Taken in Hand (sometimes referred to as TiH)

[Etoile]

My immediate reaction to that is "that's what being submissive is, you twat - you're not special."

 

[eastern sun]

Huh. I had assumed it was sort of a men in charge = natural order kind of thing, whether biblically informed or not. So the guiding principle is more this works/feels good? And the "this" may be an arrangement between a, forgive the term but, naturally dominant male and naturally submissive female or the whole taming of the shrew model.

They don't actually seem to be espousing the idea of "natural order" as such, but rather - as you point out - the taming of the shrew. And there is visceral pleasure to be had in the wrestling for power, if it is enjoyed as such.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I always liked that site alot. Their model will do as a description of what I'm into. They do seem a bit suburban and selfconsciously bland.

 

[WriterDom]

DD is definitely religious. TiH almost looks like they took pains to keep it secular. Even their book list.

I guess I should have known about it but I haven't been keeping up to date with what's new. Been hanging out a Fetlife a little this week and ran across it.

It smacks of BLoved to me. I don't like drawing lines in the sand and dividing groups like they seem to be doing. If not for BDSM, there would be no TiH. Yeah, fundy marriages out the ass but not 1800 members at Fetlife showing their body bits and acting all superior.

 

[intothewoods]

They don't actually seem to be espousing the idea of "natural order" as such, but rather - as you point out - the taming of the shrew. And there is visceral pleasure to be had in the wrestling for power, if it is enjoyed as such.

I had no idea the primary model was this power wrestling thing. That's interesting. Like it's a chance to play out all of that pent up frustration at the universe. Or women. Or both. Oh, that's what you said earlier, eh? I'm surprised there's that many people into that.

 

[intothewoods]

I always liked that site alot. Their model will do as a description of what I'm into. They do seem a bit suburban and selfconsciously bland.

Well you did say you were tired of hipsters.

 

[eastern sun]

I had no idea the primary model was this power wrestling thing. That's interesting. Like it's a chance to play out all of that pent up frustration at the universe. Or women. Or both. Oh, that's what you said earlier, eh? I'm surprised there's that many people into that.

I wouldn't take my word as reflective of TIH philosophy. I know very little about it. I was simply trying to posit what - other than religion or sex or personality - might be driving these relationships.

 

[intothewoods]

http://www.takeninhand.com/could.this.kind.of.relationship.be.for.you

http://www.takeninhand.com/what.taken.in.hand.is.about.and.what.it.is.not.about

Sounds like there's a lot of wiggle room. With all of the possible variations, the requirements only seem to be monogamous M/f TPE.

I can understand wanting to distance yourself from the BDSM "lifestyle" and I don't think it would have to be a homophobic thing. To lots of people it seems like this crazy swinger lifestyle -- weird, dark, unhealthy, dangerous. This seems like a safe space to be "alternative." Like you could join this site and still be a PTA mom.

 

[DVS]

Ya gotta grab status where you can...

I like the bits where they claim that the wife is just as important as the husband but that the husband takes the wife and bends her to his will-- turns her into a submissive. From a self-willed, autonomous human being.

Crreeeepeeee hetero shit. blech!

For me, this is nothing new. I've always lived this way and preferred a woman like this. Label it what you want, I guess...I call it being me.

 

[Etoile]

It smacks of BLoved to me.

Speaking of whom, I should have gotten a holiday bonus for putting up with his bullshit earlier this year! LOL

 

[Stella_Omega]

http://www.takeninhand.com/could.this.kind.of.relationship.be.for.you

http://www.takeninhand.com/what.taken.in.hand.is.about.and.what.it.is.not.about

Sounds like there's a lot of wiggle room. With all of the possible variations, the requirements only seem to be monogamous M/f TPE.

I can understand wanting to distance yourself from the BDSM "lifestyle" and I don't think it would have to be a homophobic thing. To lots of people it seems like this crazy swinger lifestyle -- weird, dark, unhealthy, dangerous. This seems like a safe space to be "alternative." Like you could join this site and still be a PTA mom.

Not in my PTA.

 

[Risen]

Interesting. All I know of it is what was quoted in this thread, but all I really saw was, "We've got our thing, it's different from their thing because..."

I see no need for defensiveness or intolerance of it from what I see in the bdsm community.

(And to be clear, I do not see this forum or thread as adequate representation of the bdsm communtiy proper but rather a small segregated segment with it's own character and tone.)

 

[Netzach]

I can understand wanting to dista...s just some sex. Some really socially OK sex.

 

[where]

"I have no wish to just be submissive. To me this seems dull and boring. No fun at all.

I want to be made to submit. I want him to earn my submission. I want him to spank me and control me so that I feel I have no other course of action but to accept his control. I then call him master and mean every syllable of it.

