Struggling with my feelings and marriage..

[brunette1989]

I think that when you are happy and in love with someone then you don't think about if the grass is greener.

 

[talldad1]

I think that when you are happy and in love with someone then you don't think about if the grass is greener.

Permit me to respectfully disagree a bit, I think those thoughts or feelings will happen in most relationships, but they will be in context. But this is something entirely different, what she is describing.

 

[Noor]

the problem is, what if my judgement is clouded, what if its a case of grass is greener?

thats whats worrying.

Its always greener, maybe better to take a break and check it out.

Unfortunately sometimes it takes being away from someone to really appreciate them, and then often its too late.

 

[Stella_Omega]

the problem is, what if my judgement is clouded, what if its a case of grass is greener?

thats whats worrying.

take a year to develop a new relationship-- with yourself. That doesn't mean no dates, but it does mean that your first loyalty is to you, not to someone that you are using as a proxy.

That's how you'll know if its a greener grass situation-- and you will have a better idea of who the right guy is when you meet him.

 

[Noor]

After abuse, its not enough to know that it is just not your fault. You have to figure out how you avoid it in future and what to do when/if it it rears its ugly head again.
It its good if you have a plan already in place.

It seems to me that you dealt with that by choosing someone very safe, so in that sense you may not even know your husband for who he really is or can be, until you resolve the previous issues.

 

[conquered_sun]

Have you tried Relate? They are a charity and so they charge a lot less. Although Relate is traditionally couples counselling they also do individual relationship counselling and generally they are pretty good. Your issues are such that they should be able to help.

It took me a long time to really believe that the abuse I suffered wasn't my fault rather than just understand it wasn't. (Plus what Noor said)

Good luck sorting it all out

 

[box13]

Hello everyone,

...

it has taken me a long time to really come to terms with what is missing from my life,

...

thank you for reading.

Now I haven't lived too many lifetimes myself, but it seems like people do this pretty much all through their lives and circumstances, money, fame, career, chemotherapy, all that sort of stuff doesn't seem to shut that off, the "I want/deserve more" kinds of feelings that make the tabloids so interesting. You have someone who cares about you and is committed to you it sounds like. You changed, he will too...we all do until we stop suddenly.

I don't think you're exactly coming out and saying "I want something new" and will then turn around, throw away what you have in search of the next "something new" or not later on. You might be turning down that sort of path without realizing it though.

Doesn't sound like any kids are involved so I guess it's just his broken heart as the cost.

I actually don't know if you can find that "perfect mate" or not...seems like the reason most of us are here on Lit is because we didn't.

The feelings of being ashamed of him are difficult to get past though. Maybe he doesn't want that either in the long run. Some time apart may help him realize that too.

Take care.

 

[RuReal]

To be honest it seems from a relationship standpoint you have made your choice. He does not do it for you in too many levels and there does not seem to be anything about him that works for you.

I think it is best that you do what you think will make you happy, just make sure you think it is the right choice because you will have to live with it. I have a friend that was married for something like 4 months and I do not see her any different for it. Stuff happens people change and things are realized.

Good luck.

 

[midwestyankee]

the problem is, what if my judgement is clouded, what if its a case of grass is greener?

thats whats worrying.

More importantly, what if you're asking the wrong questions?

 

[njlauren]

The long term friends have just returned from travelling the globe....thats the reason.

im not sure seeking counselling is really something very possible in the UK, privately it is drastically expensive, and on the NHS, i could wait 4 years!

i'm not entirely sure i understand why its assumed i need counselling anyway if i'm honest? happy to hear more...?

Yashin, the reason for counseling is that being honest isn't all that simply when you are talking about being honest with yourself, human beings have incredible ways of rationalizing things, or ducking issues or otherwise hiding from ourselves, as I know only too well. Even if you leave this guy, which sounds like it might be a fait accompli at this point, you yourself kind of answered your own question when you asked what do I want? Am I even a relationship kind of person? I don't believe there is such a thing as a person who is not a 'relationship' person, usually when I see or read about people like that I see someone I believe is ducking around issues, has issues and has taken that path because they cannot get through what is holding them back (just my opinion). From your description it sounds like you are someone who gets into relationships (or had before marriage) and then gets out of them, and that could be a sign of issues. Given that you were abused, it could be that plays a role (then again, it may not, I have no way of knowing, though to be honest I know the after effects of abuse up close and personal, with my life partner/spouse, and it can take a long time even with intensive therapy to get past trauma and such..). Simply realizing that abuse is not your fault, for example, doesn't mean that there may not be other issues there, like getting into relationships with men that appear 'safe' but otherwise don't float your boat (I have a sister like that, she dates guys that in many ways are not compatible, many of them were immature/clingy, others were from very different worlds then she was looking for...)

