Sub/Dom Census

[cymbidia]

Re: ? For Mr. Blandings

What if a Sub starting out in the Gay leather community doesn't want to "graduate" to becomig a Master? Can he stay a Sub forever? Just wondering.

I realize this is for James but i'm answering anyway.

A person is what they are.

If they want to experiment with others flavors of sexuality, they may do so. If they don't want to experiement, if they're happy with the place they reside, then they don't have to try on other roles - or "graduate" from sub to Dom/me.

One is not inherently better or higher than is the other. Each is necessary to the full contentment and pleasure of the other.

There is no "graduation" within the ranks of Dominants, Switches, and submissives, gay, het, bi, leather, latex, rubber, or whatever. One is what one is.

Welcome to Lit's BDSM forum, IM.

cym

 

[James Blandings]

Re: ? For Mr. Blandings

Mr. Blandings,

What if a Sub starting out in the Gay leather community doesn't want to "graduate" to becomig a Master? Can he stay a Sub forever? Just wondering.

Thanks
IM

Some people stayed sub forever, but most, I think, sort of ended up in the middle, submissive to elders while being dominant over newer people.People didn't think about switching much like we do now. Most people I knew switched.

 

[KestralWolfe]

My two cents

From what I have seen, both rl, and ol....It seems to be Doms, and femsubs who are in the higher percentages, with male subs comming in a close second, and Dommes being few and far between. (straight community) In the LGBT communities, I have seen almost a reverse, with malesubs bringing up the top, Dommes, and Doms being right behind them, and femsubs being not too far behind the Dom(me)s. This also, of course changes region-to-region. I live in Austin, now, most of Tx is rather more conservative on the BDSM issue, but these observations about ratio I made here.

IM:
As to the "graduation" thing, once one earns one's leathers .... yes, some ... quite a few, in fact, remain sub/slaves, being more comfortable there. The GLBT leather communities are as laid-back, or tradition-bound as the individual groups want to be. Don't be afraid that someone is going to force you to be something you're not ... no-one who trains you should dare to take that kind of authority away from you.

Anyone who wants the advice:
You are an individual, giving your submission to someone doesn't mean you give them your volition, your soul, your sense of self. Some decisions, even the most well meaning Dom(me) can't make for you, nor should you allow them if they try.

If, however, you run into a Dom(me) who wants that control over you....well, run...run as far, and as fast as you can. That's not a Dom(me) (S)He's a control freak, pure and simple.

Hang in there, learn as much as you can, and above all else, be yourself!

KW

(Sorry for the rambling, all)