The Porn Position Poetry Pollapalooza

[UnderYourSpell]

Sheesh I have been humming 'yippie i oh' all day got some very funny looks when I went to get the car back from servicing

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Sheesh I have been humming 'yippie i oh' all day got some very funny looks when I went to get the car back from servicing

It does rather get stuck in one's head, doesn't it?

I have a sure cure for earworms, though. If you sing a few verses of "Henry the Eighth" it will overwhelm any other song that happens to be stuck in your head.

And to answer the obvious objection, no, Henry the Eighth doesn't get stuck in your head. You can finish singing it and it will go away pretty quickly.

Personally, though, I'd rather have Ghost Riders in the Sky in my head all day. Keeps me from obsessing on other stuff.

bj

 

[sassypeach]

but I do try to please. here it is.

to the tune of “Ghost Riders in the Sky”


When Third Eye Sadie came to town, the men all quaked in fear
Cause it was known both far and wide that any who got near
Would find themselves a-hurtin' and occasionally half-dead.
You never knew what sick ideas were in that cowgirrrl's head.

The men all dove under the bar when she strode through the door
They didn't mind the sticky spills that covered up the floor.
“The saddlehorn is my best friend,” the patrons heard her say,
“But sometimes it just ain't enough, so I'm in town today.”

CHORUS
Yippie-yi ohhhhh
Yippie-yi yayyyyy
Sadie's back in town.

You could have heard a pin drop in that sleazy old saloon
When she continued, “Y'all should know if I don't get some soon
I'll shoot this town to pieces and it'll only be a start
I'll come to your rooms one by one and take you all apart.”

It looked like doom for Weedytown til a voice came through the door
A Western drawl with such a lisp it might have worn Dior.
“I'll save your town and won't ask much 'cept what you've got to drink,
Though they call me Three Dollar Bill I'm meaner than you think.”

Yippie-yi ohhhhh etc.

The figure that pranced through the doors was quite a sight to see
in fuschia chaps with gold lame and fringe down to the knee
He sashayed up to Sadie and he took her by the hand
And said, “If playin' rough's your game, then Sugar, I'm your man.”

What they asked from room service made legends far and wide.
Eight rattlesnakes, some kerosene, six rolls of ostrich-hide,
A hitching post, three roosters and a full-grown brahma bull.
The barkeep had to make them Cosmos by the pitcher-full.

Yippie-yi-oh etc.

Now what went on that night upstairs no living man will tell
But some will say that early on the people heard a yell
so fearsome and so vicious that the whole town quaked in fear;
the howls of pain and sounds of whips made grown men spill their beer.

They left the room in such a state the innkeeper just cried
to see the bloodstains, lube and feather boas strewn inside.
No one knows just where they went, but all the townies think
They rode together toward the dawn to paint the prairie pink.

Yippie-yi ohhhhh
Yippie yi yayyyyyyy.
Paint that prairie pink.

I am going to print this out and get the local girl scout troop to sing it. lol

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I am going to print this out and get the local girl scout troop to sing it. lol

*laughing*

o that is just wrong.

but be sure to use the better, edited version in the May challenge thread....

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Did we run out of positions?

 

[Anschul]

Did we run out of positions?

no, dear, we just hadn't had any ...ahem...action in a couple of weeks. I'll go back and get another one. Give me an hour (actually I need about twenty minutes, but that's a different issue).

not my shade of lipstick

 

[unpredictablebijou]

lookit you gettin' to be a smiley icon whore, cuteness!

I'll be offline over the weekend so save me a space in the challenges! Do you let people turn in their assignments late?

bj

 

[Anschul]

lookit you gettin' to be a smiley icon whore, cuteness!

I'll be offline over the weekend so save me a space in the challenges! Do you let people turn in their assignments late?

bj

Your assignment, dear poets, is to describe in literature, Position number 26 at THIS LINK.

BJ, you (and also UYS) may turn your assignment in late, but you must turn them in to me in person. I have office hours late, when there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, and no one can hear the noise. I am the soul of discretion, but I can't guarantee that I am the soul of behavior. Besides, in this particular lab, I am prone (and sometimes not necessarily prone) to personal research.

Have a nice holiday, and I'll be (tee hee) waiting.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can we 'come' together?

