The Mansion

[DarkWarrioress]

Journal Entry~

Five months. It's been five months. Long enough to heal. It's been a slow process and yes, I did the the work.

I remember reading something from Vi in an open letter to someone. Something that resounded through me as tired and as empty as I was. I felt that I would never kneel again. I felt strongly about it. Very strongly.

Friends are such wonderful people to have. Two men stand out. I adore them both. They are my angels. They made me realize that kneeling is a symbol of who I am, not what I can not do. It has been a fight to accept that this is an eternal part of who I am. It's like breathing. No matter what, it will always be a part of me.

Now, I am ready. Now, I have taken a step on a new road with someone else. Obviously, it is slow going with hitches in my breath every step of the way but I feel safe (and that's not an easy thing for me to say). I don't wonder if he's talking to other women behind my back. He means what he says and proven it and something inside me, believes him. We want the same things. We want such basic, simple things. I have concluded that he is worth taking a chance for and that's all he has asked of me, just a chance. Have I given my heart? So far, just a small part of it but he's winning it, inch by inch. Every day is a joy to wake up to. Every night, there is a smile when good nights are said. I think I will steal him away to Vegas one of these days, for a week of laughter and good times. One day. We still have hurdles to cross. Big ones in my eyes. He knows that too.

One day at a time. Breathe. Be happy. Seize the day and enjoy it.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[DarkWarrioress]

I sat at my desk, typing away responses. One, nay, two, left to go. The past week was rough and I had hoped for a relaxing weekend, it has been anything but that. My only smile, my only relief, has been time spent with Him.

I love my family. I do. I have always tried to be there for them. People come and go but family is forever. You are born into family and it is family that is there when you pass from this world. There are times, days, when I need a break from them. Family can stress you like no one else can. That was me this weekend. Luckily, it wasn't over anything serious. Just everyday, innocuous crap. Stuff that washes away with some peace, quiet, you know, time to yourself again. And a little TLC from a caring person.

So, for me, the weekend was a bust but while I'm still a little tense, things are easing. Oh, but I wish He was here. To stand behind me, rubbing my shoulders, the back of my neck with small nibbles on the side of my neck. Someone to lean back against with a soft sigh or curl up against, rubbing my cheek on His chest. One day perhaps. For now, I'll settle for hearing His voice.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Okay.

Busy day. Sort of.

My honey has the day off so we, of course, spent the day together. Well, as much as a Tuesday will let me. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my busy days. I haven't forgotten my threads. I'm simply contemplating where to go next with them.

Two more days left until Spring Vacation starts for the kidlets I drive to school. So my taxi duties are on vacation too. I offered to drive them to school so I really don't mind, but it's nice when I don't have to go out so early every morning.

I just found out that one of the kidlets, the lad, got his science experiment into the Science Fair, which is tonight. He's pretty stoked about it. He did a simple experiment. The Egg in the Bottle and instead of fire, he's using hot water. It worked out pretty good. I love seeing kids enthused over science, especially since science is so awesome.

Lent is almost over. *hangs head in shame* I didn't make it all the way through. I had some chocolate last week. I couldn't help it! I was stressing and before I remembered Lent, well, the chocolate was melting on my tongue. Next year I'll do better.

 

[Light Ice]

Flowers, as ever. Tulips again, a sign of spring, mixed with bits of daisy and even a large, central sun flower.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Flowers, as ever. Tulips again, a sign of spring, mixed with bits of daisy and even a large, central sun flower.

She found them. In the usual place he left such things. She smiled as she gathered the flowers. Thoughts of him were never far from her mind, no matter how busy she got. He was gone yet not gone.

With carefulness they were placed in a vase and the vase adorned her desk. He never forgot.

She hoped all was well.

He would make it so.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

A wolfling comes wandering.

In her left hand a small box containing a present, in her right~an .

Knocking briskly, the wolfling waits to be admitted. The usual maid type opens the door and takes a quick step back at the expression presented to her. The wolfling, of course, tries to rearrange said expression into something less evil~but to no avail. Pressing the present and note into the other woman's hands~she gives the usual admonishment and retreats.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

I return home, tossing my keys into their usual basket and setting aside purse and sunglasses to be greeted by one of the maids holding an envelope and a small package. I recognize the writing. Heading back to my study, I tug the note free of its confines and read. A smile spreads across my lips. As I sit down, I open the package carefully, palming the small otter. The chain around my neck is quickly unclasped and the otter is slipped onto it. As it rests against my skin, warming, fingertips press against it. The tiny symbol reminding me of who I am.

Bless the Wolfing for reminding me.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Journal Entry~

A shark tank.

That's what I am reminded of as I peeked into this place last night before going to bed and I feel ashamed. Not of myself. Of others. It is one thing to call someone out. Sometimes, it needs to be done. Any other course of action just wouldn't do for someone. Others choose to take a different a route. To each his own. While I understand the need to lend support, some do it with a grace and dignity that comes from being a good person, while others show their childish attitudes that they have never grown out of. Yes, I am ashamed. They all are good people but they have let their anger, their spite, get the better of them.

