Sooo advice for a newbie
- Thread starter sweetpiv
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DeservingBitch
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wanna fuck?
DeservingBitch
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FurryFury said:LOL!
Loved your post!
Hehe. Can't help it. BiBunny is cute. And she's talking dirty.
I want to thank everyone for taking the time to replay.
Re: the can of worms. This is what I'm most concerned about. My husband is so wonderful. He has always put me first. And I fully admit that it took me some time to learn how to be a wife. I took his love for granted in the beginning. Thank God he's a very patient man. This poly thing wasn't just some whim. We have talked about opening our marriage for gosh about seven years. It just never seems like the right time. We were so bogged down with parenting very young children that our sex life took a back seat. I had three children in 5 years. But now my youngest has just started Kindergarten. And we have "noticed" each other again. And all the things we have both fantasized about for years we now want to take to the next level. But we both want to be smart about it. And if it doesn't work out, our marriage will not suffer. But i still want to see if the reality is as good as the fantasy.
But our sex life is great. It took a few years of honest communication to get it right. Like for instance for years I mean years I would play with his nipple in my mouth mimicking what he did to me. I liked it, it felt good, so I figured he'd like it too. Finally one day he says he doesn't like it. really? Yeah. Since when? since um ever. LOL I learned how to ask for what I wanted, he learned to ask for what he wanted, or rather he doesn't really care what I do with him but some things (like the nipple play) he could take or leave. And he figured out that telling me wouldn't hurt my feelings. I'd rather know and fix it than not know and do it wrong. So it's been a journey.
It's so hard to put down in a post how your marriage works.
He is very open to me exploring my desires. He has never been a jealous man. In fact I was content to just play out my fantasies in our bedroom and he said that he'd have no problem with me having a sexual relationship with someone else. So the idea was thrown out. Now that the timing is right and our marriage is as strong as ever I really just wanted to hear from others who have been in this position.
BiBunny. I had a total lightbulb moment. I hope this doesn't make me sound calloused, but I really never thought of the *other* woman. I'm now wondering what I have to offer this imaginary woman. Really why would a woman want to navigate a marriage, be gawked at, and possibly have horrible inexperienced sex with a stranger... all while the husband watches? Thank you, it truly was a lightbulb moment for me.
FurryFury I appreciate your concern. And I am paying attention to your words.
nh23 Thank you for your perspective. I too am a princess. He's always so attentive and affectionate. And he's always in control, so he can let his hair down, so to speak, with me. I occasionally get glimpses of his dominate side. Like if I go to his work and he's dealing with a contractor who wants a lower price. Oh he's this smooth dominating creature talking circles around them. And he does it with such effortless charm. And every so often he will do something that will just send chills down my spine. Last Saturday afternoon he walks into the living room and says "make me some coffee, now" in this huge booming voice as he grabs me out of the chair. My panties were instantly wet. Then he giggled and said "I'm just teasing ya, want some coffee?" in this great happy voice. He drives me crazy. So while the coffee was brewing I locked the bedroom door and gave him my patented 5 minute blowjob. I'm not sure if he connects the demanding tone of his voice to the awesome blowjob he got not two minutes later. Maybe he does. I know it's out of character for him, though.
I thank everyone again for taking time out to caution me in my journey and for giving there perspectives.
Re: the can of worms. This is what I'm most concerned about. My husband is so wonderful. He has always put me first. And I fully admit that it took me some time to learn how to be a wife. I took his love for granted in the beginning. Thank God he's a very patient man. This poly thing wasn't just some whim. We have talked about opening our marriage for gosh about seven years. It just never seems like the right time. We were so bogged down with parenting very young children that our sex life took a back seat. I had three children in 5 years. But now my youngest has just started Kindergarten. And we have "noticed" each other again. And all the things we have both fantasized about for years we now want to take to the next level. But we both want to be smart about it. And if it doesn't work out, our marriage will not suffer. But i still want to see if the reality is as good as the fantasy.