 

[Anschul]

Can we 'come' together?

Oooh Baby!!!!

 

[FlippantDavid]

Your assignment, dear poets, is to describe in literature, Position number 26 at THIS LINK.

BJ, you (and also UYS) may turn your assignment in late, but you must turn them in to me in person. I have office hours late, when there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, and no one can hear the noise. I am the soul of discretion, but I can't guarantee that I am the soul of behavior. Besides, in this particular lab, I am prone (and sometimes not necessarily prone) to personal research.

Have a nice holiday, and I'll be (tee hee) waiting.

OK, this one is really really late, but it's the most recent one so I'm claiming stake anyway.

I'm going with dialogue, hope that's OK.

*****

Marty: I am faced with the dilemma of having to choose to continue on to my orgasm in this position, or I may lean forward, into a front-facing position, with your legs on my shoulders

Ginger: I appreciate your manner of addressing me in a sexually explicit manner. It is textbook perfect.

Marty: I am beginning to sense the onset of your climax. Is this correct?

Ginger: You are stroking my g-spot with your genitalia inside me, and as this continues, I am indeed nearing a climactic point.

Marty: While I cannot physically feel the pressure on your g-spot with my genitalia, I ken from your demeanor that this is so. Is the constant repetition of my stroking aiding in your pleasure?

Ginger: I am moving toward orgasm within this context.

Marty: The foremost part of my genitalia is experiencing tremendous sensation, and I too am approaching the apex of said sensation.

Ginger: You must not cease this activity until we have completed the tasks.

Marty: I and my genitalia concur.

***

 

[Anschul]

OK, this one is really really late, but it's the most recent one so I'm claiming stake anyway.

I'm going with dialogue, hope that's OK.

*****

Marty: I am faced with the dilemma of having to choose to continue on to my orgasm in this position, or I may lean forward, into a front-facing position, with your legs on my shoulders

Ginger: I appreciate your manner of addressing me in a sexually explicit manner. It is textbook perfect.

Marty: I am beginning to sense the onset of your climax. Is this correct?

Ginger: You are stroking my g-spot with your genitalia inside me, and as this continues, I am indeed nearing a climactic point.

Marty: While I cannot physically feel the pressure on your g-spot with my genitalia, I ken from your demeanor that this is so. Is the constant repetition of my stroking aiding in your pleasure?

Ginger: I am moving toward orgasm within this context.

Marty: The foremost part of my genitalia is experiencing tremendous sensation, and I too am approaching the apex of said sensation.

Ginger: You must not cease this activity until we have completed the tasks.

Marty: I and my genitalia concur.

***

And the judges say:

Technical Merit: 8.5

Artistic achievement: 9.0

Imaginative Quotient: 11.0

Brilliant performance!

 

[KOLKORE]

OK, this one is really really late, but it's the most recent one so I'm claiming stake anyway.

I'm going with dialogue, hope that's OK.

*****
And from the visitors’ balcony: strange and loud heaves of crying mixed with painful screams were reported. Quick investigation brought the following report. Due to the exposure to the above highly overall volatile comic material, and in particular to the following excerpts:
Ginger's moving "within this context" and Marty's "approaching the apex of said sensation" kolkore was thrown with no prior warning off the chair and to the floor with painful spasms of his lower abdominal muscles, due to excessive laughter!
Despite said injuries, final judgment of comic quality (measured by the European scale: a simple twelve points based measurement tool, aka: douse points! for example: “Irlanda douse points!” or Ireland twelve points!) But I think I am digressing here; It was the best!
kolkore

 

[unpredictablebijou]

And the judges say:

Technical Merit: 8.5

Artistic achievement: 9.0

Imaginative Quotient: 11.0

Brilliant performance!

OK, this one is really really late, but it's the most recent one so I'm claiming stake anyway.

I'm going with dialogue, hope that's OK.

*****
And from the visitors’ balcony: strange and loud heaves of crying mixed with painful screams were reported. Quick investigation brought the following report. Due to the exposure to the above highly overall volatile comic material, and in particular to the following excerpts:
Ginger's moving "within this context" and Marty's "approaching the apex of said sensation" kolkore was thrown with no prior warning off the chair and to the floor with painful spasms of his lower abdominal muscles, due to excessive laughter!
Despite said injuries, final judgment of comic quality (measured by the European scale: a simple twelve points based measurement tool, aka: douse points! for example: “Irlanda douse points!” or Ireland twelve points!) But I think I am digressing here; It was the best!
kolkore

omg

They're right. That is killer.

