Something I Needed to Say

[DVS]

Dear OP, please come back. There's some good stuff in this thread and all over the forums.

She may very well be reading this thread and other threads, too. She can read all of this without logging in.

 

[subhiddenaway]

I have been reading everyone's response, and I want to thank you all for your sound advice. I was amazed at how kind everyone was, I honestly didn't know what to expect from post here. And I am so grateful.

I ended my relationship this morning. It was hard, it was painful, I feel shattered. But eventually, I'll move on. It's just going to take me a LONG while.

For now, though, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone.

 

[Sexy_Me0508]

I have been reading everyone's response, and I want to thank you all for your sound advice. I was amazed at how kind everyone was, I honestly didn't know what to expect from post here. And I am so grateful.

I ended my relationship this morning. It was hard, it was painful, I feel shattered. But eventually, I'll move on. It's just going to take me a LONG while.

For now, though, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone.

I have read everyone's comments on your thread and I agreed with each one of them...

Now you seem to have taken the right decision and are now free to make your own choices and fly whichever way you want to..of course the task does seem daunting especially if you are sub in your very core - that points to a need for protection, validation and love that may not be characteristic of some women. While i understand it is going to be hard to move on, trust me on the fact that you were in an ABUSIVE relationship and you do not need to feel more than what is necessary about it. You are most probably more sensitive than many of us and of course to move on you will need support - just know that many people on Lit will always be here to provide that support at any time you require it...

 

[unregistered]

 

[eric60red]

Good for you subhiddenaway, I hope that you know feel relieved, safe and happy. we are always here to offer advice and help. you should be proud of your self

 

[Loverskitten]

Hi everyone. I'm new here, so it's love to meet you all. It's a little uncomfortable for me to be baring my soul like this, but I've been needing to get some things off my chest for a while now.


Firstly, I'm a submissive. I'm 21, female, and engaged to be married to a man I've been with for 4 years this July. About 3 months before I met my husband to be, I had one of the most heart-shattering experiences of my life. I discovered that my Dom of 3 years had abandoned me. What had happened was he had joined the Navy, but not before collaring me, and confessing that I was his soul mate, and that we'd be married when he returned from boot camp. Unfortunately, not long after he was shipped off, I discovered (via Facebook, nonetheless) he had eloped with another woman and sent me a letter saying he was sorry.. I never heard from him again.

I cried for a days after I discovered that he'd left me for good. I didn't eat. I thought I'd surely die without him. Then I met my fiance. He has a very dominate personality, so even though our sex-life is fairly vanilla, I get to serve in other ways. For example; he believes strongly in gender roles, so there's that. He doesn't seem to understand my need for more though.. like I can go a long time without sex, but there's more to it than that... I NEED to be dominated right out sometimes, not just have it hinted at, or live in a constant undertone of it.

I've found myself, with the new year, growing more and more depressed and I can't tell if it's my relationship, or if it's just phase. Sometimes I just get sad and it passes, but this time it's deep. I can't stop thinking about my previous Dom. I hurt inside and I don't know what to do. I feel like a mess. I feel angry. The things my fiance has done for years, now bother me immensely. If he gets firm with me, or angry, or says certain things to me I know that they are coming from him because that's who he is, and not because of our lifestyle. Where my previous Dom used to punish me when I misbehaved and cared for my body afterwards, my fiance just yells at me or ignores me. Where my Dom would let me know if I had done well, my fiance only acknowledges my mistakes and makes me feel stupid for wanting recognition for good deeds. And the initialization! Oh my GOD! I know I'm young, but I've been training for years, and have went through a LOT more than most women my age. I'm NOT a freaking child, but this is something I'm suppose to accept because he's 20 years my senior. Is it wrong for me to compare them? I know that they'll never be the same...why can't I stop thinking about it? Why is it hurting me so much?

What no one has asked is, why do you keep your old "Dom" on a pedestal? Often we only remember the good parts of old relationships. From just what you wrote about his leaving the guy sounds like a lying, cheating, coward. He wasn't even man enough to tell you he got married to another while you sat pining away.
Spend some time reflecting on the bad parts of that relationship so you don't jump into another right away just because some jerk calls himself a "Dom"
Realize that no two men are the same. Your next one won't be like your last.
And as others have said, spend some time getting to know yourself.

 

[subwannabe]

Great previous post and how so true. Often in our relationships, especially the earlier ones, we have blinders on and only see the part of the relationship we want to see. You don't want to make your future relationships harder by holding them up to some kind of pedestal or standard that wasn't really as good as you thought it was in the first place. Congratulations on being smart enough to end a relationship that was destined to turn out bad. You are already more mature and wiser than many people who just went on and made the mistake.

 

[Master276]

Who are you referring to as the several people who are sexually selfish? The entire thread, unless I missed something, is telling her to not get married, to live life, to "find herself." Am I misunderstanding your comment?

I have been around the block as a dom, I have run across many damaged girls who were abused sexually as kids, I believe this is one of those cases while I strongly believe she shouldn't marry her fiancee at this moment. I have a strict non of my business policy so if she marry him anyway she has chosen her path and my God bless them both. That being said in a perfect world she would receive counseling and go on to lead a healthy life. but the world isn't perfect. and everybody has am opinion I have a fundamental disagreement with some that say being a dom is who I am no, being a dom is a choice a person makes