I am not a submissive person in any way shape or form. Never have been and I hope I never will be but I want to feel the urge, no the need, to submit to him. It is the biggest thrill in the world when I know with no uncertainty that he is in charge of me. My every breath is under his control. He is my lord and master, for that moment he is my god. Just the thought of it takes my breath away and leaves me starry eyed for this man who has learnt how to tame me and can do so whenever he chooses."

http://www.takeninhand.com/i.do.not.want.to.be.submissive


My response to that type of woman is: fine, then don't be submissive.

But don't expect to get a rise out of me with this "make me" stuff, because I'm not interested in serving as your puppet disciplinarian. Go find someone else who is, and rock on.

It all seems a bit 'taming of the shrew'-ish.

which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean if you get off on being spanked, doing stuff to result in a spanking sounds like a deal.

But what's the betting that once the shrew is tamed, it all seems... well, tame?

 

[Stella_Omega]

For me, this is nothing new. I've always lived this way and preferred a woman like this. Label it what you want, I guess...I call it being me.

You can call it "being you" and I'm fine with that.

If you call it "being a man" you got cooties I don't want any of.

 

[DVS]

You can call it "being you" and I'm fine with that.

If you call it "being a man" you got cooties I don't want any of.

I understand your point, but just in case anybody is wondering, I did have my shots. Cold vodka shots...mmmmm 'Tis the season, and I was just being me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I understand your point, but just in case anybody is wondering, I did have my shots. Cold vodka shots...mmmmm 'Tis the season, and I was just being me.

And it's all about you being you!

 

[rosco rathbone]

Well you did say you were tired of hipsters.

I'm just a contrarian. Whatever I'm surrounded by, I have to be different. If I lived in the burbs with all the Palin lawn signs, I'd be going around dressed like the gimp from Pulp Fiction.

 

[intothewoods]

Not in my PTA.

Heh heh, mine either honestly. I think explicit power exchange relationships are kind of off-putting for most people, even if the reasons are different.

That's exactly the kind of sanitization I'm talking about.

I don't love the mainstream of the BDSM scene myself for my own reasons, but my impulses ARE "weird dark unhealthy dangerous" and I think if you can't accept that about your impulses if you're into this, you think your farts are roses or something. It might also be exalted true love, but it's not this chaste romantic non-dirty thing with no transrgression in it. Sorry.

If it is then it's just some sex. Some really socially OK sex.

Or it's scary to face that some of your fantasies are dark. At any rate, I'm not justifying their reasons. Just thinking about it.

I'm just a contrarian. Whatever I'm surrounded by, I have to be different. If I lived in the burbs with all the Palin lawn signs, I'd be going around dressed like the gimp from Pulp Fiction.

I'm the same way. I have been contemplating a minivan because I'm really tired of hipster moms that think they're ginormous SUV makes them cool. Actually that's not even a hipster mom thing. You have the absolute worst hipster parents in NYC -- well, in Brooklyn. You're in Queens, right? Is it better?

 

[midwestyankee]

It all seems a bit 'taming of the shrew'-ish.

which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean if you get off on being spanked, doing stuff to result in a spanking sounds like a deal.

But what's the betting that once the shrew is tamed, it all seems... well, tame?

This.

Once you have her in your hand, either the fun is over or she continues to be a brat in order to "earn" your hand.

Either way, I'd be out the door in less than a week.

This seems a bit like Wonder Bread trying to be a rustic rye loaf without all the flavor or texture.

 

[rosco rathbone]

This.

Once you have her in your hand, either the fun is over or she continues to be a brat in order to "earn" your hand.

Either way, I'd be out the door in less than a week.

This seems a bit like Wonder Bread trying to be a rustic rye loaf without all the flavor or texture.

I disagree. You never have a woman of spirit entirely in hand, that doesn't mean she's acting like a brat to earn anything.

It's just a way of mediating the inevitable male-female tensions.

 

[eastern sun]

I disagree. You never have a woman of spirit entirely in hand, that doesn't mean she's acting like a brat to earn anything.

It's just a way of mediating the inevitable male-female tensions.

-- --

 

[Stella_Omega]

I disagree. You never have a woman of spirit entirely in hand, that doesn't mean she's acting like a brat to earn anything.

It's just a way of mediating the inevitable male-female tensions.

That works.

 

[lumi]

I really identify with TIH, that's basically what my marriage is. It's dominance not only in the sexy way but in everyday stuff too.

 

[Etoile]

I really identify with TIH, that's basically what my marriage is. It's dominance not only in the sexy way but in everyday stuff too.

Dominance in everyday stuff = your marriage?
Or...
Dominance in everyday stuff = Taken in Hand?

I would say that dominance in everyday stuff = TPE (Total Power Exchange) rather than TIH...TIH might be a particular brand of TPE, but it is definitely not the only way to do it.