Do more.

bj

 

[FlippantDavid]

Well, no one had written dialogue, what was I supposed to do?

Thank you Bijou, Anschul and Kolkore ... I'm glad this got some larfs.

But that website is soooo instructional and kewl. I will definitely make a point of showing it to my next dinner guest date. Something has to get them interested, right? Nothing else is working ... waaaahhh.

 

[Anschul]

Hi all. Let's try another one. BJ is back from her revelry and debauchery and such, and no one stirs the pot better than her, so let's see what creativity you all can come up with on a post-holiday Tuesday, after the official start of summer.

And for fun, let's try position number 14. You might want to do some research first...

Here' the link:.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Frottage made easy

Have you ever been on a commuter train when you are packed in like sardines? Pressed in so close you can feel your fellow passengers hard penis rubbing against you hot little clitty? Well why not try this intimate little position by slipping off your panties and hoicking yourself up onto your fellow commuters penis which I am sure he will be pleased to expose for you. The press of surrounding pasengers will keep you in position and those in closest proximity may be tempted to aid and abet you with some carressing from behind. Being in such close quarters and the excitement that ensues makes for an easy orgasm by both participants.

 

[Anschul]

Have you ever been on a commuter train when you are packed in like sardines? Pressed in so close you can feel your fellow passengers hard penis rubbing against you hot little clitty? Well why not try this intimate little position by slipping off your panties and hoicking yourself up onto your fellow commuters penis which I am sure he will be pleased to expose for you. The press of surrounding pasengers will keep you in position and those in closest proximity may be tempted to aid and abet you with some carressing from behind. Being in such close quarters and the excitement that ensues makes for an easy orgasm by both participants.

Is that why they call it the Tube?

 

[sassynyc]

Get Your Literary Freak On - #14

Kate and Joe are connoisseurs of the fine art of public pleasure. Hedonists by religion, they devoutly seek new places in which to worship. The intimacy of position #14 makes for a good time virtually anywhere two people can stand upright. The pair has been thrown out of establishments all over town ranging from the grandeur of Ritz Carlton utility closets, to the simplicity of the Sex & Relationships aisle of the local Barnes & Noble.

As it turns out, Kate and Joe are exhibitionists by nature. They’ve found that actually getting caught is even hotter than the mere possibility. In close quarters, the dismount is not quite as easy as one might presume. Kate has sometimes used this to her advantage upon getting caught, allowing strangers the chance to ogle such lascivious acts, before feigning offense. She has most recently taken to wearing crotchless underwear when they go out, unless she decides on au naturale.

Kate and Joe have found many benefits to making love in this position. They are both physically fit, having little time to eat when they go out. They are far too busy perusing bathroom stalls in local eateries to actually dine. Their heart rates are up and cholesterol down. They have found a few adverse side affects however. Longstanding members of the Mile High Club, they can no longer differentiate turbulence from orgasmic aftershocks. On the upside, in event of a plane crash, they would likely not see their imminent deaths approaching, as their eyes would be rolled to the backs of their heads.

 

[Anschul]

WORD!!

Kate and Joe are connoisseurs of the fine art of public pleasure. Hedonists by religion, they devoutly seek new places in which to worship. The intimacy of position #14 makes for a good time virtually anywhere two people can stand upright. The pair has been thrown out of establishments all over town ranging from the grandeur of Ritz Carlton utility closets, to the simplicity of the Sex & Relationships aisle of the local Barnes & Noble.

As it turns out, Kate and Joe are exhibitionists by nature. They’ve found that actually getting caught is even hotter than the mere possibility. In close quarters, the dismount is not quite as easy as one might presume. Kate has sometimes used this to her advantage upon getting caught, allowing strangers the chance to ogle such lascivious acts, before feigning offense. She has most recently taken to wearing crotchless underwear when they go out, unless she decides on au naturale.

