Struggling with submission

[Quint]

...........

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Yes.

And in the absence of being told to do anything, just chill.

It really *isn't* that hard. People make it really hard.

I think it's easy for those who feel comfy about their body, about their look and the way they talk etc etc. Not so easy for me. Not cuz i don't wanna submit to my Master or anything like that, it's hard to explain.

If you saw yaself thro my eyes you would understand.

 

[saw_man1]

Anyway, I think that "standby" mode is just about the hardest part of submitting. Action is reassuring.

********

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[Netzach]

Ok, not "easy"

but not "complicated" - make sense? I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

Sorry I don't play that. I don't expect robotic perfection, but I also know when I'm being jerked around.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Ok, not "easy"

but not "complicated" - make sense? I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

Sorry I don't play that. I don't expect robotic perfection, but I also know when I'm being jerked around.

I don't play that either. When i struggle with something my Master knows very well. And i am more than happy my Master doesn't expect perfection from me either. Expect perfection from me would be very silly, but i am doing my best.

I know what you and Marquis meant and i agree with both of you. Sub's should do what they are told, however hard it is sometimes.

I talk alot with my Master so he knows very well all my fears and things with which i struggle. He helping me in those areas very much and i really do appreciate it.

 

[FungiUg]

I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

I don't know that this is the right thread to spin off this conversation, so I'm going to post here anyway.

I'm not entirely sure I understand exactly what you mean. I do know that I have run into situations where I am discussing "possibilities" with someone, and we start at the "oh, you tie me up and do everything you want to with me" end of the spectrum, and then as I start drilling into limits and how it would likely work, we add the provisos of "oh, my clothes stay on", "no sex because I'm single", "no other people", "lights off please because I hate my body", etc, etc. (er, all real world quotes, but not from the same person.)

Sometimes it just gets too complicated and it's not worth the bother. It's like "if you are going to submit, then submit goddammit! Stop wasting my time with this half-arsed everything to your plan submission scene."

 

[ecstaticsub]

Ok, not "easy"

but not "complicated" - make sense? I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

Sorry I don't play that. I don't expect robotic perfection, but I also know when I'm being jerked around.

This is exactly it. Submission may not be easy but it is simple and not complicated. It is also much more enjoyable and less stressful when I stop overthinking an issue and just obey.

 

[Netzach]

This is exactly it. Submission may not be easy but it is simple and not complicated. It is also much more enjoyable and less stressful when I stop overthinking an issue and just obey.

Right. And be pleasing. Pay attention. If your D likes something, do it, do it a lot, and don't be all little Jack Horner "lookie, did you like the way I did that Master?" It's just a heightened paying attention to someone you like, one hopes.

 

[A Desert Rose]

See my quote in ADR's sig... *LOL*

I've seen this post a couple of times now... I want 10% for the free advertising you're getting out of it... okay? No. Wait. I want 25%.

;-D

 

[Marquis]

Ok, not "easy"

but not "complicated" - make sense? I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

Sorry I don't play that. I don't expect robotic perfection, but I also know when I'm being jerked around.

You give me too much credit, I was just being a dickhead.

I did appreciate your follow-up to my comment though.


The truth is this. We're all human, subs and doms alike.


With enough effort, anyone could be trained. With infinite time and resources, I could have a 10 inch butt plug in Mike Ditka's asshole and have him begging for more.

No one has infinite time or resources. We all need a challenge, but composition books full of domination strategy doesn't put dinner on the fucking table, ya dig?

 

[Netzach]

You give me too much credit, I was just being a dickhead.

I did appreciate your follow-up to my comment though.


The truth is this. We're all human, subs and doms alike.


With enough effort, anyone could be trained. With infinite time and resources, I could have a 10 inch butt plug in Mike Ditka's asshole and have him begging for more.

No one has infinite time or resources. We all need a challenge, but composition books full of domination strategy doesn't put dinner on the fucking table, ya dig?

I'm still laughing over Mike Ditka. Dream big, eh?

There's nothing dickhead about a short sharp reminder about why we do all this either. Yoda comes to mind - there is no try. Maybe there is, but it's like, ugh, ok already.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think that all submissives go through periods of struggle in their submission. But the crux of it is that its an obsticle that you have to work with your Dominant and have trust in him to help you push through it.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I think that all submissives go through periods of struggle in their submission. But the crux of it is that its an obsticle that you have to work with your Dominant and have trust in him to help you push through it.