The thing about counseling or therapy is it can help you find what you need rather then going through things and getting shellacked time and again, like dating the wrong people. Therapy can help clear out the crap, and help you focus on what you need. I realize therapy is expensive (it isn't much better here in the states, private health insurance doesn't think much to talk therapy and they do everything they can to finally get you pissed off enough not to bother using it.....) but it can save you are a lot of grief, believe me, and it unlocks a lot. I have been through it, was in therapy a good number of years dealing with a lot of issues in my life, ones I never would have been able to work out on my own, and thank goodness I did, among other things it broke the chain on a lot of crap from my family of origin that allowed me not to repeat the crap with my son, toxic stuff indeed....If you want to figure out if you are feeling disenchanted for real or if it is just wondering if something is better, therapy can help you do that, too (for the record, from the little bit you have written, it sounds a lot more then the grass is greener)

I think it is good you are focusing on yourself, thinking about things, and quite frankly I agree with Stella, it sounds like you already know what the deal is with your marriage....you don't need to be ashamed, staying with a marriage with nothing in it is not noble, if your marriage is that one sided it sounds like something my therapist talked about, that one sided relationships are like playing tennis by yourself, it doesn't work. You don't have kids it sounds like, and quite frankly if he is that dependent on you, where you are basically doing everything, that doesn't sound very beneficial.

With therapy, you could come up with an endgame with this relationship and focus on the future. Can I also suggest something else that may help? Look up an author called Harville Hendrix, he has a book specifically for people not in a relationship looking to find what they need (I don't remember the title, the one for married couples is called something like "Getting the love you deserve" or some such)....he has some interesting insights that might help you work on your own to figure out what you need, and it only would cost you the price of the book. With therapy, if the cost is an issue, you may be able to find places that do it on a sliding scale, if the money is prohibitive. It might seem expensive, but the cost in lost time and pain if there are issues that need to be worked out can cost a lot more; I have regrets it took me well into my 30's to see a therapist, I wish I could have done it earlier, believe me

 

[Tesseract4]

I believe that most counselors are unable to see some of the simple issues that come up again and again in relationships because they're somewhat blinded by political and professional biases. I'm throwing out some ideas that counterbalance some of the more standard views.

I am not trying to save your marriage. That isn't possible. I already know what is going to happen to you, since your behavior is stereotyped and women in your situation all end up with more or less the same outcome. This happens millions of times a year, with only the details varying.

Your marriage is already over. You will divorce your husband. Life after your divorce will be no happier than it is now. You will experience more pain in the years to come than you now expect. Though you are confused about your feelings for your husband, you will find seeing him move on far more painful than you can now imagine. You will not really want to do so, but your thoughts will dwell on him for many years, and you may even do many things to interfere with his life after your divorce.

Your life will probably be more eventful in certain ways. Men will come in and out of your life. At times, you'll think you are reaching highs you could never have touched with your husband, but over time you'll gradually realize how hard it really is to make a life work. You'll find yourself constantly trying to balance various compromises. You'll seek higher status, higher earning men, but they'll never love you the way your husband did, at least not after the early glow wears off. You'll want a "nice guy" like your husband, but you also want a dominant, aggressive man. You'll seek smarter men, but such men won't seek you, and if you snare them, they won't respect you the way your husband did. Etc. You can't have it all. You'll end up compromising some things, gaining others, making something of a mess of your life, and not really coming out any better than you now are.

You'll eventually become jaded and settle for a situation that is OK but not ideal.

I could go on, but it's pointless. This is your future and no one, not even you, can do anything to alter it.

He has left today. I asked him for some space, i have a week off work and just need some time away from him to figure out the exact questions being raised by the above posters.

When a woman says she needs some space to think, or discover herself, or whatever, there is a very high likelihood that she really wants space to pursue an affair.

I'm guessing there's another man in your life and that you haven't mentioned this because you think it's peripheral to the "real" issues. It may not yet be a sexual relationship, but if there's another man who is validating you right now, or bonding with you, it's as good as an affair.

