Teach-in (no Rhymes!!)

[todski28]

The trouble with doing that is that thickos like me aren't going to see what is in your mind and a poem that is 'jumpy' and difficult to read doesn't always make the impression you want

Don't call yourself thick, part of the writing process is how the writer conveys the message, that is why I stated I missed the mark. maybe if I had used a title that linked it together it may have changed the whole process of the read?

Any way

Maybe today we will have time
Yesterday there wasn't
Womanly wiles entice,
I could watch her all day
Feverish at her acknoledgement
Even after children she excites.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Don't call yourself thick, part of the writing process is how the writer conveys the message, that is why I stated I missed the mark. maybe if I had used a title that linked it together it may have changed the whole process of the read?

Any way

Maybe today we will have time
Yesterday there wasn't
Womanly wiles entice,
I could watch her all day
Feverish at her acknoledgement
Even after children she excites.

much better but watch the spelling too as I presume you mean 'acknowledgement' ? My browser does it for me although it still tries to force American spellings on me!

 

[todski28]

Damn now I can't sneakily fix the typo

I'm trying one for daughter next. With the double acrostic does it have to read the word down then up?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Damn now I can't sneakily fix the typo

I'm trying one for daughter next. With the double acrostic does it have to read the word down then up?

yes that's the way and I look forward to reading it. Don't be afraid of enjambment either (where one line runs on into the next one) rather than having each statement (as it were) on one line. For example this from Champagnes poem

'infinitely valuable, if not to you, then to the one who
receives this precious bauble.'​

best if you scroll down and read it in the original

 

[Angeline]

Beverly says she's ugly
everywhere she looks down
arms splintering chickeny nails
up expanse too wide slight sag
tipping out too far sharp clavicles
into long neck smallish ears oh
fucking nose with a hump eyes too
ugly ugly everywhere the mirror
lies she doesn't see what's there.

 

[butters]

Missing you, gently, yet
understand this way of ours;
may we meet once more before the end.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Step-father.

Freddie was her second suitor
Actually her final choice
Two step-daughters made rough
Hoeing but he was persistent
Eventually winning over a
Resistant couple often calling his bluff

 

[Angeline]

This challenge is fun and engendering interesting poems. Thank you for doing it, Annie. Want to do a pantoum teach-in, too? I found this Pantoum by a poet I'd have least expected it from: John Ashberry! Now I really want to try it. And I see they can rhyme or not, so if you do the teach-in I'll be interested to know if you have a preference.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Beverly says she's ugly
everywhere she looks down
arms splintering chickeny nails
up expanse too wide slight sag
tipping out too far sharp clavicles
into long neck smallish ears oh
fucking nose with a hump eyes too
ugly ugly everywhere the mirror
lies she doesn't see what's there.

You don't know how much this means to me having never seen I too had beauty once. Another of my Mother's sins to steal the knowledge from me only to find the realisation with Ron who loves me ...... but too late. Ah well that's life I suppose

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Missing you, gently, yet
understand this way of ours;
may we meet once more before the end.

Although it's less than 5 lines I'll forgive you because this piece is so poignant and makes the reader want to know more

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Freddie was her second suitor
Actually her final choice
Two step-daughters made rough
Hoeing but he was persistent
Eventually winning over a
Resistant couple often calling his bluff

Great subject and one I wish I had thought of first! Perfectly written too but then what more could I expect from someone who writes not only Double Acrostics but Double/Double Acrostics too? !!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

This challenge is fun and engendering interesting poems. Thank you for doing it, Annie. Want to do a pantoum teach-in, too? I found this Pantoum by a poet I'd have least expected it from: John Ashberry! Now I really want to try it. And I see they can rhyme or not, so if you do the teach-in I'll be interested to know if you have a preference.

Goodness are you sure I'm good enough? I'd have to go away and do some reading up, it's all very well writing my own but teaching is something else. I've never written an unrhyming version and don't think I would want to actually. But I'll give it a go if you're really sure, I just hope enough people will want to learn.

 

[Angeline]

Goodness are you sure I'm good enough? I'd have to go away and do some reading up, it's all very well writing my own but teaching is something else. I've never written an unrhyming version and don't think I would want to actually. But I'll give it a go if you're really sure, I just hope enough people will want to learn.

