Subs what is your Safeword

[landcruisergal]

What can I say, I grew up with people that thought sacasm was the highest from of fun.

They probably changed it. No offense was meant by me.

My Dad used to say things like, "Hey is your face hurting you?"


"No, why?"

"Cause it's killing me!"

Yep, tons of fun in the family.

On the other hand a good quip at the right night, might just get him to laugh and stop banging her head against the floor, a bad one might make he go at you harder.

I don't have a safe word but then I'm not really a sub.

I don't like titles, pigeon holes and such. Life is more complex than that.

On topic:

When we play (I don't mind that word, play, though maybe explore sensation would be a better term,) we are sensitive to the other's needs in such a way that safe words have not been incorporated. That's good cause I doubt I'd use one right now, while I'm the receiver. I doubt he'd ever go at it in such a way I needed to. I suspect if someone did, I'd be lost in sensation and not saying many words anyway. Grunting and panting are not words.

Yes I know we should do safe words. We just haven't yet. He doesn't want to. He trusts me to stop him if I feel like I need to. (Ha!) He trusts himself to stop before then. (Much more likely.) So, if he has all this trust, why does all this stuff scare him so much and if it does, why doesn't he want to use safe words? I dunno.

I feel like we are making some nice progress lately so I'm not complaining.

Fury

(no offence taken, I always read it as Keep It Simple Stupid too )

 

[FurryFury]

(no offence taken, I always read it as Keep It Simple Stupid too )

Hi Landcruisergal!

Sweet!

I'd hate to offend when I didn't mean to!

Fury

 

[Zaudika]

Yellow and Red

 

[crazybbwgirl]

My maiden name. But I never had to use it.

 

[Shy_Joanna]

"vanilla" ...coz i hate vanilla sex

I've not had to use mine yet either

 

[La Kajira]

I've never had a real life experience, but I find myself attracted to the idea that someone knows you well enough to know when to stop.

That implies a certain amount of concentration directed right at you... and that is very arousing.

 

[NemoAlia]

I have yellow and red in place, but have never needed them "in scene." In scene what has worked the best is honest feedback: "My hands hurt a lot in this position," fixed what would otherwise have been a "red" moment without having to break the mood.

 

[serijules]

I have yellow and red in place, but have never needed them "in scene." In scene what has worked the best is honest feedback: "My hands hurt a lot in this position," fixed what would otherwise have been a "red" moment without having to break the mood.

This is my preferred method as well. Many tops take "Red" as a "scene over" indication, which bothers me a lot because there are times when I may need to stop for a few moments (cramp, can't catch breath, dizzy, whatever) but will be fine after a few moments rest or a change of position/action.

For instance, I can't kneel for very long...my bad knee starts screaming, and I risk injury. However, I love kneeling at D's feet and for scenes, so she often requires it, and I just let her know when it's gotten to the point where I simply can't hold the position any longer and ask for permission to move. Sure beats yelling out "red!".

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Safewords

Although I am not a sub, I have had safewords in all of my relationships. I use them, not because I think everyone should, but because I can get into topspace in the middle of a scene and a safeword will usually reach in there and pull me back down.

In all of my relationships, "red" and "yellow have been the standards in public play because those are usually enforced by the DM's of the facility. In my current relationship my girl uses "UNCLE!" or "mercy!" when she can't take any more or needs to get me out of my head space. In a previous relationship our personal safeword was "paladin".

And yes, I've taken partners to the point of safewording. *grins* Of course I'm an evil sadistic bastard, screaming and tears are such wonderful rewards for a good scene....

 

[lettinggo]

I haven't been at this very long, but we use the standard yellow and red. I wanted words that would easily roll off my tongue but that I would never use unintentionally. I 'yellowed' during one of our first sessions and he stopped. While I appreciate the concern, I haven't used it again realizing if he pushes too far, red is always there. And typically when I'm tempted to say yellow I don't really want things to stop yet. I don't think I ever used red before today.

Yesterday he introduced a stick (the plastic mini-blind closer kind). He agreed to use it lightly, and even that has one hell of a sting. So this morning he pulled it out again and suggested we see how long it takes me to safeword. I was feeling playful, and all for it. I try, but I'm still a bit of a pain wimp, especially when it comes to my ass stinging, so several swats were all it took. I immediately expressed my frustration at not being able to take more.

Slight hijack:

When I succumbed to the stick, he grinned and noted that he now knew of a good punishment implement and mentioned that safewords don't count in punishment or it isn't punishment. He is someone who would stop in a heartbeat if I made it clear that he had gone beyond my limits, but I'm curious as to others feel about punishments and safewords.

 

[devils_daughter]

When it comes to safewords, I've never had to use one. We tend to notice when we end up getting into something either of us isn't comfortable with. The only time he ever asked for a safety word was when he had no way of escaping and then it was pretty much decided to just shout something along the lines of "get off me you psycho bitch"...we figured we wouldn't confuse that with enjoyment

 

[Shy_Joanna]

When I succumbed to the stick, he grinned and noted that he now knew of a good punishment implement and mentioned that safewords don't count in punishment or it isn't punishment. He is someone who would stop in a heartbeat if I made it clear that he had gone beyond my limits, but I'm curious as to others feel about punishments and safewords.