The reason I bring this up is that, if I'm right, it's in no way peripheral. Thinking it is, is a very standard kind of rationalization. And as far as figuring anything out, if there is another man in your life, your judgment is so distorted that you simply won't be able to reason correctly about your marriage.

i have spent some time with very old and dear friends today whom, are truly my friends. They have never met him.

Is your "very old and dear friend" a former lover or a man who is validating you?

it has given me chance to think about the things raised here, what is our relationship built on? Why did i fall in love with him before?

The question is not why you fell in love with him. Questioning that is a ploy to falsely perform a sort of emotional annulment of the marriage. This is standard break up behavior. You did in fact fall in love with him for a reason, and that was a powerful thing when it happened. The question now is why is the marriage collapsing.

i have hopped from relationship to relationship from 17 years old, rarely being single for more than a few months at a time, and i dont feel i have ever really had time on my own to find out who i am before.

We don't discover who we are by stopping the world and taking time out to philosophize. We discover who we are by the way we actually live our lives.

Your sexual behavior is not a ride that you were compelled to take. It is how you have chosen to live your life. It is who you are.

sadly, i think i have done that learning whilst in a relationship with him, and as a result what i need and want has changed.

It would be surprising if you didn't change in some ways. Expecting him to change in exactly the way you want, to evolve exactly according to your needs, without your expressing your needs to him, without responding to his needs, without caring for your mutual relationship, is unrealistic and dysfunctional.

Your marriage has failed, as will all your future relationships.

when we met i was studying, working part time and still a child i suppose reallistically. He had the better job, was more grown up than i was. In the last 12 months that has flipped, i have changed dramatically, the way i look, dress, hold myself, interact with people and think.

In 12 months you've gone from being a child who looked up to your husband, to someone who so far outstrips him that he bores and embarrasses you? That's truly remarkable, but I've seen it happen many times. When a child turns 13, they often outstrip their clueless parents in a similarly short time frame, with their newfound wisdom, sexual awakening, new friends, popular music, and fashions.

In all seriousness, you've gotten a new job, some new independence, and some new friends. Make sure you handle it with more maturity than a rebellious 13 year old.

He isnt unintelligent as such, but he is certainly not my equal, and at first i found this scenario okay, but now i find it irritating. i want to discuss current affairs and more intellectually stimulating subjects, he has absolutely no idea about them and no interest.

Absolutely no idea? Wow. Now, this is just a wild idea, but do you think it's possible that perhaps he might just have a different set of opinions and interests from you? Has it occurred to you that you might seem just as clueless to him about a lot of things, and that he may even have been covering for you in many situations that flew over your head? Don't be too surprised if you end up playing the fool after underestimating him.

i have taken the time today alone to think and i genuinely cant think what i get from our relationship.
i pay the bills, i have bought everything in our home, i cook, i clean, i work 70-80 hours weeks. I am totally independent, with a dependent.

What you're saying here is again stereotyped behavior. You're first saying that you don't need your husband's financial support. This is a huge source of marital problems that is largely underground. A marriage counselor will typically seek to explain this kind of situation as your husband's problem. He can't handle an independent woman with a high paying job. The truth is, it's your problem. Your husband was great when he had a better job than you. But your materialistic female brain can't respect him when your job pays better than his.

A recent study found that women with high salaries were unhappier and had worse marriages than women with low salaries.

You also hear this "world on my shoulders" vaudeville act from women when they're in break up mode with surprising consistency. Yet, when you make an objective assessment, you often find exaggerations. A lot of women who say they have no time to breath, are in fact carrying on extremely time consuming affairs, spend endless hours discussing their marriage with friends, etc., while they're blind to many things their husbands do for them and many sacrifices their husbands make.

But this final paragraph is crucial because it is finally revealing what is really going on. Earlier in the relationship, your husband was the provider. He was further along than you, with a better job, and you respected him. A woman has an instinctive appreciation for material support. This is part of the psyche of females of many species, from bugs on up to humans. When you got a better job, new friends, and better resources, your husband became less valuable to you for his material support. The female brain has a sort of a calculator that determines the value of a man based on the support he provides. This is the female counterpart of sexism. Just as women are evaluated as sex objects, men are evaluated as success objects. Even though your husband didn't stop supporting you, your career gains diminished the value of what he provided.

Most women, especially given the political climate of our times, hate to admit that they are materialistic sexists, who see men as "success objects," so they tend to rewrite the story of what's happening. When your husband was devalued by your career gains, you felt an emptiness and you respected him less. But you didn't want to see it in material terms, so your brain fabricated a myth to explain the feeling. The myth is that he cannot provide the emotional and intellectual stimulation you need for a fulfilling relationship.

