The Dom Lounge

[sirhugs]

"Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Oh yeah."

another world heard from


Heaven...I'm in heaven...

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think this deserves not a bump but a huge hoist.

On a forum that is populated by a majority of women, maybe this could be welcomed back as a place to read a man's perspective. I didn't want to hijack Mazuri's thread on the talk board, but I for one, enjoy readring a male viewpoint on topics... whether I agree with those views or not. And popular or not, their views are as valid as anyone's.

There are also some interesting discussions in here if you have the time and inclination to read some of it.

Thank you, RJ for finding this for me.

 

[CutieMouse]

I think this deserves not a bump but a huge hoist.

On a forum that is populated by a majority of women, maybe this could be welcomed back as a place to read a man's perspective. I didn't want to hijack Mazuri's thread on the talk board, but I for one, enjoy readring a male viewpoint on topics... whether I agree with those views or not. And popular or not, their views are as valid as anyone's.

There are also some interesting discussions in here if you have the time and inclination to read some of it.

Thank you, RJ for finding this for me.

Ohhhh cool thread!

Do you think if I make cyber coffee, they'll show up? LOL

(Side note - The post at the top of the thread quoted AA... where on earth is that man, anyway?)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Ohhhh cool thread!

Do you think if I make cyber coffee, they'll show up? LOL

(Side note - The post at the top of the thread quoted AA... where on earth is that man, anyway?)

It is a cool thread and if the reader can kinda sift through some of the flirty posts, there were some interesting posts/topics that arose inside it.

Re AA: I don't know where he's gone to. But like you and many others, I miss his posts.

 

[RJMasters]

I'll have to spend some time this evening and read through this thread.

Thanks for the bump.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'll have to spend some time this evening and read through this thread.

Thanks for the bump.

Thank you and Cutie for the positive comments. I'm not so sure that WD will be as happy that I bumped it but I can promise him that I did it with sincerely good intentions.

 

[Netzach]

Waahhhhh I miss people.

And I still think 589 is one of the best things I ever posted. Go me.

 

[wicked woman]

I think this deserves not a bump but a huge hoist.

On a forum that is populated by a majority of women, maybe this could be welcomed back as a place to read a man's perspective. I didn't want to hijack Mazuri's thread on the talk board, but I for one, enjoy readring a male viewpoint on topics... whether I agree with those views or not. And popular or not, their views are as valid as anyone's.

There are also some interesting discussions in here if you have the time and inclination to read some of it.

Thank you, RJ for finding this for me.

I agree wholeheartedly and thanks for bumping this. I've often thought the same thing.

 

[RJMasters]

The Male Ego

What are your thoughts about it?

 

[Netzach]

The Male Ego

What are your thoughts about it?

Healthy snacking.

 

[RJMasters]

Healthy snacking.

As opposed to that fast food crap?

 

[Netzach]

As opposed to that fast food crap?

Depends. Some are tastier than others. Organic is good.

 

[Netzach]

Nah, really?

Ego is ego. Different people's do have different flavors. Some are attracted to huge ones and some really find visible ones unattractive. Ego is not the same, when you throw out the word, to me, as sense of self. I don't tango with people without a really strong sense of self. The people who have the strongest sense of self that I've found have complicated and struggling relationships to their ego, or very rarely, extremely enlightened and transcendent relationships to their ego, harmonious ones I envy. I tend to be unimpressed with egos larger than mine, and step aside quickly.

 

[RJMasters]

Nah, really?

Ego is ego. Different people's do have different flavors. Some are attracted to huge ones and some really find visible ones unattractive. Ego is not the same, when you throw out the word, to me, as sense of self. I don't tango with people without a really strong sense of self. The people who have the strongest sense of self that I've found have complicated and struggling relationships to their ego, or very rarely, extremely enlightened and transcendent relationships to their ego, harmonious ones I envy. I tend to be unimpressed with egos larger than mine, and step aside quickly.

Yeah really really, seriously been doing some thinking on it lately.