It sounds quite a turn on in theory, having 'no way out' of a punishment...but you've gotta be careful. You say he'd stop if you made it clear you'd had enough, but how would you do that if you can't use a safeword? Just a thought, anyway

 

[lettinggo]

It sounds quite a turn on in theory, having 'no way out' of a punishment...but you've gotta be careful. You say he'd stop if you made it clear you'd had enough, but how would you do that if you can't use a safeword? Just a thought, anyway

That's why I was curious about others' takes on it. I haven't been punished yet, but I intend to be absolutely sure we're on the same page before it happens. Like others have said, he does pay close attention to my physical and verbal cues. I have, at times, changed my tone of voice to let him know I don't like something and he's stopped, or he's noticed a difference in how I move when I've been bound and he's questioned my discomfort. I wonder if the theoretical turn on is the only reason he mentioned it; fear plays a big part in our scenes and he enjoys the mind game.

 

[Rubyb]

"Mercy", "No", "Stop", "Please, wait a moment", "Please, slow down", "Ouch with a cuss word", "Leg cramp!" and "don't you f*cking dare" have all worked well for us.

No means no, cause that's the way my brain is wired.
I don't say no or stop unless I mean it.

---
Now about punishments without safewords.

IMO:
They sound exciting, yet can quickly get out of hand. The step from punishment to abuse is small and easy to cross.

Yes, mind games can be fun if both partners enjoy them.

However, without constant communication, a partner has no idea what mental triggers might have been activated, or what physical ailment(s) need(s) immediate attention.

If more doms erred on the side of safety, their subs wouldn't end up resenting their partner or his/her actions in the future.

 

[Killishandra]

Mine is "Spoon."
It's an inside joke between us, and so far I've only used it mockingly in everyday life (like wrestling or playing mercy.) Z doesn't mind that I use it as a joke... And the more ingrained it is into my mind, the better chance I will be able to think of it if I need it while I'm in subspace.

 

[Aeroil]

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Okay, so it sounds extremely impractical, and yes I don't have a dominant yet, but it's what I'm going to suggest the first time

 

[Rrrosyn]

"Mercy", "No", "Stop", "Please, wait a moment", "Please, slow down", "Ouch with a cuss word", "Leg cramp!" and "don't you f*cking dare" have all worked well for us.

No means no, cause that's the way my brain is wired.
I don't say no or stop unless I mean it.

---
Now about punishments without safewords.

IMO:
They sound exciting, yet can quickly get out of hand. The step from punishment to abuse is small and easy to cross.

Yes, mind games can be fun if both partners enjoy them.

However, without constant communication, a partner has no idea what mental triggers might have been activated, or what physical ailment(s) need(s) immediate attention.

If more doms erred on the side of safety, their subs wouldn't end up resenting their partner or his/her actions in the future.

"Leg Cramp!!" Sadly in this relationship it is the Domme (me) yelling that one. Makes for an interesting re-adjustment of position and he has one time had to un-bind himself. (Unless someone is within ear-shot we never do mumification or serious bindings that he can't get out of, he just forgets he can get free when he hits subspace.)

 

[kayte]

We use green, yellow and red.

Green of course when we are using a new toy, and I want Him to continue or harder or faster or whatever is appropriate for the tool.

Yellow means no harder, no faster, again whatever is appropriate, I may be reaching a point where I can't take it anymore soon.

Red means stop immediately. Now of course that can be due to all kinds of things. For example if bound and suddenly a terrific cramp strikes!

I have only ever used green. He is very good at reading me. He knows when I have reached that point. And changes what He is doing. To always keep me 'on edge' and craving more until He has decided where I am to go with the scene.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

safeword

Not allowed one these days.

Catalina

We don't have one...She just listens to me and can tell when I'm closing on my limit.

What catalina & dragon said ... same here.

We have never used safe words. There have been times when i've needed my Master to "STOP" and during those times He has known without my having to tell Him with actual words.

This is the same for us.

 

[kerker_miester]

Catalina






This is the same for us.

I like the thought that a PYL/pyl relationship is so intimate, loving, caring, and trusting that no safe word is needed. I am glad that there are such strong relationships alive out there. Gives me hope, thanks.

 

[Rubyb]

"Leg Cramp!!" Sadly in this relationship it is the Domme (me) yelling that one. Makes for an interesting re-adjustment of position and he has one time had to un-bind himself. (Unless someone is within ear-shot we never do mumification or serious bindings that he can't get out of, he just forgets he can get free when he hits subspace.)

Ruby cheers for safe bindings when the dom/me may need help!

Safe words, safe bindings. Now there's a thought.

Velcro and quick releases knots can be your friend.

 

[sheilassecret]

Chicken is my safe word. Braaaaack!

 

[Rrrosyn]

Chicken is my safe word. Braaaaack!

Aye. We use no metal. I am learning knots (Girl Scouts didn't cover these uses) and we use velcro mainly. The latex cuff set he has he can disconnect the cuffs from each other (same as the velcro cuffs) or tear if he needed to.

I am really looking into rope decoration of his body and his cock. I can leave his hand free for most of them and they look lovely! Naturally we have ambulance scissors nearby as well. (And a knife because as safe as those scissors are, they don't always cut!)

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Safe Words

i say NO to safe words. If you're not safe enough with your D/M to not need safe words then you're not safe. I would never turn my bottom up or anything else for that matter for someone unless i knew i was safe.

 

[lettinggo]

i say NO to safe words. If you're not safe enough with your D/M to not need safe words then you're not safe. I would never turn my bottom up or anything else for that matter for someone unless i knew i was safe.

I'm very happy for people who have those relationships. But I am pretty new to it all, and while I feel 100% safe and secure with my Dom, there are things I haven't tried yet. He can't know my limits if I don't know them. I could trust him to watch me and read me to know if I've hit an emotional wall, but since it's all so new to me it's reassuring that if I fail to convey my discomfort in a way that can be distinguished from pleasurable agony then I have a quick, easy way to call it to his attention. There's nothing wrong with that.