Kate and Joe have found many benefits to making love in this position. They are both physically fit, having little time to eat when they go out. They are far too busy perusing bathroom stalls in local eateries to actually dine. Their heart rates are up and cholesterol down. They have found a few adverse side affects however. Longstanding members of the Mile High Club, they can no longer differentiate turbulence from orgasmic aftershocks. On the upside, in event of a plane crash, they would likely not see their imminent deaths approaching, as their eyes would be rolled to the backs of their heads.

 

[loststar]

position 14 is habit forming

the call has been made
its been too long
time to give in
he's the bad habit
that can't be broken

the sun breaks through the fog as he pulls up
roommates at work
its good
because they don't like him
I don't really like him
but the habit has hold

he smells the same
deodorant, soap, faint grease
his words are oily
slicking me up

we start in the bed room
making our way up the stairs
break for food about midday
the living room so inviting
the sliding glass door overlooking the coast

I climb up on top of his thin frame
hip bones hurting me so
balance difficult, always has been
I see the roofs as I bounce up and down
holding tight as we satisfy

we are young
we are stupid
we are exhausted
as we fall to the musty brown carpet
he whispers he loves me

I believe him
that's the problem
he keeps coming back
no matter how bad I hurt him
he's the bad habit I can't break

 

[KOLKORE]

From the visitors balcony

the call has been made
its been too long
time to give in
he's the bad habit
that can't be broken

the sun breaks through the fog as he pulls up
roommates at work
its good
because they don't like him
I don't really like him
but the habit has hold

he smells the same
deodorant, soap, faint grease
his words are oily
slicking me up

we start in the bed room
making our way up the stairs
break for food about midday
the living room so inviting
the sliding glass door overlooking the coast

I climb up on top of his thin frame
hip bones hurting me so
balance difficult, always has been
I see the roofs as I bounce up and down
holding tight as we satisfy

we are young
we are stupid
we are exhausted
as we fall to the musty brown carpet
he whispers he loves me

I believe him
that's the problem
he keeps coming back
no matter how bad I hurt him
he's the bad habit I can't break

These impressive words I will take as a valuable testimonial. And if I try, with some effort, to get to their - may I use the word 'core'? - would I be than totally wrong to assume that according to you, #14 is a ‘buy and beware’ proposition? … So is my luck! Things come to such a surprising halt, just when I am getting all propped up with new exercising and diet regimes, all psyched (at the end of a long sweaty road) to bravely endure all listed and required unforgiving ministrations - from that dreaded manual of #14!
Upon a second reflection, it just might be, in a way, not a totally bad outcome for me after all, as I do like to - once in a while, sit in my sofa and ponder of life’s wonders for some time... and if I am not here, I'll be there for a while.
kolkore.

 

[loststar]

These impressive words I will take as a valuable testimonial. And if I try, with some effort, to get to their - may I use the word 'core'? - would I be than totally wrong to assume that according to you, #14 is a ‘buy and beware’ proposition? … So is my luck! Things come to such a surprising halt, just when I am getting all propped up with new exercising and diet regimes, all psyched (at the end of a long sweaty road) to bravely endure all listed and required unforgiving ministrations - from that dreaded manual of #14!
Upon a second reflection, it just might be, in a way, not a totally bad outcome for me after all, as I do like to - once in a while, sit in my sofa and ponder of life’s wonders for some time... and if I am not here, I'll be there for a while.
kolkore.

well the position is nice I guess the prose is warning that I am a buy and beware proposition

 

[KOLKORE]

Back in the balcony: OMG - what a misunderstanding!

well the position is nice I guess the prose is warning that I am a buy and beware proposition

No! Non! Niett! La! Lo! You would never be THAT! (I had to breathlessly rush from my sofa back to Anchull's balcony to correct my misspoken words!) Perhaps for the physically vigorous and the aerodynamically agile #14 is indeed the nicest position of all (I seem to remember something nice from a distant past...)
Perhaps my bland attempt to humorously excuse myself from any exercise and/or a diet, by 'interpreting' your poem in a very self serving way have led you to conclude that for me YOU rather than #14 are a 'buy and beware proposition'. Simply put - It could never be true!
humble but hopeful,
kolkore

 

[loststar]

beware I am habit forming after your first taste you'll always want more