But our sex life is great. It took a few years of honest communication to get it right. Like for instance for years I mean years I would play with his nipple in my mouth mimicking what he did to me. I liked it, it felt good, so I figured he'd like it too. Finally one day he says he doesn't like it. really? Yeah. Since when? since um ever. LOL I learned how to ask for what I wanted, he learned to ask for what he wanted, or rather he doesn't really care what I do with him but some things (like the nipple play) he could take or leave. And he figured out that telling me wouldn't hurt my feelings. I'd rather know and fix it than not know and do it wrong. So it's been a journey.
It's so hard to put down in a post how your marriage works.
He is very open to me exploring my desires. He has never been a jealous man. In fact I was content to just play out my fantasies in our bedroom and he said that he'd have no problem with me having a sexual relationship with someone else. So the idea was thrown out. Now that the timing is right and our marriage is as strong as ever I really just wanted to hear from others who have been in this position.
BiBunny. I had a total lightbulb moment. I hope this doesn't make me sound calloused, but I really never thought of the *other* woman. I'm now wondering what I have to offer this imaginary woman. Really why would a woman want to navigate a marriage, be gawked at, and possibly have horrible inexperienced sex with a stranger... all while the husband watches? Thank you, it truly was a lightbulb moment for me.
FurryFury I appreciate your concern. And I am paying attention to your words.
nh23 Thank you for your perspective. I too am a princess. He's always so attentive and affectionate. And he's always in control, so he can let his hair down, so to speak, with me. I occasionally get glimpses of his dominate side. Like if I go to his work and he's dealing with a contractor who wants a lower price. Oh he's this smooth dominating creature talking circles around them. And he does it with such effortless charm. And every so often he will do something that will just send chills down my spine. Last Saturday afternoon he walks into the living room and says "make me some coffee, now" in this huge booming voice as he grabs me out of the chair. My panties were instantly wet. Then he giggled and said "I'm just teasing ya, want some coffee?" in this great happy voice. He drives me crazy. So while the coffee was brewing I locked the bedroom door and gave him my patented 5 minute blowjob. I'm not sure if he connects the demanding tone of his voice to the awesome blowjob he got not two minutes later. Maybe he does. I know it's out of character for him, though.
I thank everyone again for taking time out to caution me in my journey and for giving there perspectives.
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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- Apr 27, 2004
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The major issue you're going to want to talk about with this, IMO, is what will happen if feelings develop from a sexual relationship. Could you both handle that, or would one/both of you have a problem with it? If it's likely to be a problem, what measures will you put in place to guard against it?sweetpiv said:
You might want to consider other women who are also in committed relationships. That may exclude the possibility of a threesome (or you may have to have both guys watch, or switch off), but someone in a stable relationship is more likely to understand your situation, respect your relationship and want something similar.
I could focus on the negative possibilities you've listed, but I don't. I figure if we're both into the sex because we like each other on other levels, it's going to be great. There might be missteps and laughter while we get to know each other, but that's fine with me. I have friendship, safety, enthusiasm, love, sex, commitment, privacy, fun, a non-creepy husband, good communication and a piece of myself to offer the right people. Not everyone is looking for those things, but those I want to be involved with are.
I gave up on finding a woman who wanted my husband to watch or participate a long time ago. I've found when I meet certain people, that kind of thing develops organically. If I limited myself to women who were willing to have him involved in some way, I'd have very, very few options, and he realizes that. He knows I'll involve him if and when the time is right for everyone. Likewise, I may let my partner's partner participate in some way at some point, but it's not something I'm looking for, and I decline invitations for threesomes right off the bat.
So, think about what you DO have to offer the right people while being aware of the situation from their perspective. Try to be as flexible as possible in what you're looking for if you want this to happen more quickly and easily. That doesn't mean you have to settle, but it may mean you'll need to put some of your desires on hold for a while.
It sounds like you might be in a good place to explore with caution. Communicate, communicate, then communicate some more, be realistic, flexible, patient, respectful, generous, safe, and have a blast!
Best of luck to you!
Softouch911
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Netzach said:
Netzach's suggestion is the best one I've seen on this, so I hope you at least consider it and pay attention to it.
ST
DeservingBitch
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What she said.Softouch911 said:
