Striving to find a place here

[artful]

Eve

Wonderful post, spankableBelle. I understand about having a desire but not having a way to satisfy that desire with skin to skin contact. It's frustrating. And it can be frustrating finding a place to talk with people when you don't have R/L experience.
I do wish you the best of luck.

I am so happy you have once again started to post.
There are so many insights that I look forward to hearing your opinions on. Glad to see you back in here.

 

[artful]

Des

Tooooo Right!!!!!

Its probably a damn good thing that a certain Dominant Male is too busy with work for another month to be hanging out here at Lit. You might give him ideas...... hmmmmm. Wait a minute, maybe I'm changing my mind about that...... LOL

Believe me,...PZ don't wanna know about the "Butterfly Board"!!!

 

[artful]

Ohhhhhhhhh Shit,...

<< takes a deep breath>>
I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is. Susan
... can I breath out now?

...I FORGOT,...breathe out NOW Susan,...NOW,... c"mon girl,...I know your face is turning blue,...but I can STILL see that spark of curiosity in your eyes. Breathe, breathe, breathe
deeply.Art sees her breasts,(...err,...uhmmm, well
I meant to say chest,...yes that's the word I had intended)expanding and contracting. Slapping her rear a few more times,...(just to make sure she is REALLY ok y'all understand), he can now see the color returning and questions Susan if she had uttered a 'safe' word or not!

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Eve

I am so happy you have once again started to post.
There are so many insights that I look forward to hearing your opinions on. Glad to see you back in here.

Seconding artful's post!

As for trying to fit in, I have found this to be the case at all bulletin boards.

Lit was my first BB.

I have since ventured onto a couple of others, even some where people know me. Even so, the in joking and the already established relationships make it awkward for me to post.

New folks?

Sing high and loud!

You are welcome, truly, sincerely and wholeheartedly.

For me, it is an issue of juggling my time. Sometimes, I am a prolific poster and don't miss a new person or a new topic, other times, this past week included, I simply scan and make mental notes.

If I don't know you, if you haven't seen me post to a thread of yours or otherwise acknowledge you on this board, feel free to pm me! I so want to catch up with everything I have missed!


many hugs to all

Miss T

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Des

Believe me,...PZ don't wanna know about the "Butterfly Board"!!!

LMAO! You know him well.

 

[lilredwolph]

RL time experience has nothing to do with how i feel, i have 21 yrs of RL under the belt - i feel this way because i feel like my ideas and beliefs about this lifestyle don't mesh with many of yours.
my beliefs are deeply rooted in the hush don't say a word days past

lilred

 

[WickedEve]

<< takes a deep breath>>

I do have something else to say. Something about why I did not feel so very welcome here at first. And still don't, sometimes.
You do realize you have this very strong "in-group", where everybody seems to know everybody, and internal jokes go around, and often you're even friends in RL?!? Imagine how that makes one feel ...

After posting my first question, I got a very friendly and warm welcome. Hello, nice to have you here, make yourself comfortable and all. And after that, I had the feeling y'all turned your backs on me again and resumed your conversation. Which is pretty natural, I think. But it takes extra courage (for me, at last) to "break into" such a conversation. I don't know if my remarks are welcomed or frowned upon, because more often than not I might simply get ignored. For example: I read through your thread about your own hotel/spa .... At one point, someone named "brotherbaron" volunteered to take charge of a toy workshop. Nobody reacted. I just didn't know if you didn't want him to join or nobody felt responsible or what happened. And probably neither did he.

(check it if you like http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95888&perpage=20&pagenumber=3 )

Or take the "Can I come home now" thread, RisiaSkye asked for:



But, in the end, it's about CarolineOh ... and Cymbidia ... and DrXBlue ... the usual suspects. I did a body count. For those who are interested. I'm not judging that at all. They are wonderful people and I admire them a lot. They surely deserve all this praise. Yet it shows the "in-group" behaviour I've been talking about. IMHO.

Let me try to make a point: you might think your little community is very open to all kinds of people. But for some of us "newbies" it can take quite a while to "make ourselves at home". I feel like I have to get used to an entirely new dialect (what's a troll, BTW?). You show me how little I know, with very small things you do.

I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is.

Susan

... can I breath out now?

Sexysusan, I'm a big cheese (or some food item) on the poetry board, but when I venture to the General board, my posts are trampled all over, and I run home to poetryland. lol
You have to keep posting, and contributing. It takes time to get to know people. If you stop by the poetry forum, I'll spank you and make you feel more than welcome.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Eve

I am so happy you have once again started to post.
There are so many insights that I look forward to hearing your opinions on. Glad to see you back in here.

I'm afraid I don't have much to offer except my wit, intellect, charming personality, sexy thoughts, and extreme modesty.

 

[spankableBelle]

just a thank you to all that have voiced their thoughts and opinions on this thread...

belle

 

[morninggirl5]

RL time experience has nothing to do with how i feel, i have 21 yrs of RL under the belt - i feel this way because i feel like my ideas and beliefs about this lifestyle don't mesh with many of yours.
my beliefs are deeply rooted in the hush don't say a word days past

lilred

The ideas that don't seamlessly mesh with those already presented are the ones that make us think, learn, and grow.

Please share with us.

 

[artful]

Re: Re: Eve

I'm afraid I don't have much to offer except my wit, intellect, charming personality, sexy thoughts, and extreme modesty.

Ahhh,...but it is more than enough to qualify Eve.
I for one, look for the secrets that one with extreme modesty holds so fiercely hidden beneath a pounding breast. The delights of your observations are like precious jewels dangled within my gaze,...and sometimes openly displayed in my posts as you slowly reveal that which is a true treasure.

 

[navarre]

Re: Des

Believe me,...PZ don't wanna know about the "Butterfly Board"!!!

Can we please quit discussing "butterfly boards"? It's squicking even me.

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Re: Eve

Ahhh,...but it is more than enough to qualify Eve.
I for one, look for the secrets that one with extreme modesty holds so fiercely hidden beneath a pounding breast. The delights of your observations are like precious jewels dangled within my gaze,...and sometimes openly displayed in my posts as you slowly reveal that which is a true treasure.

Wow...such admiration...'tis a precious thing...

 

[spankableBelle]

<< takes a deep breath>>

I do have something else to say. Something about why I did not feel so very welcome here at first. And still don't, sometimes.
You do realize you have this very strong "in-group", where everybody seems to know everybody, and internal jokes go around, and often you're even friends in RL?!? Imagine how that makes one feel ...

After posting my first question, I got a very friendly and warm welcome. Hello, nice to have you here, make yourself comfortable and all. And after that, I had the feeling y'all turned your backs on me again and resumed your conversation. Which is pretty natural, I think. But it takes extra courage (for me, at last) to "break into" such a conversation. I don't know if my remarks are welcomed or frowned upon, because more often than not I might simply get ignored. For example: I read through your thread about your own hotel/spa .... At one point, someone named "brotherbaron" volunteered to take charge of a toy workshop. Nobody reacted. I just didn't know if you didn't want him to join or nobody felt responsible or what happened. And probably neither did he.

(check it if you like http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95888&perpage=20&pagenumber=3 )

Or take the "Can I come home now" thread, RisiaSkye asked for:



But, in the end, it's about CarolineOh ... and Cymbidia ... and DrXBlue ... the usual suspects. I did a body count. For those who are interested. I'm not judging that at all. They are wonderful people and I admire them a lot. They surely deserve all this praise. Yet it shows the "in-group" behaviour I've been talking about. IMHO.

Let me try to make a point: you might think your little community is very open to all kinds of people. But for some of us "newbies" it can take quite a while to "make ourselves at home". I feel like I have to get used to an entirely new dialect (what's a troll, BTW?). You show me how little I know, with very small things you do.

I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is.

Susan

... can I breath out now?

i think you said what i was trying to better than i actually said it...<grin>

Thank you, Susan...

belle

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Re: Eve

Ahhh,...but it is more than enough to qualify Eve.
I for one, look for the secrets that one with extreme modesty holds so fiercely hidden beneath a pounding breast. The delights of your observations are like precious jewels dangled within my gaze,...and sometimes openly displayed in my posts as you slowly reveal that which is a true treasure.

Artful, I should have put this little face beside "extreme modesty." lol

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: Des

Can we please quit discussing "butterfly boards"? It's squicking even me.

My day is complete! I have squicked Navarre.

 

[Kuurspet]

Re: Re: Striving to find a place here

As I have said many times, I have felt I do not fit in many times. I am different in that I do not look for acceptance from this forum or any other list I belong to.

I know who and what I am, and make no apologies for it.

Yay - just as I was getting ready to compose a post, Ebonyfire said what I was going to say!!

I started out online; I started with no partner; I had lots of different partners for casual *scenes*; I had/have a long term partner and a TPE type relationship. I've been on many boards; I've run one or two listservs and groups. Guess what? I can honestly say I've never felt I fit in. The good news is that as Ebonyfire points out, I don't look for acceptance or support online. I look for information, and people who won't look at what I do and go "blech - you're a bad person."

But I do know that when you are just discovering this part of yourself, there's an initial rush of "oh my god, there are others like me out there" and it can be a bit daunting to find out just how diverse those others are!

K

 

[SexySusan]

MzChrista, Des, artful, WickedEve, Belle ... thank yous so much for your nice responses to my pretty whiny post ...

I feel a lot better already. It's usually not like me, to be so shy. In fact, I feel so much better ... now where is that artful ... I need to "thank" him for spanking me while I was to unfocused to stop him ....

 

[artful]

Susan

MzChrista, Des, artful, WickedEve, Belle ... thank yous so much for your nice responses to my pretty whiny post ...

I feel a lot better already. It's usually not like me, to be so shy. In fact, I feel so much better ... now where is that artful ... I need to "thank" him for spanking me while I was to unfocused to stop him ....

No need to thank me,...I had you cuffed and took my reward. Sorry I forgot to ask for your consent,
but I thought it necessary to proceed, in the *rush* of the moment. (Emergency and all that yanno ?)

 

[Sandia]

i have spent time over the last weeks reading the messages on the board from different people and i have spent the last few days reading the stories that Cym, Risia, Caroline, KillerMuffin, and DVS have posted on Lit...there are more that i will get to in the next few days. i find an amazing amount of talent here, so much so that it humbles me. i have been moved to tears, moved to deep arousal, moved to amazing introspection...i don't fit in on this board really anymore than i fit in on the boards in general here at Lit...but i come back in the hopes of gleening some amount of knowledge and imparting my own thoughts openly when i feel i have something to say. i speak with One here on a semi-regular basis and He has helped me to understand a bit more about myself and asks pointed questions of me that require thought and sometimes dreaded answers, though always honest ones, and One i spoke to only briefly before i was counted no longer worthy of His time.

For the most part, i admire a number of people here and have great respect for those that live this lifestyle day in and day out. i do not. My fascination is deep and my desire for learning is true. But for even those without RL experience, it doesn't make the inner being any less submissive or Dominant, whatever the case may be. Even those in situations less than ideal for RL experience, and only online interaction, doesn't make them any less sincere in their needs for fulfillment or that they have any less vital opinions to offer.

From the people i have encountered on this board and other places on the internet, there are players and fakes everywhere as there are serious, sensitive, sincere people. There is always uncertainty and a desire for some to pass judgement on those that have not encountered RL BDSM. To ask questions, to answer some, to read and to talk openly, and to explore within ourselves our deepest desires and wants of what will make us whole is nothing more or less for the environment that we must live in at any given time. Most all want truth and a means of expression, whether it be online or IRL.

So, while i search for some acceptance somewhere here in a corner of the BDSM Forum...i must say thank you that the door has never been locked...

i don't know if anyone else feels that at times or all the time that they don't fit in here for whatever reason...but if there is, i hope you'll find acceptance too...

belle

belle, you do fit in here, and you will fit in here. You're a precious person, and as the people here get to know you, they will see that, grow to like you, and before you know it, you'll be one of the ones making the inside jokes, and getting all the raves. (Don't forget the little people on your way up, honey. )

You speak for a great many other people, belle; you can see that from the responses you've gotten. It's just that you were brave enough to make the first post.

You gotta say something so people have a chance to respond to you. And remember, there's other folks who feel the same way. They could use some help from you.

Look at how much response this thread has gotten, sweetie.

 

[Sandia]

I got more real time experience than most, I think, so it aint about that. I get the feeling I make some people squicky, but I gotta be me. Its all you can do. Doesnt make any sense to be here otherwise.So dont let it get you down. make yourself happy and dont fret the rest. Those who are cool will be for you, those who arent, who cares what they think.

Speaking as a person who's been made to feel squicky by a certain... "b" word pic... (Navarre, I didn't say the word...) I can say...

I like you anyway, Mz. You're refreshing, direct, and intelligent. I like all those things.

You still scare me tho-

~Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

<< takes a deep breath>>

I do have something else to say. Something about why I did not feel so very welcome here at first. And still don't, sometimes.
You do realize you have this very strong "in-group", where everybody seems to know everybody, and internal jokes go around, and often you're even friends in RL?!? Imagine how that makes one feel ...

After posting my first question, I got a very friendly and warm welcome. Hello, nice to have you here, make yourself comfortable and all. And after that, I had the feeling y'all turned your backs on me again and resumed your conversation. Which is pretty natural, I think. But it takes extra courage (for me, at last) to "break into" such a conversation. I don't know if my remarks are welcomed or frowned upon, because more often than not I might simply get ignored. For example: I read through your thread about your own hotel/spa .... At one point, someone named "brotherbaron" volunteered to take charge of a toy workshop. Nobody reacted. I just didn't know if you didn't want him to join or nobody felt responsible or what happened. And probably neither did he.

(check it if you like http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=95888&perpage=20&pagenumber=3 )

Or take the "Can I come home now" thread, RisiaSkye asked for:



But, in the end, it's about CarolineOh ... and Cymbidia ... and DrXBlue ... the usual suspects. I did a body count. For those who are interested. I'm not judging that at all. They are wonderful people and I admire them a lot. They surely deserve all this praise. Yet it shows the "in-group" behaviour I've been talking about. IMHO.

Let me try to make a point: you might think your little community is very open to all kinds of people. But for some of us "newbies" it can take quite a while to "make ourselves at home". I feel like I have to get used to an entirely new dialect (what's a troll, BTW?). You show me how little I know, with very small things you do.

I'm not afraid to take on this challenge (not even afraid of scary dommes ... ). But a challenge it is.

Susan

... can I breath out now?

Please breathe out! (That was a long post.. You weren't really holding your breath, were you...?)

Some of us jump right in.. and get whopped upside the head for it.. Others wait, and look for space. Your way is probably better.

People post to folks they know.. when you've made friends here, you might find yourself doing it yourself.

But this board does belong to everyone. If you keep posting you'll make friends here yourself.

 

[cymbidia]

Being new in a place is never going to be easy, no matter the place. All of us were new at some point. Probably most of us remember how hard it was to fit in, to carve out a place of our own, and to move from trying to post and prod ongoing conversations to the easy flow of banter we saw all around us.

Such is life.

Such is the way of any social group.

I'm not being hard-hearted at all and i am genuinely distressed at the thought that any of you - or those yet to speak out - feels somehow inhibited or unwanted by the collective "us" who post frequently in this place. I really hate the idea of some kinda core in-group here. It's opposite what any of us ever wanted for this prevailing attitude and direction and focus of this place.

Is it inherent in social groups that some kind of hierarchy evolves, i wonder? Is it part and parcel of those groups becoming more cohesive? How can we better keep the welcome wagon mobile and doors open?

