subs: Is testing boundaries inevitable?

[Azzy]

*bump*

Becauses RD's question was answered with honesty and respectfulness.

And, what more could you ask for?

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: subs: Is testing boundaries inevitable?

Originally posted by Red Menace

but if a sub is testing you, as a reassurance to them of your control, why does that lead to your dismissal of them?

I have part-times submissives, all male who have been carefully screened, and have agreed to certain requirements. If they breach those requirements, they are dismissed.
Mistakes are corrected, but tests of my control are considered bellgerence by Me.

Or would that be a grey area up for discussion? Does it make you feel challenged or threatened or simply bored with the situation?

I have never felt challenged or threatened by a submissve, not ever. Why? Because of the nature of how my subs are chosen. My boys are men who know a good thing when they see it. They know that for every one of Me there are 20 male subs looking. A Domme who understands them is a rare commodity. Why jeopardize a good thing for no good reason?

Bored? Nope. If I consider a sub boring, they do not serve me, ever.


Does a new sub with much potential get more slack than an experienced sub who ought to know better?

See previous statement. They all know how hard itis to find a suitable Domme. They will not jeopardize their position by playing games.

Eb

 

[zipman]

Another perspective

A Dom friend and I were discussing a theory of his. He believes that at some point all subs have a need to test their Dom/me's limits. As a teacher I could relate - it reminded me how a class of students will, at the beginning of the school year, test their teacher's limits to see how far they can push him/her.

This scares me, and not just for the punishment it would surely bring. The last thing I would want to do is displease my Dom/me and it bothers me that somehow it is inevitable due to human nature. I have a budding o/l friendship with another Dom and we have discussed this. He has warned me that this error in judgement would only happen once.

Any thoughts on this? Is there a sub out there involved in a r/l relationship that has not needed to be punished?

Hey Red,

I am in a very different type of BDSM relationship than Eb. I fell in love with my girlfriend and introduced her to BDSM after we were dating. In this type of relationship, I believe there is more testing, and more patience is required as there was no screening process in place when we started. She tests me, I correct her, she learns.

There is only one thing that truly bother me. Testing me more than once on the same issue. That is when it moves to a point of questioning my control. That is not acceptable. I use both discipline and punishment to correct her. Discipline is indeed molding her behaviors. Punishment is in response to something that she has done that has displeased me. The truth is, I don't necessarily mind punishing her. The displeasure wears off quickly as her ass reddens.

Good thread!

 

[redelicious]

Re: Another perspective

Hey Red,

I am in a very different type of BDSM relationship than Eb. I fell in love with my girlfriend and introduced her to BDSM after we were dating. In this type of relationship, I believe there is more testing, and more patience is required as there was no screening process in place when we started. She tests me, I correct her, she learns.

There is only one thing that truly bother me. Testing me more than once on the same issue. That is when it moves to a point of questioning my control. That is not acceptable. I use both discipline and punishment to correct her. Discipline is indeed molding her behaviors. Punishment is in response to something that she has done that has displeased me. The truth is, I don't necessarily mind punishing her. The displeasure wears off quickly as her ass reddens.

Good thread!

Thank you for adding your perspective to this. I like that when you are correcting her, whether it is with discipline or punishment, that it is done with love. I think it's great that you have that.

I appreciate that there is a difference between testing limits and questioning control.

thanks again.