Doesn't it strike you odd that before your career advances, you looked up to your husband, but now he seems inadequate, dull, etc. Your husband didn't change; your salary changed. Stop the myths and rationalizations. You're just a sexist woman who looks down upon men who don't have the kind of material success and ruthlessness to titillate you.

You began to question your husband's intelligence and savvy because those are attributes that determine his potential for future success. You also find yourself craving domination, because you want a more aggressive, higher status mate. You subconsciously fear your husband may be too nice to have the ruthlessness to advance in his career.

When you say he's not your equal, you're really saying that you believe you now have the resources to trade up. When women think they can trade up, they get geared up for the move fast. Be careful though, some women miscalculate and end up with nothing in the end.

Your newfound ability to dress and converse on current affairs have something to do with connecting to a higher status society. I'm guessing your new fashion statements aren't neck tattoos and nose rings, but more sophisticated dress that will attract a higher status man. Your interest in current affairs is probably also realigning your political views to connect with a different kind of person.

...

 

[Stella_Omega]

blah blah blah

...

This has got to be one of the guys who haunt the loving wives category.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I am not trying to save your marriage. That isn't possible. I already know what is going to happen to you, since your behavior is stereotyped and women in your situation all end up with more or less the same outcome. This happens millions of times a year, with only the details varying.

Maybe it's just the way I'm reading it, but your post here comes across as an angry guy talking about his ex (or maybe a couple of ex-es) and projecting that anger onto millions of other women.

I'm guessing there's another man in your life and that you haven't mentioned this because you think it's peripheral to the "real" issues. It may not yet be a sexual relationship, but if there's another man who is validating you right now, or bonding with you, it's as good as an affair.

It is quite possible for men and women to be friends and do the things that friends do for one another without it automatically becoming an affair.

When I was going through a rough patch with my partner a few years back, I leant heavily on both male and female friends. If it hadn't been for them, I would very likely have given up on a relationship that was causing me more stress than I could deal with on my own. But the validation I got from them gave me the strength to hang on long enough for the good parts of the relationship to resurface as we talked through our differences.

A recent study found that women with high salaries were unhappier and had worse marriages than women with low salaries.

Yep, high-paying jobs are often stressful and hard on relationships. It doesn't automatically mean that money-induced uppityness is the cause of unhappiness; correlation is not causation.

 

[Kurokami]

Most women, especially given the political climate of our times, hate to admit that they are materialistic sexists, who see men as "success objects," so they tend to rewrite the story of what's happening.

...

Yeah see, when you say stuff like that, I begin to tune you out. Not that you weren't coming across as someone who was at least projecting a hell of a lot before this point.

You'll eventually become jaded and settle for a situation that is OK but not ideal.

I could go on, but it's pointless. This is your future and no one, not even you, can do anything to alter it.

This point fascinates me the most. If it's not even in her power to change her future, who does have that power? This is some wheel of fate type bullshit, right here.

 

[missgiter]

I was going to read this entire thread... and then just quit. I wanted to let you know that you are most certainly not alone. I'm young (26). Kids, house, been with my husband for 10 years (married for 3). I want... no, NEED, way more than he can ever give. He is very quite vanilla, and couldn't dominate a fly if I asked him too. Alas, I'm at a precipoint in my life and feel quite the same way you do. We have kids, which makes things harder. I lost my job last week - which has me feeling next to useless in a horrible way (and not a good, warm fuzzy way). So it's quite a bit harder for me to just.. walk away. Though most of me is SCREAMING to go... because it's no longer what I want, nor need.

So! With that being said. Don't try to save something that isn't there. Follow your head, your heart. Search within YOURSELF and make decisions to make YOURSELF a happier, healthier (mentally) person. People change, life tends to move in different directions. It's OK to leave and start over, and go on the search for what you need.

You aren't alone -hug- and I most certainly hope that you can find what you're looking for.

 

[subwannabe]

You made a mistake. It's very possible he made a mistake too. You are never going to be happy in this relationship so you need to bite the bullet and move on. You mentioned you are worried about the grass being greener syndrome. That only applies to how your next relationship works out. There is way more than one fish in the ocean. There are several Mr. Perfects for you out there, all you have to do is find them. If you find another Mr. Imperfect then the grass in greener worry may turn out to be true. The trick is to make sure your next marriage is with someone who will make you happy and that is a very possible outcome. Don't be afraid to be alone for a while until you find that Mr. Right.

