The Power of One....Dom/me influence on the sub/slave

[Rrrosyn]

Comment sub made...

Sub doesn't post here, so I thought I'd drop this bit of info myself.

We've been working since January to establish residency, set up financial aid and basically get him off to college. He starts Monday with a full load of classes, while working about 30 hours a week. Now he hasn't decided whether he is going to college (a bit late at age 23) because of the D/s aspect of our relationship influencing him or whether it was just the supportive, safe and loving atmosphere he would have in (I would hope) any relationship. This was not something he has experienced within his own family or prior to moving 3000 miles across the country.

I cannot say he is going to college because I made him. But, I have been filling out forms since January, attending his seminars for college (last one today!) and pushing him foward with as gentle a hand as I could. Gentle because college can make anyone panic just as being bound and blindfolded can. My influence, yes. Because I am his Domme, who knows?

 

[timberwolf05]

catalina_francisco] do any sub/slaves notice a marked improvement in any of their previous abilities, with or without direct input from their D's (ie. improvement in artistic ability since relationship established), or the development of a new ability they previously did not realize or believe they had?
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no. things are no different for me now than they have been the rest of my life. i still struggle along in life alone. no one is able to help. it is what i myself do with outside input to make any changes. and i have had no helpful outside influence. no one seems to give a damn enough to want to help. everyone is locked up into their own bubble world and their cares and woes. that includes the present new Ms i have and everyone i have ever known to date.
i try to explain...i feel such and such and i am just coldly told, go deal with it. i want it this or that coz i am parent, or wife, or teacher or now Mistress. no one has ever tried to help. including the head shrink..."you're an adult, we cannot help".

so NO!

wolfie

 

[La Kajira]

One of the most appealing aspects of this is the MAKING part.

For me, it isn't just the sexual aspects that appeal, either. I would love to have someone get behind me and shove, I really would. I don't have a lot of self confidence, it's taken me months just to post here instead of just read. A friend of mine finally gave me that push, so here I am.

I'm that way in nearly all walks of my real life. The very few areas I feel confident in are few and far between.

 

[Rrrosyn]

no. things are no different for me now than they have been the rest of my life. i still struggle along in life alone. no one is able to help. it is what i myself do with outside input to make any changes. and i have had no helpful outside influence. no one seems to give a damn enough to want to help. everyone is locked up into their own bubble world and their cares and woes. that includes the present new Ms i have and everyone i have ever known to date.
i try to explain...i feel such and such and i am just coldly told, go deal with it. i want it this or that coz i am parent, or wife, or teacher or now Mistress. no one has ever tried to help. including the head shrink..."you're an adult, we cannot help".

so NO!

wolfie

Pardon me, wolfie, if I overstep here. I just read this and it made me feel kinda sad. Not pity. Just sad that anyone goes through life without moral support. I grew up in a very loving family (mom and her folks) but my sub/fiance did not and he really has a beaten-dog mentality sometimes when I get upset or try to correct him. Like a dog who has been beaten with a stick and you're trying to teach him to fetch, but he just cowers because ... it's still a stick.

I am in pain 24/7 and very self-focused. I want my foot rub even if he's been on his feet all day and I need help by the time he gets home because I have been struggling all day without it. But I cannot imagine not helping him fill out his financial aid forms, or tracking down phone numbers for him to call and so on. I get thrilled and proud when he does something himself. (Like not being able to afford the math calculator he needs, so going to student services and borrowing one until his Pell comes in the mail.) I get so proud of him, indeed. He does much on his own, just sometimes he needs encouragement.

Someone in your life should always be there to tell you that you did a good job, accomplished something, offer that pat on the back, reinforce your own knowledge that you can do something, cheer you on, etc. It saddens me to hear anyone doesn't have that. I know you have something to offer and do good in the world. It's doesn't take much more than those few words to make someone's world.

I hope someday someone offers that to you.

 

[timberwolf05]

I know you have something to offer and do good in the world. It's doesn't take much more than those few words to make someone's world.