I find it interesting that it can be both the achilles heel and the Atlas. Just saying the words Male and Ego together gets some pretty interesting reaction.

It comes up in a myraid of conversations, and it is often used to represent many different aspects of what makes a man a man(read: character/personality). You don't ever hear in normal conversation, the word ego being used in reference to women in quite the same way, its rare. Though intelectually I agree that ego is ego, it does seem to have a tendency to be applied in different ways to men than women. Which is cool because it makes it worthy of discussion for me.

(more later...back to work here)

 

[Netzach]

I think you don't hear it in relation to women because the notion that women are any more complicated than children or donkeys is a modernist discovery, like penicillin and laundry in your home. Acknowledging that our brains function is the first step in the notion that we might have dignity or reputation or self-hood to fight for, and it's pretty recent.

As far as contemporary life goes, I think my vanilla female peers have a pretty highly developed ego, tied up in money, belongings, status, etc. Even more than the boys, sometimes, who seem more mellow.

Here's an interesting observation - of the female heavy objectification and humiliation players I've met, the majority seem to be my age or younger. Not all, but the majority. It makes me think that there is a levelling of the playing field as ego/status/money seems to travel - and more people seeking to balance out their ego are people who are already very stabilized in this post-feminist economy and landscape.

I personally reject the equation of character and ego. I have never had good results as an artist, Domme, or person when I allow my ego to drive my decisions. (Easily and often done.) I have always had good results when I let my compassion, intuition, acknowledgement of my possibly flawed motives but w-t-f they're my mistakes to make attitude, and things outside of ego be my drivers. If I were polishing my ego, I'd never figure out most of what makes me tick or makes me work well.

I've known men to be the same. I've never seen "Male ego" be a beneficial driver for the man in question, or the people around him. I've never seen a strong man or a man I'd bend a knee for who needs his stroked and coddled. Although there's a respectability in copping to needing your ego polished when you know it's kind of stupid but you just do. I love admissions and clarity in a guy. That's pretty ballsy to say "hey, indulge my insecurity." I've done that once in a blue moon and it's really hard to admit.

I know for a fact some women are very impressed with ego and volatility and bad boy stuff - most.

It's one of several reasons I feel like I'm from a planet other than most other women.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I know for a fact some women are very impressed with ego and volatility and bad boy stuff - most.

It's one of several reasons I feel like I'm from a planet other than most other women.

I wouldn't say I am impressed with ego (and certainly not with volatility) but i am very impressed with a man's self-confidence.

Something I learned within the last two years about myself--I had always been immediately turned off by any man with any bit of conceit or arrogance. This was before I met my Dom. Then I met him and watched him interact with others on a discussion board like this and what some people did see as arrogance I saw as self-confidence. Maybe it was because he had a reason to be self-confident. He's intelligent, well-spoken and knowledgable about a variety of topics. Or maybe it was because he always had a great sense of humor. I did tease him occasionally about there being a thin line beween self-confidence and arrogance...(which he took in the light-hearted way it was intended). I can't imagine being submissive to anyone--male or female--who didn't have a bit of an ego.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with stroking someone's ego. I wouldn't do it in a false way, but I make a point to compliment when I can do it honestly. And I do this often. But not just with my Dom, I do it with my husband, kids and co-workers. A little pat on the back and an ego boost goes a long way to brighten a person's day. It is something I appreciate and receive also.

 

[Netzach]

What works for me is a man or a woman for that matter, whose self confidence is such that they really don't care whether people think they have confidence or not. Such that confidence or lack thereof isn't even a question and such that displays of behavior people decide displays confidence are not better than displays of behavior that may belie insecurity. They just are. Fully realized humans are going to experience the whole panoply of emotions, people who are not ruled and tormented by their emotions are able to find them, feel them, and get on.