Well you don't have to be the only one teaching. I don't feel I know them well enough to help much but I'd like to try one. Remember Cordelia? She used to write wonderful pantoums, but I checked her page and looks like she took a lot of poems down. Maybe some other form-knowledgeable soul will step in and assist? I mean we're all teaching each other, right?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Yes I do remember Cordelia and I was wondering the other day what happened to her. Champagne and Tzara know as much if not more then I do but the Pantoum is a good form to learn on because of the repeating lines

 

[todski28]

I am finding this hard enough at the moment, before I run off on tangents

I thought yeah this should be a piece of cake, however getting it to flow right is far more challenging than I realised. loving the brain tease though. thanks for the efforts. I keep making it individual lines, enjambing is harder than I expected.

 

[Angeline]

I am finding this hard enough at the moment, before I run off on tangents

I thought yeah this should be a piece of cake, however getting it to flow right is far more challenging than I realised. loving the brain tease though. thanks for the efforts. I keep making it individual lines, enjambing is harder than I expected.

Try writing a sentence instead of a line. Then you can look at the whole sentence and decide where best to break the line. It might make it easier to find your word to fit the acrostic, too. But the trick to enjambment, I think, is to write the sentence first and then figure out where the break goes. We're used to thinking of poems line by line. Sentence by sentence is another perspective.

The more you practice the easier it gets. I also highly recommend breaks when it starts feeling like a school assignment. Sometimes one needs space to let the subconscious digest what you're learning. I could be writing a pantoum tonight but Lawrence of Arabia is on tv and Peter O'Toole is winning.

 

[todski28]

Thanks Angeline, now why didn't I think of that *facepalms self, and goes for a break*

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Supposedly a sister is one who will neveR
Irritate you beyond your endurancE
Seldom sending you seeking an exiT
To escape her voice, but one of my siblingS
Either obviously was born with pastramI
Rather than brains, or deliberately annoyS.



.Not one of the best but written in 10 minutes!

 

[todski28]

Supposedly a sister is one who will neveR
Irritate you beyond your endurancE
Seldom sending you seeking an exiT
To escape her voice, but one of my siblingS
Either obviously was born with pastramI
Rather than brains, or deliberately annoyS.



.Not one of the best but written in 10 minutes!

show off

 

[butters]

Although it's less than 5 lines I'll forgive you because this piece is so poignant and makes the reader want to know more

oops i forgot. blame the heat!

the poignancy - good, glad that came across. i love her, she loves me, but it's not the sort of love that needs constant contact or reassurance - it just is. we were never a family to live in one another's pockets (once we'd left home), but when we do see eachother it's just like picking up where we left off. my mum has lived in france for over 20 years now, and i've not seen her for that long. her health isn't brilliant, she's in her eighties, but it looks as if she might be coming back to live in england sometime this year - it'll be good to see her again.

 

[butters]

full house

Someone always
in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, loo
slamming doors, on the phone
turning over the tv, tantrums, debates and tirades
engaging, annoying, infuriating, forever there. . .
really not so surprising
silence is a valued commodity

 

[Wintermute01]

Here goes my first one....

Playing footie in the summer sun together,
During those long school holidays without a care,
We were without equal, you and me both.
Cycling for miles down country lanes made us hot,
And when Rosie McDonald came out to play we were rivals too,
But we stood steadfastly in support for each other,
Which is why your news left me numb.

 

[QuantumJumping]

Lawrence of Arabia is on tv and Peter O'Toole is winning.

Ooo LOA is my favourite movie.
I have the director's cut on DVD

Enjoy!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Playing footie in the summer sun together,
During those long school holidays without a care,
We were without equal, you and me both.
Cycling for miles down country lanes made us hot,
And when Rosie McDonald came out to play we were rivals too,
But we stood steadfastly in support for each other,
Which is why your news left me numb.

I think what we have here is a backwards Acrostic (if such a thing exists! but hey start your own!) The brother at the end I get but I'm afraid PDWCABW at the beginning is a fail!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Someone always
in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, loo
slamming doors, on the phone
turning over the tv, tantrums, debates and tirades
engaging, annoying, infuriating, forever there. . .
really not so surprising
silence is a valued commodity

Amen!! My household was all sisters and those sisters had daughters then of course those daughters had daughters of their own!