 

[Tesseract4]

Yeah see, when you say stuff like that, I begin to tune you out. Not that you weren't coming across as someone who was at least projecting a hell of a lot before this point.

??? Why would this comment make you tune me out?

I think it's a pretty reasonable assumption that sexism is a big part of what's going on in this relationship. When she says stuff like "he's not my equal," criticizes his manliness, his intelligence, etc, and implies pretty clearly that just being a decent nice guy, loving her and worshipping the ground she walks on, etc, is not enough, he just doesn't measure up to her new standards of success ... What do you make of that? Sounds like she's regarding him as a success object. In fact, sounds like classic sexism.

As much as we'd like to be idealists, the fact is, sexism is rampant in our society. Portrayals of men as success objects are not only commonplace in fiction, film, TV, etc, they're almost universal, and in my experience, many women do in fact buy into it.

So, sorry, but I stand by my statement. This sounds like sexism to me.

As for projecting, I think if you reread my statement and reread some of the other responses in this thread, you'll find that I'm projecting a lot less than most others.

This point fascinates me the most. If it's not even in her power to change her future, who does have that power? This is some wheel of fate type bullshit, right here.

Where on Earth would you get that idea? My outlook is purely scientific. The only approaches to the study of human relations that I put stock any stock in are stuff like primatology, ethology, evolutionary psych, etc.

I am not an adherent of any kind of religion, political correctness, mysticism, or other forms of irrationality.

The reason I say she has no control over her fate is that, as I stated repeatedly, her behavior is stereotyped. It isn't the planets or some mystical force that controls her fate. It's her own preprogrammed behavior. She'll behave in the same manner as millions of other women in her situation. The human female psyche is based on very simple principles and there's little room for variation.

Indeed, even she can't alter her own behavior. Part of her may even want to feel differently, but she can't.

I can even tell her exactly how she'll feel, what she'll do, and what the outcome is. I've told many other women such things over the years.

 

[Tesseract4]

This has got to be one of the guys who haunt the loving wives category.

The loving wives forum approaches some stuff from this kind of viewpoint, but some of what they say is inconclusive.

Check out the pickup artist discussions if you want to really see this stuff raised to a high art. The principles are similar to the ideas I'm using in my analysis above, but the pickup artists are very sharp because they're constantly putting their ideas to the test in the field. Don't take my word for it. The best thing you can do is test it out for yourself. Learn the techniques and try them out in a local night club or whatever. The ideas are effective. Scary effective. It's scary how easy it is to understand and manipulate women once you know these principles. Knowing them is probably good to have in your psychological toolbox for being a good dom.

One of the most important principles boils down to recognizing the simple, perhaps unfortunate, truth that almost all women in our society are sexists who superficially judge men as success objects. There are a few other principles too, but that's a big one. A skilled pickup artist would probably figure this woman out in a few minutes and start working on convincing her he's the answer to her marital dissatisfaction immediately (without of course his letting on that's what he's doing).

In any case, you ignore ideas that work at your own peril.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh you've read those books, have you?

 

[desertslave]

Oh you've read those books, have you?

 

[Tesseract4]

Maybe it's just the way I'm reading it, but your post here comes across as an angry guy talking about his ex (or maybe a couple of ex-es) and projecting that anger onto millions of other women.

My ideas have been assimilated from many places. My own personal experiences are are part of it, but not the major part.

The biggest influence of my entire life, was from a woman I knew who was going through an affair and then a divorce. It was an amazing journey, as she slowly dissected her own extremely conflicted feelings, her own anger, and ultimately her own insights into her behavior and the very similar behavior of many, many of her female friends and acquaintances. For me, it was at times savagely painful to come to terms with what I learned from that experience. It overturned many of the illusions I'd formerly lived by. Anger is very far from what I experienced during this episode. More accurate is, as I said, pain. Savage pain.

On the other side of it, I gained insights that give me a huge advantage in understanding relationships. I'm often amazed at how blind most people are to what is happening in their own lives and in their own minds. I can often predict the outcomes of relationships with what is seen by my friends as uncanny accuracy. But it's really just being able to see, without prejudice, what is in front of my nose.

It is quite possible for men and women to be friends and do the things that friends do for one another without it automatically becoming an affair.

