Spotlight on.... VelvetDarkness.

[Quoll]

I'll third that, submissive is not what comes to mind when reading your words.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Well, since this thread came back up, I've been wondering: Just how dominating is your master to make you look like the submissive one? Unless you're a lot different in person, you're one hell of a bad ass chick yourself.

I'm not a pushy or dominant person irl. I think here on the forums because I've been here a while I'm comfortable about voicing my opinions and debating topics with people. Plus, when posting on the forum I try to be concise and unambiguous because misunderstandings can occur so easily here. I wouldn't be half so tactless irl but people come here because they want the freedom to get people's true opinions in an anonymous setting. They don't want people to tell them what they want to hear or pussyfoot around an issue, like people in their own peer-group might.

In addition, even somewhere as supposedly liberated and enlightened as Lit, I often have to defend my place as a voluntarily submissive woman to those who don't understand it. I get pms from time to time asking me who fucked me up as a child or what kind of twisted facet of nature/nurture set me on the road to seeking abuse. I also dislike the image some have of submissives as child-like individuals who submit so they can abdicate from life's responsibilities. True, there are dynamics where this occurs but if the BDSM forum is anything to go by they're not the majority within the lifestyle. So I guess I'm naturally defensive of my choices, which doesn't read as terribly submissive.

We also don't go in for micro-management. I have a business, friends, family and a whole manner of other stuff in my life that Master interferes very little with. He also has no interest in controlling my finances or other stuff that I can manage perfectly well without his supervision. He always retains the right to concern himself with aspects of my life that don't directly affect him but he has little reason to. He expects me to be productive and he expects to be kept in the loop and consulted but that's about it. Within the home, he expects everything to get done but he doesn't hand out lists of chores. He might request a specific meal or point out something I've neglected to do but that's about it. He doesn't pick my clothes out each day or anything like that. If we have a date night he'll often choose what I wear and I dress however he wants me to for sexual play.

My submission is specific to my Master. People submit to their boss/superiors at work but that doesn't affect how they interact with other people. People defer to and respect their parents/elders but that doesn't make them doormats. My relationship with Master doesn't have much bearing on how I am around other people. By the same token, he would not value a woman who was indiscriminately submissve, lacking in self-respect and held back in life by her inhibitions - as many naturally beta people are. Like a subordinate employee, I am respectful around him. I don't argue with or raise my voice to him. If I have an objection to something I voice it politely and deferentially, things like that. My submission is more valuable and special a gift because it is reserved exclusively for him. I hope that makes sense. Of course, I'm not perfect and we all have our off days but I try to always treat him with respect and I soon know about it if I don't. The notion of punishment can sound juvenile to some but it's good for correcting my behaviour and he's more than creative enough to come up with deterrents for a masochist like me.

This is also why I dislike people who self-identify as dominant and expect automatic deference from everyone who self-identifies as submissive. I don't play that game. I submit to my Master because I have given myself to him and I believe him to be worthy of my respect and obedience.

Although it's an alternative lifestyle, our M/s dynamic has saved us a lot of hassle over the course of our relationship. I know plenty of 'vanilla' couples who have constant conflict because they're operating as equals and their mutual respect is so tenuous as a result. It's like a ship with two captains rather than one captain and a trusted first mate. Having one person making the important decisions makes everything much simpler, if you choose the right person to make those choices for you, which I believe I have. I wouldn't want to be a lowly deckhand with no say in anything but Master values my input and has our best interests at heart, both as a couple and as individuals.

Also, as our dynamic is 24/7 rather than just in the bedroom, it ebbs and flows. He doesn't always feel particularly dominant and vice-versa. At these times it's all the more important for me to act as he would wish. If your boss is away, you're expected to handle your responsibilities unsupervised and in many ways it's a test of your worth and trustworthiness as an employee. Even if you socialise with your boss, the corporate hierarchy almost always remains in place. It's a very powerful thing to be beholden to somebody for your salary, your lifestyle, your family's welfare, your pension and in the same way, it's a very powerful thing to place your life and future in the hands of another.

So that's my take on submission.

 

[infinity706]

I'm not a pushy or dominant person irl. I think here on the forums because I've been here a while I'm comfortable about voicing my opinions and debating topics with people. Plus, when posting on the forum I try to be concise and unambiguous because misunderstandings can occur so easily here. I wouldn't be half so tactless irl but people come here because they want the freedom to get people's true opinions in an anonymous setting. They don't want people to tell them what they want to hear or pussyfoot around an issue, like people in their own peer-group might.

In addition, even somewhere as supposedly liberated and enlightened as Lit, I often have to defend my place as a voluntarily submissive woman to those who don't understand it. I get pms from time to time asking me who fucked me up as a child or what kind of twisted facet of nature/nurture set me on the road to seeking abuse. I also dislike the image some have of submissives as child-like individuals who submit so they can abdicate from life's responsibilities. True, there are dynamics where this occurs but if the BDSM forum is anything to go by they're not the majority within the lifestyle. So I guess I'm naturally defensive of my choices, which doesn't read as terribly submissive.