Which isn't to say I like people who go out of the way to be self-effacing assholes, or people who have no backbone. I like people who really aren't invested - who like people and care what they think as a matter of interest, but not as a matter of impacting them. The person I submit to is able to work a room and charm people and accept a round of applause, but he also liable to cling to the wall and watch people. He is an expert in some things that a lot of men feel they are experts in from less exposure (martial arts) and so when the subject comes up and someone's explaining some basic to him as though he has no idea what they mean, he is the kind of man who will smile and nod and let the other person feel like they are, in fact, an expert, because he doesn't feel the need to prove his superiority or disabuse them of the notion.

Fuck, I so don't have that kind of self control or compassion. No way!


I guess what I acknowlege as mastery is a very Tao Te Ching notion of it. I need someone who can elicit a spiritual dimension in me and actually force me by their example to pay attention to my shortcomings. This from someone who breaks out in a rash when people say things like "spiritual" or "feeeeeelings".

 

[RJMasters]

I think you don't hear it in relation to women because the notion that women are any more complicated than children or donkeys is a modernist discovery, like penicillin and laundry in your home. Acknowledging that our brains function is the first step in the notion that we might have dignity or reputation or self-hood to fight for, and it's pretty recent.

As far as contemporary life goes, I think my vanilla female peers have a pretty highly developed ego, tied up in money, belongings, status, etc. Even more than the boys, sometimes, who seem more mellow.

I'll have to think about that. I was going more for if you see a guy showing off, one might say...he's a show off and has a big ego. Whereas a female, the terms applied is often more attention seeker.

Here's an interesting observation - of the female heavy objectification and humiliation players I've met, the majority seem to be my age or younger. Not all, but the majority. It makes me think that there is a levelling of the playing field as ego/status/money seems to travel - and more people seeking to balance out their ego are people who are already very stabilized in this post-feminist economy and landscape.

I think deep down I secretly hope that women would be better than men. I tend to think of men as being the uglier of the two, more gruff dark or even sinister, unforgiving and uncaring and women are the balance which keeps an even keel. I often think without this balance the boat's just gonna get lopsided and were gonna flip over altogether. I think the most disappointing thing is comprehending the realty that women are no better than men, it sorta of ruined any fantasy that one day they would rule the world and everything would get better.

I personally reject the equation of character and ego. I have never had good results as an artist, Domme, or person when I allow my ego to drive my decisions. (Easily and often done.) I have always had good results when I let my compassion, intuition, acknowledgement of my possibly flawed motives but w-t-f they're my mistakes to make attitude, and things outside of ego be my drivers. If I were polishing my ego, I'd never figure out most of what makes me tick or makes me work well.

I've known men to be the same. I've never seen "Male ego" be a beneficial driver for the man in question, or the people around him. I've never seen a strong man or a man I'd bend a knee for who needs his stroked and coddled. Although there's a respectability in copping to needing your ego polished when you know it's kind of stupid but you just do. I love admissions and clarity in a guy. That's pretty ballsy to say "hey, indulge my insecurity." I've done that once in a blue moon and it's really hard to admit.

I know for a fact some women are very impressed with ego and volatility and bad boy stuff - most.

It's one of several reasons I feel like I'm from a planet other than most other women.

I think you can't get around character and ego. I guess it depends on how you want to frame the context when you use ego. If ego is the expression of or representation of a person's sefl confidence, then it also is the representation of the over all personality. I agree that allowing ego to lead is a bad deal, because it has that believing your own press feel to it or believing in some ideal rather than in yourself. I think used car sales men have to pass a test for this, not sure. Ego should be more what flows out naturally.

I think ego is to a man like feelings are to a woman. If you can get past the general sterotypicalness of that statement and think about it, I believe there is some truth to that.

 

[Netzach]

I think ego is to a man like feelings are to a woman. If you can get past the general sterotypicalness of that statement and think about it, I believe there is some truth to that.

No comprende. See my last post re: feeeeeeelings.

Re: women are better than men: Margaret Thatcher.