Yeh i think so too and i am glad i have the kind of Dominant who does help me to succeed in what he expects from me. Throo all my fears and doubts he does have my trust. I struggle with it at times cuz i find it really hard trust to people, but he always helps me and shows me he can be trusted and that my fears was silly.

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

Ok, not "easy"

but not "complicated" - make sense? I think what Marquis and I are both noting is that it's really commonplace to get involved with someone who's submissive at first blush and over a short period of time you are finding yourself hostage to their litany of neeeds, their idealized routines, their hang-ups.

Sorry I don't play that. I don't expect robotic perfection, but I also know when I'm being jerked around.

I get what you're saying, but could you elaborate on this a little bit more?

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

You are correct, i am working on a lot of issues, how to deal with my relationship is one of them. We are both new to a BDSM relationship. We both lack experience, but we both know what we like. I enjoy being submissive, I like pleasing the person I'm with and being told what to do, and doing special things for my daddy and getting special things from him. In this sense our relationship is defined as 24/7, at first I didn't realize this, because the submission started in the bedroom.

Hmm... I asked, because I thought I remembered posts of your's from the How To forum, so I went back and checked. I'd gently suggest that there might be stuff going on that is getting in the way of being a "better submissive". Since July, you've brought up depression effecting the relationship, needing to find a hobby, that you'd only been living together a few months, and that he's feeling pressure to preform because of what value you place on sex in your relationship. That's kinda some big underlying emotional/communication type stuff that may impact a power dynamic.



I'm a big fan of figuring out why you behave the way you do, in order to figure out if it's a problem, and how to fix it.

How is your dynamic defined? Are you "acting out" because of unresolved relationship issues, or are you (possibly subconsciously) "acting out" in order to get "punished" (attention)? Have y'all discussed "style" for lack of a better term? Some D/s relationships are more playful and being a bit bratty is acceptable, some are instant compliance based, some are somewhere in the middle. How's the communication? Do you sit down regularly and talk about how things are going, just face to face as people, not Daddy/submissive, and tweak things as needed? If he's thinking flat out obedience, and you're thinking playful, at some point there will be a train wreck, it's just a question of when. (I am presuming he's a smart enough man to not be asking anything outrageous/porn based D/s of you...)

I know I'm asking questions more than giving answers, but (IMO) there really isn't a "make coffee at 8am sharp; blow him while he reads the newspaper" answer for things like this...

You're right, I suppose some of the acting out is purely for attention. I do require a lot of attention, and this was one of things I was trying to work on. I feel like I am exhausting him. I need to back away, so he has a chance to WANT me. I'm not all up in his business 24/7, but when we're home together pretty much we're together, that's why I need a hobby. Right now we only have 1 tv, but when we had 2 tv's that worked well, cuz sometimes we watch different stuff. then when he was missing me he'd come into the bedroom to say hello. I miss stuff like that.

Tonight, was an interesting night, and I totally missed the clues and then was feeling hurt because of it.

We were watching tv together and he wanted to watch a movie and I said, nooo, i dont want to see that movie, how about something else, (trying to negotiate here) he says, Ok, let's watch 15 minutes of it, if you still dont like it we'll turn it off. and I said, nooo, im just no in the mood, i dont want to watch it. at that point, I had the remote in my hand and I handed it to him, so he could do what he wanted with it. his attitude did seem to change, but I asked him if he ws mad cuz i woudlnt' watch and he said, im not mad, im just bleh, and i said, Im sorry Im just no in the mood to watch that tonight, but I will another night. and I though that was the end of it.....not long after that we were getting ready for bed and he was in the kitchen and I tried to be playful giving him a hug/kiss, etc, he basically brushed me off and walked away into the bathroom, I said, Ok, fine and went to bed, didnt' think much of that either......then he gets into bed and I smile and try to kiss him and he doesn't respond, and then starts talking to me how by my not giving in and watching just 15 min of the movie was not submissive it was bratty and whiney and he doesn't like bratty, he wants me to be submissive. I said i didn't realize at the time that's what I should have done. his mantra is "beg, ask, Plead" if it's something I dont want to do and I didn't do that. So I got upset because I felt like he was being very cold and unafffectionate and at the time I dind't even know what I did wrong. I got defensive adn emotional.

then he said, Myabe you're just not cut out to be in a BDSM relationship....


I'm still learning, Im still trying to figure this out in my head, but he gets to say hurtful things, and be cold and emotionaless and im supposed to just turn ovr and go to sleep. I should have been asleep 3 hours ago.

Now I feel like I suck, I can't do anything right.

 

[OrgasmicleBunny]

I don't play that either. When i struggle with something my Master knows very well. And i am more than happy my Master doesn't expect perfection from me either. Expect perfection from me would be very silly, but i am doing my best.

