it cracks
accension of my love and fears
altar offerings of all I lack

my heart is torn, my jaw is slack
I live these hellish tainted years
thoughts of her tip toe back
altar offerings of all I lack




A very primitive effort but can someone tell me if that is the general idea as related to rhyme scheme?
Thank you

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: Ugh

Thoughts of her tip toe back
cathedral quiet, hushed as prayers
altar offerings of all I lack

a sultry wraith wound in black
she pauses posed upon the stairs
thoughts of her tip toe back

wishes wait in crumbling stacks
no one sees, no one cares
altar offerings of all I lack

her kisses burn,her lips attack
I dip my fingers in her tears
thoughts of her tip toe back

foundations shake, my faith it cracks
accension of my love and fears
altar offerings of all I lack

my heart is torn, my jaw is slack
I live these hellish tainted years
thoughts of her tip toe back
altar offerings of all I lack




A very primitive effort but can someone tell me if that is the general idea as related to rhyme scheme?
Thank you

That IS the general idea, and to my untutored mind it's a very good example of a general idea! Nice job. Maybe if it had a set meter to each line it would be closer to perfect.

Your nic puts me in mind of nights half naked in the desert playing with peyote buttons and mescal. good times, back then...

 

[Mr_Mescalito]

Re: Re: Ugh

That IS the general idea, and to my untutored mind it's a very good example of a general idea! Nice job. Maybe if it had a set meter to each line it would be closer to perfect.

Your nic puts me in mind of nights half naked in the desert playing with peyote buttons and mescal. good times, back then...

Thank you Boo

Now I need to get the " swing" of it and I should be ok.

Anytime I messed with peyote or Mescal...there was no such thing as " half naked".

 

[BooMerengue]

Re: Re: Re: Ugh

Thank you Boo

Now I need to get the " swing" of it and I should be ok.

Anytime I messed with peyote or Mescal...there was no such thing as " half naked".

the half naked only lasted til the vomiting was over...

actually I hung with a pretty modest group of hippies. Skinny dipping was the only time we had group nudity. Well... there was this one time... someone had gotten a lot of 25. That kept us all in an uproar for a week! Have you ever seen KoolAid made in a 50 gallon drum?? yikes...

 

[The Mutt]

Thrice-accursed Villanelle

To write the cursed villanelle,
Best be prepared your soul to sell.
God damn you, rhyming spawn of hell!

You’ll sit down in your monkish cell
And pray the muse your thoughts will gel,
To write the cursed villanelle.

But soon the tale you want to tell
won’t fit within the rhyming spell,
God damn you, rhyming spawn of hell!

You’ll pause to eat a caramel,
You’ll take a drive in your Chevelle,
To write the cursed villanelle

You’ll know then, at one swooping fell,
Your poem emits a diaper smell,
God damn you, rhyming spawn of hell!

You reached for rhymes where they don’t dwell,
You dipped too often in the well,
To write the cursed villanelle.
God damn you, rhyming spawn of hell!

 

[Miss Oatlash]

Just look at the trouble Mutt gets in when he has nothing better to do!

 

[sandspike]

Cool Mutt!

I for one like rhymes. They make the poem easier to remember.
The vill... ( I forget how you spell it) form can be a tad bullshitty
to work with. I think you nailed well. You got through it,
told us the trip sucked, and got your lady to comment. I'd say
that is a good days work. Just tell me, is this form harder
than some free prose where you throw together words that
rednecks don't understand and won't look up? I'd really like to
know, because you the 'BEST DAMN BAR POET' I know.

 

[The Mutt]

Re: Cool Mutt!

I for one like rhymes. They make the poem easier to remember.
The vill... ( I forget how you spell it) form can be a tad bullshitty
to work with. I think you nailed well. You got through it,
told us the trip sucked, and got your lady to comment. I'd say
that is a good days work. Just tell me, is this form harder
than some free prose where you throw together words that
rednecks don't understand and won't look up? I'd really like to
know, because you the 'BEST DAMN BAR POET' I know.

Aw, shucks. I'm just a storyteller.

 

[The Mutt]

I love rhyme. If you've read my stuff you know.
Rhyme helps me to think around and near my central idea instead of thinking about it. Some of my long rhyming poems have flowed like automatic writing when I got in the groove of the rhyme.
And it's fun.
I like fun.

 

[impressive]

(bump)