And honestly, I think the light/dark balance is something that happens in each and every one of us - we've got the capability to be infinitely good and nurturing if we sit up and accept the capacity we've got to be infinitely sadistic and venal (and simply opt not to). Bull said to me the pure clean spot in your heart cannot be bigger than the pitch black and scary one, or else you're seriously in denial or out of balance. I think he's right. M/f and Yin/yang and all that.

 

[incubus_dark]

I only have to think of a few of the sociopathic mantises I've met in the corporate world to recall how uncaring, dark and sinister women can be. I wouldn't be tempted to generalise that they are somehow 'better', just different. They rarely display the little boy, come look at me, style ego that I most commonly think of when egotism in men arrises as a topic; they seem altogether more thorough, methodical and planned about it all.

The noisy child male ego, on the other hand, seems to me to be more closely related to an overcompensation for inadequacies perceived in themselves, perhaps in the hope that all the noise will prevent others from noticing said inadequacies, be they real or imagined.

Note that I have distanced myself from 'ego' of this type in my statements above, this may well be a manifestation of ego in itself.

Long time no see, everybody, hope you are all doing well by the way.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... Long time no see, everybody, hope you are all doing well by the way.

Whoa no kidding! I had to check and see if this was really who I thought it was. ;-)

Nice to see you. Give my best to your lovely lady.

 

[incubus_dark]

Hello Rose, yes I think I'm me. I'll pass on your regards to her. She's kept me up to date on your various happenings, so it's good to see you here.

 

[RJMasters]

No comprende. See my last post re: feeeeeeelings.

Double dealing is bound to have a blind spot or two.

Re: women are better than men: Margaret Thatcher.

I am indebted to Mrs Thatcher for keeping my secret hopes alive. Perhaps I will print out her picture and have a yank over to the tune of Don't rock the boat baby, don't tip the boat over. The problem is I can't afford the therapy I would need afterwards. Besides how dumb would it be after 2 years of therapy to finally have a break through and admit that I jacked off on Mrs Thatcher's face because I thought by doing so was the key to saving the human race.


And honestly, I think the light/dark balance is something that happens in each and every one of us - we've got the capability to be infinitely good and nurturing if we sit up and accept the capacity we've got to be infinitely sadistic and venal (and simply opt not to). Bull said to me the pure clean spot in your heart cannot be bigger than the pitch black and scary one, or else you're seriously in denial or out of balance. I think he's right. M/f and Yin/yang and all that.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I've held this infinite individualistic balanced view for a long time. The only place I ever seen it fall down and go boom is when applying the yin/yang to the species, somehow that doesn't work so good.

 

[RJMasters]

I wouldn't say I am impressed with ego
I can't imagine being submissive to anyone--male or female--who didn't have a bit of an ego.

I know your clarifying aspects of ego which you find attractive and how sometimes people can interpret things differently...I just found how you began the paragraph and how you ended the paragraph to be interesting.

 

[RJMasters]

I only have to think of a few of the sociopathic mantises I've met in the corporate world to recall how uncaring, dark and sinister women can be. I wouldn't be tempted to generalise that they are somehow 'better', just different. They rarely display the little boy, come look at me, style ego that I most commonly think of when egotism in men arrises as a topic; they seem altogether more thorough, methodical and planned about it all.

The noisy child male ego, on the other hand, seems to me to be more closely related to an overcompensation for inadequacies perceived in themselves, perhaps in the hope that all the noise will prevent others from noticing said inadequacies, be they real or imagined.

Note that I have distanced myself from 'ego' of this type in my statements above, this may well be a manifestation of ego in itself.

Long time no see, everybody, hope you are all doing well by the way.

Good to see ya.

I would think that you distancing yourself from the noisy child male ego is perhaps what others are refering to when they say self confidence.

Masculinity, male ego, bravado...seems like a mine field of sorts. Any advice on how to navigate it from your perseptive? I hear a lot of ..."just don't give a damn anymore"...and I hear a lot of..."be a good boy and conform". You don't strike me as either of those, so what's your take on it?