We also don't go in for micro-management. I have a business, friends, family and a whole manner of other stuff in my life that Master interferes very little with. He also has no interest in controlling my finances or other stuff that I can manage perfectly well without his supervision. He always retains the right to concern himself with aspects of my life that don't directly affect him but he has little reason to. He expects me to be productive and he expects to be kept in the loop and consulted but that's about it. Within the home, he expects everything to get done but he doesn't hand out lists of chores. He might request a specific meal or point out something I've neglected to do but that's about it. He doesn't pick my clothes out each day or anything like that. If we have a date night he'll often choose what I wear and I dress however he wants me to for sexual play.

My submission is specific to my Master. People submit to their boss/superiors at work but that doesn't affect how they interact with other people. People defer to and respect their parents/elders but that doesn't make them doormats. My relationship with Master doesn't have much bearing on how I am around other people. By the same token, he would not value a woman who was indiscriminately submissve, lacking in self-respect and held back in life by her inhibitions - as many naturally beta people are. Like a subordinate employee, I am respectful around him. I don't argue with or raise my voice to him. If I have an objection to something I voice it politely and deferentially, things like that. My submission is more valuable and special a gift because it is reserved exclusively for him. I hope that makes sense. Of course, I'm not perfect and we all have our off days but I try to always treat him with respect and I soon know about it if I don't. The notion of punishment can sound juvenile to some but it's good for correcting my behaviour and he's more than creative enough to come up with deterrents for a masochist like me.

This is also why I dislike people who self-identify as dominant and expect automatic deference from everyone who self-identifies as submissive. I don't play that game. I submit to my Master because I have given myself to him and I believe him to be worthy of my respect and obedience.

Although it's an alternative lifestyle, our M/s dynamic has saved us a lot of hassle over the course of our relationship. I know plenty of 'vanilla' couples who have constant conflict because they're operating as equals and their mutual respect is so tenuous as a result. It's like a ship with two captains rather than one captain and a trusted first mate. Having one person making the important decisions makes everything much simpler, if you choose the right person to make those choices for you, which I believe I have. I wouldn't want to be a lowly deckhand with no say in anything but Master values my input and has our best interests at heart, both as a couple and as individuals.

Also, as our dynamic is 24/7 rather than just in the bedroom, it ebbs and flows. He doesn't always feel particularly dominant and vice-versa. At these times it's all the more important for me to act as he would wish. If your boss is away, you're expected to handle your responsibilities unsupervised and in many ways it's a test of your worth and trustworthiness as an employee. Even if you socialise with your boss, the corporate hierarchy almost always remains in place. It's a very powerful thing to be beholden to somebody for your salary, your lifestyle, your family's welfare, your pension and in the same way, it's a very powerful thing to place your life and future in the hands of another.

So that's my take on submission.

Yeah, I actually figured that much out already. That's not what I was getting at, though. You're easily the most aggressive regular, even well above and beyond domme types like Erica and Roscoe. You're always decicive and to the point. You're always one of the first to pounce on an idiot and call them out on their bullshit. It's just hard to imagine a chick that seems as bad ass as Laura Croft, submitting to anyone. Unless you're a lot different than you seem, there are probably a lot of people intimidated by you. I didn't mean submission means being a doormat, but you seem like the alpha domme more than anything.

 

[Quoll]

My submission is more valuable and special a gift because it is reserved exclusively for him.

I submit to my Master because I have given myself to him and I believe him to be worthy of my respect and obedience.

Awesome answer Velvet.

 

[Feral_Intelligence]

That was a wonderful answer velvet. I think it would be a great thing for beginning submissives to read.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Yeah, I actually figured that much out already. That's not what I was getting at, though. You're easily the most aggressive regular, even well above and beyond domme types like Erica and Roscoe. You're always decicive and to the point. You're always one of the first to pounce on an idiot and call them out on their bullshit. It's just hard to imagine a chick that seems as bad ass as Laura Croft, submitting to anyone. Unless you're a lot different than you seem, there are probably a lot of people intimidated by you. I didn't mean submission means being a doormat, but you seem like the alpha domme more than anything.

I'm flattered... I think... but I'm about as intimidating as a Jack Russell. At 5ft tall I don't scare many people, it's not much more than short-woman-syndrome.

I might have to rethink my combative posting style if this is how everyone perceives me though.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Awesome answer Velvet.

That was a wonderful answer velvet. I think it would be a great thing for beginning submissives to read.

Aww

You two give me the warm fuzzies.

 

[satindesire]

I'm flattered... I think... but I'm about as intimidating as a Jack Russell. At 5ft tall I don't scare many people, it's not much more than short-woman-syndrome.

I might have to rethink my combative posting style if this is how everyone perceives me though.

I don't think you're combative in the least. I think you're blunt, but NOT combative. And personally, I love the fact that you're blunt. Not a whole lot of people are brave enough for that.

 

[Eilan]

I might have to rethink my combative posting style if this is how everyone perceives me though.

Please don't.

 

[silverwhisper]

indeed, i would need to trout-smack you if you did. :>

ed

 

[rosco rathbone]

domme types like Erica and Roscoe.

 

[infinity706]

So, what's your point? I'm pretty sure you're a dom unless I have you mistaken with someone else.