I hope someday someone offers that to you.
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i am happy to hear YOU care, but i grew up as an only child. i learned to, do-for-myself.
thank YOU for caring.

wolfie...wagging his tail coz someone was nice today.

 

[Private_Label]

One... brought me here

Because of a friendship that turned into a D/s one on line after a few months... I am here and going to munches with local groups because it is what he wants from/for me.

I was perfectly happy not actively looking for companionship until he walked into my life...

 

[Rrrosyn]

i am happy to hear YOU care, but i grew up as an only child. i learned to, do-for-myself.
thank YOU for caring.

wolfie...wagging his tail coz someone was nice today.

<smiles> Subbie is the eldest of three. But he's never been able to do anything right in his family's eyes. So aye... everyone needs a place (preferably in someone's arms) where the world is safe, no wrong is unforgiveable and someone will always be proud of them.

 

[timberwolf05]

<smiles> Subbie is the eldest of three. But he's never been able to do anything right in his family's eyes. So aye... everyone needs a place (preferably in someone's arms) where the world is safe, no wrong is unforgiveable and someone will always be proud of them.

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sadly enough i guess? "I" have never .........felt, s a f e anywhere in my life. i always look over my shoulder. always have. always will. being safe is a pipe-dream to me. but thank you for YOUR concern.

wolfie
p/s
i have no "arms" to go to. i am strictly platonic and celebate.

 

[Rrrosyn]

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sadly enough i guess? "I" have never .........felt, s a f e anywhere in my life. i always look over my shoulder. always have. always will. being safe is a pipe-dream to me. but thank you for YOUR concern.

wolfie
p/s
i have no "arms" to go to. i am strictly platonic and celebate.

I honestly have no reply to that, other than wishing it were different... but if wishes were fishes, I'd be outta bait.

 

[timberwolf05]

I honestly have no reply to that, other than wishing it were different... but if wishes were fishes, I'd be outta bait.

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i didn't figure you would, and i didn't expect it either.

at 51 i am a big boy and i dont need to have anyone to go running to. i take care of myself. i have lived on the streets, and been an only child all my life. no one takes care of me except me.
i am more of a fighter than i am anything else. i do not back down or back up. no retreat no surrender. if someone says shutup they better be ready to stand up.
i was trained on the street, by uncle sam in-service and by my sensei in chinese gung-fu.

yes. a very violent cold world. but then, when "I" belly-up-to-a-bar no one blocks my way either.....(no i dont drink,,its an analogy)

wolf

 

[Rrrosyn]

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i didn't figure you would, and i didn't expect it either.

at 51 i am a big boy and i dont need to have anyone to go running to. i take care of myself. i have lived on the streets, and been an only child all my life. no one takes care of me except me.
i am more of a fighter than i am anything else. i do not back down or back up. no retreat no surrender. if someone says shutup they better be ready to stand up.
i was trained on the street, by uncle sam in-service and by my sensei in chinese gung-fu.

yes. a very violent cold world. but then, when "I" belly-up-to-a-bar no one blocks my way either.....(no i dont drink,,its an analogy)

wolf

Makes me wonder if there is some solace in the fact that if no one lifts you up, you know you can survive without someone there to do so. Not ideal (as if life is) but it works.

Now I have that cursed Molly Brown song in my head!! "...only drink when you're all alone or with somebondy else... " *sighs*

 

[timberwolf05]

Makes me wonder if there is some solace in the fact that if no one lifts you up, you know you can survive without someone there to do so. Not ideal (as if life is) but it works.

Now I have that cursed Molly Brown song in my head!! "...only drink when you're all alone or with somebondy else... " *sighs*

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some? yeah. not like a helluva a lot at times, but yeah. to know i am strong enough to do as i damned well please and don't have to stop to ask anyone if it is right or wrong.,..,and able to weigh out the circumstances quick enough to make a final say in mere minutes.
ideal? oh hell no. workable? oh yeah.

take care/be well
wolf

 

[Rrrosyn]

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some? yeah. not like a helluva a lot at times, but yeah. to know i am strong enough to do as i damned well please and don't have to stop to ask anyone if it is right or wrong.,..,and able to weigh out the circumstances quick enough to make a final say in mere minutes.
ideal? oh hell no. workable? oh yeah.

take care/be well
wolf

I admire that ability, though the cost is obviously great. I know I am not that strong.