I know what you and Marquis meant and i agree with both of you. Sub's should do what they are told, however hard it is sometimes.

I talk alot with my Master so he knows very well all my fears and things with which i struggle. He helping me in those areas very much and i really do appreciate it.

I dont really have much trouble doing what im told when it comes to sexual submission. There are things I dont like, but I do them anyway, we've discussed my limits and my needs, so that we both get what we want. It's the day to day submission I'm struggling with. The more subtle things, like giving in to a movie he wants to watch. Or driving when I'd rather he drive.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I dont really have much trouble doing what im told when it comes to sexual submission. There are things I dont like, but I do them anyway, we've discussed my limits and my needs, so that we both get what we want. It's the day to day submission I'm struggling with. The more subtle things, like giving in to a movie he wants to watch. Or driving when I'd rather he drive.

Yeh i understand, i dont have a prob to be subimissive while the play either, its just natural for me to obey him when he having his way with me. Something i love and crave for, i need to give it so this is easy for me usualy.

Things i struggle with are things he expect from me as a person, little things. Like stay open to him no matter how i feel. I dunno that. Once i feel shit i just close into myself and i rarely talk to someone what can seem like lack of respect when he ask me to confess him whats on my mind. There are times when i just dont want too and i fight the knowing i "must" say it anyways no matter if i like it or not.

I used to do what i like when i like it and share what i wanna share when i wanna share it. If i dont want something its REALLY hard to make me do it lol. It doesnt work with my master. He want my recpect and obidience, always. And i wanna give it, but sometimes i have a prob with it and get bitchy when he want an answear i just dont feel like i wanna give him or dont wanna do what he asked me for. I can be very not nice then and i make it very clear i dont like it. He make it very clear back that i will do or say it if i like it or not and at the end i do usualy. I might protest but i do what i am told. It can take me a while sometimes, but i always submit at the end.

I am glad my master is so strict in this with me. If he was different i couldnt prolly respect him as my Dominant. He's very nice to me, but he can be very strict as well when needed. I need it at times.

I can blindly obey him while the play time, but i am not always like that when it comes to normal daily stuff. Well he knows how to sort me out. Can't say i like it sometimes, but bet he don't like when i dont wanna obey him either so its just fair i think.

I really enjoy when i am in the state of mind "yes sir" on anything he want/expect/ask from me. I love when i get like this, wish i was like this all the time, but i dunno this. Theres whiles when i am really like a sheep, but then there are times when i can be one hard headed wild mare which needs to be tamed first. I honestly think theres alot of Dom's who wouldnt bother with me at all if i was like this to them, so i am very thankful to my master that he does take the time with me and keep me in line. I might do things wrong, but he always leads me back and put me back where my place is.

With me and submission its like with keep me sated sexualy for more than 2 hours. Thats not really possible. One can get me and make me all sore, make me cry and beg for stop cuz i just cant take more of cuming or not cuming, or whiping etc. Simply i can be sated, but in 2 or 3 hours i am just that needy like nuthing happened and beg him to use me again. I have the same prob with submision at times. I submit and serve nicely, but in a while i can turn into bitch and protest to do or say some things and he gota remind me my place again and again and again. I am just like that, cannot help it, but i am still learning.

Wish i could be good girl all the time, but i dunno that sometimes. But i am sure of one thing. Since i have my master i become a better partner to the man i live with IRL. More respectful and all. My master want me to be like this to my man. Submissive to the core, to both of them.

There were times i didnt want to give my man any respect at all, i was mad for things he have done to me in the past, but i had to let it go and start treat him the way my man should be treated. With love and respect he should get from me. I am very submissive to him now and he just enjoy me, i love to be like that to him and i am thankful to my master he helping me to make the relationship with my man much better. In both, sexual and not sexual way as well. And honestly i am more nice than bitch to my man lately. I folow my master, he deffo turns me into better person.

 

[Marquis]

deleted

 

[Netzach]

I get what you're saying, but could you elaborate on this a little bit more?

I suppose.

Disclaimer: I don't think this thread is doing this.

...No submissive of mine would ever go onto a message board and start an elaborate whining thread about him not getting his needs met, how devastated he was when I left for MN after our 3 days a year together, and how hard it is to motivate without Mistress, how Mistress is an asshole because she said she'd IM and she didn't and etc etc etc his needs.

When there are difficulties, they're discussed. When there are annoyances they're either expressed or overlooked on BOTH our parts because that's what you do in a relationship.