The Formal Dominant

[NemoAlia]

I almost shit a brick when he asked me to teach him to florentine.

Hey, Netzach - what's "florentine?"

 

[cellis]

Hey, Netzach - what's "florentine?"

Thanks! I had no idea either!

 

[Netzach]

Flog fluidly and comfortably with floggers in each hand, all martial-arts style. Easier than it appears, much.

 

[Netzach]

I don't know if you need formality in protocol to have the good qualities though. I'm often suspect of it, it seems very self-conscious in some people, where it meets up with a widening ego.

I don't hold to any tradition or strict protocol. My desires are variable, I don't touch what's not mine, and I let my boy use furniture. I hope I appear housetrained, calm, and secure more than "formal."

 

[A Desert Rose]

How often in your BDSM world do Y/you encounter the Formal Dominant?
What denotes a formal Dominant to Y/you?

A formal Dominant finds joy and delight in my silliness and quirky sense of humor while remaining the adult with the even and strong hand.

He gives me enough leash to play but, knows when the time has come to pull me back and ground me.

In fact, He reminds me a great deal of you, Shadows.

 

[Shadowsdream]

In my experience, limited though it may be, there is a vast difference between the formal Dominant who commands attention through what is usually a curious mix of intellect, knowing, and a comfort with who they are, and the arrogant Dominant who often demands attention through a mix of ego, snobbery, and often loud and/or showy behaviour. The latter I have found is usually fuelled by insecurity, inexperience, and a need to be seen as superior, whereas the former IMO are fed by a peace with their own skin, experience through observation, listening, and learning...not least of all about themselves, and an ability to not really be dependent on whether those around them see them as Dominant or not as their validation is in the loyalty of those they command and befriend.

For me, this was one of the main qualities I sought as it helped me feel secure in submitting my life to them, knowing it would be respected and owned. The egocentric dominants, though they at first may appear to be in control, over time prove to be out of control and far too focused on what looks good instead of what is good, for their submissive and those around them. In other words, it was about number one first, second, last, and always, and though most Dominants will profess to come first, the formal Dominant does so with a level of responsibility toward those who place their trust in their hands.

Catalina

Thank you for this thought out reply.
I have come to recognize the difference between a Dominant run by ego and a Dominant run by confidence in less than 30 seconds. A big ego tripping man or woman cannot convince Me there is Dominance that is trustable long term.
ALTHOUGH over the years I have seen the ego Dominant take a good look into the mirror and do an about face to become an incredibly good Dominant at some point.
There is always hope if the seed of desire is genuine.

 

[Shadowsdream]

i think there is something to be said for formality. To me, a formal Dominant is someone who likes the rituals/pageantry often associated with BDSM and has enough presence of self to create and implement His/Her own practices according to Their standards.

i do believe formality should be balanced with a healthy dose of informality as it instills a sense of relaxed comfort outside of the rigid demands. Although i found comfort inside of those constrictions, a Dominant, who is willing to laugh at themselves, and keep a realistic viewpoint of the relationship, has greater appeal in my book.

lara

Rules, Rituals and Pageantry created with a blend of the past and a blend of the moment are generally a substantial portion of a formal Dominant.
Laughing at Oneself is a simple display of honesty and a real confidence.

 

[ethereal~minx]

...There is always hope if the seed of desire is genuine.

I love this~ makes you think deeply about your truest intentions
no matter who you are~~


I admire you Shadowsdream.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I love this~ makes you think deeply about your truest intentions
no matter who you are~~


I admire you Shadowsdream.

Hello ethereal~minx and welcome to the conversation.

 

[AvaAdore]

this reminds me of a particular person. he's a professor and head of an institute at the university i attend. i had him in first year and again at the beginning of this year.

i always suspected something. it's the way he talks and holds himself mostly, and he's very much a gentleman. for example, the way he describes things. he would explain a situation in physics (he's a physics lecturer) in the same way (tone of voice, etc) as a dom would be telling his tied up sub all the frightening things he's going to do with him/her. at least that's what i imagined during lectures
i was always terrified of going up to him to ask a question.

at the beginning of this year i had him again. it was a very small class (10 people) and i was the only girl (gulp! - but that's what you get when you're a girl doing phsyics). one day walking to class, i ran into him and we wound up walking to the class together. i felt too shy to say anything meaningful so i said the weather was very nice lately. we walked in one end of the building. the lecture room was on the other side of the building, so we had to walk through a long hallways with lots and lots of doors. at every door, he'd quickly (but subtly) walk forward and open the door for me. i felt very, very awkward.

so to sum it up, i think i had a crush on a guy over 40 years older than me.

 

[Netzach]

so to sum it up, i think i had a crush on a guy over 40 years older than me.

If that's not what academia's good for I don't know what is.

In my world of formal Dominance, though, the girl would scurry ahead to get the door. Heh.

 

[AvaAdore]

If that's not what academia's good for I don't know what is.

In my world of formal Dominance, though, the girl would scurry ahead to get the door. Heh.

i think it depends on the girl
*looks at shadowsdream*

 

[Shadowsdream]

i think it depends on the girl
*looks at shadowsdream*

Peeking are you? ~~grin~~

All things are dependant upon circumstance and protocol to a certain extent.
you may have raised a few eyebrows by rushing ahead of this Dominant appearing male in a school environment and may have also appeared to be kissing an ass that had not been asked to be kissed!
It is a delicious feeling though is it not to imagine this male standing back to silently insist that the door should be held open for him?

 

[AvaAdore]

hehe, it would be amusing...

though really these days guns dont particularly tend to deliberately open doors for girls. it might be "old fashioned" but i think it's sweet if they do so if someone does they tend to stand out.
i guess they no longer see it as necessary. you dont need to be a gentleman to get a girl; you just need to get one drunk at the pub :-/

what has the world come to?!

 

[Shadowsdream]

guns?

 

[AvaAdore]

guns?

more like long-range missiles...at the way it's going i'd give it an optimistic 10 years maximum until a nuclear winter.