Soliciting critique and discussion

[PatCarrington]

No wonder it's so good with coffee!

precisely.

 

[WickedEve]

that is a very good poem, considering you were out of breath.

i don't mean to be too big a mouth. you are giving very good advice, it seems to me.

i just wanted to say that this statement, which you praised ( with the inference that it was given to you when you were unsure of your voice ):

In future you may avoid flat words which do not carry meaning nor poetry, like "it's" and "is" or "sometimes".

...seems to me to be a poor thing to tell a still-searching writer.

to me, it is too closed-minded and one-sided, as if there is only one way to write poetry, to carry much merit at all.

to infer, or downright say, that the words "it's" or "is" or "sometimes" can never carry either meaning or poetry is such a blanket statement, and the untruth of it should be obvious, i would think.

i just don't think statements that are in concrete like that - to say never use rhyme, or always use punctuation, etc., would be the equivalent - carry good counsel.

poetry is a creamy activity, i think, that changes faces from poem to poem and poet to poet.

(and i liked your weather/whether poem better before the rewrite - it seemed more human and emotional, less robotic, less cold, in a situation than is made of flesh and not machine.)

that's all....i guess that was big-mouthed, wasn't it.

I agreed with it for that poem. I think dropping the first it's is okay. Sometimes, I get carried away with poetry pruning, and I've had to back and seed a poem with an "a" or "it's" or "the" here and there. Though, there are some poems that would be improved by subtracting a few of their too many words. Like I said about adjectives, they can be overdone. That's just a pet peeve of mine, lately. And I'm starting to get to the point, where I want more simple words. I went through my big word phase, and now when I go back and read those poems, I have to look up stuff in the dictionary. lol

 

[PatCarrington]

I agreed with it for that poem. I think dropping the first it's is okay. Sometimes, I get carried away with poetry pruning, and I've had to back and seed a poem with an "a" or "it's" or "the" here and there. Though, there are some poems that would be improved by subtracting a few of their too many words. Like I said about adjectives, they can be overdone. That's just a pet peeve of mine, lately. And I'm starting to get to the point, where I want more simple words. I went through my big word phase, and now when I go back and read those poems, I have to look up stuff in the dictionary. lol

i agree. i think you just have to be flexible and develop judgment through experience to get a feel for what to trim. trimming is productive, but there has to be a point somewhere, of course, when further trimming harms.

someone once told me, very good advice i think, that "adjectives are the crutch of a crippled poet."

i buy that one.

you have to use them, of course. but i find when i look at many novice writers, or writers who don't progress, i often will find an adjective in front of nearly every noun.

nouns and verbs are the heart and soul of poetry. modifiers have to be controlled.....that's how i look at it.

i also prefer simple words, usually....and one-syllable whenever possible.

 

[bluerains]

u know

I found some of my teen poems from 98 years ago or maybe 20 or 25 years... lol I noticed some of them were skinny as all get out. So, I'm not surprised now when I write the lean stuff. I don't like word clutter. Though, I have been guilty of cutting to the bone too much. But look at Ange's work. Her poetry seems... um... plump, yet there are no wasted words. Now, I do have some poems from a few years ago that I could edit now. I need to chop off some stuff like "the, it's," too many words like that. And I don't like adjective laden poetry.

Alien in the dark was one of my favorites of yours..and you want to nick it..
I have it still on my favorites...sorry not to join your thread..but, I don't feel that qualified to judge..but, I love them all...

 

[WickedEve]

Alien in the dark was one of my favorites of yours..and you want to nick it..
I have it still on my favorites...sorry not to join your thread..but, I don't feel that qualified to judge..but, I love them all...

That's an old poem but it is fun. Not great poetry, but fun and kooky.

 

[WickedEve]

i agree. i think you just have to be flexible and develop judgment through experience to get a feel for what to trim. trimming is productive, but there has to be a point somewhere, of course, when further trimming harms.

someone once told me, very good advice i think, that "adjectives are the crutch of a crippled poet."

i buy that one.

you have to use them, of course. but i find when i look at many novice writers, or writers who don't progress, i often will find an adjective in front of nearly every noun.

nouns and verbs are the heart and soul of poetry. modifiers have to be controlled.....that's how i look at it.

i also prefer simple words, usually....and one-syllable whenever possible.

Are you still talking?
one syllable words? god... you are strict!

 

[flyguy69]

Are you still talking?
one syllable words? god... you are strict!

I think Liar once wrote a poem entirely of one-syllable words. I don't know how he signed it.

 

[PatCarrington]

god... you are strict!

and you need discipline, don't you.