Can some of you newer people tell me, please, what we (that pesky collective "we") could have done differently or could begin doing that would make your transition more definitively smooth from feeling like an outsider to feeling more fully enfranchised in this place? I'd really like your direction and thoughts on this matter. Perhaps there's some kindness or something we've been missing? If one of you does respond to this, maybe a new thread on just this subject?

Here are a couple of bottom-line truths though:
1. We all feel like outsiders sometimes. All of us, no matter how firmly ensconced into the core you think we are.

2. Experience does not matter here. All we're doing is focusing on BDSM D/s stuff that can be and often is played out in the "real world" via skin-to-skin interactions. We don't give a flying fuck who's actually done it and who has not. We just care that it's real world oriented and not a product of BDSM-type chat room fantasy.

3. If you don't just jump in and start post, we'll never see you. Just do it! Your words and thoughts are valuable - and they're the coin of the realm here. If you don't post, we can't respond and we can't get to know you.

4. As is the case with being a BDSM'er, you're as much of an outsider as you feel. Wiggle into a comfort spot here, one that fits you, and you're in. It's really that easy.



~~~~~
A note to lilred regarding your comment "my beliefs are deeply rooted in the hush don't say a word days past":

I come from that place. So does James.
I come from a time when one did not talk about this with strangers, with anyone outside the circle. One risked community censure, at the least, for being too openmouthed about that which could be used against all those involved.

But times change, my darlin', as you know. The net came along and with it came millions of people who could safely, from the privacy of their own homes, explore into what cost so many of us so much to delve into before the net came along.

Net or not, don't we still have an obligation to help those who are new to this, we who have acquired our knowledge in the dark and hidden times? Such has always been our way with people who come new to us, we've always helped the new ones learn about the emotional and psychological and honorable side of BDSM D/s relationships and interactions as they were learning about the fierce physical joy to be had within the embrace of such sexuality.

I think people like us do have an obligation to help those who are new to this, lilred. After all, we possess that which they need to be safe, to make good choices, to not get hurt. It's incumbent upon us to be free with that knowledge.

The times of hiding are gone - for now. It's kinda nice, too, for all the dilution that's accompanied it. But then, all of life is compromise and a kind of benign settling (in a positive manner). Why should this be any different?

Come on out and join yours in the chorus of voices who have "been there, done that". We'll all grow stronger for the bits of wisdom and the stories you have to impart.

 

[MsWorthy]

I would enjoy chatting with any of you. If I miss your thread, do PM me and I will, in my usual long-winded, brain-straining way, do my best to give you a well thought-out and thorough answer (I enjoy writing, but it doesn't come easy for me). *smiles*

I am new to Lit myself so I understand how you may feel that you are on the outside looking in, at times, but as with any place you go, eventually you will find people who think like you do and friendships will be forged. It just takes a little time.

In the meantime, I offer a perspective that I keep in mind when I am unsure of others' motives:


Never assume the negative until it is proven to be true.
Never assume the negative when the positive is just as likely.
Never assume that other people do not like you.
Always assume that other people like you or don't know you well enough to have formed an opinion.


For example, if you post and no one responds: Assume no one noticed the thread or felt they could add to it (this really is the most probable reason).

If you post and other people post around it: Assume they were answering something from a previous post and really had no intention of slighting you (this happens quite often and I think, the people doing it are oblivious to its hurtful potential. Assume they don't mean to hurt your feelings, because they really don't mean to).

This may seem like "sticking your head in the sand" and ignoring reality, but it really is a healthy way to view others' intentions until you know what their intentions are. Why upset yourself when you can't possibly know what someone else is thinking until they tell you.

~I have used this little thought-conditioning "trick" to help my partner and it has changed her outlook at work.~

 

[MzChrista]

Speaking as a person who's been made to feel squicky by a certain... "b" word pic... (Navarre, I didn't say the word...) I can say...

I like you anyway, Mz. You're refreshing, direct, and intelligent. I like all those things.

You still scare me tho-

~Sandia.

You only scared of me cause you think having your dick tied off until it turns purple and then getting it swatted with a crop will hurt. But after a couple dozen whacks it will feel good, I promise.