When I was going through a rough patch with my partner a few years back, I leant heavily on both male and female friends. If it hadn't been for them, I would very likely have given up on a relationship that was causing me more stress than I could deal with on my own. But the validation I got from them gave me the strength to hang on long enough for the good parts of the relationship to resurface as we talked through our differences.

Quite true, but what you went through is not what this woman is going through. This woman will not talk her way through a rough patch. She will get divorced.

While she may well be talking to friends as well, none of that is very important right now. Her subconscious mind is not looking for a way to solve her marital problems. It is looking for a way out of the marriage. It is highly likely that she is getting emotional validation from a man in a way that will not save her marriage, but will give her the courage to bring about its end.

Yep, high-paying jobs are often stressful and hard on relationships. It doesn't automatically mean that money-induced uppityness is the cause of unhappiness; correlation is not causation.

This woman has not given any indication that her marital problems are due to stress.

You are concocting theories out of your imagination. How do you know that the cause of unhappiness in high-salaried women has anything to do with stress? Financial struggles are one of the leading causes of stress in marriages. When the family income increases, that stress diminishes. When men get higher paying, higher status jobs, they become much more content and their marriages do better. When women get higher paying jobs, they become unhappier and their marriages do worse. How do you explain that in terms of stress?

It is clear that you are deliberately trying to deflect the ideas I've stated. The reason you feel compelled to do so, is that you find my ideas a challenge, perhaps an affront to some part of your world view. Psychologists have studied this phenomenon quite a bit. The human brain goes haywire when its convictions are challenged, even if those convictions have no factual basis. People go into near panic states when challenged this way, and go to amazing extremes to explain away apparent discrepancies. This stuff has been demonstrated in some remarkable laboratory experiments.

The moral of the story is to try to shatter illusions, take yourself occasionally out of your comfort zone, and embrace challenges.

 

[desertslave]

This psychobabble is a serious yawn; however, the final statement isn't unreasonable.

I'm saying that as someone who did have an affair, got the divorce, got relocated, and married the amazing person who talked her off the ledge (of the old marriage). It was terrifying at times, but well worth being brave.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dude, this is not the half-assed pop-psych man-pumping wishful-thinking mouth-breathing theories forum.

You're thinking of GB.

This psychobabble is a serious yawn; however, the final statement isn't unreasonable.

I'm saying that as someone who did have an affair, got the divorce, got relocated, and married the amazing person who talked her off the ledge (of the old marriage). It was terrifying at times, but well worth being brave.

Amen to this.

I didn't need to have an affair or be talked off a ledge; I'm simply a happier person without the ex around my neck like an albatross.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Quite true, but what you went through is not what this woman is going through.

Indeed. Nor is it identical to what your friend went through, or your ex, or anybody else. "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

You are concocting theories out of your imagination.

...says the guy who claims to be able to read a stranger's subconscious mind based only on a few forum posts. You're the one asserting that getting better jobs makes women discontent; that means you get the burden of proof in showing that the data bears no other interpretation.

How do you know that the cause of unhappiness in high-salaried women has anything to do with stress? Financial struggles are one of the leading causes of stress in marriages.

Yep. Time pressures are another.

When the family income increases, that stress diminishes. When men get higher paying, higher status jobs, they become much more content and their marriages do better. When women get higher paying jobs, they become unhappier and their marriages do worse. How do you explain that in terms of stress?

Mind throwing me a cite for those claims? (Journal article or equivalent, please; I've worked in research long enough to know that journalists are quite prone to misinterpreting scientists.)

The human brain goes haywire when its convictions are challenged, even if those convictions have no factual basis.

Oh yes. I've met several guys who had really strong convictions about How Women Work. Generally they thought that every woman in the world conformed to a simple stereotype in their head, and they got real antsy when anybody challenged it.

 

[Yttac93]

hwrof/bv SDJ/\

...

You are actually a cunt. I don't say this often, but you really are, this poor woman is going through an incredibly difficult period of change and flux in her life and here you are telling her she'll never be happy, she's inherently materialistic and selfish and men are so much better than her. GTFO.

I think you're projecting a bit, do you have problems satisfying women in bed? Do you not earn very much? Are you not very clever? Do you sit on your arse all day while a woman cleans your shit up and feeds you? Actually, I'm pretty sure that last one's true otherwise you wouldn't have had the time to write the torrent of pseudo-psychology shite.

The truth is that men and women are not that different and we all change and want different things in life as we grow older - and we should not be told that we're bad because of that.