Story sent back

[StillStunned]

And just so you know, @StillStunned agreeing with me is a dangerous proposition at the best of times.

Probably a less dangerous than disagreeing with you.

 

[Plathfan]

Maybe this sounds better:

I stood in front of the mirror in my robe, brushing out my long brown hair, anxious about my new job. Today was my first official day as assistant vice president of Davenport Industries, Inc., my dad’s company, which he built from the ground up. Although I had only recently turned eighteen and graduated high school a little over two weeks ago, I felt I was ready for the challenge. Dad had spent years preparing me for this day, and I wanted to make him proud of me.

As I descended the stairs, I heard the sound of something that had become all too familiar recently—Mom and Dad were arguing again.

“Thomas, they’re a family of rednecks, for Christ’s sake. What were you thinking when you invited them here? Just think about what this will do to our reputation in the community!”

“Helen, they’re family. He’s my brother, for crying out loud. They’ve lost their home and almost everything they own. And besides, they’ll only be here for a couple of weeks at the most.”

I walked into the kitchen, and my parents didn’t say good morning to me or even acknowledge me. My dad stood with one foot resting on a kitchen chair, giving my mother the evil eye, his face beet-red. Mother sat at the table, her hair disheveled, her face cupped in her hands.

Language, like music, has its fans across all styles; there’s no real “better,” only what feels true to you.

The residents here, like the readers beyond, are passive-aggressive creatures. They'll try to mold your writing to suit their tastes, but you’ve got to hold on to your own voice.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Call me Ishmael; everyone does, but I don't know why. My name is Millie!

 

[MillieDynamite]

LOL, I don't do passive-aggressive. I only do aggressive-aggressive. I wouldn't mold anyone into my style. It's mine, and you can't have it. Yes, I'm joking, sort of!

Language, like music, has its fans across all styles; there’s no real “better,” only what feels true to you.

The residents here, like the readers beyond, are passive-aggressive creatures. They'll try to mold your writing to suit their tastes, but you’ve got to hold on to your own voice.

 

[StillStunned]

Call me Ishmael; everyone does, but I don't know why. My name is Millie!

is it short for... Ishmaellie?

 

[MillieDynamite]

I'm not a smart woman, but I don't think so.

is it short for... Ishmaellie?

 

[StillStunned]

The residents here, like the readers beyond, are passive-aggressive creatures. They'll try to mold your writing to suit their tastes, but you’ve got to hold on to your own voice.

If the residents here are like the readers, then logic dictates that, if you want success as a writer, you should listen to our advice.

Of course, there are a handful of residents here, and hundreds of thousands of readers. And we rarely agree among ourselves, never mind with those hundreds of thousands of readers. So instead of moulding anyone to our tastes, we simply offer advice based on our experience, which the OP can take or leave as they please.

Remember: complacency and flattery lead to stagnation, criticism and advice lead to improvement.