 

[timberwolf05]

I admire that ability, though the cost is obviously great. I know I am not that strong.

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cost? what cost?

 

[Rrrosyn]

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cost? what cost?

Just that it isn't ideal. (Yes some people think I am like some whacked Pollyanna because I want everyone happy but I am a pessimist.)

I like happy endings and if you're happy that's what matters, not necessarily the road that brings you there.

 

[Private_Label]

Makes me wonder if there is some solace in the fact that if no one lifts you up, you know you can survive without someone there to do so. Not ideal (as if life is) but it works.

I'm a survivor of various and sundry - from the sound of Timberwolf's life, mine has been an easy life - but I do know that I can survive on my own by myself. However, I am a social creature and look for hobby groups that I have an interest to make friends and aquaintences.

While being self sufficient has it's place, it is also good to know who you can go to for answers on puzzling (not necessarily emotional) issues.

Wolf - I hope your mistress will always provided you with that which you require. I wish you happiness.

 

[Rrrosyn]

I'm a survivor of various and sundry - from the sound of Timberwolf's life, mine has been an easy life - but I do know that I can survive on my own by myself. However, I am a social creature and look for hobby groups that I have an interest to make friends and aquaintences.

While being self sufficient has it's place, it is also good to know who you can go to for answers on puzzling (not necessarily emotional) issues.

Wolf - I hope your mistress will always provided you with that which you require. I wish you happiness.

Okay starting to feel like I hijacked this thread.

So last comment (yeah right, someone will reply and I'll reply but I am trying here):

I cannot imagine living without someone there to turn to. Even just a friend who helps cheer me. My life's been a medical nightmare since I was four but I have never been alone. I know I could "exist" alone. But I cannot see "existance" as living because there is no moving forward. So people who are confident in their ability to move forward without someone there to rely on amaze me. And because I know I have always needed someone there to rely on, I am determined to be there for someone in return (lucky subbie I have). I won't let anyone go it alone if I can help it. At the same time, those who do, truly and totally awe me. That is not a bad ability to have. In fact, it's quite useful and I wish I had some of that. It is how most people develope this ability to stand alone that saddens me.

Here's hoping that's the end of that hijack.

 

[timberwolf05]

Wolf - I hope your mistress will always provided you with that which you require. I wish you happiness
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okay...
domme influence?
i still say none. my thoughts are my own. She doesn't micromanage nor does She have direct influence in my thought lines/ i am still my-own-man. no one influences the-wolf.

wolf

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump....

 

[ecstaticsub]

In acknowledging the role of respective entities within the realm of BDSM, we often speak of the Dom/me nurturing and guiding their sub/slaves and helping to create the person they become. In reality I believe they are initially attracted to the respective sub/slaves for a variety of reasons, not least of all those existent qualities the SO possesses such as creativity, business sense, academic ability.

As such, and taking into account the nurturing, guiding, and creating aspects do any sub/slaves notice a marked improvement in any of their previous abilities, with or without direct input from their D's (ie. improvement in artistic ability since relationship established), or the development of a new ability they previously did not realise or believe they had?

If so, do you feel this change is attributable to the Dom/me directly or indirectly, or is a subconscious action in response to the security of the relationship, or something else altogether?

Very interesting question. There has been one area where I have improved greatly because of my Dom--the ability to fully enjoy sex, (not performance ability but the ability to really let go and enjoy), including masturbation. I know one of the reasons he was attracted to me in the beginning was my total openness about all aspects of sex, my adventuous sexual spirit, and my very high sex drive.

One of the first times I had phone sex with him he started giving me instructions of how to masturbate. At first I thought "Who do you think you are, a man telling me how to masturbate? How arrogant. I have been masturbating my life Iknow what I am doing..." Well, I have to admit he taught me things that night and continues to teach me things both how to please myself and him, and of course both of us when together. He has also made me feel comfortable and accepted no matter how nasty my mind gets or how insatiably horny I am. I guess I had known too many men who thought sexually aggresive women wear "unladylike".

