Stop feeling worthless

[human_male]

you will get treated exactly the way you allow yourself to be treated.

Exactly. That's a lesson a lot of people could stand to learn, not just this person. How can you expect others to change when they're getting exactly what they want?

 

[SweetErika]

I'm hoping I've been around lit long enough to not be classed as a troll!

I don't think "trolling" was meant in a "irritating, disruptive" way, but rather more like "fishing for compliments/attention" - you know, how people say, "Do I look fat in this?" just so they get reassurance, compliments and attention?

When someone asks for advice but then rebuffs it or has lots of reasons/excuses for why it's not applicable or they won't take it, they're generally fishing/trolling for attention of some sort. Kinda like the yahoos who start cock size threads with some inane question - they actually just want attention and reassurance that their cock is fine the way it is.

I don't see that here, Stace, but you do seem to have a "can't do" attitude, which worries me for you. Cloudy's post especially was outstanding, and I hope you'll take that and the counseling advice to heart so you can get on a path you can feel wonderful about.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I don't think "trolling" was meant in a "irritating, disruptive" way, but rather more like "fishing for compliments/attention" - you know, how people say, "Do I look fat in this?" just so they get reassurance, compliments and attention?

Yup, that's it. Again, no harm meant, just how it seems. Every poster has said nearly the same thing, and every response has been met with "I couldn't possibly, I don't want to, I can't, it's not my fault ..." etc. Someone truly interested in stopping this cycle would hear the wisdom of the contributors to this thread.

I'm no expert, but I've been in ickle_stace's shoes, and it ain't no fun. In my experience, the only way to change is to take charge of your life and follow any one of the many suggestions that have been posted. I've already posted that my own path was through turning within, finding my own personal strengths and realizing that I don't need the validation of others to know who and what I am. I used the term spiritual, which to me is as I've just described, NOT in any way shape or form related to religion, religious beliefs or teachings. Spirituality is being in touch with yourself, knowing who you are, and what you're all about. If you can't wrap your mind around that, talk to a priest, a psychotherapist, or whoever else your beliefs will will allow you to listen to.

Again, it is not my intent to be impatient, mean, or in any way derogatory to ickle_stace's situation, however, one truly interested in change will actually be open to change, not just sit back and say they can't. To sit back and say that nothing is possible is someone trolling for sympathy and attention.

 

[ickle_stace]

I spent last week at home resting because of a bad sprain to my ankle, and I cried a good few times because I hated the fact I couldn't do much for myself and my mum had to take care of me like I was a kid again cos I could barely walk and I didn't want her making a fuss of me and me having to have so much attention from her.

And no, I'm not after sympathy cos of my ankle before people think I am, I'm just pointing out that if I feel bad for getting too much attention from my own mother then I don't think I'm going to actively seek attention from people here.

I have listened to people's advice, it's just not easy to accept people's advice when you feel worthless, even though you know you should, and even though you asked for it, you hear other people saying do this and do that, but it's hard not to be cynical when like you feel like everything you do is gonna fail cos you deserve it.

And Cloudy is right, I do need to develop a backbone, and I'm trying, I've always been a doormat, and I'm not gonna deny it, I let people walk all over me because my mind makes me think if I make sure everyone else is happy then maybe one day someone make sure I'm be happy too, but they never do

 

[cloudy]

I let people walk all over me because my mind makes me think if I make sure everyone else is happy then maybe one day someone make sure I'm be happy too, but they never do

Here's another harsh truth: depending on someone else to make you happy is going about it completely backwards.

Only you can make you happy. And before you can be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself.

Spend some time on you. Go to college (if you're not already) - invest in yourself. Develop an innate talent that's just a spark right now. Set some goals for yourself that don't have anything at all to do with romance or sex, or a man!

It seems that you're way too wrapped up obsessing over men, etc., and aren't looking to yourself first. Self-confidence is at the top of the "what's sexy" list, and you have to stop looking to everyone else to fulfill your needs.

At the end of the day, all you have, and all you can completely depend on is yourself. Stop putting your sense of self-worth and your happiness in someone else's hands.

Practice saying "no."

Define exactly what it is you want out of life, where you want to go - having goals like eventually having a family is fine, but that's an adjunct, not the end- all be-all. I have three kids, but I guaran-damn-tee you that my world does not revolve around my children. They are my first priority right now, of course, but when they're all grown and gone, I won't be lost, but rather celebrating the good job I did raising them, and then getting on with things I want to do, but have temporarily put off.

And for god's sake, stop saying "I can't".

There's a thing called a self-fulfilling prophecy. It works like this: if you say you can't, guess what? You can't. If you think that you'll never amount to anything, you won't. It goes along with the way others treat you - if you just automatically assume that you'll be treated unkindly, and don't do anything about it, then that's exactly what you'll get.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do something about it. Pity parties never do anything but annoy the people around you. Sure, everyone gets that way once in awhile, but self-pity gets absolutely nothing accomplished, and feeds into the pessimism you seem to be lost in.

You have to take charge, hun. No one can do it for you, and expecting others to meet your needs is actually sort of emotionally immature.

I honestly don't mean to be harsh with you, but I'm talking to you like I would my daughter (who, at 26, is just a little older than you). Sometimes harsh is what's called for.

 

[ickle_stace]

I am at college, my final year this year, I have goals for my life, maybe I should forget about guys for a while and just do what I wanna do instead

 

[thecharlieman]

EXACTLY!!!


Now you are starting to see what we've been saying.

You HAVE worth, you just need to find it within yourself.

 

[ickle_stace]

EXACTLY!!!


Now you are starting to see what we've been saying.

You HAVE worth, you just need to find it within yourself.

I saw it before, just thought I better point out what I've been thinking since reading people's replies, so nobody else accuses me of being a troll