A shark tank. A drop of blood is spilled and they swarm, eager to show their distaste for ones who anger them. This place has ceased to be a community of many and turned into a community of the few, where people are ridiculed, bullied and ignored and "put in their place" as others see it. The thing is, they aren't the community. The majority are. This place was created for all to enjoy, to go about their own agenda, to socialize or not as they will. What happened to manners? What happened to being nice or simply polite for the sake of being so? Yes, from time to time we rub someone wrong or they rub us wrong and we growl at them. To be expected. But since when is any one person better than another that sarcasm dominates or childish behavior does?

We're adults. Can we act like it? Let us get on with our roleplays and our scenes. Be polite and civil to those we don't care for or simply not speak to them. Let us growl at the trolls, then ignore them. Let us acknowledge the public growls of others if we feel we need to lend support but do it in an adult fashion. Let us pick up those who are down by giving them something to smile about. Give a hug. Give a kiss. Give support by all means. But stop with the petty bullshit. We're so much better than that. There are other things to be bratty about.

 

[Annisthyrienne]

Amen. The community changes, Cait. There is turnover of personnel. When the few cliques make sure that no one else feels like they belong or are welcome, soon they will have the place all to themselves because no one else will want to keep company with that sort of crowd. Then they can enjoy their sarcastic snarkiness and mean spirited-ness among themselves, for everyone around them will be just like they are. Birds of a feather flock together.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Amen. The community changes, Cait. There is turnover of personnel. When the few cliques make sure that no one else feels like they belong or are welcome, soon they will have the place all to themselves because no one else will want to keep company with that sort of crowd. Then they can enjoy their sarcastic snarkiness and mean spirited-ness among themselves, for everyone around them will be just like they are. Birds of a feather flock together.

Acknowledged, Milady. Such is the way of things though. People of like mind always migrate toward each other. Isn't that what brought us all here to begin with?

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Maundy Thursday.

That has little meaning for me beyond the fact it's Thursday and the last day of school for a week.

Finally.

Some time just to relax and get things done around here.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Runs by, tackles a Lady, runs out again

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Runs by, tackles a Lady, runs out again

*ends up on the floor, staring at the ceiling*

Damn it! She did it again.

*looks pensively out the study door*

I need a plan.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

So. Sitting here drinking coffee and letting my thoughts wander. Aye, I should be doing something productive, like writing or cleaning my house for the coming holiday gathering even if it will be just a small lot this year. It's just nice not being on a timed schedule that I want to enjoy it a while longer. I know I'll be getting up and wandering away soon enough.

I don't think of myself as religious in the usual social standing way. I do not go to church. I do not think of the Bible as a sacred thing. How can I when translations and choices put the book together. How can truth be found when there's a pick and choose method. Still, I find it an interesting tool. Too many use it to hide behind. Each person must decipher meanings for themselves. I have done the full circle thing. I have followed paths of the ways I was called to. They all have common threads. For me, I believe in the Divinity. I believe there is One. We all came from something. Be it Divine providence or evolution, but even what we evolved from came from somewhere. This planet and others came from Someone. Regardless of what it was/is, I choose to believe in Divinity. It makes my life more secure and that's all that matters.

So the weekend will be a slightly pensive one. If nothing else, I do enjoy the movies that pop up this time of year. Although... in an aside, I haven't seen The Robe broadcasted in several years. A pity. I always associate that movie with the Christian Easter.

And regardless of how you celebrate it, if at all, as a turning of the Wheel, as a Christian, as Jewish or simply just enjoy the holiday as a kid would... I wish everyone a Happy Spring. A time of growth. A time of rebirth. A time of celebrating the simple fact that we're all still alive.

And I, for one, am grateful to be so. I have much to be thankful for.

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

leaves Cait a special cuppa java

 

[DarkWarrioress]

leaves Cait a special cuppa java

*stares*

*stares more and blinks*

*falls over laughing*

Cherriness? I've missed you.

Thank you, Sweetling.

*takes her cup of coffee, shaking her head and chuckling*

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

*stares*

*stares more and blinks*

*falls over laughing*

Cherriness? I've missed you.

Thank you, Sweetling.

*takes her cup of coffee, shaking her head and chuckling*

I've missed you too!

giggles lots, hugs the pretty warrior woman and sneaks out the back door

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[DarkWarrioress]

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Last night was so humid. I had the ceiling fan and a desk fan going, not to mention both windows open. I woke to the sounds of torrent rainfall. Once I realized what it was, I snuggled under the blanket and had a very naughty dream. Maybe that's why I woke up at 4am. Ugh. Sleep is impossible again.

It's all His fault.

I can imagine His grin and tone of voice, not at all repentant. *chuckles* Not that I find that offensive in any way.

I still owe writing. I have a post partly written for M13 but I'm stuck at the moment. I'm hoping this next week, without obligations, will give me a bit more time to think and finish it. The post for Lord Usagi is sort of forming. Not sure where that one is going next yet.

Family dinner, adults this time, the kidlets are with their father for the week.

I wish everyone who acknowledges it, in whatever form, a Happy Easter.

 

[DarkWarrioress]

The last of the guests have gone. The food has been put away. The mansion is locked up and now, to sleep. Four thirty comes very early, especially following a night that held a nightmare which woke me early.

I miss my brother. This is the first holiday since he was sixteen we haven't shared. Despite that, it was a good evening. It's good to be surrounded by family.

I missed Him today. More than I would like to admit. Time can't be made up for but holding Him in my thoughts helped and made me smile.

Time to find my way into the Dreaming.

I hope everyone had a good day/evening.

Good Night.