He has also encouraged me to be a better me as far as taken care of my physical self--my nails, my skin, my body. He owns it and wants it in the best shape and condition it can be.

 

[Netzach]

Now that I can think about this from the other side a little -
I'm actually so much more - relaxed since I started exploring it.

(Yeah I know others on the boards will have trouble believing that)

But my other relationships are improved markedly. My whole attitude is much more one of "hm, what have we here?" I mean if my whole notion of where my orientation is is something I can willingly upend, HOW I function as M's Dominant and wife and lover is also up for consideration and betterment, I function with more clarity as H's owner because being on my knees for my Bull is a really serene moment for me. Exciting, yes, but also eerily serene.

Some people get it from golf, I'm just not one of them.

There's no intent or leadership or nurture here, on my Bull's part. It's purely what the interaction does to my brain, heart, and soul filtering outward. I've told him about it, of course, and he's happy, but I know it wasn't his plan. It's just one aspect of the ways he makes me feel good.

I love myself under him. That's pretty fucking revolutionary for me to type. But I do. I thought I was a sensual tsunami before this - watch out.

And there is a strong STRONG "no place like home" element when I'm back to my Dominant self. I know only other Dominantly wired switches will fully agree with that part, but that's the sentiment. Was Dorothy better for going to Oz? That's the summation of it for me.

 

[serijules]

This is going to sound silly and shallow. My Dom made me realize how attractive, sensual, intelligent and sexual I really am. I never believed those things about myself, never considered them really at all, until I met him.

Because of him, I have never been so comfortable in the skin I am in. He helped give me a renewed source of confidence and a new sense of myself and a different perspective on how I refect in the world to others.

Ditto!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure I can put into words how I have changed while with him, but I'll try. Perhaps the best way to describe it is he has made me feel secure enough to face the demons in my life, the truths I saw but tried to put aside for another day, the regrets and sadness as well as the successes and happiness, to accept in my heart the things I cannot change and to forgive, and through it all feel overall more peaceful in knowing where I will be in 10 years from now (assuming it is on this planet) and with who. There is a security I have never known before which in itself has at times released a demon inside me, but which needed to be released and which he patiently tamed again with love and infinite tolerance.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure I can put into words how I have changed while with him, but I'll try. Perhaps the best way to describe it is he has made me feel secure enough to face the demons in my life, the truths I saw but tried to put aside for another day, the regrets and sadness as well as the successes and happiness, to accept in my heart the things I cannot change and to forgive, and through it all feel overall more peaceful in knowing where I will be in 10 years from now (assuming it is on this planet) and with who. There is a security I have never known before which in itself has at times released a demon inside me, but which needed to be released and which he patiently tamed again with love and infinite tolerance.

Catalina

Oh, this brings back memories and seems to have proven to remain true throughout our 8 years together. Over the past couple of months it seems to have become even more obvious.

Catalina

 

[rekane]

One small example

I am very new here. I lurked around here for a bit then I jumped in with both feet, placing an ad. I received some attention and had some fun interactions with several men. Then a seemingly innocuous chat (that was going the way most of them had) took a turn that electrified me. The second He gave me a command that pushed my limits, I was hooked.
This journey, albeit brief, has me doing things at His command that I would never have done.
Away from Him, I have found myself wanting to be better in many aspects of my life, to please Him. He has no knowledge of me pushing myself until after the fact.
This may seem laughable to some, but this is one small example. I am involved in derby and have not been able to overcome a specific hurdle that was holding back my improvement. I went to practice, muttering under my breath "this is for Him, this is for Him" and amazingly I was able to conquer in one session what I couldn't in months. Of course the building blocks were there prior to Him, but I just wouldn't commit fully. With Him in mind, I became a better skater.
I am nervous about this journey, but I have never felt more excited and more at peace, more at home.